Tag Archives: God’s work

Astounding Relief

The short and long of it.

First the short…

Last night I got into a proverbial knock down, drag out argument with my father. I yelled A LOT. My dad yelled some but would not budge, apologize, or relinquish that his beliefs were hurtful. He barely acknowledged things I expected more from him on, especially when I told him of the molestation as a child.

Apparently God wanted this moment to happen. It was triggered while my inhibitions were laxed and I responded with all of my being. In the midst of all of it I kept feeling guidance on what to say and how to point things out. Towards the end of it, before I gave up and went to bed I heard God loud and clear. “That is why he is dieig, he refuses to budge and refuses to reach for better.” I had just responded to dad’s “I can’t change who I am”, with an emphatic “you are making that choice”. Then after God’s input I told him what God said and went to bed.

The argument covered all of his hurtful behaviors and actions. He justified it all with those are just things we disagree on. Everything from his racist behavior, to Trump support, to gender and sexual descrimination. At one point I spoke of his desire to keep women from having abortions. I pointed out that if I had been only a few years older when I was molested it could have produced a child. I pointed out Katherine’s conception when things were so bad and I had no solutions. I said if you want to revoke the right to abortion, then how on Earth do you solve those problems. He had no answer and didn’t care to find one, only make an excuse for his steadfastness.

Once I gave up and went to bed, Nathan took over trying to reason with him, the unreasonable. I sat and listened to a message notification that fit precisely and was God congratulating me. Then I meditated to my liquid mind Pandora station.

I thanked God so much and explained I loved God and I could now clearly differentiate God from my father or anyone for that matter. I saw God’s hand in bringing Nathan into my life to make up for all which lacked with my father. It was a strongly intense conversation with God, ending with a knowing that my father will not fully understand until he has his croaking experience, but that once on the other side he will get it all and be a better Father than he ever was alive. I also had a much stronger knowing of ME.

The long of it.

I now see every last thing that my father taught and continues to demonstrate. I saw every last hurtful thing he ingrained in me and could see God’s version. It was so freeing and healing for me. My body lit up with God’s light and I felt the healing in every part of me that needed it.

  • God does not put guns in people’s hands for protection or food, people put guns in each other’s hands for killing, based on war/control and fear.
  • We don’t have to shoot animals to eat. God provides fruits and vegetables and fish that can be caught or gathered by hand or with simple tools.
  • God does not molest or rape, men do. And when man takes advantage of woman, God is okay with whatever the woman needs to heal, no matter what, whether it means abortion or yelling at a dieing father. A woman taking her power back is okay with the divine.
  • God does not hurt people, people hurt people.
  • God does not discriminate for any reason, people do.
  • God loves women for their beauty, for their strength, for their compassion for humanity.
  • God wanted me to find my knowing and fully heal and it felt really good. I feel 20 pounds lighter of anger, frustration, and feelings of rejection.
  • My father demonstrated repeatedly for my entire life that women are objects to look at, scrutinize, use as sexual objects or toys, and own. Women are beautiful creatures that bring us all into the world, without them a man could not exist. We deserve every ounce of honor, respect, recognition, and understanding. Women deserve to be heard and be treated equally. Women are free to choose. Women are deserving of the easy path, and of all the love and more. Women deserve full healing, and if that means the old dies then that is okay.
  • My father always demonstrated that I could never do things right, I was not beautiful, my choices were always wrong, and he was the only one that could make correct decisions, I must listen to the man. I took my power back. I am perfect just the way I am. I am smart, I am capable, I can make good decisions for me and my loving family, and I deserve to be honored and respected. Men can and will listen to women for a change, or the human race will quickly dwindle.
  • My father has demonstrated racism through my entire life. From Confederate flags, to calling black people niggers, to threatening to shoot a black man at a gas station over loud music, to refusing to acknowledge Nathan as a loving partner. He refuses to see how that is a hurtful choice and is okay making excuses for his behaviors. Last night after presenting Nathan to my father in a blunt matter-of-fact way about all of his good qualities my dad refuses to acknowledge, I said “Nathan is the kind loving man that I needed as a child and you failed to be”. God knows I needed Nathan. God loves and accepts Nathan. God supports me having Nathan and will never send me someone that can’t see that. I know that after my father croaks he will see God’s perspective.
  • God provides us a middle path. There is never this or that, there is never only two ways to do something. There is always infinite possibility, and only human choice of perspective limits possibilities. We need to allow ourselves as a race to allow for more possibilities. Our country has more than two parties to choose from, and there is still even a possibility that Bernie could still be elected and win. God can help fix all of the division if we all agree to allow him. Hold with your heart what you want to happen in our world and God will align everything. If your heart can’t hold it then it isn’t reaching for better, it’s just trying to not get worse. As a nation and world we deserve better.
  • God wants us to know without a doubt that we have choices and infinite possibilities.
  • God wants us to know we are loved and we all deserve the easy path.
  • God wants us to know we have rights and those rights must be honored and respected for all.
  • Yelling has it’s place and can lead to healing as long as one moves on once release is gained.
  • Clinging to old beliefs prevents us from living full healthy lives.
  • If beliefs are hurtful to others then God and your higher self want you to reach for better and if you refuse it will cause the end of your life.
  • I have changed, I yelled and screamed and made points, but never lost my connection to God. I was reaching for better. I was trying to get my father to understand, but more I was taking my power back and proving to myself that his hurtful beliefs were not mine and not God’s. I was honoring myself and my husband in the strongest most vocal way possible, and God loved me for it.
  • I allowed myself real healing and could feel God’s touch in my body.
  • I respect people, even my father to a degree, but more I respect myself.
  • I love my father- dysfunction and all, but more I love myself.
  • I let it all out and let myself move on, and God let me know it is okay.
  • My heart is more open than it has been in decades and I am so very grateful for it and God’s grace.
  • I know I am deserving of love, and especially someone that accepts Nathan as part of my life.
  • I am deserving of being heard and understood.
  • The whole world is deserving of equality and the old dieing and taking their damage with them. It is time for a great healing purge worldwide.
  • Every person alive needs to make a habit of asking themselves: “How does God see this, and does that mean I need to change and reach for better?”
  • Love is more important than anything else in this world, and sometimes that means putting that which is right and putting yourself first at all costs.

May you find your path to intense healing moments a bit easier than I did. May you know and hear God guiding you. May you know God supports your growth and reaching for better regardless of what that looks like. May you know you are loved, heard, understood, and supported in multiplicity. May you clear rough patches knowing God guided you through them. May you know your better choices are okay, and if you don’t like the results you can try again. May you know you are perfectly imperfect in God’s eyes. May you feel God’s love always.

Siva Hir Su

More perspective.

Thank you Trump, thank you one percenters, thank you paid disinformants, thank you paid fear mongerers. You have provided me with a priceless perspective. Thank you God for all of their presence in my life.

You have provided me with the knowledge of how much healing I have accomplished. I may not have completely healed my brain, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than I thought.

I didn’t fall for the fear, because of my knowing of my divine protection built into my hyperactive immune system. I didn’t fall for the lies and outlandish claims because I am aware and intelligent enough that I remembered details of many other diseases and causes of death and I remembered my education on the life cycle of a virus. I was educated well enough to be able to research properly, and fill in gaps in my memory. I was educated well enough that I know proper sanitation and normal appropriate sustainable means of controlling disease, and can see where measures pushed beyond sustainability and increased more suffering than the disease itself. I know and understand: “First do no harm”- if the solution is worse than the disease then any person deserves full disclosure and consent.

I had enough perspective already, to know a lot about death and dieing, and I was spiritually aware enough to not be afraid of them. Because I KNOW God intimately I am not afraid of dieing, and I know it is not my time yet, even if I do sometimes wonder why it’s not, or seek that level of peace. Because I KNOW God, I also know that the divine protects us all as much as we allow, so even if my protection means going home out of this chaos, I also know God will look after my family as well. I have awaken enough to stand independent of the fear ridden masses and rise above the darkness known as IT.

I appreciate the perspective that anything can be done in excess and to harmful levels. Greed may help save money on the shallow end, but causes the powerful to crave money so intensely that they do things to harm society as a whole. They begin to care about money more than humanity, so much that the first available opportunity becomes a plot to help credit cards, creditors, vaccine producers, and big businesses at the expense of the American and even worldwide citizens. It gave me perspective so that I can focus on what degree I do anything, I only am willing to be selfish in so much as it is helpful, selfishness that causes harm to another is unacceptable me.

I am aware enough to understand my place in it all. The outer world is a manifestation of my inner world. Everyone is overreacting to something out of their control. My immune system is hyperactive which is the same thing, but mine is reacting to molecules triggered by exposure to toxic chemicals which were injected into my blood stream. My immune system was exposed so many times in decades past, to toxins in my bloodstream, that it wants to cling to that knowledge even though it means it is killing my own body. It is trying to protect me from poisoning by going after any molecules that remotely look the same. I now know I can fix this. I will tell my immune system to relax and go back to only fighting virus, bacteria or parasites. I will remind my liver to eliminate all the toxins. There are many ways to do both, an I have already eliminated as many sources of continued toxins as humanly possible. I will remind my body as repeatedly as necessary to let God in to provide divine healing.

Because of all of this I can and will heal.

I am more confident than ever in my abilities, knowledge, experience and divine connection. I am ever so appreciative that all have improved, but especially my divine connection. Thank you God for being with me through thick and thin, through bad times and good, through sickness and health. Thank you God for helping me with my biggest challenges and getting me the information the best way I can hear it. Thank you for flowing me all of the answers through helpful people, through AI notifications, through videos and conversations. Thank for for showing me all of this and helping me see that even the bad is valuable. Thank you divine for being in me and giving me these words to express thoughts that seem larger than the written word. Thank you even more for guiding my thoughts to these solutions and greater understanding.

May you all have solutions and greater understanding. May you see the value even in the negative. May you make peace with death and understand and know whether it’s your time or not. May you have the intelligence to know fact from fiction, to know how to research whatever you don’t understand or remember, and to rise above fear. May you be awaken to your divine connection and it’s blessings and guidance. May you know you are safe and have the ability to heal. May you rise above the darkness of IT to see God’s guiding light.

An it Harm None.

Siva Hir Su

BZ

That’s short for busy. Seems I have so much on my plate the humor of abbreviated text speak for busy is quite appropriate.

First, I’m still working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m still processing paperwork and prepping for finally getting a home of our own after 14 years of hard times. Still working toward my business goals, complex as they are; especially now that I’ll have a home which will accommodate more possibilities. Also I’m still aiming for getting a second vehicle again, though that will likely be accomplished next tax season, over 4 months away- *sigh*, it’s okay.

Now add to that I’ve been reading a book on loan from the Chiropractor: “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”. It has gotten me very excited. It’s a book that teaches basic financial literacy, and is validating that I’m on the right track. I have a very, very long ways to go before I accomplish any goals that the book references, but they were already on my horizon. Knowing I’m aiming correctly is great, now I need lots of diligence, and probably several years before I start to see any real results. It’s definitely a very long range goal structure, but one I’m confident I’ll eventually master, and all on my own.

As for that ‘all on my own’ bit: I had a small argument with God this week. I was shown (hard to explain, but kinda like a daydream) that my diverse array of abilities and my strength, my uniqueness, even elements of my appearance, make me attractive to others. Essentially, the message was I could totally be a female ‘player’.

I told God and Nathan, that’s not the point, it was never the point. Nathan replied simply with “I know”.

As much as it feels good to acknowledge that I am attractive to others, and more than one person at that, I know my desires are for more than that. Polyamory was never about being a ‘player’. Polyamory is about love, emotional support, the physicality of daily living with loving life-partners: significant others. And yes, I would like to not have to choose one gender. I would love to honor all of myself by having life partners that honor all the different parts of me, and I can reciprocate with the same for them.

My biggest glitch in acknowledging that I’m attractive to others is that those I intuitively know are attracted to me, are still quite silent on the matter, and I’m not sure I can do or say anything to change that. I don’t know why they choose silence. Perhaps it’s because of how we met, or their perceptions of my marriage to Nathan, or lack of understanding of polyamory in my life, or simply the intimidation thing I seem to carry into infinity. I don’t know. I can’t fix it, so it just is.

One day someone attracted to me will admit it and ask me lots of questions. When that day comes I’ll do a happy dance for their courage, but especially that they even attempted to get to know me as a person. More than anything, I love the feeling of connecting with someone on a deep level, knowing we are enjoying learning about each other. I love the feeling of being appreciated and cared about. That: “someone actually cares enough, to genuinely want to know all of who I am” in an unconditional accepting way.

Nathan has always been that for me, I just wish there were others too. One day perhaps, for now I continue on my own with Shiva’s/God’s help. I told God I’m very appreciative, super thankful, for having the divine connection and all the non-physical help that it has brought. Yet, my ideal would be both. To have that connection with God and also feel the next closest thing to it in people in my life. I have moments like that with Nathan, and it makes me think how wonderful it would be if there were others willing to be in my life that I felt that intensity with on a regular basis…. In daily living. *Sigh*

Anyway, tangent aside, I am looking forward mostly. I continue to do everything I can to improve my life and life for my family.

Nathan mostly took care of my computer glitch, and I finished it off, to then accomplish 2 designs for others.

I also finally spent a while fine tuning my dome designs. Making sure proportions were accurate, I then started placing interior elements and correcting line weights/alignments. It’s a very slow process mainly because I’m super meticulous, but also because I’m literally fine-tuning decisions we’ve talked about and thought about thousands of times.

I’ll end with 2 sections of the plans that saw significant changes. Aahhhh, it’s so nice to dream big sometimes, especially when I can do something about it and make it visible.

May you all be happily busy. May you feel the loving connections in your life daily. May you have things to look forward to and goals to aim for. May you see the validation you seek, and may your dreams be big, but still reachable.

Siva Hir Su