Tag Archives: finding compassion

See, Feel bigger

The problem
Is really like
3 Blind men
Describing
An elephant
Impossible to
Solve because
All feel it's
Too Immense
And none
See the
Entirety

None will
If separation
Continues
That is
Dis-ease
Of wholeness
Dis-ease of
Mind, Body
And Spirit
Everything
Succumbing
To invasive
Darkness
Without
Light of
Wholeness

Masculine
Feminine
Healthy
Balance
Cooperate
For desired
Peacefulness

Medicine
Science
Church
State
All
Helping
One another
Cooperating
Together

All
Knowing
Each sees
Only one
Part

Without
The other
It is too
Unsolvably
Immense
And none
Are divine
On their
Own

For now
I heal
My Self
My own
Divinity
Working
For me
In me

Knowing
I may
Loose
Because
Doctors
Aren't
Even
Trying
Can't
Accept
Psychic
Energetics
Awareness
Unseen
Unprovable
Only relying
On machines
Or pills

This
Manly
Lady
Desires
Peace
In Life

Yet masculine
Not helping
Matters
Made
Worse
Burdening
Too greatly
Unnecessary
Weights
Mental
Physical
Stressing
Threatening
To crumble

Feminine
Basking
Laying
Doing
Nothing
Isn't
Winning
Either

My ease
My healing
Connected
To divinity
Self In motion
Actions of
Knowing
I don't
Have
To Do
Anything
For anyone
Else anyway
It's all
For
Me

~Treasa Cailleach

May you see your biggest picture in it’s wholeness and have a sense that it is solveable with more wholeness. May you know how parts fit together and work seamlessly for positive impacts. May we all understand that regardless of rightness or wrongness we’re all in this together and maybe one person’s wrong makes another’s make a little more sense. May we all see the rightness in everything and how it blends into the most manageable biggest picture. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

J

Okay, so first disclaimer. I took cannabis meds tonight to help my state of being. I may be struggling enough that I took a little more than usual, and thus I’m feeling it tonight. Not bad, actually quite good, I just felt I should note that I’m writing from a slightly-altered state of mind.

I had a thought
I'm not sure how it was brought
I wondered if she'd rather be called
J
I grew up with a brother that went by
JJ
He had a feminine side
Father tried to beat out of him
Dad given nickname
He came to hate
I wondered if that was why
He preferred
JJ
JJ is androgynous
It doesn't pick a side
It doesn't let you decide
So would be J
She grew up a girl
With behavior more befitting
A boy
I relate
Mud pies, skinned knees,
Playing war as long as
My brother didn't win too much
She had sisters and parents
Of similar age as mine
She was born a girl after all
Who would think different
I heard my father's words
Echo bitterly:
"If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...."
Bullshit of generations past
Too weak to allow for more
Turning them to cowards of
Either/or
I want to allow more
I want to honor differences
I want to respect those that deserve
Respect
Just for being them
So I reach for
How
How do I ask
From genuine concern
And not sound like
An Ass
I'm not good at this
Because our generation was
Those that admitted
We were
Different
But labels
Weren't firm
Weren't decided and settled
There wasn't discussion or education
And didn't get used accurately
Often
Parents were oblivious
They thought they were
Doing great
But never noticed
The poor example set
For learning to
Respectfully acknowledge
Individual vessel
For a much greater self
So even this unique
SELF
Doesn't always know
How to be addressed
I've been called
T
And it's just fine
Ambiguous
Allows for
Flexibility
I still like
My feminine
Celtic Wise Woman
Name
Near my heart
For being
My choice
But I have
And always will
Keep up with
The boys
Whenever it matters
To ME
So Ambiguous
Sounds good to me
Because I can be
Girly girl
Manly Woman
One of the boys
Whatever
I need
In any moment
It allows for
More me
To just
BE
~ Treasa Cailleach

May you always know how to ask respectfully. May you see more possibilities for yourself and others. May you find a way to honor the whole of someone you care about. May you be patient with those that are doing their best to improve. May you be equally patient with yourself for aiming for those same and even more improvements. May you have love in your heart for every uniqueness. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Divided we fall.

I’ve again had one to many conversations where people pick the extreme side and everyone else is wrong.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Maga-Racist-Trumpers or extreme-liberal-vaccine-pushers. They are two opposing extremes. There’s a hell of a lot of middle ground that it seems no one is acknowledging.

The last conversation referenced stories of friends of friends, and acquaintances as being bullshit that anti-vaxers feed people. And it’s simply picking another extreme and ignoring reality.

Just because a particular fact doesn’t align with your choice doesn’t mean it’s any less true.

Sadly, I hate either extreme, but both extremes are based in experiences and both extremes have elements of truth that get twisted and convoluted to meet the needs of the extreme view.

Additionally, I’m sorry that I’m mostly middle ground on most topics, but see the reason for choice in vaccination, and I especially see the reason for choice for myself and my family.

I watched Vaxxed the documentary. I have read poor data on vaccines. When the data doesn’t stack up well, they glaze over it and bury it as deep as they can, hoping we won’t notice.

Beyond that, I currently work someplace where one of the employees had a vaccine injured daughter. My family has met that now adult mentally damaged child, who has become a ward of the state BECAUSE she did win a vaccine court case, but the payout was so low it didn’t even cover all of her medical expenses to date of settlement. She is managed by a state agent who is doing a horrible job managing her care in an adult group home, and her parents visit as often as possible.

For 3 years, I lived on property of a woman who had two of 4 grown daughters that were damaged from over vaccination, too many vaccines at once caused severe seizures with instant brain damage as a result. Sariah is 18 now and her older sister Rachael is 25. Rachael wears diapers and though she can spell backwards to find YouTube videos, she has very little verbal communication. Sariah acts roughly half her age but is technically fully functional. The 2 sisters Jessica and Ashley, whom were not over vaccinated, are fully functional and perfectly normal.

I had another co-worker several years ago when I worked at another chiropractic office, whom had a daughter in the same boat. Her daughter was named Angela and I met her too. The mom sold Arbonne on the side to make money and to help with her care. It was the only way she could afford to purchase the supplements for her daughter, because being a dealer got her massive discounts and sometimes covered the entire cost of her supplement and food product orders.  The Arbonne products had helped her to detox her daughter and provided higher allergy-free nutrition, which had helped to heal some but not all of the brain damage incurred by vaccination. When I met Angela she had just weaned off of diapers at 16.

Beyond that I am still certain that at least a portion of my battle with depression is vaccine related because of a massive increase in problems and symptoms after having to be revaccinated because of moving to a new school at the age of 12. I had been fully vaccinated less than a year prior, but in moving the old school sent records improperly and my vaccination records were lost along with everything else. The new school required new vaccines because we were unable to obtain proof of original vaccination. I can not solely blame vaccines for my own setbacks, because I have diligently spent years tracking down solutions for various problems and symptoms. Vaccines were not the sole cause for me, but they did contribute in a major way, and they didn’t save me from Epstein-Barr either.

Then pile on top of that the dozen current clients that I work face to face with. Ranging from: the vaccine failed them and they got sick again, to prolonged arm and shoulder pain, to post vaccination anxiety attacks.

Warning: run on sentence ahead…

So yes, when I layer the risks of vaccinations in general but definitely the extremes I’ve seen with my own eyes, on top of knowing Covid already impacted my family in a major way that no one seems to care to fix, on top of knowing that the vaccines don’t have spectacular results as they were intended (more flat out failure based on old standards), on top of the awareness that I’m already overwhelmed dealing with my current reality and even the low end of complications could cause more for me to deal with… you better damn well bet I’m in no rush to get vaccinations for anyone in my family.

Sadly, the reason I quit receiving vaccines two decades ago wasn’t any of that.

It was purely because every time I got a vaccine (flu, tetanus, pneumonia, it didn’t matter), I got horribly sick for at least 5 days, and for several it was over a week. I simply couldn’t convince myself to willingly get sick off a shot any more. The first several years not vaccinating I didn’t get sick at all from anything and that was the final-straw to cease vaccinating.

So, I’m liberal, but far from extreme, and though I’d love many aspects of socialized medicine, mandatory vaccines is not one of them. I firmly believe we all deserve a choice, so much so that when my teenager decided she wanted to vaccinate even after having had covid, I made two stipulations: 1- make your case with valid research, and 2- she will assume any and all consequences of receiving said vaccine, regardless if it’s a bottle of Advil for pain or anything bigger. I can not handle any more complications in my life and thus will not vaccinate, but if she is willing to take full responsibility no matter what, I will not stop her.

I’m no Maga-Trumper and hate much of what they stand for, but I know that many of their choices and beliefs are based in experiences they have had. That is how I find common ground with the ones that land on my table at work. Many of them had bad experiences in their past that lead them where they are. Some of them remember when the government used their own military personnel and military families to test many things (like early vaccines), they remember being guinea pigs the first time around, and how horribly that went. Just because I don’t agree with them and hate their methods, it doesn’t mean I can’t find understanding and be compassionate.

If we all don’t begin to stop and see someone’s perspective as valid and based in their experiences, then we will quickly degread into conflict, mutiny, chaos and mayhem.

We all must start reaching for the common ground and make compromises. We need to be more compassionate with each other and find understanding for each other’s decisions.

I would love to trust unequivocally that the vaccine is perfectly safe and helpful, but my life, my body, my brain tells me otherwise, and I simply can’t handle the results of what could be if we are not the lucky 100% safe ones. There is simply no way to guarantee that I or my family will be completely unharmed. I can not handle anything less, and I simply wish people held enough humanity to understand that.

May you have enough humanity in you to find common ground and compassion for others. May we all survive these times. May medicine find additional ways to help everyone, especially those that were negatively impacted by covid in a permanent way. May we all see that we have reached our beliefs because of our experiences, and that yes even though there is fake news in our midst, that is not the only reason someone believes something. May you have understanding for others around you. May we all feel safe again. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Just stop.

I have stopped.
Stopped to just be.
Just be me.
Just heal me.
I release everything
Letting go of all outside my self.
I draw my energy back
From all those I've worked with,
From all my family,
From all my friends,
From all my worries,
From all my concerns,
From all my thoughts,
From all people, places and things.
I draw my energy back
From all time.
I pull that energy back
To myself,
Here and now,
To heal me,
To love me.
I feel
My Self
And it feels good.
I need my own self
More than ever.
I deserve my own self
Because it is healing.
My self brings
Light and love
Where darkness was.
That is invaluable.
My infinite self
Can do the infinite.
My infinite self
Can do the improbable.
My infinite self
Can do the unlikely.
My infinite self
Can handle more than i.
My infinite self
Makes the finite better.
My infinite self
Knows the finite will pass.
I can do this.
I am healing.
I am improving.
I am managing.
I am handling more than most.
I am thriving in adversity.
I am doing better.
Better than before.
Better than those I learned from.
Better than those I continue to help.
I respect myself.
I respect my accomplishments.
I love myself
Because I am more than all of it.
I am here now.
I am healing.
I am me,
In this moment,
In this time.
I am a warm
Fuzzy bubble of love.
I am beautiful
Inside and out.
I feel good to be me.
I feel better as my Self.
I heal all mechanisms
To be able to maintain
My Self
Every moment and
Every day.
I deserve that.
I deserve me.
I deserve the best me
Always.
Om Shanti

~ Treasa Cailleach

Cleveland: Family Comes First

We’ve returned from our trip to Cleveland. Everything went as well as could be expected, but it wasn’t the vacation and relaxation I had hoped for, being it was so desperately needed. C’est la vie!

Despite having a rudimentary knowledge of french, I feel that exclamation really does fit, life goes as it pleases and you just have to go for the ride sometimes. There is planning, but rarely do plans go as expected for me.

The drive to Clevo was sunny and warm, weather was fairly great for Northern Ohio in early March. We get there and Nathan’s parents were very happy to see us, but I was aware that they were stressed over something. We celebrated Mom’s 80th birthday by taking them out to a Mongolian grill restuarant, and the next day she treated the kids to the Science Museum. During all of the festivities, she was filling us in on Nathan’s aunt Lee- his Dad’s sister. Apparently, they were worried about her, because there had been a phone call from the phone company about her not having paid her bill in a while, and there was concern from both  Nathan’s mom and the other Aunt about things that Lee had been saying on the phone. Essentially they were worried about her state of being.

The day that we went to the science museum, they attempted to ring Lee several times to check on her, and every time they got busy signals, something that never happened previously. Late that evening, Nathan persuaded them to call and request a well-fare check with her local police.  The officers sent a social worker, and the lady called us back within 20 minutes saying that Lee was awake but confused, and couldn’t remember what year it was. The worker suggested taking her to the hospital to make sure she was physically ok. We knew that if they did that she would have no way home because she didn’t drive, so we insisted that the hospital speak with us before releasing her for that reason.

Once at the hospital it was decided that there wasn’t anything physically wrong, no diabetes or other issues that could cause confusion, so they suggested it was dementia. We again informed them that she didn’t drive, and no one was close enough to give her a ride home, so they needed to assist her with that if they were releasing her. They kept her until morning and had the hospital social worker give her a ride home. After a convoluted mess of legal requirements, we managed to get the apartment manager to check on her and the manager discovered all four gas stove burners on/open but not lit. The manager was extremely concerned because that could have blown up the building, but she needed us to get written permission from Lee to speak further. When all was said and done, Nathan and his parents jumped in the mom’s car, drove 6 hours to West Virginia, picked up Aunt Lee, grabbed as many clothes as they could fit in the car, tried to get her important papers, and brought her the 6 hours back to Cleveland. Once that happened, it was very evident that her confusion was not new. After supplying the consent letter, the apartment manager filled us in that it really started showing about a year ago, and that since then there had been many lapses in memory including paying rent 3 times one month, and forgetting to 2 other months, and that her neighbor had been feeding her because she was forgetting to go shopping.

During that whole mess, I was left in Cleveland with the kids, and Ian was not happy that his daddy left and wasn’t going to be back before bedtime. I had a melt down from the crazy mad child I had on my hands. Needless to say, I was very relieved when Nathan and family returned.

The following day was spent taking care of Lee. Nathan (because of the 12 hours of driving) took a nap while I worked on packing the van back up for our return trip home. It was very evident to me that Lee was no longer what is called “High Functioning Dementia”, she was very much the opposite and needing care. Nathan’s dad, her brother was shocked, unfortunately I wasn’t- I’ve seen this before, and it’s much easier for me to understand how something like this can seemingly sneak up unnoticed. I sat Nathan and his mom down, and tried to see if there was a game plan. I kept repeating “Family Comes First” if you have nothing, you have family, even if you don’t agree, and even if you don’t always get along, you will always have family.

In the end, the game plan was that they would figure out how long there was to deal with Aunt Lee’s apartment and straighten her finances out, and then if needed Nathan would be sent on greyhound back to West Virginia to physically deal with things, and possibly even rent a U-haul to take her belongings to Cleveland. At this point, they have figured out that we have until the end of April to do that. The details have yet to be figured out.

This whole situation makes me think though. I work with nursing homes, I see how they function, and even the best of the best and most expensive still lack individual care. Things get missed, people have to wait for simple things like using the restroom, showers are given twice a week, and don’t get me started on medication policies. If a resident refuses medicine, it is crushed and put into food or drink, and a resident can not make their own decisions to eliminate medication. I have literally had residents that were on just enough diuretics to keep their lungs from filling up with fluid and drowning them; they weren’t comfortable- they were miserable, but the medicine kept them alive. I’ve had Lewy-Body patients that couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, were stuck in a wheelchair or bed all day, couldn’t feed themselves, and couldn’t even sit on a toilet anymore, but they were on enough medicine to keep them alive longer, but not enough to kill the pain. I would sit with them giving massages to try and help the pain, but I could always see it in their eyes and on their faces. -Which, by the way, my services are out of pocket expenses, they are paid on top of the thousands of dollars per month of nursing care.- I’ve had 3  residents live in that exact state for over 2 years, with me visiting weekly to attempt to provide any relief. Can you imagine spending 2 years unable to do anything except suffer! IT disgusts me, because I thought the creed of western medicine was first do no harm- how is suffering for 2 years no harm.

If it were my choice I would not put anyone in mine or Nathan’s family in a nursing home.You can drop 50 grand a year and still have your loved ones miserable. I much prefer home health, and suggest it at every turn, so that is what I did with Aunt Lee. I said she should stay with Nathan’s parents as long as possible, and I sincerely hope that it’s long enough for me to build enough space for all 3 of them to live in. That way I can help them live as healthy a life as possible, and if they should get to a point where they can’t do anything and are suffering, eliminate all drugs that would just prolong that suffering, and encourage doctors to dose enough pain medicine to at least remove that portion of the suffering. There is no medicine that gives motor skills back, no medicine or surgery that can help someone be able to eat or use the bathroom once it has been lost; so that type of suffering is sometimes inevitable, but at least we should eliminate the pain. If you can’t change anything else, at least prevent prolonging the inevitable, and kill the pain- that is possible and available if doctors are made to care. Too often the nursing environment causes medical staff to quit caring. They see too much complaining, too much dysfunction, and they become numb to it thinking that everyone is just being grumpy and exaggerating, and too often will not supply more pain meds unless the family demands an increase. I get that our society currently has an outbreak of pain medicine abuse and addiction, but I will be the first to tell you that if you are in REAL pain, your body will gobble those meds up trying to quench the thirst of chronic pain. Yes, sometimes it is an insatiable thirst that won’t diminish regardless of how much medicine is given. I had one nurse tell me that if they gave a particular resident any more pain meds it would be too much for their liver and eventually kill them, but the alternative is allowing a living being to suffer PAIN daily under your care. I wouldn’t want to be the one responsible for keeping someone alive in a state of suffering, but of course that is one of the many reasons why I didn’t go into nursing to begin with.

It doesn’t matter if that pain is from Fibromialygia, Lewy-Body, Congestive Heart Failure causing your legs to be 2 or 3 times their normal size, collapsing vertebrae from severe osteoporosis, or any number of other real medical causes, No-One should have to live with chronic pain for years on end when we have the tools to handle it.That’s my somewhat educated and compassionate opinion, and I’m sticking to it.