Tag Archives: finding sanity

It’s going to be ok.

I’m having difficulty, but still doing my best, to convince myself that sanity will return to society and martial law will be lifted. Everyone is really enjoying fear mongering over yet another new virus. 60 years ago this shit didn’t happen. Hell, even with the Zikka virus 2 years ago it didn’t and cases of that made it to Missouri, right before I got pregnant with Katherine. I held my breath through first trimester, crossing fingers I didn’t get it, but otherwise the only thing different was lots of spraying for mosquitoes.

Oh well, my down time has been spent with the TV off and my phone put away or only playing music.

I have been very non-income productive. If I’m not working to make money, I’ll at least chip at my mile long to-do-list of other things I consider important. Then there’s all the things I like doing, but never have time for.

So first, I did some art for my massage office.

Then I went home early, after it was certain I wasn’t likely to get any additions today.

Once home, I worked on gardens. Using supplies already purchased. I built the long raised bed planter, and finished the flower gardens along the sidewalk by our front door. Everything I have planted so far is bulbs or seeds so it will still be a bit before I get to see any results. They’re just big swaths of dirt right now, but there is far less gravel than 2 weeks ago.

All the gravel filled the bottom half of every planter, that was nice, I reappropriated supplies already present, a good money saver. It just took a crap ton of digging and hauling. Then being bent over planting things, my low back is now angry. Ian helped some, but not nearly as much as I would have thought based on his throwing rocks in the back yard. Nathan also helped as he was able.

Google then thought it would be funny to follow my new pictures with a reminder:

I really enjoyed the day all things considered. I would rather have my steady stream of income, but I enjoy these activities too. Maybe one day I’ll get both, that would be the best. Besides it was a decent weather day, the rain dried up just enough to do the gardens and the sun even came out for a while.

May you have time to create beautiful gardens. May you enjoy time outside. May you get to do all the things you enjoy and still earn a living. May you enjoy time with your family and stay sanely healthy. May everyone find calm and feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

Creative relief.

Still no new home.

 Cats dwindled down to 3 again. One, sick from old age, was euthanized to prevent pain and suffering. Being she was having difficulty seeing, showing signs of kitty dementia, and when she tried sitting, couldn’t actually fully sit (kitty hip dysplasia) and be comfortable. We knew she was miserable. Our hearts went out to her as we helped her find a path back to god.  Salem our older male disappeared outdoors and after 2 months of searching and examining found similar stray cats we’ve given up. Social media gave us hopeful leads, but alas none were Salem.

The  2 others never took to being indoor kitties and were rehomed to a farm cat rescue where they’ll be happy as clams and well fed  in their preferred environment. 

That leaves Buddy and Missy (the brother & sister kittens) and Priss (my old fat calico). 

Buddy & Missy cuddling ( they’re the same age at about a year old, but Buddy has gotten much bigger and stockier). They are so adorable!:

The only recent cute shot of Priss I have, she was thoroughly enjoying lap snuggle with Anya.:

 

For the holidays, we have one tiny undecorated table top tree out, and so far Anya is the only one to have gifts, having gotten to use all the Walmart gift cards to buy new clothes.

So, Monday when I had my first actual day off in ages, I decided to be creative. $40 in supplies (including raw balsa wood boxes) and hours of work later, I made 2 beautiful portable altar boxes and a set of mini elemental candle holders. 

The idea was spawned from a borrowed set. The friend that helped me gain insight into my connection with the boy had loaned me hers knowing I’m never home for meditative space anymore. After almost 2 months of using hers it was time to get creative and make my own. Nathan got a box of his own as a gift.

It was much needed creative relief, and yielded beautiful results that I know at least that I’ll use.

The mess I made of our bedroom trying to work in tight quarters:

The green box left of buddy is the borrowed inspiration:

Nathan’s box with his favorite motif on the top:

inside:

outside top:

My box, Inside:

My box outside(s):

& the tiny candle holders:

I even got tiny statues of Ganesh and Shiva for both boxes. I want Kali ones too, but haven’t found those yet.

Being creative literally is not only enjoyable for me, but helps clear my head completely. I lose time, and don’t eat- not because I’m starving myself, but because my brain doesn’t even think about getting hungry. I don’t watch the clock, and I’m always surprised at how much time has passed. It in and of itself, it is often meaningful and meditative giving my brain a much needed tiny, tiny vacation. When all is done and my brain returns to “reality”, I get starvingly hungry very quick and then crash from fatigue. This instance was no different and was welcomed acknowledgement of my creative mini vacation from life.

I do have to confess that the insides are decoupaged papers, and the outside circular patterns were stencils that I then repainted over to cleanup edges. I could have done them manually, but it would have taken even more time to sketch out the designs and paint them completely from scratch. It’s something that I chose not to rush, knowing it was my only chance to complete the project anytime soon. Besides that I love the look of the metallic paints, and I’m super  grateful that I had beautiful custom altar boxes for the two of us by Yule. They’re perfectly appropriate.

The only little one left, that I need to find at least one gift for, is Ian. In theory that’s the easy one.

As much as I’d love to get gaggles of goodies, I simply can’t bear to cram anything else into our current situation. So gifts will wait for the New Year and a new home (& I foresee new organizational furniture first too). Besides I still want to get those beds I’ve had my eye on for ages. We’re all over sharing bed space with a tossing, turning toddler.

Beyond that, I got to play Santa for a friend that needed the emotional relief, if not the actual financial relief. I had great fun, and it felt really good to do something significantly good  for someone else. I’m very appreciative of that and hope that my future holds the ability to do a lot more of that.

Otherwise, I just keep trucking. Day after day, work and more work. I’ve worked 32 out of the last 35 days, and the only 2 days off in the near future are Christmas Day  and January 2nd. This schedule is already old, but until the divine manifests whatever it’s been trying to tell me about, it’s pretty much my only option.

 I’m grateful for the work and the income it provides, but I’ve had many conversations with thin air about how it’s not really my ideal, far from it in fact. 

I really hope that whatever is gestating in the ethers brings relief and moves me much closer to my ideal. I’m hoping the messages I’m getting about Valentine’s Day time frame (including my birthday) are clues of that something good, but I simply don’t know. Just that February is important somehow. Looking forward to better days.

Drawing some sanity. 

After the Saturday concert (the group I played Oboe for), I way over glutened with the cookie reception. I payed for it (see my funny blog from a few days ago) & was hurting fierce.  I tried a new to me medicine & it actually made matters worse. Insta inflammation.  I won’t do that again.

By yesterday I was miserable & taking it out on everyone.  I fell in the hole hard. Nathan didn’t realize what was happening til it was too late & I’d sent a bad text to someone else.  Well damn, hope they forgive me.

I didn’t realize until this morning,  and I’ve spent all day attempting to return to normal.  I’m maybe 80% there.

Of my efforts today.  Detox & drawing were the most time consuming, though I did the drawing mostly from the swing- basking in  the sun naked. It brought me the most piece of mind of all my efforts. 

I still have swollen feet and achy joints,  but my mood is greatly improved. 

So here’s the drawing start to finish. 

The paper:

 Initial sketch:

Starting to fill in: 

Some blending:

Adding more details:

Done: 

Hint: the 2 white characters superimposed on the domes are Telugu script.  A sigil if you will.