Tag Archives: find the love

Honor, respect, love

This is to follow up with the poem. I feel like I’m downloading a message.

Honor :

  • For strength, to get through and create better.
  • For intelligence, so that I have been able to do anything I’ve set my mind to.
  • For endurance and perseverance, being able to see things through too the end.
  • For strong logic enabling solutions to even the most complex problems, to eventually be found.

Respect:

  • For being able to feel and know the deeper truth.
  • For understand when others didn’t.
  • For showing me how to be kinder and gentler.
  • For helping me have a voice, teaching me young that someone would always listen no matter what.

Love:

  • I am a beautiful creator.
  • I am perfect just as I am.
  • I’m everything I was supposed to be.
  • I’m doing everything in my power to leave this world a better place.

May we all see the blessings in our lives. May we all love ourselves in the best and highest good. May we all navigate life fully and joyfully. May our days become brighter and brighter. May we all have hope for our futures. May you know above all God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Nonsequiter

Call it as such, a distraction, a forray, a useful tangent to discuss something different, something more enjoyable, something I can dream of.

My simple thought was that I wished polyamory was fully legal here. It is in Massachusetts now, but not here.

I’m not afraid of the commitment, and my desire is definitely fueled somewhat by financials, but it is so much more than that.

See, at this point the masculine paradigm has shifted enough that there is no longer the weighted benefit of being head of household. I know that because I file as head of household, and it rarely nets me enough to really care. My spouse didn’t come with a dowry, there was no massive parental input into the wedding on either side, and my spouse gets no great benefits from anywhere. I literally have an insignificant benefit playing what is traditionally considered the man’s role, as a woman. Still, I know that the paradigm slowly shifted enough that head of household is genderless. It wouldn’t matter if I was a man or woman, I would still have minimal financial benefit from being head of the household.

Compared to centuries past where men were gifted sums of money by wealthy in-laws or straight up given dowrys. Even more recently there were times where men would use the power to control spousal finances, especially when banks required a male consigner on any bank account. My mom always complained that she had to hide money from dad to even buy Christmas gifts and things her or us kids needed. That is wrong and society acknowledged that problem enough decades ago that it would be difficult to accomplish in this day and age (nothing is impossible with enough motivation and resources). So now, the only real benefit you get is on taxes, and nowadays that only really means anything if you have kids. The point is if I was relying on financial benefit to marriage I fell for the old paradigm when it no longer existed.

But I know I didn’t fall for it to begin with.

I wanted love enough that I took a risk marrying an older divorcee of another race, despite both of my parents arguing with me to try and change my mind. Mom was against the age and being a divorcee with a daughter. Dad was against his race. Mom was the most correct at nailing down the hazards, because half of our financial problems linked back to his marriage and child support, the other half linked to the health concerns from a broken heart.

My source of love has cost me quite dearly, because even if I wanted to go back to school my only hope would be to test high enough for a free ride to grad school, no easy feat. I am unable to obtain student loans due to my two current ones still being in a decade of default, combined with already being leveraged to the hilt with home and vehicle- the result of being head of household. My only hope would be full scholarship on merits.

So, I took the risk and ate it. It has tied my hands in many ways, but I still have my loving husband as long as he shall live. I am still 100% grateful for his love and our years together. Tough as they were, I still have hope for better to come.

And that is where I would love poly to join us. Many days will improve with more hands, more finances to share, new ideas, and more perspectives to consider, new things to try. Beyond all of that though, more hearts equals more love; if I managed to survive everything else to experience that love twice over with much less difficulties, then I say it’s worth it. That’s why I wish poly was legal.

At this point I do still love my husband despite everything, and walking away would break my heart and cost me even more because I would become the one with the child support bill. I simply refuse to do that to myself.

Yet I still want the twice-love and less-responsibility dream of a poly family. Finding a significant other when you are already so committed to someone, is a challenge because the divine masculine still hasn’t relinquished the idea of the old paradigm. They still want the power and financial draw that is promised by the old paradigm of marriage. It’s supposed to be the reason for the ceremony and legal paperwork, the security behind the commitment. I don’t enjoy bursting bubbles over and over again, and I don’t enjoy the ripple when someone’s expectations are shattered. It has turnicated one too many attempts for me, and I don’t think I can muster another try.

But I still have hope. I still desire the loving committed supportive relationship of another. And that is why I wish poly was legal here. I could fulfill that pretense of the old paradigm of marriage committment, and still get my twice-love and less-responsibility of the poly paradigm. Plus I genuinely do wish for all the reasons anyone wants a new relationship, especially one as strong to hope it last many years. You know, the love, the new relationship energy, the going and doing fun things, the exploring of another person’s mind, personality and body, the kisses and hugs, and everything that a new relationship entails. It’s all very daydreamy for me and it’s definitely a good nonsequiter from my current reality.

So yes, I’ve pondered the shift that being able to fully commit to another partner would entail. I would love to have dates without the fear of shattering another person’s hopes, desires, or expectations. I would love to just be able able to be me and still look forward to getting to know someone new. I can daydream right?!

I love my husband and he will be my loving caring supportive companion as long as he lives. It’d be awefully nice to have better days too. So I daydream for now and leave the rest up to the divine.

May you have pleasant distractions when you need them. May your daydreams matter and help make the world a better place. May you have all the love you seek, and the fun and enjoyment too. May you enjoy your life mostly and make the best of what you do have. May we all see improvement continue in all ways. Finally, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Love Is

I spent my day fiercely focused on Ganesh Mantras and the phrase “what is more relaxed?”. They were my combatants for something I can’t put my finger on. It helped me charge through a stacked schedule even with my wrist still working out the remnants of an energetic past. In the midst of that I also focused on what love is to me. It led to an inspiration to write it out. The trouble is that love is so complex that prose and informative writing have a bigger challenge describing it, but all forms of writing are equally worthy of trying. So, I’m choosing to let this flow to the best of my ability in whatever way the divine choses.


Love IS…

Love is
Tingly warmth
Spreading
Insides filling

Heart center
Expansion
Uplifting and
Energizing

Smiles on lips
Hugs in arms
Cuddly warm
Furry purrs
And gentle flops

Love is
Exciting
Enticing
Sometimes scentilating

Passionate
Kisses
Outbursts
And laughter

Touches
Felt before
Fingertips brush

Energy centers
Opening
From simple thoughts

Love is
More than
Meets
Eyes
See
Beauty
Deeper than
Skin

Love is
Amazing
Everywhere
Just
Remember
And
Feel
~ Treasa Cailleach

Love is sometimes holding someone up, but also holding down the fort.

Love is kindness when a friend or coworker is going through a tough time.

Love is giving because you can and you know they’ll appreciate it, and knowing eventually your love will be reciprocated in their favorite way.

Love is the excitement over receiving a gift because it comes from someone you love. Knowing they put thought into bringing a little joy to your world.

Love is all the creatures and children wanting to give and get attention with you.

Love is a knowing that part of what you share is unseen and hard to describe.

Love is golden sunbeams lighting up eyes and hair.

Love is warm embraces, sensations spreading through your entire body.

Love is a cat purring in your ear and a dog snuggling into your legs to avoid the kennel at bedtime.

Love is your heart growing 3 sizes bigger, reaching out and touching another’s. Love feelsĀ  and love grows always wanting the best.

Love is the anticipation of a lovers’ touch or kiss, where hair stands on end and the air sizzles with electricity.

Love is hands on hearts while ears absorb every sound and eyes drink in beauty.

Love is hanging on words and disappointment over missed calls and messages. Where your heart hesitates, nay sometimes skips a beat, because they didn’t answer; a refusal to accept the possibility that they might not ever answer again.

Love is anxiety that you might say the wrong thing, but the courage to give it your best anyway.

Love is a huge fear of rejection because they mean the world to you and you know they need to be in your world, so much so that you’d do nearly anything if it meant that was possible.

Love is trying to put words to feelings you’re not even sure you can accurately describe, because even feeble attempts lead to even greater love.

Love is focused attention, so focused that backgrounds fade and sometimes even words fail.

Love is helping someone see their better selves and enabling healing from the inside out.

Love is wonderful and beautiful itself, causing every being touched by it to glow.

Love is the energy that flows life itself.

Love is everything and everywhere if you know how to see it and focus well enough.

Love is your higher self experiencing here and now.

Love is divine influence and the miracle behind miracles.


May you have more than enough love in your life. May you experience an abundance of love and enjoy focused attention always. May you know for certain you are loved and that you have experienced love. May you have the healing found in moments beyond your ability to communicate effectively. May you understand the importance of love in your life. May you see and feel all of the miracles forged by love. May you know that you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti