Tag Archives: find the love

Next time.

I am grateful for the time to reconnect to myself. I am grateful for toes in the sand. I am grateful for salt water waves. I am grateful for the sun continuing to shine. I am grateful for birds and beasts and breath taking beauty all around. I am grateful for time to let go and allow better. I am grateful for space and time. I am grateful for good food and good window shopping. I am grateful for exploration. I am grateful for this experience.

Next time:

  • More sun
  • More fun
  • Less responsibility
  • More independence
  • More and bigger money flow
  • Same or better amenities
  • One really nice seafood dinner to savour in silence looking out over the water. The couple of times I’ve gotten to do that, it was amazing.
  • More me, less for others
  • Longer duration
  • Different location
  • More flexibility (usually comes with independence, but never hurts to specify)
  • Better water pressure (in amenities)
  • Better swim-ability (warmer waters, less wind, calmer waves)
  • Kids/spouse to join me (as long as someone else can watch the kids for safety concerns) I prefer the fun parts.
  • More quiet time for me, more alone time.
  • More savoring of everything
  • Explore the coast more
  • See new things, experience new things
  • More of ME… I like me.

I realized on this short trip that I have been manifesting my family and their expectations for so long that I have had a hell of a time stopping that ball. I have slowed the momentum significantly and found more of me. I like me, and I’m very different than they are.

May you have many things to be grateful for. May you find yourself and your inner fire. May you see yourself for who you are and what you deserve. May you find every way possible to allow your own light even when it seems challenging. May you always have reasons for a next time, and know you are allowing better and better, to flow a better next time. May you enjoy more and appreciate every moment. May you see your creations and find ways to open your vortex more. May you find a way to apply your “work-hard” ethics to “think and allow” so that you flow your own self, as well or better than, you flow other’s expectations of you. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I am Here

I am here
For me
To be me
To find my
FIre
To experience

I am here
Where
Earth
Meets land
Meets wind
Meets sky

The sun
Is my guide
My light
Lies within
And shines
All about
Me

I am here
On a beach
The water
Cold
The wind
Strong
Sun shining
Through
Clouds
And fog

Despite
Everything
It still
Shines
It shines
For me

Because I am
Here
For me
For my
Birth Day

I am here to
Celebrate
Me

By doing something
I desired
Whether
Anyone or
Anything else
Supported my
Desire

I was willing
To do it
Alone
With nothing
And no one

I am grateful
Because
God helped a little
Provided
Basic luxuries
Of bed
Toilet and
Shelter

Yet
I am still
Here
I am standing
Where I desired
When I desired
To do so

The shining sun is for me
The strong wind is for me
The cold waves are for me
The crashing sound is for me

My light
My fire
Is me
I am Here
I am the creator
I Am the observer
I see me
Here
I experience me
Here

Next time
I'll make it
Warmer
Sunnier
Funner
It'll be nicer
For kids

There will
Be
A next time
For
Me
Whether
God stays to help
Or not
Because
My fire
Is here
In
ME


~ Treasa Cailleach

May you BE you, here and now. May you feel your inner fire return full strength if you so chose. May you release everyone else from responsibility for your outcomes, and may you release your responsibility for theirs. May you understand that your experience via the 6 senses was all that was ever intended in this physical body. May you release understanding any of it for now. May you release everything and everyone else to be your best inner being in a physical experience. May you enjoy this transition and use it to your fullest. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Seems like wobble.

Great mother is done
She's wobbling too much
Any more and she'll fall
Imbalance too great
Humans: the cause
Too many
Tugging in
All directions
No rest for
The weary

Every couple thousand years
Great messengers are sent
Time is granted
If too many fail
A great calamity
Wraps everything up quickly

I'm loosing
Despite
Best efforts
All things done
As correctly
As possible

My wobble
Our collective
Wobble
Too much stress
With Fun and
Peace
Deficiencies

Inability
To control
Uncontrollable
Some things
Never intended
To be controlled
In the first place

Instructions
Conditioning
Of responsibility
May have been
Inaccurate
Or misunderstood
Relearning
Too costly when
Time is against
My
Our
Side

My preference
To sit quietly
And wait
Feeling the ground

In winter
Everything
Seems dead
Seems barren
Seems bleak

Under the soil
Seeds sleep
Insects burrow
Rabbits tunnel
Bears hibernate
Even fungi
Thrive
All just
Go Deeper

All waiting for
The great thaw
The signal
It's okay
The time to
Reemerge
Anew

Our lives
If meant to be
Will be
If meant to diverge
Will

I simply must
Trust
And wait
Quietly
In stillness
In meditation
In prayer

My Prayer:
That
Thaw
Brings
A new me
A better me
A miracle me
Or simply
A divine me

My focus:
Those seeds
Dormant
Frozen
Yet somehow
Alive
What seeds
Have I planted?
Did I tend them
Well enough?
Did divine really
Fix my mistakes?
Did divine love
Spare my failures?

May the divine
Forgive all
Our lapses
And help us
Restore
Replenish
And renew
Failures in
Perception and
Responsibility
Misplaced

~ Treasa Cailleach

I have sincerely felt like I was dieing the last couple of weeks. I’m angry at God and saddened. If it is me, I’ve done everything I possibly could. If it is my wonderful mom, and I’m just feeling it, then I simply know we both deserve better and she deserves relief. When I’m not screaming at God in anger, I’m spending all of my moments stretching and aligning and breathing. Reaching for peace as much as possible.

May all of our prayers be heard and relief granted in whatever way restores balance to the Great Mother; the most relief for the most of all that is. May we see that all is not lost, and life lies in wait, hibernating for better. May we see how we have done our best, and how it might help restore balance. Above all may we know that we are loved and supported in all that we do.

Om Shanti

Letters.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I heard another message. “Write goodbye letters”.

I figured it was intended for those about to leave my world for the afterlife. So then my question was who’s the 3rd, it could be one of a couple people, and none of the options seem good to me. They aren’t people that have lived long happy lives and are ready to go, like my parents claim.

So then my mental response was “I guess I’ll just write to everyone, just in case”, and for anyone I’m fairly certain is staying in this world, I’ll just thank them for everything I can think of.

At this point in the day I’ve accomplished one and I’m about to sit down and work on the rest. I’m betting there will be tears shed.

Additionally, I just finished utilizing the broken furniture from my children’s destructive stress, to burn and release the old, to allow for new to come in. I symbolically added an object that has been on my alter since a little over a year ago, to symbolize a particular element needing let go of. I also added two statues that symbolize the same element in my life. After I finish my letters to family (et all), I’m going to make photocopies of them, to burn for myself in our fireplace. It will help release those elements as well.

It is perfectly fitting of a new moon on the new year. Release the old to be able to welcome the new, in the dark of momma Gaea’s withdrawn lunar phase. The nights of the lunar phase where momma hides the reflection of the masculine sun. There is nothing quite like the symbolism, the momentum, and energy of this moment. It is very soothing and very cleansing.

I look forward to finding out what my new year brings now that I am able to release so much.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. May peace be with us always. Om Shanti.

The fireplace burn goal is for sometime tonight or tomorrow, while we’re still in the new moon phase. The letters will be mailed to the intended recipient as soon as they are complete, so everyone will receive them within a few days.

My other message was too sit back, relax, and wait patiently. Time will tell what the messages and actions of this week meant for me and those I was told to write to: cards, emails, letters and all.

May you trust and know that everything is going to be okay. May you know that you are free to be yourself and all that means. May you know your messages are exactly what was needed and requested by your recipients. May you know every word can carry deeper meanings that you may never know the fullness of. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Mom hates goodbyes.

I understand. I do to.

I was going to call mom on Christmas and I heard her, from thin air, very distinctly say “I wish everyone would just leave me be.” So instead I sent a package with a note that said that, and wished her a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It was a minor factor in why I didn’t call everyone else, having layers of reasons for everything these days.

She got the package yesterday and called me.

She admitted she isn’t doing well and was visited by two of my brothers over the weekend, which left her very tired and achey. In the conversation she spoke of her knowing of the extent of her ailments, and stressed several times that she was still in her right mind, that everything was physical in her body, not her mind.

She spoke of wanting to have already been gone and that she feels it is time to go, but that she definitely doesn’t want family pestering her, doctors either.

She asked me several questions regarding my intuition, and I answered honestly, about her and the rest of the family. I explained I knew that I was likely to loose 3 people in my immediate future, and was only confused on the 3rd. As for her situation, I told her my intuitive guidance had already chimed in on that as well. I just knew that what she needed to do, was what she used to do when Dad couldn’t or wouldn’t get a job, except that she needed to make her own request for herself.

I told her that I fully understood everything she was saying, because I genuinely do.

We’ve both worked in nursing enough to know the fullness of that future, and neither of us wants that. Also, we’ve both learned enough about our own health concerns to know that Western medicine can’t always fix the problem. I reminded her that hospice is still an option and if set up now while she’s able, she can file appropriate forms to make sure morphine is her only treatment. She said she isn’t ready for that step yet. I told her I would help when she was, if she wanted me to. I also reiterated my standing offer for a wide array of other options, and that if at any point she changed her mind it was totally fine.

See, I know that my mom has been there for everyone around her, to the very best of her abilities, for her entire life. It is where I learned it.

For once she is finally making a selfish decision and I fully, 100%, support her in that. She deserves it. She deserves to have the peace. She deserves to have the quiet she always longed for. She deserves to enjoy her days the way she wants to. She deserves to have something of hers before she leaves this world, and I will do a anything she wants me to, especially if it supports her end of life desires. If she wants to be alone in her quiet Iowa apartment, then that is what she can have.

I love my mom more than anything or anyone in this world, Nathan and my kids are tied for a close second, a couple of my brothers tie for third (though I’m not sure they realize it). We haven’t always agreed 100%, but she taught me everything that has been of great value to me. I respect her and know she deserves anything she wants. And what she wants is a quiet, peaceful, exit from this world. I am fully in support of her.

She requested that I not tell my siblings of the details of her state, but if I knew any way to calm them down it would be appreciated. She also said that when she was gone to please make certain that my siblings knew it was her choice and that she had lived a happy life. She just wanted everyone to know she has no regrets. I told her I would do my best, just like I always have.

I love my mom and I will miss her terribly fierce, but I have to let her go. I simply must, to be able to fully support her decision, and maintain my progress. Besides, I do truly believe she deserves anything she wants, and this is what she wants.

I love you momma. Peace be with you. Go find your stallion and Irishman.

May you know you are loved and that you deserve anything you want. May you see you are truly loved always. May you know with everything in your being that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do. May peace be with you always.

Om Shanti