Tag Archives: focus

Reaching for me again.

It’s been a challenge to stay focused on my inner light lately. I have support from those around me, but especially from the acupuncturist. I’m also relying heavily on music, solfeggio frequencies, and mantras. They help, but it’s a continuous process.

I also feel like I’m having to relearn alignment with body changes.

I’m fasting more than ever due to external influences, it seems like the only times I feel really good are when I have not taken anything extra into my body. It’s like food is one thing too much and the toxic levels get too high. The acupuncturist has helped with inflammation and mood imbalances in these shifting times.

And I have made friends with yoga so much that, I’m now striking poses while working on people to attempt to right my pelvic imbalances. I am struggling to correct pelvic tilt and spread now that my hips and tummy are not as heavy. My happy medium, perfect alignment, seems to be fleeting moments when concentration lands specifically on righting my hips. And that is nothing to mention the number of audible joint adjustments that I’m able to hear just from shifting my pelvic region or legs. Unstable is a good descriptor.

Meanwhile, my thoughts center mostly on kicking out that which isn’t mine, be it energetic or actual toxins in my bloodstream. I feel like I have an overabundance of toxins of both kinds lately and I just need them out.  So I focus on toxins being eliminated from my body, my kidneys and liver working well, and energy that isn’t mine being grounded and shielded, at least until relief is felt.

When I am in a more relieved state I do my best to keep it that way by focusing on what is me.

I am a beautiful, human woman. I am strong and intelligent. I like music and laying in the sunshine. I like……. I love everyone around me, always, but even when they don’t return it. I love my pets and my family. I love ….. I appreciate my home and my less stress work. I’m grateful that mostly we have enough. I am thankful for making it through rough times. …..

You get the idea.

My thoughts are more and more on one of these two veins, and less and less on anything else.

Yesterday, I had a moment where one of my power-drains became evident. Someone I am connected to was focusing on the wrongness in the fact that there is only one option, and it’s being forced upon people even though it isn’t doing what was promised anyways. The gist is why don’t people see that the limited being forced, is the problem, and that there could potentially be many solutions if that was allowed, and I don’t disagree. Beyond the fact that it seems very questionable in a “it puts the lotion on it’s skin if it wants to live” sort of way; I personally believe there should be multiple options in this mess and that we all should have the right to choose. Even with one option we still should have the right to choose. That is basic human rights and our freedom, which has been promised to us here in America for 200 years.

However, in the moment of my experience yesterday, it was clear that because my love was being given to that person, and they were in turn focusing on the negative, it was creating a massive drain on my energy and it felt so intense in the moment I thought it would cause me to die if I don’t find a solution. I literally got cold and started shivering from the experienced energy drain, and I was sitting outside in my hammock in near 80° weather. It was very intense and somewhat scary.

As I was verbalizing my thoughts to get them to stick better energetically and hopefully override the experience, my son explained he knew how I felt. He has apparently been having very similar moments and feeling the same things. He told me that he had tried saying some of the same phrases but that they don’t stick well for him. I told him I’m having the same trouble but we have to keep practicing and trying new phrases to find out what works well enough.

I must figure this out quickly to protect my children.

Unfortunately, I know that western medicine is too busy trying to protect their failure to actually focus on producing real solutions. Bonus, no doctor I’ve ever been to, has helped, and that was before energetics and Covid threatened my life. It just doesn’t really leave me any hope that they will help now. I’ve been to the doctor more the last 2 years than the previous 2 decades, yet nothing has improved by their efforts or measures. It’s just not worth my time anymore, and if I’m going to die because of Covid aftermath, I’d rather not waste my time and energy on the medical system anymore. A singular-sighted system, with a fallible injection, trying to serve diverse masses based on mostly-white-male-averages and with absolutely no backup plan, all while dealing with a new disease mutating at an exponential rate (no other disease known to man has done that BTW), is not worth investing anything into.

So, off food, a fraction of my supplements are making it into me these days, doing my level best to keep up with the Energetics, reaching for solutions for me and my children, and maintaining my focus as best as possible to find as much alignment as possible. That’s the short of it.

May you have easy transitions in this time of global change. May you find that all changes in your life and in your body are managed easily. May you see love and support all around you. May you know that you’ll get through this and eventually clear they other side okay. May you know that change is inevitable and sometimes it’s grander than others. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

You get what you attract.

My husband’s focus on and help of BLM, has attracted himself racist doctors.

They displayed black-man-on-medicaid syndrome.

It doesn’t matter that society has poisoned the entire race for centuries in toxic attitudes, hate campaigns, and even poisoning their water and food supplies. No, all of that hate, only led to disease that has afflicted so many of them that they are now overwhelmed with a race of diseased people. They start turning blind eyes on the details and glazing over moments when those people are trying to tell them something is wrong or symptoms that would help.

It wasn’t until I showed up in scrubs and lost it on them using language they understood. It wasn’t until the educated white woman stood up for her spouse demanding answers and solutions, that they started listening and actually started to fix it. He went from 3 months of failing adequacy to passing it in one week.

That is wrong.

I am just realizing the intensity and weight of this situation.

My husband was being shuffled off as an ignorant black-man-on-medicaid and not worth their time and effort to manage properly.

My husband, my love, my college-educated smart, intelligent husband. My husband already knows what discrimination looks like, he has had that his whole life, and he’s spent decades fighting it and doing his best to prove them otherwise.

But when your life depends on someone else’s technology, medicine, and prescription, it is the last place for discrimination.

And sadly I know he is not alone. He is not the only one going to that clinic. He is not the only one being given that treatment.

It is wrong.

But if I fight this matter I worry that I will attract more of it, both literally and figuratively.

You simply get what you focus on. My husband’s only mistake was the focus given to fighting discrimination. His focus should have been on equal rights and equal treatment. His focus should have been on total equality, fair, equal, balanced, equality for all. They wrongs are done and past, and we all need equality in every aspect of out lives. But we’ll never get to the equality ground if we keep focusing so intently on what still happens too often.

Luckily, when I had my meltdown, it was with one person that had actually cared for a family member of hers, on dialysis. I realize now the turning moment was when, I was crying talking about having to call an ambulance while I took my kids to the neighbors, and followed in the next breath with if you kept waking up at 3am to your husband in trouble you’d take less than 3 weeks to fix it. I snapped her out of black-man-on-medicaid by tugging on her emotional connection to her family.

It is sad, but true.

I don’t want rath, I don’t need punishment, I just want the system to change and stop hurting someone I love.

Medicine has hurt me, my parents, my brother, and now my husband too. Enough is enough.

I want better. I deserve better. I deserve healing for everyone in my life. I deserve a medical system that actually cares about people. First do no harm was lost long before it ever actually mattered, and no one seems to care to get it back.

May you know how to attract better into your life. May you never see the touch of discrimination because we actually truly live equally. May you understand we are all in this together. May you understand we all deserve a choice, and we all deserve treatments that actually work. May you know that above all the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

*stock photo from Pexels library

Strengths and Weaknesses

That’s my son demonstrating his ability to scale the hallway. I was only slightly mortified as a well informed mom of a 6 year old boy. I was kinda proud, my son was doing what my brother and I did as kids. The difference was there was never anyone willing to catch my fall, so I always stuck to what was mostly safe, that way if I fell I wouldn’t have far to go.

My son knows he has me to catch him, he knows I’m strong enough and that I am willing to do what it takes to keep him from harm, he knows I love him. Yet, I still step back and watch and take pictures. I give him the space to do things himself and make obvious that I am happy he can. I do love him.

Anyway, thinking about things from that perspective made me acknowledge that I still don’t have anyone to catch my fall, and I’m 30 years older than my son. Yet the game just keeps getting harder. I want the game to be easier. As neat as it is to say I won, there is a limit to what one person can withstand, and some days I feel like I’m reaching my limit. So, I’m doing everything I can to focus on things getting easier. It means I’m having to ignore a lot of people around me, and do all the things I know and trust to help my mood stay buoyant. I am trying to make mental note of every single moment that feels easier. I am focusing on every single feel good moment I have as intently as possible to try and drown out everything else. I feel like I’m treading water, but hours into it and questioning how much longer I’ll make it. Prayers were helping and now they feel empty and one sided.

So mostly I just try to zone out for a while or take enough herbs to compensate. Nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Silence, or a wall of sound, is currently golden because one helps me focus and the others drowns everything out so I don’t have to.

There will be a light at the end of the tunnel, I just need a bit more patience.

I close my eyes and focus on happy thoughts. I let music become my dominant focus, even when I’m in session with a client. I’m talking less and hiding more. Most sessions the last couple of weeks have been only the sound of peaceful music playing. It helps me think about good things and things I like and love. It helps me feel relief. It helps me find some calm.

I finishedy tax prep finally and they’re off to the accountant for her half, so I’m finally able to fit more workouts in again. I’m catching up quickly only having missed a few workouts, but I know that my current state is not just because of a few missed exercise routines. Patience.

May you do your best. May you find relief. May you find a way to chill when everything seems to be going against you. May you feel better and have more than enough focus. May you have enough energy to accommodate everything and everyone. May you know there will be someone there to catch your fall. May you know God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti