Tag Archives: finding balance

Divided we fall.

I’ve again had one to many conversations where people pick the extreme side and everyone else is wrong.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Maga-Racist-Trumpers or extreme-liberal-vaccine-pushers. They are two opposing extremes. There’s a hell of a lot of middle ground that it seems no one is acknowledging.

The last conversation referenced stories of friends of friends, and acquaintances as being bullshit that anti-vaxers feed people. And it’s simply picking another extreme and ignoring reality.

Just because a particular fact doesn’t align with your choice doesn’t mean it’s any less true.

Sadly, I hate either extreme, but both extremes are based in experiences and both extremes have elements of truth that get twisted and convoluted to meet the needs of the extreme view.

Additionally, I’m sorry that I’m mostly middle ground on most topics, but see the reason for choice in vaccination, and I especially see the reason for choice for myself and my family.

I watched Vaxxed the documentary. I have read poor data on vaccines. When the data doesn’t stack up well, they glaze over it and bury it as deep as they can, hoping we won’t notice.

Beyond that, I currently work someplace where one of the employees had a vaccine injured daughter. My family has met that now adult mentally damaged child, who has become a ward of the state BECAUSE she did win a vaccine court case, but the payout was so low it didn’t even cover all of her medical expenses to date of settlement. She is managed by a state agent who is doing a horrible job managing her care in an adult group home, and her parents visit as often as possible.

For 3 years, I lived on property of a woman who had two of 4 grown daughters that were damaged from over vaccination, too many vaccines at once caused severe seizures with instant brain damage as a result. Sariah is 18 now and her older sister Rachael is 25. Rachael wears diapers and though she can spell backwards to find YouTube videos, she has very little verbal communication. Sariah acts roughly half her age but is technically fully functional. The 2 sisters Jessica and Ashley, whom were not over vaccinated, are fully functional and perfectly normal.

I had another co-worker several years ago when I worked at another chiropractic office, whom had a daughter in the same boat. Her daughter was named Angela and I met her too. The mom sold Arbonne on the side to make money and to help with her care. It was the only way she could afford to purchase the supplements for her daughter, because being a dealer got her massive discounts and sometimes covered the entire cost of her supplement and food product orders.  The Arbonne products had helped her to detox her daughter and provided higher allergy-free nutrition, which had helped to heal some but not all of the brain damage incurred by vaccination. When I met Angela she had just weaned off of diapers at 16.

Beyond that I am still certain that at least a portion of my battle with depression is vaccine related because of a massive increase in problems and symptoms after having to be revaccinated because of moving to a new school at the age of 12. I had been fully vaccinated less than a year prior, but in moving the old school sent records improperly and my vaccination records were lost along with everything else. The new school required new vaccines because we were unable to obtain proof of original vaccination. I can not solely blame vaccines for my own setbacks, because I have diligently spent years tracking down solutions for various problems and symptoms. Vaccines were not the sole cause for me, but they did contribute in a major way, and they didn’t save me from Epstein-Barr either.

Then pile on top of that the dozen current clients that I work face to face with. Ranging from: the vaccine failed them and they got sick again, to prolonged arm and shoulder pain, to post vaccination anxiety attacks.

Warning: run on sentence ahead…

So yes, when I layer the risks of vaccinations in general but definitely the extremes I’ve seen with my own eyes, on top of knowing Covid already impacted my family in a major way that no one seems to care to fix, on top of knowing that the vaccines don’t have spectacular results as they were intended (more flat out failure based on old standards), on top of the awareness that I’m already overwhelmed dealing with my current reality and even the low end of complications could cause more for me to deal with… you better damn well bet I’m in no rush to get vaccinations for anyone in my family.

Sadly, the reason I quit receiving vaccines two decades ago wasn’t any of that.

It was purely because every time I got a vaccine (flu, tetanus, pneumonia, it didn’t matter), I got horribly sick for at least 5 days, and for several it was over a week. I simply couldn’t convince myself to willingly get sick off a shot any more. The first several years not vaccinating I didn’t get sick at all from anything and that was the final-straw to cease vaccinating.

So, I’m liberal, but far from extreme, and though I’d love many aspects of socialized medicine, mandatory vaccines is not one of them. I firmly believe we all deserve a choice, so much so that when my teenager decided she wanted to vaccinate even after having had covid, I made two stipulations: 1- make your case with valid research, and 2- she will assume any and all consequences of receiving said vaccine, regardless if it’s a bottle of Advil for pain or anything bigger. I can not handle any more complications in my life and thus will not vaccinate, but if she is willing to take full responsibility no matter what, I will not stop her.

I’m no Maga-Trumper and hate much of what they stand for, but I know that many of their choices and beliefs are based in experiences they have had. That is how I find common ground with the ones that land on my table at work. Many of them had bad experiences in their past that lead them where they are. Some of them remember when the government used their own military personnel and military families to test many things (like early vaccines), they remember being guinea pigs the first time around, and how horribly that went. Just because I don’t agree with them and hate their methods, it doesn’t mean I can’t find understanding and be compassionate.

If we all don’t begin to stop and see someone’s perspective as valid and based in their experiences, then we will quickly degread into conflict, mutiny, chaos and mayhem.

We all must start reaching for the common ground and make compromises. We need to be more compassionate with each other and find understanding for each other’s decisions.

I would love to trust unequivocally that the vaccine is perfectly safe and helpful, but my life, my body, my brain tells me otherwise, and I simply can’t handle the results of what could be if we are not the lucky 100% safe ones. There is simply no way to guarantee that I or my family will be completely unharmed. I can not handle anything less, and I simply wish people held enough humanity to understand that.

May you have enough humanity in you to find common ground and compassion for others. May we all survive these times. May medicine find additional ways to help everyone, especially those that were negatively impacted by covid in a permanent way. May we all see that we have reached our beliefs because of our experiences, and that yes even though there is fake news in our midst, that is not the only reason someone believes something. May you have understanding for others around you. May we all feel safe again. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Just stop.

I have stopped.
Stopped to just be.
Just be me.
Just heal me.
I release everything
Letting go of all outside my self.
I draw my energy back
From all those I've worked with,
From all my family,
From all my friends,
From all my worries,
From all my concerns,
From all my thoughts,
From all people, places and things.
I draw my energy back
From all time.
I pull that energy back
To myself,
Here and now,
To heal me,
To love me.
I feel
My Self
And it feels good.
I need my own self
More than ever.
I deserve my own self
Because it is healing.
My self brings
Light and love
Where darkness was.
That is invaluable.
My infinite self
Can do the infinite.
My infinite self
Can do the improbable.
My infinite self
Can do the unlikely.
My infinite self
Can handle more than i.
My infinite self
Makes the finite better.
My infinite self
Knows the finite will pass.
I can do this.
I am healing.
I am improving.
I am managing.
I am handling more than most.
I am thriving in adversity.
I am doing better.
Better than before.
Better than those I learned from.
Better than those I continue to help.
I respect myself.
I respect my accomplishments.
I love myself
Because I am more than all of it.
I am here now.
I am healing.
I am me,
In this moment,
In this time.
I am a warm
Fuzzy bubble of love.
I am beautiful
Inside and out.
I feel good to be me.
I feel better as my Self.
I heal all mechanisms
To be able to maintain
My Self
Every moment and
Every day.
I deserve that.
I deserve me.
I deserve the best me
Always.
Om Shanti

~ Treasa Cailleach

Sensitive with clouds

So, I may just be super sensitive.

One of my clients today (who is also sensitive to energies) noted feeling symptoms similar to mine. She had taken to not eating certain foods because they were affecting her more and causing the symptoms to flare.

I told her pretty much everything except raw veggies and salads were seeming to do that to me, and the result was that I had gone two days of not eating anything except a salad at dinner (and liquids/tea/water). But I’m feeling much better running empty, and my brain is functioning better. I’m also slowly getting stress under control running on empty. It makes no real logical sense based on accepted medical standards. (That’s why Nathan still wants me to see a doc and get checked out, I’m not convinced it’ll do any good.)

Today I had my single serving of raw veggies at about 4pm, and dinner after work was a small salad with shrimp and sauteed zucchini. (The greens were fresh from our garden and amazing.) Otherwise I didn’t eat. Yet, I’m totally fine, and much improved in my sense of well being compared to 3 days ago.

After dinner a Sadhguru video notification spoke of shutting the mind off, and he was comparing uncontrollable thoughts to diarrhea. I joked with Nathan that based on his comments I must be needing to not eat anything, because even healthy whole vegetables are causing that for me. (You’re welcome for the TMI.)

Anyway, joking and TMI aside, I’m glad I’m starting to feel a bit better. Stress sucks.

I also wanted to share a couple more things that have helped me.

One meditation that I used two mornings running seemed to help with bodily sensations. I’ll describe it here:

First acknowledge the divine feminine is mother earth. She is fueled by the great fire within. We see her represented by Pele of Hawaiian mythology, Brigit of Celtic, and Hestia/Vesta of Greek/Roman. The energy of molten lava being at her core enables a great warmth which can be both destructive and life giving.

Then acknowledge that the heavens above are God’s abode. God force draws energy from the sun and air. Christianity acknowledges this well with most any ritual they do, but it is most evident when they draw down the “Holy Spirit” for baptisms and other blessings.

The two elements of divine force meet on Earth’s surface and in all creatures. So, to focus on that for yourself, can enable great healing energy to flow throughout your body and clear lots of negativity and blockages.

Simply sit and place your feet solidly on the ground, and rest your hands on your lap palms up.

Imagine the lava warming the earth beneath your feet and consciously slowly draw that sensation up your legs to your belly.

Then imagine God’s rays shining down upon your head and warming the top of your scalp. Slowly and consciously draw that sensation down your body until it too makes it to your belly.

Once you have both sensations meeting in the belly, consciously allow them to mingle and meet all of your organs. For me, I choose to focus on the warmth while I list off all of the organs and elements of my body that need love and healing.

It takes me a bit, but always helps me feel better, so that is why I shared it here.

The other meditation that has helped a lot recently has been very simple yet very involved. Simply put, I shoot down every negative thought, one at a time. For each one, it is followed by acknowledgement that my inner self feels good and I reach for one feel good thought that opposes the negative. It’s like the “wrong buzzer” from a gameshow, with a pause and then a “what does my inner being really think” moment. You could literally do this for hours and all day, I have before. Lately though, I just do enough of it to calm myself back to even keel and proceed with tasks at hand.

Finally, I took another hour walk at the pond today over lunch (I ended up with well over 10,000 steps again today.) It was overcast and windy, but I still found plenty of beautiful things and got some much needed nature relief. There is a guy that brings his dog to play in the pond and creek pretty much every time I’m there. The dog has so much fun that I couldn’t help but sneak a couple of pictures of pooch happiness.

BTW, I picked up trash while on my walk. It drives me a little bonkers to see trash when there is a bin available just to avoid litter. Plus people are gross. One of the items I very carefully disposed of using an empty box was a used sanitary napkin. Who does that?!?! Of all the litter, that one was the most irritating.

Finally, on the way home this evening there were two bald eagles perched at the top of the tree across from my favorite park: Minor park. I had to stop and take pictures. I’ll take it as a good sign and a reminder to visit that park again soon.

I hope you enjoy my nature pictures.

May you have good Stress relief. May you find meditation very helpful. May you have soothing nature moments. May you understand what is causing you to feel certain ways, and what to do about it. May you feel good mostly and have all the healing you need. May you feel relief and generally better each day. Above all, may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti