Tag Archives: find healing

Yummy; icky.

Warning: story contains icky moment, still helpful.

Last night I made my favorite dish. Saag paneer.

We had a large amount of fresh greens from our garden and a pack of frozen spinach supplied enough extra to make a large family sized pot of Saag.

I substitute Cilantro/corriander and Sumac for the peppers since I can’t eat them. I have no measurements for all the seasonings, I just kinda know, pinches, dashes, big dashes, scoops. Then I adjust by taste testing, the list includes: garlic, onion, ginger, black and white peppercorns, salt, turmeric, cardamom, fennel, and Garam masala.

I also use Pumpfu instead of traditional Paneer. The Pumpfu is amazing because it has the same texture as paneer or tofu, but it is made from pumpkin seeds. Thus you skip the dairy of paneer and you skip the extra Estrogen and allergic reaction of soy based tofu. It’s great.

Anyway, we still serve my adjusted Saag with white rice, and I just try not to go too crazy with my rice levels. Did I mention it is my favorite dish? Healthy and tasty all in one!

Because of that I ate more than I normally do for dinner. I had two liberal servings, with my supplements and some green tea.

After dinner the dog wanted out of his kennel to join me for relaxation, and I went downstairs to release him. On the way back up the stairs I had an “oh shit” moment and had trouble breathing followed by an extreme desire to puke. I ran to the bathroom and did just that. Saag is only tasty one direction BTW.

Afterwards I had spasms across my abdomen and back and realized that my diaphragm and upper abdominals had seized up. After Nathan rubbed on them for a few minutes they calmed down.

I hit the realization that my over-eating combined with climbing the stairs had triggered the vomiting. It seems that my stomach has officially shrunk. I’m not used to being able to eat large quantities anymore.

I’m not certain whether to be thrilled over the accomplishment, or disappointed over the ramifications in regards to my favorite foods.

See I have spent years eating lots of food, and only the last 7 have I made concerted efforts to rein in my eating habits. So, to now acknowledge that my stomach is physically incapable of eating a large amount of even healthy food, is quite the feat. I skipped needing gastric bypass surgery all together. Yea!

So now that I have an awareness of my accomplishment I now need my tongue and brain to get on board and accept that fact. It doesn’t matter what I put in, as much as the quantity of it. I am now a nibbler.

To make up for last night I took a much smaller portion of the leftovers with me to work for my lunchtime snack. It was still quite tasty.

May you have good easy realizations of your progress. May your tummy cooperate with you, and may your tongue and brain always know when to stop. May you enjoy the things you love and be able to keep them down. May your progress always be worth it. May you enjoy life mostly, even and especially when certain elements manifest changes like this. May you see that you are doing the things that you desired. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti.

3 things.

I started 2 new art projects.

One is another small ink drawing for fun, I’ll probably finish on Saturday… Maybe the one after, we’ll see. It is of a Hamsa.

The other is a drawing of a furry friend of a really good and kind person that really needed a major pick-me-up. She just happens to be a friend and coworker and the person treating my husband weekly. Her dog is named Herky, short for Hercules, he was a gentle giant of yellow lab. She deserves a good image so I’m doing my best to be meticulous. I also know for certain that she will appreciate my work and treasure it, where past gifts to family were not (going back years).

Progress pics:

Thirdly, I felt the need to make a short-ish statement. I do not hate individuals working in medicine as a generalization. Most of them are doing their best with the information and tools they were trained on. They are all trained on specific rules and procedures in a specific system. I have several clients that are really good people doing their best in an effed up system, and are willing to admit the failings of their profession (s).

What I do hate is the system. I do hate the ones that half ass their jobs and don’t do things they know should be done. I do hate the ones that assume that everything they were trained on was all they ever needed to know, and write off anything else as being helpful. I hate the ones that learn the basics, but if the basics fail they have no idea what else to do. Those are the ones that do a great disservice to everyone they work with. Those are the people that could have killed me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I had done what those “medical professionals” had said was good enough, then I would already be dead.

Up until 7 years ago I danced with death more than I didn’t. Everything they had said had failed many times over and I had regularly contemplated suicide, and tried a half dozen times unsuccessfully. Their antidepressants did nothing to help. Metformin didn’t help. I was in serious pain mentally and physically and 300 pounds.

I needed a solution or I was going to die very young.

I did research on alternatives based on loose suggestions and friend’s, even stranger’s journies. I figured out, and started fixing, my own thyroid disease and then those doctors told me I was being dangerous. That iodine (an essential nutrient) was too risky, that I should just take a generic dose of synthroid and behave. It failed and I almost killed myself again, driving 90mph towards an overpass pylon, with my 3 month old child in the carseat behind me. Angels saved me and Ian that day.

I vowed to fix it, so my child never had to go through that.

And I’m getting there, not only an I healing my thyroid, I’m healing the root cause too. It’s slow, but sure as I’m sitting here writing this post, I am certain I am. Even without the precious IV treatments that would speed it up. I now have evidence to show for it.

I’m much smaller, only slightly lighter though, still holding at a little over 200, but much more muscle and much less fat. My skin stays clear, my mild dietary fails hurt less. My skin is shrinking slowly. And most of all, my dances with death are now very few and very far in between. My temper is still there but much less destructive, and I’m learning to control myself especially including my strength. I can’t even begin to convey how much more stable my brain function is and how much less dark it is than it used to be. I’m a better person in many ways. It is my proof.

Now I’m doing my best to teach my husband and children, to help them through their lives. Nathan already knew a lot of what I was doing and why, but now that he has increased reasons to try, he’s making an even more concerted effort to keep up with my standards for myself.

All of this has made me grateful that me and Ian almost died. I made a solmn vow and I intend to keep it.

I’m grateful that doctors failed me because I’ve proven that you can heal yourself and fix yourself with enough research, effort, and loving support. I’m grateful that I had just enough inspired moments to keep me alive and keep me trying again and again. I’m grateful that the divine has guided me though a very difficult and complex set of bodily functions to unravel my health concerns and point me towards healing. I’m grateful that even though I’m unable to accomplish the IV treatments, that I’m smart enough to figure out the next best things. I’m grateful that I’ve strengthened my willpower to be able to stick to things enough to help heal my body. I’m grateful for all of it, because it shows everyone aware of me, that there is always an alternative and there is always a solution- if you stay open to it.

May you see the scary and upsetting moments in your life in the best light. May you know your worth and that your efforts really have mattered. May you find your healing. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

It’s going to be okay.

This statement is for everyone tonight.

I took my cannabis medicine. It helps me heal body and mind, but it also opens my already sensitive energetic awareness even more.

I found out the sister of one of the clinic staff is having really bad health trouble, and I don’t know the details.

I know I want to be there to help support the person I work with in any way I can.

I’m currently tapped out financially, and I already work a lot. So, I’m broadening my umbrella of being of assistance. I gave her a hug to help with tears, but I am doing all the Energetics I know: prayer, Reiki, bioenergetics, holding space, and mantras. The goal is directed at everything being okay for her and her sister and her entire family. I will keep saying those prayers and doing the Energetics every moment I have to spare.

In the process, it caused an inspired thought that you can take with a grain of salt because it could be completely wrong (as follows).

EBV/Mono is called the stress disease because it feeds off of stress and 2 generations didn’t fix it. What if Covid is the newer version? What if Covid is feeding off of stress before it’s a physical manifestation, before organs begin to be starved of nutrients from the physical stress response. What if the reason Covid is causing long term mental effects and things like POTS is because it’s taking our energetic stress patterns and amplifying them.

So, if you’d be the person that might eventually die of a heart attack, you end up with cardiovascular concerns from Covid. If you’re the person that would eventually end up with Alzheimer’s you’re getting the mental problems. If you’re the person that has stress that would manifest as  digestive disorders, then it has gone there.

I thought of Nathan’s kidneys and looked it up. Louise hay references kidneys as being related to shame and failure (pic below), and Traditional Chinese Medicine references kidneys as related to fear. They are overlapping emotions, and I can see how he’d be carrying those emotions.

My thyroid was already struggling from EBV but I was doing my best to fix it. I’m having difficulty continuing that post Covid, because it caused my thyroid to struggle even more. I’m also having other strange moments/symptoms, but no one thing has been severely impacted, but I’ve also spent the last 7 years doing my level best to heal myself in all the ways. Everything has been a work in progress and I’ve devoted as much brain space as possible to realignment. Perhaps my efforts spared me worse fate.

What if all our setbacks are based upon how our vibration was aimed when we caught Covid? It makes even more sense when you apply it to the fact that old people were impacted the worst and young people were impacted the least, and the fact that impoverished people were also hit hard. If the Energetics orientation is really the case, then it should be reversible by dealing with the vibrational alignment in each area. Do the work and heal the damage, it is just that you’ve got less time to do that now because it lept you ahead on your trajectory. It’s not completely irreversible until you’re dead, the least it can do is buy you time, the best it can do is heal you completely and give you your life back.

I’ll take the cue from Abraham Hicks on this one: “It’s all okay, because it’s all I’ve got.” I’m alive and breathing, and the world is still spinning. “As long as I’m breathing, anything is possible”(from my hot pink pocket poem).

Just know that and figure out how to make it fit with every topic of every moment, and voilá- Covid is solved…. After months and months of incessant repeating. Or maybe days and days if you were mildly impacted. Maybe hours if you’re the happy go lucky kids.

Vibrational alignment is always connected with disease, but Covid may have just made it a more direct and speedy connection with faster physical manifestation.

Regardless, it is all okay. Even if we all die the universe will continue to march through time with new creatures in it’s ever expanding nature. The universe will never die.

May you find your healing you seek. May you see how you can be of assistance to others in every moment of your life. May you see how to fix your alignment and with the improved alignment see everything else in your life improve too. May all of our prayers be answered in the best and highest good for all. May you know the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti