Tag Archives: fun

And so it begins…

HAL has begun sending me things to reinforce my last post. One of which is the following:

How to Move On: What It Really Means to Let Go: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-from-the-past-what-it-really-means-to-let-go/

I guess I will never understand fully because letting go and focusing on love seem to be the bigger message. I still wish I had some understanding.

Anyways, in moving on, I had a really good time today with 2 different co-workers during downtime.

I took a walk with the office manager and we had a really great conversation, with some much needed emotional release for both of us. Plus it helped me reach my step goals today. I was very appreciative of that time all around.

I also got to play a couple of games of “Magic the Gathering” with the one chiropractor. It’s a game I used to play with the brother that’s closest to me in age. It has been …. let’s see…. since early 2003 that I’ve played. That’s 16, almost 17, years. Wow!

I still have my cards from back then, but so much has changed that the new decks are much better, so he has been encouraging me to use his. I feel like I’m starting from scratch and completely relearning everything. It’s so fun though. I totally lost big time- on both games, but still enjoyed every bit of it.

I am so out of practice that the strategy feels over my head yet, but I get the concept. The layering of steps and which cards work better in what order can be very complex. I literally had a card in my hand that I’d been holding for several turns, but forgot to leave myself enough mana(land) to use it and it cost me the one game.

I enjoy learning so much though, and it is definitely a fun kind of learning, so it literally made me giddy at one point. I felt like I got silly hyper with the fun. That was a very much needed distraction from my previous focus.

As for learning: I’m still working on hindi and telegu in my spare time, but since I have no idea why God nudged me to do so (especially since I’m letting go of that person) , it’s at a very relaxed pace. I’m getting to where in hindi I can pick out letters and sound out words even though I know very few translations. Telegu I know more translations, but have fewer of the characters memorized. It’s merely a symptom of the different apps and how they teach languages. I like Duolingo and Drops, which both offer hindi, but neither offer telegu. The telegu apps are much less sophisticated, but still get the job done.

I’ve also begun the slow tedious process of becoming an approved continuing education provider for massage therapy. Essentially, the easy part is proving my qualifications to teach a handful of courses by documenting I have so many years working using said techniques, I also have a bachelor’s degree, which though they would prefer it to be related (a BS), it doesn’t hurt. Once I do that easy step, I literally have to follow rules and write my own curriculum which can be no more than 30% cited source material. Finally, once I’ve written everything, I can apply by submitting my CV and courses for approval; of course paying the appropriate exorbitant fees. They really try to dissuade people from becoming providers: can’t have too many teachers and too few students you know!

I’m not intimidated by the process in the least. Their basic calculation is 1200 words equals a credit unit. That’s a blog post for me, so I’m guessing I’ll have more trouble pairing down or figuring out how to subdivide my topics for multiple related courses. However, after having written the operations manual for my previous position, I’m certain I’m up to the task. It’s more about convincing myself to do the free work knowing that eventually I’ll recoup the benefit in paid courses with students in multiplicity.

I’m also contemplating the investment of a site where I can host web-based courses. Essentially, the text/testing coursework can be provided via web interface without practical hands on CE hours. Ultimately that helps spread the information side, but the CMT loses access to the extra CE’s for the hands on practicals. It’s a lower cost solution for both parties, but longterm it would benefit me as the provider more. It’s a huge up front investment, to also have to market like crazy, but longterm reaping significantly higher benefits. Ultimately, it will happen, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the investment side just yet. I’ll contemplate web platforms and do the math several times during my writing phase of this momentous step, and make my final decision during the application process.

Long story short, I’m having fun and learning and inching toward another significant step of improvement. All by my not-so-little own self. I feel like screaming “HA, Take That World!”… but alas I know no one would really truly care anyway. So, I’ll keep my ‘I win’ moment to myself, and relish that I know I’m the only one that gets credit for digging myself out of a decade of hardship…. me and God that is.

May you all have happy dances of overcoming obstacles. May you find kindness around you and moments of connection with others. May you find joy in continually learning and ways to share what you’ve already mastered. May you see God’s grace and support guiding you through all of life’s moments toward brighter futures.

Siva Hir Su

Do I have to?

That was the view from the Thuya bluff in Northeast Harbor on Mount Desert Island.

This is the view out the passenger window as I ride the last couple of hours home.

I find myself in a strange dichotomy. Wishing I were back in Maine, but acknowledging that returning to existing work in KC is easier for now. I know I would very much dislike Maine Winters and regardless of destination, a big move like that would require starting over rebuilding the trust I have earned with companies in KC. Though not impossible, it’s not something I wish to tackle as a sole provider (familialy speaking) again. So for now, easing back into flat boringness is the path of least resistance.

The last day of my vacation I toured Thuya Gardens in Northeast Harbor with my mom, sister in law, and niece. It was very beautiful. I was able to capture the beauty in dozens of pictures, but I’ve narrowed it to some of my favorites here.

After the gardens I was treated to a carriage ride through Acadia with the girls. It was also a very beautiful experience that gave me an even deeper appreciation of the beauty on the island. It was also very informative as to how Acadia came into being and some of the history of the area and the island. Again I took many pictures, but here’s a smaller sampling. To me it is simply breathtaking beauty.

Here are some of the last few moments in the beautiful Great Pond military campground. I enjoyed the peaceful solitude so much I sincerely hope I can go back at some point before my brother retires. I could spend hours just sitting on that screened porch, and I never did get to do my kyaking excursion.

Finally, I’ll close with our stop in Boston. I had been there as a kid, but Anya wanted to go back. We toured the USS Constitution and then went and found China Town so that Anya could get the experience of a well rounded China Town district… Of course along with the experience of a more authentic meal experience.

Grandma and I were a bit overwhelmed with the China Town bit, but overall it was a wonderful trip and vacation as a whole.

I can’t help but compare my experience of KC the last decade, to my experience traveling through 11 states in two timezones, with all our stops and experiences. Layer that with a new knowledge that as long as you aren’t taking about waterfront properties, there’s only a slight increase in cost of living from KC. Now I wish even more there was a way to find the land and build my Atira in my dreams.

Perhaps the journey to that realization isn’t as long as I think. I know I experienced things on this trip that gave me hope, other things that solidified the possibility of Atira for me, and others yet that fine tunned some of my asking. I also had a few experiences on the spiritual side of things that leave me a mixed bag of emotions. Regardless, I keep reminding myself that in the grander scheme of things the journey is the destination. My journey continues on as I return to Kansas City for another leg to play out here.

May you all have wonderful journeys of expansion and many things to look forward to. May you all find your breathtaking beauty in this world.

Be well and cling to your hope. Siva Hir Su.

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.

Watch for Moose?!

Nathan’s driving, we’re about 3.5 hours from our final destination which supposedly has poor cell connection and no wifi. So I figured I’d give you a quick update with some of our sights.

The signs for Moose sprung up out of nowhere and though I’d love to see a real one up close, I’m hoping it’s not from our moving vehicle. It’s also a Stark contrast to the tiny Eastern deer we saw late last night. They seemed no bigger than dogs as we drove past them.

Anyway, we did make our 2 detours and I would have loved to have spent more time at both. Lily Dale totally gave me some fine tuning thoughts, ideas, and hope for my Atira; and America’s Stonehenge was just plain cool. I really enjoyed the hike at AS and especially watching my kids get back to nature. Plus, I literally felt the energy moving at certain points which lined up with the ancient structures. It makes me wonder if they felt the energy and that led to the construction, or if their structures merely funneled the flow of natural energies. I wasn’t sure I really cared about the answer, I was more in awe with the beauty and complexity and being able to feel the flows and vortexes of energy.

That was a very good centering experience.

So here are images from our journey so far.

May you all have fun, interesting, and insightful journeys.

It’s not a tumor

Or a gallstone.

After 36 hours of resting and detoxing, Epsom baths and super-clean minimal eating, I was better enough to do a half day of work. Or so I thought.

I went in and after an hour, my headache and body pain flared again. I was exasperated.

I worked 6 hours and went home to rest and detox some more. I even did cupping to pull out toxins. My body really needed that.

After all of the rounds of cupping (both shoulders and back), I ended up with big dark circles and blisters from severe muscle congestion, all over my upper body. I looked like a giant octopus had attacked me, but I felt so much better.

I was certain at that point I must have accidentally ingested too much actual pepper.

I knew the dinner theater trip I took with residents had served veggies with red peppers in them, but thought I’d picked all the bits out. I must not have, or there was something else I missed, because several of my allergens cause body pain like that. However, this round was super intense because I haven’t experienced the burning in my chest, shoulders, and arms before.

Needless to say, I’m back to the brain-mouth argument over foods in my environment. My brain knowing that the reaction sucks enough to say no, but my mouth knowing how tasty everything is. It’s a never ending battle that my will-power wins when I’m pregnant, but often loses when I’m the only one to suffer.

So to reset, my goal is to stay clean from here on out, a monumental challenge in the environment I work in. I just can’t afford the reaction and resulting pain and time off it causes.

On the up side Katherine is still doing great. Still a few days from being a year old, and she’s climbing stairs on playground equipment (family went out while I was predisposed with my few hours of work).

She is intent on catching up with Ian as quickly as possible. She even takes his trucks and plays with them just like him. I hope she sticks to the good things and ignores his bad behavior. I’m also very grateful that she enjoys being outside so much, we’ll get lots of miles out of that.

May all of you enjoy sunshine, outdoors, progress, self-care and calm immune systems.

Good nite and be well.

Joyous Hana-kwanza-chrisma-yule-ness

It’s the holiday season. Joyful happy wishes abound. Hallmark channel will sure help lift the mood. That or a thousand classic holiday movies.

We’ve had a tiny Charlie-Brown-Esque celebration this morning, for us technically a belated Yule celebration being I worked the last several days. It’s followed by a trip to friends for the misfits Christmas party this evening.

I’ve had a mild head-cold all week, and I’m just run down from working too much, but I’m doing my best to stay buoyant. Sleeping in with cute kitties was a bonus.

( I’d show pics of the rest of our celebration, but Nathan and Anya did all the photo taking so I’ll get those later on.)

My day off started at about 7pm last night. Despite very much looking forward to my time off and being in generally good spirits, the boy has weighed heavily on my mind. 

I felt him all day yesterday and though it was nice to feel him, especially in my heart being afire, I couldn’t help but wish I’d hear from him or even see him. It’s very confusing to feel him like that periodically, but not have anything else. He’s only ever validated the connection once and though I know that should be enough I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t talk about it, and why he’s quit communicating all together. My natural inclination is to blame myself, but I constantly work at reminding myself it is much more complex than that. I’ve resigned myself to loving him as I can, and knowing that some day, maybe after I die, I’ll understand fully.

So I pushed him out of my mind and slept mostly well, save for a scary dream about Nathan and health stuff. He’s actually doing OK, as far as current doctors are concerned. He’s working on the low kidney function, brought his sugars back down, and his blood pressure is getting there. He’s even finally got the black lines diagnosed. Apparently, if it had been the scary melanoma there would have been other symptoms with the line. The doctor was sure it was a fungus that produces a similar line and has started an anti fungal treatment with caution to watch for the other symptoms of the melanoma or the lines failing to dissipate. So essentially Nathan is, as far as we know, getting better.

That is a blessing. Our tiny celebration is a blessing. I had a good laugh over the kittens finding great fun in new cat toys and some catnip this morning. We’ve even been told of some possible houses that are coming open soon. So things are generally OK to hopeful.

Amidst laughing over kitties and having sweets with kids, I suddenly felt funny like I was going to pass out. Nathan immediately took my blood pressure and discovered I was very low. Kind of a good thing, but I need to keep it from being so low that I actually pass out. So the last few hours I’ve been downing liquids with electrolytes added and attempting to get my salt intake up, and I took a couple of extra iron supplements just in case. Also a blessing. Low is better than high in pregnancy and much easier to control. A couple of days of diligent liquid and iron intake and I should be fine.

And baby didn’t seem to mind she/he kicked several times during and has been very active  since. I’m sure baby is enjoying the electrolyte boost as much as I am. I’m grateful that I’m feeling baby more and more these days. It makes the efforts worth it. I finally am starting to actually feel pregnant, now that my belly is unmistakably showing it!

I hope everyone reading can find their blessings and happy moments and feel improvement on its way. May the spirit of the holidays bring you peace, joy, and hope. Be well and many blessings.

Who’s Katie, or Kate? 

So today was about celebrating little Ian’s 3rd birthday,  all-be-it a bit late.  I worked this week,  so today was my 1st day off after his birthday.

It’s been weird,  hot cranky tired has somehow made us all a bit off, and tried to sap the fun,  but I think Ian has made the best of it anyway. That’s him & Anya on a bounce house slide at a place called fun run,  really a giant indoor playground. 

I went to find drinks,  & when I pulled out change from a previous purchase I noticed this: 

Normally I’d be like “oh cute, someone wrote their name on their money”. It does happen very, very occasionally. 

However,  this time it’s the name that got me. I’d already been seeing hundreds of references to Kate or Katie including K8’s & KT’s.

Somehow it’s like someone (or God?) really, really wants me to see that name.

So, why? Who’s Kate or Katie? Why is it important for me? What place does this name have in my experience? Is it reference to a thing instead maybe, like how cars and boats get named after people? 

I’ve tried to wrack my brain trying to come up with someone I might have worked with,  a deceased resident perhaps,  but the only Katie resident I can think of is still alive as far as I’m aware. I’m drawing a blank on anyone with that name that might be deceased,  and the only living Katies I can think of are not very close to me,  mere acquaintances.

So, I’m stuck. Maybe some clarity will come eventually, or maybe it’s a new person to expect to meet. I’m not sure,  but for now I just keep saying “thank you,  but I still don’t understand”. Now to decide whether I hold onto this bill as validation material,  or go ahead & spend it since I took a picture! 
& Just because I’ve been letting my brain have so much fun,  I thought you’d like this… it’s a building down the street from fun run…. & my 13-year-old self thinks it’s hilarious! Hahahahaha!

And so it begins…

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That’s the free trailer. … needless to say,  it won’t look like this when we’re done.

Goal: 3 bedroom,  2.5 bath, loft & attic space.
Estimated move in: April 1st

Demo & plumbing need completed by move in. That’s 6 viable weekends for us.
With 1 weekend to visit (grand)parents (already  scheduled last fall), & 1 weekend to completely move out of our apartment   (mostly into storage).

This has  been the first day of any real work. Previous weekends were bitterly cold & resulted in mostly surveying the project & packing up odds & ends left by previous people.

There are still 3 large objects to go,  but those will wait on  a storage unit & the one burly guy strong enough to lift them.

Today’s work: walls come tumbling down!

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Nathan (husband) & daughter surveying my wall removal progress.

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My daughter really enjoyed sledging away on the old cabinets. I knew from experience that mobile home cabinets were traditionally stapled together,  that surprised her & Nathan.

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I quite enjoyed destroying things today.  It was very cathartic.

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We didn’t destroy everything though.  We salvaged most of the trim,  & some of the paneling. In the rebuild it will all get sanded, patched, & painted & look good as  new.

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At the end of the day we had all but 3 interior walls down.  Those 3 had enough screws that I’ll need to bring my drills next weekend.
We even got about half of the kitchen cabinetry demo’ed.

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All in all,  I’d say it was a very successful day.

Yet,  many more to go.

Demo always goes faster than rebuild.  & in this rebuild I’ll be upgrading construction quality.  I want a  lasting home,  made under the best guidelines. Energy efficient,  warm,  comfortable,  & comforting. I’ll be adding layers to the bones of this house. 

Exciting,  yet terrifying.  All of this & using just the money we’d usually use for rent & fun stuff.  It really will  be a little at a time.  I hope my family still looks this excited & happy when we’re months into the project!