Tag Archives: finding vibrational alignment

Mortality

I hide it well but am grieving. I have not lost anyone in a permanent way yet.

Part of my grief is my learning lessons from my trip to Connecticut. Knowing I don’t fit with my family, that I’m too different from them. I am grieving that my hopes were wasted, that even though they are my own genetic and learned behavior stew, I have grown too much to fit with them. I have learned to respect myself enough to just walk away instead of trying to win them over or make them hear me. But it sucks to walk away from family, especially when I really do love them.

It doesn’t help that I know: my father is actively dieing, my mom wants to be and is ignoring things that most would suggest to get checked out, and my brother is loosing his health because what doctors said to do didn’t work since the root cause was never addressed. That is 3 of my family members that may not be alive many more days, months, or years.

So I’m acknowledging that I don’t fit and I’m choosing to respect myself enough to refuse to subject myself to their disapproval anymore, but it is likely something that may soon be irreversible. It’s extra hard to make that choice.

I just know I deserve better and must do my best to keep growing and healing. Anything that hinders that must be released.

That knowing has me thinking about a lot of things in my life. All the people I care about and care for, and how some of it weighs me down and causes physical pain for me because I let them into my Energetic awareness enough. It’s hard to carry all of that all the time, and my most successful meditations recently have been ones where I manage to let go of all of it for a while. It is all dragging me down when I’m fighting tooth and nail to climb up.

It makes me want to run quite frequently, but then I acknowledge that my sensitivities will travel with me. Physical distance does nothing to solve a problem based in Energetic awareness. Yet I am not aware of the solution for my situation, or even anyone that has gone through this particular variation.

How do you fix something there are no answers for?

There is not a solution for Epstein Barr. There is no solution for Covid long-haulers. There is no solution to knowing you are likely to loose a large portion of your family in a relatively short span of time. There is no solution to being the black sheep of the family. There is no solution to fix it all.

Or is there?

Meditation is the closest I have found, and I am no monk. I hope that all my hopes are founded, and that my meditations really are enough to let the solutions and healing in.

So, I distance myself, I let go of others and grieve, and then I meditate.

Sometimes the grief takes longer than others, and it frequently repeats. The only solution for the grief is all the other solutions appearing or simple just giving myself enough time. It is a process all its own.

Bare with me if I don’t make sense. Forgive me for ramblings. Forgive me for stupid posts where I’m just sharing the one bright spot I found. I’m doing all the things to bail my boat and survive.

May you find your way through grief. May you never be tortured by a knowing of impending death. May you know you are loved and accepted just as you are by biological and chosen family. May you manage to always respect yourself first. May you have all the solutions you seek. Above all may you know the divine loves and supports you in all that you do, not just when you’re happy, even when you’re grieving, angry, frustrated or drunk (all of those emotions apply to me just today).

Om Shanti

It’s going to be okay.

This statement is for everyone tonight.

I took my cannabis medicine. It helps me heal body and mind, but it also opens my already sensitive energetic awareness even more.

I found out the sister of one of the clinic staff is having really bad health trouble, and I don’t know the details.

I know I want to be there to help support the person I work with in any way I can.

I’m currently tapped out financially, and I already work a lot. So, I’m broadening my umbrella of being of assistance. I gave her a hug to help with tears, but I am doing all the Energetics I know: prayer, Reiki, bioenergetics, holding space, and mantras. The goal is directed at everything being okay for her and her sister and her entire family. I will keep saying those prayers and doing the Energetics every moment I have to spare.

In the process, it caused an inspired thought that you can take with a grain of salt because it could be completely wrong (as follows).

EBV/Mono is called the stress disease because it feeds off of stress and 2 generations didn’t fix it. What if Covid is the newer version? What if Covid is feeding off of stress before it’s a physical manifestation, before organs begin to be starved of nutrients from the physical stress response. What if the reason Covid is causing long term mental effects and things like POTS is because it’s taking our energetic stress patterns and amplifying them.

So, if you’d be the person that might eventually die of a heart attack, you end up with cardiovascular concerns from Covid. If you’re the person that would eventually end up with Alzheimer’s you’re getting the mental problems. If you’re the person that has stress that would manifest as  digestive disorders, then it has gone there.

I thought of Nathan’s kidneys and looked it up. Louise hay references kidneys as being related to shame and failure (pic below), and Traditional Chinese Medicine references kidneys as related to fear. They are overlapping emotions, and I can see how he’d be carrying those emotions.

My thyroid was already struggling from EBV but I was doing my best to fix it. I’m having difficulty continuing that post Covid, because it caused my thyroid to struggle even more. I’m also having other strange moments/symptoms, but no one thing has been severely impacted, but I’ve also spent the last 7 years doing my level best to heal myself in all the ways. Everything has been a work in progress and I’ve devoted as much brain space as possible to realignment. Perhaps my efforts spared me worse fate.

What if all our setbacks are based upon how our vibration was aimed when we caught Covid? It makes even more sense when you apply it to the fact that old people were impacted the worst and young people were impacted the least, and the fact that impoverished people were also hit hard. If the Energetics orientation is really the case, then it should be reversible by dealing with the vibrational alignment in each area. Do the work and heal the damage, it is just that you’ve got less time to do that now because it lept you ahead on your trajectory. It’s not completely irreversible until you’re dead, the least it can do is buy you time, the best it can do is heal you completely and give you your life back.

I’ll take the cue from Abraham Hicks on this one: “It’s all okay, because it’s all I’ve got.” I’m alive and breathing, and the world is still spinning. “As long as I’m breathing, anything is possible”(from my hot pink pocket poem).

Just know that and figure out how to make it fit with every topic of every moment, and voilá- Covid is solved…. After months and months of incessant repeating. Or maybe days and days if you were mildly impacted. Maybe hours if you’re the happy go lucky kids.

Vibrational alignment is always connected with disease, but Covid may have just made it a more direct and speedy connection with faster physical manifestation.

Regardless, it is all okay. Even if we all die the universe will continue to march through time with new creatures in it’s ever expanding nature. The universe will never die.

May you find your healing you seek. May you see how you can be of assistance to others in every moment of your life. May you see how to fix your alignment and with the improved alignment see everything else in your life improve too. May all of our prayers be answered in the best and highest good for all. May you know the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Punch a Monk

I told Nathan that’s what I want to do. I wouldn’t really, it’s just words to express my frustrations.

I’m not some monk sitting in robes in some mountain monastery all day for the rest of my life. In fact that sounds like a really great permanent vacation at this point.

No phone, no internet, people all busy taking care of their inner world, being served minimal extra healthy meals, getting perfect amounts of sleep regulated for the group as a whole. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that picture and the human experience.

In fact it’s the ideal.

And that’s why I want to punch them.

I’m supposed to try and fit monk ideals into:

Being the provider for a single income household, mom of 3 obstinate kids, wife to a kind but struggling husband, working 6 days a week, and trying to play catch-up for everything that failed when Nathan landed in the hospital again.

I pretty much told god, it may not actually be impossible, but it’s so damn close that the level of expectations is rediculous.

I want to punch Sadhguru, and every monk that ever made it sound easy. I want to punch them and scream at them to go and do it in my life. Go ahead, let’s switch roles for a couple of months, I’ll play monk in robes in quiet solitude and you can carry out all of my roles for a month. I dare you.

I’m supposed to be able to fix it all, manage it all. There’s supposed to be resources for all of it. But despite all of my well meaning efforts, all of my mantras and meditations, the resources simply aren’t there. Most of it is my direct responsibility, and my magic wand has run out of batteries long ago.

I had to stop the service that was taking some of the load off my shoulders. We’d hit a waiting for paperwork to process wall, and were told it could be 2 to 3 months before we got any answers. Bonus, everything else that they could have helped resolve would have taken dollars I didn’t have, at least right now. The chiropractors didn’t really have it in the budget to begin with, so I acknowledged the immense help it was, and willingly cut the cord.

I really need a real live personal assistant and about 20 grand in the bank to attempt to bring a monestary feel to my doorstep. Seeing as how that’s not happening today, or likely even this week, I keep reaching for the best I can in any given moment.

So, with all of that in mind, I am going to poke fun at Sadhguru’s quotes from this week. Who knows maybe he’ll read it and get a chuckle.

Seriously though, I have fit in some hammock time even with overcast weather. I have done meditations at night, and I’m savouring my beach time by looking at the pics and videos and letting my mind be back there. The To-Do-list is moving slowly to try and keep my shit together and keep myself from stressing so much. There is less stress, but it is not gone. I’m doing my level best with the situations and elements I have to work with and around. Perhaps one day I will find my path starting to get easier, but it’s been so long I’m really clinging hard to my hope of that.

May you find the humor when life fails. May you know that ideals are lofty goals and the rest of us are just responsible for reaching as high as we possibly can. May you see the good in your life and have enough time and resources to manage everything. May you know that you are supported and that the trickle can grow. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do, even when it is poking fun at monks and the negatives of your life.

Om Shanti