Tag Archives: God’s blessings

All that is, ever has been, and ever will be.

That’s one of many descriptions, definitions if you will, of God. The weight of that statement carries with it the finite nature of the infinite creator. If God is all of that then he’s literally seen everything, experienced everything. He’s bored.

So today I wished I could change that for God. Today I wished I could do something so radically different it would surprise even the divine.

I did not want that just for me, but truly for God because I had a moment where everything was not just feeling the same, but that I felt any choice I made would bring more of the same in guise of something different. I realized that God is probably saying the same thing: I could do that, but it’ll just bring more ___.

One thing is for certain, if I die this year, it won’t be because of covid19. There are far larger fish to fry in my sea. No it’ll be because of a sense of completeness.

I thought about how many diseases God has experienced. I thought about humanity itself. There is a finite number, albeit extremely massive, of the ways genes can combine to create a body. That means that over millennia my body has existed probably several times over. Hell there’s probably been two or three of me that even had similar energetic junk to deal with. So God has literally seen it all. There are no more surprises. Thanks Battlestar Galactica for that bit of knowing.

I felt a sense of resignation with all of that. I don’t know what that’ll translate into. I have not experienced even an infintesimal fraction of what God has, but yet I am seeing how most any decision I make will bring more of the same in guise of different. There is no right answer.

All I do know is that I wish for more for God, for good for God, for something for God to look forward to. I don’t have an answer for myself, so I have no idea how to accomplish that, but it’s in my vortex now.

What I do know is I don’t like this world we’re in right now. My quality of life has plummeted, mostly from a sense that my profession though massively helpful in many ways is now seen as risky simply because I touch people. Even though massage has repeatedly been shown to lower stress levels and boost the immune system, I am seen as non-essential. The relaxation and stress reduction I provide is only acknowledged when people hit max density, instead of much sooner when it is best at preventing problems and illness. I could sanitize every surface every hour, even walls, and people would still avoid my service out of fear. The resulting ripple in my ability to support my family doesn’t help any.

I’ve heard of several people committing suicide this week and I’ve already been fighting off the desire myself. The solution has already begun to be far worse than the disease itself. What good is it to save lives from a virus to have them lost to suicide and crime resulting from the solution. I will do my best to stay buoyant and to keep reaching for better regardless, and will do my best to maintain the shreds of my quality of life through my art and music and meditations.

What I do know is I have hit my limits for wanting to solve anything myself. I have lost earthly desire. I do know that thanks to the chiropractor and kinesiology, I have a few things to eliminate from my diet (again). But God knew that would happen too.

I had a sense that God is sitting there listing off dismisally: ants go do ant things, birds do bird things,…,…, Humans go do human things….

It might catch him off guard if humans started acting like birds. Just sayin’.

What if we just started with “love thy neighbor” instead of stay 6 feet from anyone. How about instead of don’t touch, we demonstrated confident kindness and compassion. How about instead of taking for granted the portion of society that has the luxury to be able to work from home, we rallied for those that can’t. How about recognizing that everything in this world exists because it was essential to someone at some point- it wouldn’t have continued if it weren’t essential for many. How about instead of shunning others for everything perceived as negative we take a moment to reach for compassionate understanding of how they might have gotten there.

May we all love our fellow humans, may we act more like wildlife and go with the flow of life. May we all find brighter more loving linings. May we find a way to surprise and delight God. May we put God first in all of our decisions and stop trying to be God. May we all see the repetitions with fresh eyes and better perspective. May we all find better solutions.

Siva Hir Su

More perspective.

Thank you Trump, thank you one percenters, thank you paid disinformants, thank you paid fear mongerers. You have provided me with a priceless perspective. Thank you God for all of their presence in my life.

You have provided me with the knowledge of how much healing I have accomplished. I may not have completely healed my brain, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than I thought.

I didn’t fall for the fear, because of my knowing of my divine protection built into my hyperactive immune system. I didn’t fall for the lies and outlandish claims because I am aware and intelligent enough that I remembered details of many other diseases and causes of death and I remembered my education on the life cycle of a virus. I was educated well enough to be able to research properly, and fill in gaps in my memory. I was educated well enough that I know proper sanitation and normal appropriate sustainable means of controlling disease, and can see where measures pushed beyond sustainability and increased more suffering than the disease itself. I know and understand: “First do no harm”- if the solution is worse than the disease then any person deserves full disclosure and consent.

I had enough perspective already, to know a lot about death and dieing, and I was spiritually aware enough to not be afraid of them. Because I KNOW God intimately I am not afraid of dieing, and I know it is not my time yet, even if I do sometimes wonder why it’s not, or seek that level of peace. Because I KNOW God, I also know that the divine protects us all as much as we allow, so even if my protection means going home out of this chaos, I also know God will look after my family as well. I have awaken enough to stand independent of the fear ridden masses and rise above the darkness known as IT.

I appreciate the perspective that anything can be done in excess and to harmful levels. Greed may help save money on the shallow end, but causes the powerful to crave money so intensely that they do things to harm society as a whole. They begin to care about money more than humanity, so much that the first available opportunity becomes a plot to help credit cards, creditors, vaccine producers, and big businesses at the expense of the American and even worldwide citizens. It gave me perspective so that I can focus on what degree I do anything, I only am willing to be selfish in so much as it is helpful, selfishness that causes harm to another is unacceptable me.

I am aware enough to understand my place in it all. The outer world is a manifestation of my inner world. Everyone is overreacting to something out of their control. My immune system is hyperactive which is the same thing, but mine is reacting to molecules triggered by exposure to toxic chemicals which were injected into my blood stream. My immune system was exposed so many times in decades past, to toxins in my bloodstream, that it wants to cling to that knowledge even though it means it is killing my own body. It is trying to protect me from poisoning by going after any molecules that remotely look the same. I now know I can fix this. I will tell my immune system to relax and go back to only fighting virus, bacteria or parasites. I will remind my liver to eliminate all the toxins. There are many ways to do both, an I have already eliminated as many sources of continued toxins as humanly possible. I will remind my body as repeatedly as necessary to let God in to provide divine healing.

Because of all of this I can and will heal.

I am more confident than ever in my abilities, knowledge, experience and divine connection. I am ever so appreciative that all have improved, but especially my divine connection. Thank you God for being with me through thick and thin, through bad times and good, through sickness and health. Thank you God for helping me with my biggest challenges and getting me the information the best way I can hear it. Thank you for flowing me all of the answers through helpful people, through AI notifications, through videos and conversations. Thank for for showing me all of this and helping me see that even the bad is valuable. Thank you divine for being in me and giving me these words to express thoughts that seem larger than the written word. Thank you even more for guiding my thoughts to these solutions and greater understanding.

May you all have solutions and greater understanding. May you see the value even in the negative. May you make peace with death and understand and know whether it’s your time or not. May you have the intelligence to know fact from fiction, to know how to research whatever you don’t understand or remember, and to rise above fear. May you be awaken to your divine connection and it’s blessings and guidance. May you know you are safe and have the ability to heal. May you rise above the darkness of IT to see God’s guiding light.

An it Harm None.

Siva Hir Su

8,745; 20,928; 17,416

That’s the number of steps I’ve incurred over the last 3 days. Almost all of them accomplished while also doing heavy lifting. … That’s 47,089 steps in 3 days along with hours and hours of hoisting belongings for our entire family.

We’re moving into our new home. Nathan and I doing it all alone as usual. Our Facebook friends were no help, no surprise there (have I mentioned there’s a reason I don’t do social media). The handful I direct texted or talked to in person were all predisposed. (Just once I’d love for one of the people we’ve helped to return the favor, and there’s quite a few of those.)

I could have hired movers, but that would have eaten money I could put towards finishing Anya’s bedroom, as that’s the room that was started in the previous owners’ house remodel, but not finished.

We all make choices, some are totally worth it, but still painful to get through. This would be one.

I love my family enough to ensure my dollars go toward more long-term oriented goals in making my choices. I’ll suffer the move to make sure my daughter’s bedroom is beautiful, and to her desiring, in the near future. It’ll also ensure windows get replaced sooner than later (as discussed before the offer was made). It also ensured I was able to get area rugs and a few pieces of furniture replaced that sorely needed it ages ago.

I am appreciating that I have the ability to even make these choices. I’m also appreciating that I find myself less worried about the dollars I’m spending. There is a knowing I’m making the best choices for my goals, and I have the finances to accommodate, even if it gets slightly tight at certain points in my monthly and yearly cycles. I’m still no millionaire, a long ways from that in fact, but I’m super appreciative that I’m no longer a few hours of work from food stamps. I’m ever so grateful that I’m much less worried about making my bills each month, and haven’t had to seek financial assistance from charities in several years. There could be more in my experience, but my gratitude for God’s help is immense because I have experienced far less for more years than I care to count.

Last night a church group was going door to door, passing pamphlets and preaching on repentance. She asked me if I was having fun moving and I just said no.

As she left I muttered to God that she has no idea how many years of penance I’ve experienced and if she really cared for others in her neighborhood she’d offer to help instead of preaching when I’m working my ass off. On their second pass through she had the kids that were with her help us for a few minutes. I thanked her and then proceeded to thank God with every box I lifted. I knew he had heard my grumbles, and that’s what matters.

I know that I’m part of the reason that others never return the favor, but I’m just not certain how. I know I’ve come to expect it, as this situation has been a repeat experience, so law of attraction is probably as major factor. However, I’m not certain that’s the only reason. I wonder if I am just not warm or friendly enough, or if my long hours of work that has been so beneficial to unburying financially, caused others to give up on me. I just don’t know for sure why, even though I’ve done heavy lifting for others, I never see reciprocation. It just is what it is.

The one friend that I know, who has already done wonderful things for me -my massage therapist of 7 years- lives over an hour away now. So, I didn’t have the heart to beg her for help knowing she’d have to drive so far to be of assistance. One day I’ll have more valuable friends that reciprocate my actions.

Probably long before that day, I’ll have a beautifully landscaped yard, Anya’s room will be finished, windows will be replaced, and we’ll have painted our home in beautiful bright hues of the whole rainbow. I even want to do at least one mural, though I’m not sure where yet.

For now my focus continues to be work and home. Things I already have, which I’m very appreciative of and grateful for, that can be improved upon. Once we are fully moved and settled, I’ll refocus on those things I started a while ago, books I’m reading, CEU instructor certification, artwork, etc. There is plenty for me to do to fill a whole lifetime, and perhaps at some point in all that God will surprise and delight me further.

May you all be satisfied with your choices, even when the consequences are less than desired. May you see and acknowledge your improvement. May you see God’s guidance and support in your life. May you have an endless list of things to be grateful for and appreciative of. May you see plenty to focus on in the here and now. May you have things that you can improve upon without too much difficultly or resource consumption. May you know that God is listening and offering replies. May you know you are loved and supported.

Siva Hir Su

BZ

That’s short for busy. Seems I have so much on my plate the humor of abbreviated text speak for busy is quite appropriate.

First, I’m still working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m still processing paperwork and prepping for finally getting a home of our own after 14 years of hard times. Still working toward my business goals, complex as they are; especially now that I’ll have a home which will accommodate more possibilities. Also I’m still aiming for getting a second vehicle again, though that will likely be accomplished next tax season, over 4 months away- *sigh*, it’s okay.

Now add to that I’ve been reading a book on loan from the Chiropractor: “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”. It has gotten me very excited. It’s a book that teaches basic financial literacy, and is validating that I’m on the right track. I have a very, very long ways to go before I accomplish any goals that the book references, but they were already on my horizon. Knowing I’m aiming correctly is great, now I need lots of diligence, and probably several years before I start to see any real results. It’s definitely a very long range goal structure, but one I’m confident I’ll eventually master, and all on my own.

As for that ‘all on my own’ bit: I had a small argument with God this week. I was shown (hard to explain, but kinda like a daydream) that my diverse array of abilities and my strength, my uniqueness, even elements of my appearance, make me attractive to others. Essentially, the message was I could totally be a female ‘player’.

I told God and Nathan, that’s not the point, it was never the point. Nathan replied simply with “I know”.

As much as it feels good to acknowledge that I am attractive to others, and more than one person at that, I know my desires are for more than that. Polyamory was never about being a ‘player’. Polyamory is about love, emotional support, the physicality of daily living with loving life-partners: significant others. And yes, I would like to not have to choose one gender. I would love to honor all of myself by having life partners that honor all the different parts of me, and I can reciprocate with the same for them.

My biggest glitch in acknowledging that I’m attractive to others is that those I intuitively know are attracted to me, are still quite silent on the matter, and I’m not sure I can do or say anything to change that. I don’t know why they choose silence. Perhaps it’s because of how we met, or their perceptions of my marriage to Nathan, or lack of understanding of polyamory in my life, or simply the intimidation thing I seem to carry into infinity. I don’t know. I can’t fix it, so it just is.

One day someone attracted to me will admit it and ask me lots of questions. When that day comes I’ll do a happy dance for their courage, but especially that they even attempted to get to know me as a person. More than anything, I love the feeling of connecting with someone on a deep level, knowing we are enjoying learning about each other. I love the feeling of being appreciated and cared about. That: “someone actually cares enough, to genuinely want to know all of who I am” in an unconditional accepting way.

Nathan has always been that for me, I just wish there were others too. One day perhaps, for now I continue on my own with Shiva’s/God’s help. I told God I’m very appreciative, super thankful, for having the divine connection and all the non-physical help that it has brought. Yet, my ideal would be both. To have that connection with God and also feel the next closest thing to it in people in my life. I have moments like that with Nathan, and it makes me think how wonderful it would be if there were others willing to be in my life that I felt that intensity with on a regular basis…. In daily living. *Sigh*

Anyway, tangent aside, I am looking forward mostly. I continue to do everything I can to improve my life and life for my family.

Nathan mostly took care of my computer glitch, and I finished it off, to then accomplish 2 designs for others.

I also finally spent a while fine tuning my dome designs. Making sure proportions were accurate, I then started placing interior elements and correcting line weights/alignments. It’s a very slow process mainly because I’m super meticulous, but also because I’m literally fine-tuning decisions we’ve talked about and thought about thousands of times.

I’ll end with 2 sections of the plans that saw significant changes. Aahhhh, it’s so nice to dream big sometimes, especially when I can do something about it and make it visible.

May you all be happily busy. May you feel the loving connections in your life daily. May you have things to look forward to and goals to aim for. May you see the validation you seek, and may your dreams be big, but still reachable.

Siva Hir Su