Tag Archives: focus

Not settling, just paused.

My dad was never supposed to be part of Atira. His leech-like energy-sucking is counter productive to my healing and forward momentum. Yet, I have processed a ton, emotionally speaking, since taking his situation on. So this is merely a segué in my progression forward.

I am not my father, and I am striving to be better and do better than him in most every way. My father is so very not God, and I forgive myself for having made that confusion as a baby. I have seen clearly, as an adult, that trying to please him is (and always was) futility and will never result in the feelings of love that I felt as a baby.

Additionally, this experience has definitely given me a very tangible lesson on how it is okay to let the old, infirm, and unhealthy die. The level of negativity he exudes daily is oppressive; it makes it difficult for my sensitive family to function, and bogs me down in unimaginable ways. So I am definitely ready to release that immediately. I am okay with his passing, knowing that all of that heavy negativity will stop and his spirit will be free of an infinitely oppressive weight. His passing would actually help his own spirit and the world quite significantly.

I do have a responsibility and a duty to do what doctors deemed necessary. I see that what little is being done, is enough to slow the death process, but not enough to eliminate it, so it is only a matter of time. Only God knows how to override that medical process and give my father the quick painless exit he prefers. So I have and will continue to send prayers that his preferred result comes sooner than later.

At the same time, all of the parts of me that carry his weight of oppression can also die. All of the cells and processes damaged by having learned from him can also die. Even brain cells can be transformed to release his patterns. I am okay letting every nano-ounce of his junk go. I even support my body allowing God to turn junk DNA off and more helpful DNA on. I am okay letting the old, infirm, unhealthy parts of myself die and for healing to take their place.

I deserve the wholly beautiful self, inside and out, that my divine half wants me to be. I deserve to have a more stable emotional set point. I deserve to be very even tempered. I deserve to have plenty of patience, and I also deserve to have fewer things test my patience. I deserve to have my understanding acknowledged, because I am more understanding of others than my father will ever attempt to be.

I know I am more compassionate than my father. I know I am more loving than my father. I know I am more caring than my father. I know I am WAY more open minded than my father. I am more accepting than him. I am more thoughtful, courteous, and respectful than him.

So, my Vortex self is all of those good qualities, and letting the old die will enable the Vortex version to manifest more easily. That is a very good thing.

Abraham talks about ignoring what you don’t want and focusing on what you do want. So I am putting a concerted effort into ignoring all of the old dieing parts and focusing intently on the end result.

I’m focusing on: my DNA being flipped, my tummy being small, my skin being toned, my metabolism being high, my emotions stabilizing on a high vibration set point, my temper disappearing, my brain rewiring, and all of my good qualities being honored by others. Those are the elements of me that have been trying to manifest for 30 years, held down by unhelpful beliefs and genetic karma passed to me by my parents. Those are the elements of me I chose to allow to come forth knowing none of the past is worth hanging on to. I am worth more than repeating my parents sad and negative story.

So focusing will continue as long as necessary. This is just another manifestation goal, and one I am certain I’ll achieve in time. My current determination being what it is, it may be much sooner than other manifestations have taken. I don’t like the feeling that my father produces, it makes it really obvious that he has disconnected me from my own source. I think I know how to fix it short term, and every minute of everyday I am able, I will focus on the desired vortex version and allow it to manifest quickly.

I will find a way to allow better.

My Atira is not for the infirm to drag the world down, it is for the healthy to lift the world up.

May you all have very clarifying experiences. May you see exactly what needs to happen to allow better things in your world. May you trust the divine process. May you understand when negativity threatens your mood that it is because you lost sight of your own vortex. May you always find a way to focus on your vortex, even when darkness threatens your life. May you always win the good fight and find alignment with your source. May you know your divine half is always routing for you and that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su

Calm. Float.

Apropos; listen to “Float” by Flogging Molly :

https://youtu.be/JZKjxxciTVk  lyrics as follows:

Drank away the rest of the day
Wonder what my liver'd say
Drink, it's all you can

Blackened days with their bigger gales
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day
Listen, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Sick and tired of what to say
No one listens anyway
Sing, it's all you can

Rambling years of lousy luck
You miss the smell of burning turf
Dream, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you need, you build to keep afloat
No don't, don't sink the boat
That you built...

Singled out for who you are
Takes all types to judge a man
Feel, that's all you can

Filthy suits with bigot ears
Hide behind their own worst fears
Live, it's all you can

It's all you can
It's all you can... Do

No matter where I put my head
I wake up feeling sound again
Breath, it's all you can

Tomorrow smells of less decay
The flowers keep this bloomin' fray
Be thankful, it's all you can

But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep alfoat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
But don't, don't sink the boat
That you built, you built to keep afloat
No don't, no don't sink the boat
That you built,
We all built to keep afloat

A ripe old age
A ripe old age
I'm a ripe old age
That's what I am
Ripe old age
Ripe old age
A ripe old age
Just doin' the best I can (repeat)

May miniature art piece today was gifted to the office manager. She had seen my candles quote from yesterday and said she would like something similar for her desk. We both liked the quote I chose. It only took me a couple of hours around the 2 massages I did. It’s watercolor and drafting pen on watercolor paper.

It was not perfect, but it did bring me some inner peace. Art always does that. Sometimes I have difficulty choosing what to do, but once I start my brain switches into creative zone out. It is very relaxing and that element alone was very appreciated.

I always notice the flaws because I am so critical of myself, but I appreciate that I am capable of creating these images with just my hands a couple drawing tools and some time.

I love that my mind has the ability to just switch over like that too. With all the chaos this week, and everyone trying to melt down over yet another disease, I have noticed my brain and body are gravitating to the things that calm my brain and allow my soul to float.

I told Nathan several days ago that I kept finding myself singing, even at the clinic I would hide in the laundry room to sing. I don’t need anyone to hear me, in fact that usually embarrasses me. I just needed to make music for the calm factor, and I don’t have access to instruments most of my available times. So my voice does it’s best to meet that desire. Regardless of my actual singing ability, it does accomplish the calm quite well.

I also did some beading. My lapis-lazuli/chakra-stones mala beads needed restrung because the cord was wearing thin, and I reformatted my kunzite/rose-quartz mala beads as well. That was also welcomed calm for one evening.

I am very very grateful that I know my most effective tools for centering and finding my inner peace. I wish sometimes that they made me money, but honestly when my clients are quiet and I can focus, I am able to find my calm around the table too. I just have yet to master finding my calm in the midst of chaos, complaints, or dominating sounds that aren’t music.

May you all have moments of quiet centeredness. May you feel your inner peace. May you enjoy your days mostly and find the benefits of any moments you might not enjoy. May you have abundant income and ample time for yourself and your family. May you remain healthy and happy through this challenge, but also for most of your years. Live long and prosper. Greatful, I am.

Siva Hir Su

In other news….

That picture is soooo not me, I don’t have a picture of me working out! Perhaps I should fix that!

Anyway, to start, my stress triggers recap: house hunt/purchase attempt(s), Equifax mumbo jumbo, mortgage application, frigid weather, sinus cold, my dad’s state of being, hormones, relationships/moving-on from pointless hopes, kids being kids…

Yeah: I think that’s most of the ones I’ve talked about of late.

Now add to that my brand new shiny computer had a glitch from a recent Microsoft update, and the resulting frustrations over not being able to work on my dome designs. I had really hoped to have a significant amount of that completed to show here by now, but alas it will have to wait until the glitch is resolved. I won’t have Sunday time to do that until after Thanksgiving, but I very much look forward to the results when I eventually do get to it.

I am slowly chipping away at the process to become a continuing education course provider. Currently I’m on the portfolio/curriculum vitae. It doesn’t seem on the surface that it would be a big deal, but organizing 15 years of applicable skills into the format they are seeking is a bit tedious. So that is not completely done yet either, and I haven’t even started writing my courses. I projected 6 months when I decided to commit, and like all cases, my estimate may or may not be entirely accurate, but I will eventually complete it. One step at a time, as my schedule allows.

Finally, because of all these stress triggers, I’m feeling the need to burn it off – quite literally!

Except when I’m smack dab in the middle of a stress-trip with a spice cake right in front of me, I have little to no appetite. I’m still eating, but finding it easier and easier to stick to healthy items in very small portions. That’s a great thing! Especially since I’m officially eating vegan now; no grains, no meat, no dairy, no soy, no nightshade vegetables; except that darned piece of cake!

Then, I have a strong desire to move nearly constantly. In between clients I am finding myself pacing quite a bit. I’ve also been taking every opportunity to go exercise. Being it’s been so much colder, nearly all of my workouts have moved inside. I’ve been alternating between the Planet Fitness across the street from work and the YMCA near home.

I have been lifting 2 to 3 times a week, except this week because my cold caused a missed day. I do use the dummy-proof machines since I’m not working with a trainer or spotter.

As for cardio, I am still getting at least 40 min of speed walking via treadmill 4 to 5 days a week, I aim for an hour when possible. I fluctuate between 3.8 and 4.2 mph on the treadmill because I so enjoy matching the beat of the music I’m listening to. This last week though, I’ve been working with incline more, to push the cardio aspect a bit. It’s that or run, and I really don’t enjoy running…. ¿Yet!? …. Will I ever?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my progress with my readers to show you really can do anything you want. For me, that just means a little of everything.

My current lifts are all weights based on 3 to 5 sets of 10 reps at a time. I do 2 sessions, with the second hitting 5 sets, before I raise the weight by 5 pounds again. Last week I had a day I pushed a little too far or too fast and I really felt it for a couple days afterwards.

  • Leg press 205
  • Leg extension 85
  • Seated leg curl 90
  • Inner thigh (Adductor) 110
  • Outer thigh (Abductor) 110
  • -Glute extension 70 (I haven’t actually done this one recently so it may not be completely accurate.)
  • Back extension 140
  • Abdominal (curl- arms up) 85
  • Abdominal (curl- arms front) 80
  • Rotary torso 80
  • Lateral raise 55
  • Shoulder press (I just learned this is also called military press, and it was one I had backslide on poorly, I’m part way back up.) 30
  • Tricep extension 55
  • Tricep press 65
  • Biceps curl 30
  • Lat pull down 70
  • Seated row 65

I haven’t been good about logging my times weightlifting in the health tracker- mainly because I log the pounds and sets in a different app and forget to duplicate it, but here’s my average steps and calories views.

I’m not seeing the results myself yet, but several people have said I’m looking better these days. In my pregnancies, that stage was 2 to 3 weeks before I actually noticed changes myself. Besides the scales have not budged, they still stay between 220 and 225. Merh.

I welcome all of you to share your progress in the comments as well. I’d really love to know if there’s anyone out there that I’ve inspired in any way, or encouraged to persevere through their own struggles. And there’s always room for commiseration in fitness journeys!

May you all have easy stress free times. May you have great work-outs with plenty of support. May you find you only desire the calories your body needs. And finally, may you see results of your own hard work.

Siva Hir Su