Tag Archives: finding balance

Sensitive with clouds

So, I may just be super sensitive.

One of my clients today (who is also sensitive to energies) noted feeling symptoms similar to mine. She had taken to not eating certain foods because they were affecting her more and causing the symptoms to flare.

I told her pretty much everything except raw veggies and salads were seeming to do that to me, and the result was that I had gone two days of not eating anything except a salad at dinner (and liquids/tea/water). But I’m feeling much better running empty, and my brain is functioning better. I’m also slowly getting stress under control running on empty. It makes no real logical sense based on accepted medical standards. (That’s why Nathan still wants me to see a doc and get checked out, I’m not convinced it’ll do any good.)

Today I had my single serving of raw veggies at about 4pm, and dinner after work was a small salad with shrimp and sauteed zucchini. (The greens were fresh from our garden and amazing.) Otherwise I didn’t eat. Yet, I’m totally fine, and much improved in my sense of well being compared to 3 days ago.

After dinner a Sadhguru video notification spoke of shutting the mind off, and he was comparing uncontrollable thoughts to diarrhea. I joked with Nathan that based on his comments I must be needing to not eat anything, because even healthy whole vegetables are causing that for me. (You’re welcome for the TMI.)

Anyway, joking and TMI aside, I’m glad I’m starting to feel a bit better. Stress sucks.

I also wanted to share a couple more things that have helped me.

One meditation that I used two mornings running seemed to help with bodily sensations. I’ll describe it here:

First acknowledge the divine feminine is mother earth. She is fueled by the great fire within. We see her represented by Pele of Hawaiian mythology, Brigit of Celtic, and Hestia/Vesta of Greek/Roman. The energy of molten lava being at her core enables a great warmth which can be both destructive and life giving.

Then acknowledge that the heavens above are God’s abode. God force draws energy from the sun and air. Christianity acknowledges this well with most any ritual they do, but it is most evident when they draw down the “Holy Spirit” for baptisms and other blessings.

The two elements of divine force meet on Earth’s surface and in all creatures. So, to focus on that for yourself, can enable great healing energy to flow throughout your body and clear lots of negativity and blockages.

Simply sit and place your feet solidly on the ground, and rest your hands on your lap palms up.

Imagine the lava warming the earth beneath your feet and consciously slowly draw that sensation up your legs to your belly.

Then imagine God’s rays shining down upon your head and warming the top of your scalp. Slowly and consciously draw that sensation down your body until it too makes it to your belly.

Once you have both sensations meeting in the belly, consciously allow them to mingle and meet all of your organs. For me, I choose to focus on the warmth while I list off all of the organs and elements of my body that need love and healing.

It takes me a bit, but always helps me feel better, so that is why I shared it here.

The other meditation that has helped a lot recently has been very simple yet very involved. Simply put, I shoot down every negative thought, one at a time. For each one, it is followed by acknowledgement that my inner self feels good and I reach for one feel good thought that opposes the negative. It’s like the “wrong buzzer” from a gameshow, with a pause and then a “what does my inner being really think” moment. You could literally do this for hours and all day, I have before. Lately though, I just do enough of it to calm myself back to even keel and proceed with tasks at hand.

Finally, I took another hour walk at the pond today over lunch (I ended up with well over 10,000 steps again today.) It was overcast and windy, but I still found plenty of beautiful things and got some much needed nature relief. There is a guy that brings his dog to play in the pond and creek pretty much every time I’m there. The dog has so much fun that I couldn’t help but sneak a couple of pictures of pooch happiness.

BTW, I picked up trash while on my walk. It drives me a little bonkers to see trash when there is a bin available just to avoid litter. Plus people are gross. One of the items I very carefully disposed of using an empty box was a used sanitary napkin. Who does that?!?! Of all the litter, that one was the most irritating.

Finally, on the way home this evening there were two bald eagles perched at the top of the tree across from my favorite park: Minor park. I had to stop and take pictures. I’ll take it as a good sign and a reminder to visit that park again soon.

I hope you enjoy my nature pictures.

May you have good Stress relief. May you find meditation very helpful. May you have soothing nature moments. May you understand what is causing you to feel certain ways, and what to do about it. May you feel good mostly and have all the healing you need. May you feel relief and generally better each day. Above all, may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

DM toxic or safe?

So this backslides only slightly on the vibrational scale. I had a set of thoughts and external influences, trigger a message that needs conveyed.

Essentially there is a lot of talk these days about our DF & DM… That’s divine feminine and divine masculine to anyone needing clarification. As my readers know I’m a mix, and Nathan too is a mix. So, I suspect we have at least one of each out there waiting for us, or another person or two that at least balance the mix scales.

I was ‘given’ a video link that spoke to DMs being angry over being put down. Here’s the deal, if you lept to anger, then there’s an element of truth in it for you. We get angry with ourselves for failing to meet ideals, but even more if we’re not even trying very much. Then as humans we push that anger outward to deflect the pain from ourselves. I have lots of experience in this process and still battle it regularly myself. It’s human nature and very difficult to fight. It’s also very understandable to a degree.

What is important to note though is that when DFs start harshing on DMs it’s because we’re referencing toxic ones. My father is a good example.

Toxic DMs rely primarily on anger and lower vibrations. They like the fight and struggle. They like proving themselves more powerful than others and will resort to any means to do so, even emotionally damaging and physically damaging means. AND toxic DMs don’t care who’s in that path. Their own lovers and children often take the brunt of their toxicity. They take the pleasure of the win over any other costs. They live in addictions because it is the only way to find “good” feelings. They never took the time to learn how to climb up the emotional scale and want everyone else to hurt as much as they are, so they can feel better in their pain through the power of domination.

So yes, toxic DMs are a generally an unacceptable place to be, and unfortunately pretty much all of my father’s generation fit that bill. There are always exceptions and even in his generation there were men that found another way, they were not weaker or less of divine masculine. In fact, I and many women, argue those anomalies of the older generation were in many ways better, more capable masculine humans.

Currently many DFs are seeking for a revolution to tip the scales so that our generation and especially younger generations have an overwhelming number of safe and healthy divine masculines.

So what makes a safe and healthy divine masculine?

The biggest element I could put my finger on is that they know how to focus thought and climb the emotional scale. Second biggest for me was that they are secure in their own power and have no need for the battle to prove power.

So, a healthy safe DM can climb the emotional scale and can label all of the positives. Not only can they label their positive feelings, they feel even better when they find a way to express them fully and completely in their own voice and style. They are able to convey their positive emotions to others from a place of confidence. They are able to share love, joy, exuberance, exhilaration, and even ecstasy in safe ways, and even in platonic ways.

Qualifier: this is the ideal, there are some of those emotional levels I still have difficulty reaching, let alone expressing myself. We’re all works in progress, and the more capable you are the less toxicity it allows for.

So generally a quality DM can tell you what they are feeling at any given time. They don’t have to constantly express themselves, but if you ask they can give accurate truthful detailed answers. If they love you, they can say it, and more than just those 3 words. They can tell you why they love you, and what you mean to them in it’s entirety. If they want to hear the same from you they can also express their need for that, and be open to whatever your expression/explanation manifests as.

Even further, a quality DM can climb the scale.

I’ll make up and example:

DM had a shitty day at work and is really angry and frustrated. He takes 5 min to calm before going into family. He expresses his feelings in a calm manner to his SO (significant other), and then explains that he needs a few minutes to clear and refocus. He does that, maybe it takes 10 min, maybe it takes 45, but when he comes back to SO he’s in a much better space and can express what was causing problems and that he’s now focused on XYZ solutions and feeling better. He can use that refocused moment to really notice his SO and express love and appreciation for the patience. (I’m getting better at my moments like this, but I’m still not perfect and I’m utterly grateful Nathan is so patient with me.)

All of these elements were lacking in my father more often than not. “I love you” always came with a “but…”, right up until he stayed with me this summer, and even then it was merely a pause in whatever tangent he was on. He also only ever managed those 3 words and gifts or money to show affection. Additionally, gifts and money would always get flipped later, and used as guilt trips if you screwed up. I got to a point by the time I was in highschool, where I didn’t even want him to give me anything because I knew it would eventually be used against me. I wanted affection, and ultimately that desire brought me Nathan.

Anyway, that second element of not needing the fight for power’s sake: there’s a huge difference between finding joy in playing a game, and needing the struggle.

It doesn’t matter if the power struggle is in sport or an office building. It really can be either, and I have watched both.

My father played the struggle in offices and at home, and never touched a sporting field in his life, but he was constantly intent on making certain everyone knew he was in charge. He would change jobs the instant that people didn’t listen to him and take his advice or suggestions. He constantly berated us at home making sure we knew he was in control of finances and our housing, and that we wouldn’t survive without him. Take the abuse and shut up, because you’d be homeless and starving without me, mentality. Of the whole family, I was always the most vocal about that. I wanted to challenge his power, even as a young child I remember telling my Mom, “He’s making it up to scare us, we should just leave.” She would tell me “where would we go?”, and make me drop it. I was the one in middle school that got in a screaming match with him and threatened to turn him into DHS. He ended the argument with “go ahead, see where it gets you”. Unfortunately, I was 12 and didn’t have the confidence yet to follow through.

But I’ve also seen similar done by sports people. There was a rugby player in college that was abusive to girlfriends not knowing how to shut the extreme masculinity off. Bonus he went through girlfriends like candy because, not only would they get sick of him being too rough, but also because he was only really playing just another game to see what the best girl he could get was. I was still really fat then, so I didn’t make his radar, but even if I had been on his radar, he was nowhere near mine. His behaviors were repulsive to me.

However, many masculines find great fun in games where they essentially beat each other up- kick-boxing, street fighting, boxing, hockey, rugby, and football are all good examples of this. They enjoy the strategy, the physical prowess they get to display, the challenge of reaching the goal of a WIN. Yet a healthy DM can see it is a game and can walk away, especially if it takes to much of a toll on their own being. The same goes for the office power struggle. Masculines can find enjoyment in the challenge and proving themselves capable, but a healthy masculine knows when to let the game go. It doesn’t have to be brought home, and if it reaches unhealthy levels then it’s time to walk away, no matter how entrenched they’ve become.

There are probably other elements that go into separating a toxic DM from a healthy DM, but those seemed like the biggest factors for me. Probably because I know they are my biggest challenges. Despite hating my Father’s behaviors my entire life, I was essentially brainwashed into doing them by experiencing excessive repetition. That same repetition that enables a baby to learn motor skills is what engrained those toxic behaviors in my brain. I have spent every day of motherhood fighting those toxic behaviors, and I have minimized them at this point, but they are far from gone. One day, hopefully soon, I will be able to update that statement with success.

Regardless of your biological gender or your perceived masculinity/femininity, may you find balance in your life and experience healthy levels of gender identity. May you find that you are learning how to move up the emotional scale. May you learn how to express all emotions accurately, truthfully, and safely. May you know that you are reaching for better and every effort towards improvement helps to make our world a better place. May you have someone in your life that is patient when you need it, especially in regards to climbing the emotional scale. May you find you have support and love all around you in regards to being your best self and reaching for healthy gender identity. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do, and wants for us all to master our emotions and heal toxic programming.

Om Shanti

Another good reminder.

Now that the US is experiencing significant levels of relief, I thought I would share a song of my youth (maybe two).

I will not vaccinate for Covid or anything else, but if availability is what chills everyone out, then fine. If your curious about my stance, I’ve written about my perspective many times, just search my posts. I will never stop someone from feeling a need to reach for something that makes them feel safe, I just know that my knowledge prevents that feeling of safety on that topic, that’s why we have freedom of choice. I find my safety in other ways and take full responsibility for my health or lack thereof, knowing a large portion of that puzzle is mental and thought based.

First: “Both Sides of the Story” Phil Collins

https://youtu.be/LcNwob_njTY

Second: “Another Day in Paradise” Phil Collins

https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI

I have always really truly appreciated songs with good messages, these songs just happen to be by the same man, but there have been many from my youth that were similar.

May you see the bigger picture. May everyone relax and may things get back to normal. May you know that you are more likely to live through each day than not. May you know your death is a choice between you and your creator. May you know that allowing flow is always better than not, no matter the topic. May you see positive ways to connect with humanity and do good in this world in a way that also impacts you positively. May you see both sides of any story. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti