Tag Archives: gods grace

Keeping my word.

Years ago, before my online romance SJ, I promised God that if he helped me pull up I would do my best to do good for God.

Now it seems that my long lost SJ helped me pull up enough that I have regained my balance in this world. I have gotten to a place where I can help others to some degree.

First was my desire to help Chairty Water. I originally started with the tiniest monthly contribution, and now I am able to match what I spend on our TV entertainment each month. It’s a step in the right direction.

Second was my dad. He is now with my sister and the few remaining pieces are slowly resolving. Beyond the healing that enabled for me, I’m glad that he has gotten what he wanted.

Now I have two new situations I am doing my best to help with.

The friend I wrote of with MRSA. Nathan paid a visit to her in the hospital and took flowers. It was simply an acknowledgement that 10 years ago when he was in a similar situation, I- as his wife, was his only visitor. So, he didn’t want her to feel the same way. While there he discovered that her wife had left her and was living with someone else, and her mother and father are AWOL because they are battling their addictions and mental diseases and unable to even be civil human beings. She has no one significant in her life. She has friends only, some of which have already helped and some of which are willing to do more as able. She has two weeks left of her 6 week hospital stay, and then she has no solid plan. The infection was mostly surgically removed, except for a small spot in the left ventricle of her heart, but she now has a massive incision in her groin needing dressing changes. It’s eerily similar to Nathan’s original surgery and predicament.

Anyway after my workday was over Nathan filled me in on his visit and everything they spoke about. I reached out to her and offered our home in the same way I did for my father. I also offered to help her with PT and getting to and from post hospital appointments. I even suggested that I might be able to connect her with a job when she is able to return to work.

It felt really good to be able to do that. It’s really not much; in the grand scheme of things, the changes to our utilities and grocery bills are small enough to not even hesitate. I knew that her need for a space to be able to heal and regain her strength was far more important to God, so I know it will work out. I wish more people were able to do that for fellow human beings. We all need each other sometimes.

The other situation I’m doing my best to help with is the friend and co-worker that had the lump in her breast that I had initially checked to try and help guide her decisions. I had really hoped it was nothing and my gut reaction was off, but it has been diagnosed as cancer. Full ramifications are not known yet, but I know that she is super stressed and worried. I’ve been saying prayers and offering everything that comes to mind. My latest offer is to learn her job at the clinic, off the clock, so that I might be able to help fill in or help train a replacement if needed. I will do whatever is needed because she is a kind human being that needs the support right now. I have been racking my brain reaching for more that I might be able to offer, but she has many friends and family, so I think I have offered what is possible for now. Prayers are always welcome.

Sometimes God really does want us to reach for good for ourselves so that we can help others in the long term. I have learned that lesson in a very palpable way today. Simply because of depression riddled pleas 6 years ago, I have managed to slowly climb myself out of the hole and into being able to help others. There is still a long ways that I can go yet, but I’m extremely grateful that I have made it this far. I am so grateful that I am able to take steps to keep my word with God. I promised I would help him if he helped me, and that is what I am doing. Everyday I help people through my jobs, and now I can even help outside of my jobs.

I really do have my baby Atira. My home is not the big complex dome community of my dreams, but all of the things are present, and especially the charitable works. That was always the most important part anyway.

Beyond that God is healing me. Slowly but surely I know my body is healing and very soon I will have healed every bit of my previous concerns. I can feel and see the difference. I am ever so grateful for that too because I know it is giving me massive amounts of energy to do all of the things I am doing. My body healing is a direct correlation to being able to help others even more. I am so very grateful for all of God’s grace in my life. I hope I can properly honor all the good that has flowed through me.

May you see your place in the world. May you honor the good that has manifested in your life. May you understand how God helped you. May you see that there are people who care and want to help you when you need it most. May you find the ways to return the favors. May you find a way to flow good to others on behalf of God. May you see and understand that God loves and supports you, and wants the best for you, all you need to do is let God in. May you know you are loved.

Siva Hir Su

*The picture is my original. Monarch butterfly on orange zinnia flower. Taken at Kauffman Gardens, Kansas City, Missouri.

Turning point.

FYI: there will be images with nudity, if under 18 please leave or read with parental guidance.

Sunday through to yesterday, I fought like hell to even come close to staying buoyant. Yesterday was my son’s birthday and I was determined to have a good evening with him. I was fighting so hard to stay buoyant that I took a small amount of a THC to ensure his birthday was enjoyable. It floated me through until bedtime for kids and then I relaxed a bit on my own before sleep.

Now today I have been able to stay positive all on my own, no herbs. Yet, more than that, there have been 3 things that might have normally trigger a nose dive and it hasn’t. One was bad news from a friend about her lump, and I keep telling her to stay positive that it’s just a cyst. Then there was a phone call gone awry to my husband. After apologies and mutually settling down, we realized something is in the air. Calm followed.

Then right at 1:11 I looked at a song notification on my phone, it seemed to carry a negative message; something about closing the door. Anyway, I deleted it without even listening to the song and looking at the clock I said thank you to the angels. I realized that it is my door and the only one that can close it is me. I am leaving my door open, but only for those that are able to work their way up vibrationally and be honest and respectful and helpful.

Somehow, I feel like I’ve had a turning point.

Another moment that seems to validate that is my self image. I had a moment last night where I realized the self image I have been struggling with is because of having let my father’s words and opinions win when I was a small child. I was told I was fat, unhealthy, lazy and not good for anything. Beyond that I was told and shown repeatedly through his actions and media that only perfect women were beautiful. I logically know that both sides are inaccurate, but I have been having trouble knowing the truth for me.

Finally last night it was like it became clear. I had a mental flash of Alexander Cabanel’s “Birth of Venus”. I very familiar with it from having done a study of it in my art education. The message that came with it was that is what God intended for me to look like before all of the negative programming took hold. That is why I find that body type so beautiful.

So then I spent some considerable time searching the internet for similar women in a variety of fine arts. I saved all of the images in a folder titled “I am Venus” to use as a reminder of what my spirit really wanted me to look like.

Here are those pictures, starting with the trigger image:

At this point, I’m know my body is not there, but I am so much closer than I used to be. I know it is within reach, and a little patience and focus is all I need. What I am grateful for is the knowing that this was my intended body all along. Even more gratitude is felt because it is a widely accepted body type. This body type has been considered beautiful for eons, enough to be in art of all types.

It feels really good to know that my higher self wanted me to have this beautiful body all along, and now that negatives are beginning to clear from my brain for real, it is more and more in reach.

I’m not sure what exactly has shifted, but I am very grateful for the shift and the eliminating of negative memories and programming in my brain and cells.

One moment at a time I am making progress. One step at a time I am leaving behind unhelpful attitudes and vibrations.

Finally, after my self-image revelation I had another revelation about my father. I must focus only on the helpful version of my father. I suspect I know what that will translate into, but it is the only way to prevent the negative from deflating me again. I must focus on him having accepted me wholley and completely, being supportive of my love Nathan and our children. I must focus on the positive side of anything I have ever thought about him. That is the only way to ensure his negatives bounce off of me, and eventually will actually equal helpfulness from his spirit.

To that end, I’m waivering on whether to release my blog to public again. I may spend another couple of days focusing and maintaining my higher vibrational alignment before I resume my normal. I hope those that really cared but didn’t reach out will have patience and understanding for my withdrawal.

May you see the good in everything. May you have patience during this heavy time of transition. May you see the beautiful person God intended you to be. May you find a way to align with the best of everything. May you love yourself and have patience with yourself beyond everything else. May you find a way to keep the negatives at bay and eliminate old negative programming from your brain and cells. May you see your progress and know that you are doing what is best for you without harm to others. May you find progress and help others along the way. May you know that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su

Everyone’s concerns matter.

So I had a topic come up through Nathan and that is the purpose of this post. However, really quick I first wanted to share a couple small happy dance moments of the last couple days. 1) I took my much needed Epsom salt soak and my tummy now falls completely below water level. It’s a sign I’m finally slimming down even though the scale barely shows anything. 2) I had a massive energetic barrage between my father and clients that threatened to drag me down. I not only was able to clear with Nathan’s help, but then I found my way to climbing the emotional scale and I even had some very intense in-the-vortex honoring-myself moments. The two put together have left me feeling very good today. I hope everyone has those breakthrough moments.

On to the intended topic…

Nathan brought to my attention a Facebook post from a friend. She is essentially upset over anyone that isn’t worried about all the disappearing children and human trafficking. She went OFF over anti-maskers, black lives matter protests, and pretty much any other moment of news that wasn’t her topic. It made me think, and I’m not sure she would like my response, so I decided to write it here.

First, yes children are going missing, and in much larger numbers than previously. Some theorize that it is a nasty conspiracy to depopulate the earth or to hand over humans to aliens. Some simply believe it is because of racism and refugee populations. Some believe it is our government or the 1%’ers trying to experiment on people without getting caught. The biggest problem here is that 1) large quantities of kids have vanished without a trace, and 2) a few kids have escaped from warehouse sized facilities full of kids, and the children are not being handled like border crossing facilities. The escapee descriptions and locations are what have told us that.

It is a problem, and one that many are not aware of. However, that is no reason to get mad at everyone else in your experience.

Getting mad at others over your concern not being dealt with is only contributing to the divisive fighting that is holding the world back. Especially when considering that many people don’t know this information about kids because it is being ignored (some say covered up) by the media. Covid has taken center stage and BLM is a close second.

So, first one should acknowledge that your concerns may not have even crossed another person’s awareness. Secondly, one should note that there are many concerns affecting humanity at this time. Thirdly, one should acknowledge that bringing people together on the same page is the only way to create lasting helpful solution oriented change. Fourthly, one needs to acknowledge it is difficult at best to solve multiple problems large scale at one time. Fifthly, one needs to be aware that we will never truly solve all of the problems: that would cause the universe to cease energetically, but also it is impossible because for every rule, law, or solution to be implemented there will inevitably be someone (or several) that find a way around and continue the problem in new ways. Sixthly, if you only focus on things to be upset over and problems, then you will continue to get things to be upset over. For humanity to solve problems, we must all focus on solutions that have already manifested.

So my response would have been calm the fuck down and figure out a way to orient to solutions as a whole. Covid and black lives matter have been concerns for a while now, and for good reasons. The missing kids are important and need to be returned to their parents, but we are up against a huge battle already before introducing this additional concern. The only way to solve any of these problems is to come together as a whole-humanity and work together towards solutions. We have not been able to do that on anything for a very long time and it is the reason everything keeps dragging on so horribly.

Here’s the deal, the world is full of bad shit including disease, and modern media has selectively shown you the worst of the worst to trigger fear and aggression among people. It is a vicious cycle many people keep buying into.

If you want to choose pandemic, the media shows you Covid and scares the shit out of you, but you’re a 100 times more likely to die of heart disease or cancer than covid. That’s a pandemic that is really scary, especially since both are usually linked more to diet and lifestyle/life-choices than genes.

If you want to choose racism, the media will give you everything related to black lives matter (which they do matter), but largely ignores the continued improper treatment of Mexicans at border control stations, and completely ignores the plight of the Hondurans and other south American refugees. Also, here in the great USA we completely ignore racial or religious problems across the globe (Jews/Hindus vs Islams, Indians vs Pakistanis, etc.) We also still feel the need to discriminate against Chinese and Japanese, especially since Covid gives us a reason to hate China.

If you do indeed choose missing kids as your concern, the media will give you the latest youth to be murdered or show you flyers for Amber alerts, and you’ll always get texts on any local Amber alerts. But, to find out about the hoards of Missing kids you have to go looking for it.

There are many problems we as humanity face: global warming, barrier reef dieing, species reaching extinction, air pollution, corporate greed, manipulation of politicians, lack of access to healthcare, lack of access to education in many parts of the world, lack of access to clean water. There are many more I could list.

To solve any of them, we need to come together and focus. One problem at a time to create change and hopefully find lasting solutions. It is the only way anything will really be solved. Here’s the kicker, if we really did do that in a focused way as a whole mass, solutions would come so quickly that we could solve a large list in no time, even one topic at a time. But the coming together in a very focused way is our biggest hurdle.

Beyond that we really simply must reach for better. If humanity continues fighting with each other and only seeing the negatives, then that will be what we continue to get- negatives and fighting. We will never solve every problem for all time. So, we need to learn to just acknowledge the problems and honor differences with each other, and then reach for the times where even people with differences came together and created positive change. The movements that were led by Martin Luther King, and Ghandi are two such great examples. Those are times in history when people came together in very focused ways and created wonderful miraculous change for the better. We need more of those moments, and reaching for them and focusing on how change was created will help enable more of that.

We must find a way to do this for ourselves and our humanity. It is the only way to keep progressing and shift consciousness in big positive ways. Next time you get upset over something, please remember my observations. Then ask yourself: can you help bring awareness to the problem and help humanity focus on solutions for it or anything else?

May we all find a way to focus on solutions. May we all find a way to accept each other’s differences and focus on common goals. May we all reach for better: days, thoughts, solutions, vibrational alignment, and overall experience. May we all see God’s guidance. May we all reach for solutions to the many significant problems we face as humanity. May we all learn to love and accept each other knowing there will always be negatives, but most of humanity wants the better. May we all see the common ground of desiring safety, security, love, family, community, support, and access to health, education, and clean water. May you see that God really wants us all to live better lives and have many things to look forward to. May you see God wants us all to live happy lives doing what we love and know we are safe. May you understand that God never splits humanity, we are all one people and God loves all of us regardless of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or country of origin.

Siva Hir Su