Tag Archives: giving thanks

Relief again.

I’m 95% of the way through my thyroid storm. I only feel the painful heart skips or speeding occasionally. My mood has stabilized. My thinking is more clear again. My headache comes and goes, but is gone more then present.

On top of that we had our housewarming gathering today. I bought enough food for 2 armies, and half of one showed up, so we’ll have tons of leftovers. Plus, I was pleased to see some faces considering a few days ago my thyroid storm had me believing no one cared.

It was a good first gathering in our home. I look forward to many more.

I didn’t take any of my supplements today, wanting to make sure I stayed down in normal range. Now to just find the balance where I maintain the thyroid sweet spot again. I went a year and a half doing pretty well with no medication, so now I have a reminder to keep doing what I was doing. I know the best path and I just need to stick to it. I get better at that every day, and considering I fell into the hole of my brain hurting enough to think about suicide, I climbed back up very quickly.

May last bout of that was right after Katherine’s birth and it took 2 weeks to wade through the crash to even come close to normal. The same period after Ian was born took 14 weeks after acknowledgement that I needed help. So more like 16-18 weeks from when I fell in the hole. This time it was right at a week from knowing something was off, to falling in the hole, to successful climb back out, and that’s even with stupid people taking me for granted as get laid quick schemes, rejecting actual relationship possibilities.

I’m giving myself huge kudos on that shift, that improvement; especially since I had only Nathan’s encouraging words to help me. No one stopped me, no one told me what to do, not one person figured it out for me. AND I did it all when my hurting brain was telling me it was easier to throw in the towel and just kill myself.

I literally just kept flip flopping between those scary thoughts and convincing myself that it was solvable and I just needed to regain control for the sake of my husband and kids. Once the storm calmed just enough, I was able to start attempting to analyze my previous actions to try and figure out what led up to the storm. Now I am fairly certain I know what led up to it and what to do to get into my sweet spot and maintain it again.

5 years ago that was impossible. I couldn’t even regain balance without help and was at the mercy of band-aid pills controlled by uninvested doctors. Now I have knowing, I have data, I know cause and effect, and I’ve won the battle enough times I’m now getting more efficient at winning. I may not have healed my body, but I know how to manipulate the dysfunction enough to maintain my stability.

Stability itself will eventually allow for healing.

The one moment I am clinging to is what I said to Nathan standing in the shower bawling my eyes out. I still believe it even if I’m not certain of my ability to allow it: “Love is supposed to fix the things I can’t fix by myself.” In the moment of tears I thought I was crying because I believed wrong. However, now I see that I was crying because I was doubting a true internal belief. I hold that belief so deeply that even a little doubt feels absolutely horrible. So it must come to pass. God is just waiting for me to do my part and the rest will fall into place.

Thank you God for helping me find my solutions. Thank you for helping me see the rediculous for what it is. Thank you for talking me out of my hurt and desire to give up. Thank you for giving me Nathan and his supportive kind words. Thank you for helping me fix what is wrong, and I do know you’ll help me find healing if I get out of my own way.

May you all have moments of clarity and healing. May you all find your solutions. May you all sense God’s guidance. May you have easy roads. May you respect yourself and others, especially when fighting battles like mine. May you feel better faster and more efficiently.

Siva Hir Su

Giving Thanks.

First: I wanted to update everyone. I finally went ahead and registered my domain as myhandsaregod.net  The original format with “.wordpress.com” does redirect you to my new domain, but just in case you have any troubles in the future I wanted to reference the information directly.

Beyond that I wanted to write a post of thanks. Giving thanks is not just for the winter holiday season and is a good thing to practice regularly. I am far better than I used to be, but often find that I still have lapses in gratitude. Today’s instance though, started as a mental giving thanks for the vacation that I so much enjoyed, while my body was engaged in my returning to work. It felt so good to acknowledge for myself that I wanted to share my thoughts.

Thank you God: the divine, the universe, Shiva, etc., and my greater spirit self.

  • Thank you for helping to guide me into the journey of saving and planning for such a big and wonderful vacation.
  • Thank you for putting people and situations and resources in my path to help accomplish that.
  • Thank you for helping me to find and keep my alignment as often as possible to continue to make positive changes in my life.
  • Thank you for helping me to do my job well and to save the resources I earned.
  • Thank you for helping others to find and maintain their alignment as well.
  • Thank you for enabling me to do healing work and to flow energy where people need it most.
  • Thank you for continually sending me ample work, which ensures I always have enough.
  • Thank you for all your blessings and assistance in my life, may I be able to remain in alignment as much as possible to do good things on your behalf.

Thank you to my family (including mom, brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew).

  • Thank you for helping to create the wonderful vacation I was able to experience.
  • Thank you for being in alignment and seeing my need for that rest.
  • Thank you for helping with the resources and planning of the trip.
  • Thank you for being there with me to experience the beauty and fun and relaxation.
  • Thank you for just being in my life and being caring family.
  • Thank you for being you.

Thanks to my human self.

  • Thank you for hanging in all the times that things got rough.
  • Thank you for doing your best to keep yourself healthy.
  • Thank you for working so hard to bring 2 beautiful children into this world.
  • Thank you for teaching yourself how to change your brain.
  • Thank you for healing yourself.
  • Thank you for learning and practicing how to relax.
  • Thank you for finding and staying in alignment as much as possible.
  • Thank you for focusing so well that the resources were saved and the trip was accomplished.
  • Thank you for allowing yourself to rest and relax.
  • Thank you for finding the beauty and enjoyment.
  • Thank you for what you do for others, and for helping others to relax and release pain.
  • Thank you for just being you and all that you are and do.

 

There’s more but I forgot the words and I need to do 2 more massages today, starting in 20 min…. To keep moving…

May you all find your moments to give thanks and find gratitude, and may you all have wonderful beautiful journeys that include enough rest and relaxation.