Tag Archives: food allergies

Flip side.

I’m having a rough week. Multiple Allergic reactions causing me to have to fight my brain again. Feeling like this journey is far too familiar at this point and wondering why I’ve not managed to heal my body enough to let it subside.

It’s the holidays, I’d like to be able to celebrate without this horrible aftermath. Perhaps it’s my fate, perhaps I’m just not there yet. Regardless, I’m refusing to have that 3rd child God has nagged me about until I find enough healing to be more capable of having a birth like I did with Ian.

I don’t have answers, as I have educatedly guessed my way this far. Doctor’s don’t even want to try. Especially when there’s no juicy insurance policy to take advantage of and it’s a difficult puzzle anyways. So much for all knowing, all healing, godlets. More like greedy lazy bastards.

So, I am going to focus intently for a bit here. The goal to reach for the believable flip side of my allergy reaction induced negativity.

  • My efforts do matter, if to no one else, to me and my cells.
  • I much prefer feeling good and being able to be positive more easily.
  • I’m doing far better than I was a few years ago.
  • My changes may not be visible to others, but I know some signs are: less acne, less rosacea, less pain, less bloating, less gas, less fat, more muscle, less depression, generally feeling well being more often.
  • I am strong. I can leg press my husband, and probably drop kick others. (Ahhh… Garfield & Odie… my old pals…. I AM Garfield- except he at least got to enjoy lasagna.)
  • I am intelligent, I have solved far more of my puzzle than anyone else. I’ve met literally dozens of people including many doctors that only found a singular tiny element, which alone accomplished nothing. Only when I started putting many elements together did it make any difference. And… None of them helped with the assembly, I did it myself. My Nathan helped maintain once things were figured out, and for that I’m grateful.
  • I still have 2 strong hands, 2 strong capable legs, and my intelligent brain, all to keep trying.
  • I know how to let healing energy flow and I intend that every night just before bedtime, healing energy will fill my body, it will heal my pancreas, heal my liver, melt fat, calm inflammation, and soothe my immune system back into only fighting germs.
  • God’s energy can and will tell my cells that foods won’t kill me, that my immune system can leave them be and my liver can clean out the excess.
  • I exercise so much these days, and that has to count for something. I may not be able to see it myself, but I know exercise is generally very good and helpful, so somehow it is helping me.
  • I care because of me. I’ve come this far, I could give up, but don’t want to. I can’t see the boat, but I know it has to exist, I just have to tread water long enough for it to get in my sights.
  • Every time I maintain my level of completely clean eating, I feel better, that’s how I know it’s working and helping. At some point the scales will tip, and minor infractions will be too insignificant to cause such difficult aftermath.
  • I have done so much already, I can keep doing this. Considering my odds, I have exceptional willpower.
  • I am an exceptional person.
  • I am a caring person, and that’s how I’m able to see the affects allergies have on me. They cause me to behave differently than my true self. I want to heal enough to always be my better self.

Is it possible to redefine holidays to take food out of the equation? Can I find the joy without a stitch of food in my experience? If I don’t go to anyone else’s celebrations maybe. Yet another opportunity to do it on my own. C’est la vie.

I’ll leave you with a view of the same salad I’ve eaten probably 6 times in 2 weeks. When I eat clean, options are very limited. It gets boring, but every time I try to enjoy food it ultimately pays me back later.

May your body and your life allow you to enjoy food. May you always find a way to be your better self. May you have a calm immune system that only fights disease. And finally, may you have joyous holiday celebrations with friends and family and feel your belonging in this world.

Siva Hir Su

Creatively pesky-tarian?

That’s the best title I can come up with for the range of things I wanted to write about. I’ve had several things come together that seem drastically different.

The creative comes in with a continuation of playing with my new computer. Last night I sat down for just a few minutes to explore the paint program. I actually have 2 choices: Microsoft Paint 3D or Corel Painter Essentials. I chose to explore Essentials, and had so much fun. I didn’t do much of a picture, again just getting my feet wet. But it was enough to know the program’s potential.

The pesky-tarian comes in, because the results of several weeks of educated guessing boils down to becomming a pescatarian.

I’ve been struggling with high sugars since I was at the previous job, but had assumed it was because I was being exposed repeatedly to my known allergens. A simple cause and effect I already knew of. Yet, after changing positions and cleaning up my diet quite significantly, I was still having trouble. However, the trouble had dropped to just being my fasting numbers, my daytime reads were normal to occasionally low. So I knew it was something about my dinners.

After trial and error over several weeks: changing things, adjusting portions and times, making note of meal choices; I finally think I’ve solved my latest puzzle.

There was definitely a connection between portions and time, if I ate too much too late it would definitely cause higher numbers. I already knew that from pregnancy, but I was perplexed that it wasn’t a complete solution. I was missing something somewhere. I became meticulous about the what of my meal choices, and began to notice a pattern. Meat was causing higher numbers. Just when I ate chicken, turkey, or beef (a rare occurrence).

After consulting with the internet and one of the practitioners at the clinic, hypothesis is Lone Star Tick disease. She confirmed that she has a couple of clients with confirmed diagnosis of such concerns, so it’s within reason as a possibility. Especially since I spent 2 years surrounded by cattle and poultry, and having known I was bitten by a variety of ticks. I could pay for bloodwork to confirm diagnosis, or I could just eliminate the concern. Especially since I have documented cause and effect enough to know for certain I am having a typical-for-me reaction.

So, I begrugingly chose the latter. I’m now a pescatarian. Yet after a week off of meat, I’m feeling much better. I’m struggling with inflammation less, my numbers are consistently coming down, and even my exposure to gluten on Sunday was far less noticeable to my system: I still got my telltale sugar spike and red bumps on my face, but the bumps are clearing up twice as fast. That I am very appreciative of.

So, I take the trade off of only vegetable, fish, or egg protein, for much better overall health. I can live with that.

Finally, I wanted to note a realization from work. One of the things I love about being a massage therapist is being able to feel muscles and people relax. It’s why I work slow. I realized the other massage therapist works fast because he likes to see the muscles relax, he can watch range of motion improve with each stretch. I’m familiar with that concept, but I prefer the tactile aspect of holding a tight muscle and feeling it’s sigh of relief in relaxation. It’s more a note of self-awareness. It is just an aspect of me, perhaps because of my recognition of my hands doing God’s work. I like to feel things through my finger tips, I like creating things with my hands. Massage lets me do both: feeling the change in creating muscle relaxation. I also really enjoy feeling the energy flow of Reiki, that’s an extra level of wonderful sensitivity.

So, I leave you today with the following well wishes: May you have your moments of creative happiness. May you find solutions to all of your health concerns, and may you see the aspects of yourself that bring you joy.

Siva Hir Su

Corn-ey with messages?

Last night I accidentally ate some corn, now today I’m hurting a bit, but the weird stuff continues.

Nathan wanted Indian food, and picked Goddavari which is South Indian. I love Indian food, but most of it has all my allergens, so I went in prepared having taken an extra dose of benadryl.

My favorite dish is Saag/Palak Paneer so I ordered that. Of course, I stupidly made a comment about not understanding why paneer is always paneer in all the dialects, but the blend of greens changes from Saag to Palak. Moments later I thought of our own ridiculous regionalities like Soda vs Coke vs Pepsi, all essentially being used to convey a carbonated beverage. It made me sigh.

Anyway, Nathan chose Navartan Kurma based on the description not having whole peppers of any kind (that would reduce likelyhood of an asthma response for me).

Our food arrived and as usual we did the sharing of both. As I was eating the Kurma I saw corn. At that point it was too late, so I relagated to enjoying my meal and asked God to help it be gentle on me. Literally my words were “Shiva you come from a land of fire and I need no help with fire”. That made me laugh, and after a moment I said “Thank you for the laugh, but seriously help this be easy on me, and I’ll take more allergy medicine as soon as I can. ”

Considering how much exposure to allergens I had, and knowing there was corn involved, I’m grateful that I’m only a little achey today. I have fared far worse in the past. I have a slightly lighter day, so with anti-inflamatories and lots of fluids I’ll make it through just fine.

……………

So then imagine if you will, me standing naked (maybe don’t imagine that part 😅 ) in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Just then a giant spider literally dropped down beside me on our over the toilet shelves.

It looked like this one:

Yuck! And it was huge, the size of a shooter-marble. Double yuck.

I backed away, toothbrush still in my mouth, I called for Nathan to come kill it. He started laughing at me. He told me that I’m such a strong warrior, right up until a spider gets too close and I turn into a shaking little girl. I punched him in the arm, right after he squashed and flushed the spider. I told him you might be right, but that doesn’t mean you have to mock me.

He said ” By the way, that spider was for you, I’m not the one that has spiders in dreams or anywhere for that matter.” I punched him again. But he’s right, it very much was for me.

The dreams and messages have continued.

Last night’s dream: Nathan got over zealous about a run-down house in searching for someplace to buy. In the dream he literally started cleaning when the real estate agent went to check on the home’s status. When the agent came back she said it had already closed for the cost of the outstanding taxes. Nathan was annoyed, but I ranted at him about the feasability of it in the first place.

I knew that dream was not just about a warning of being overzealous, it was also about how sometimes Nathan and I interact out of habits. We’re literally re-attracting repeat situations because of our inability to believe the other has improved and changed and grown. It made me pause, but I found myself getting riled telling him of the dream. I wanted him to do or say something that would prove he hears me and acknowledges we need to do things differently. We need a reset and I’m not sure how to accomplish that.

Anyway, just before waking this morning I heard a child say “will you keep me safe”. Initially I thought” I’ll keep you as safe as I can and let God do the rest”. Later, I reworded that to “I’ll teach you to let God keep you safe”.

Ultimately, I feel like that might be the spirit of my next child, and this is a redefining moment. This is a be careful what you ask and what you promise type situation.

I know as a parent that despite my best efforts my children will experience hurts. I also know that God heals hurts and can keep us safe from the worst if we allow that connection to guide us. I’ve been doing my best of late to try and teach Ian and Katharine that. It’s very difficult to slow a child down and get them to find their inner guidance, at least it is with my children. Yet, it’s not impossible.

It is my goal that my current children and any others I may have learn to maintain their connection better than I did. Of course, the hardest part in that is relinquishing control when their inner guidance dictates they do something differently than I would. My children are my most difficult mirrors, pushing my paradigm, making me uncomfortable over the simplest of things. I know this, but somehow that knowing doesn’t make the process any easier. I find I often have to step back and just breathe.

May you all find God’s helpful grace in your times of errors. May you all find your inner being and find a way to teach your children to find theirs. May your mirrors come with patience and understanding so you learn your own lessons gently. And may you find your strength even when faced with the thing that makes you feel like a trembling child.

Be well and blessed.

So mote it be. Siva Hir Su.