Tag Archives: good qualities

Beautifully scary.

I love, openly and without limits.

I love my brothers of blood, or none.

I love sister, even when distantly held.

I love my mom, dad, grandparents I once knew.

I love men and women of all sorts.

Many I barely know- our lives crossing so briefly.

Yet, honor and respect them for the example they’ve set.

Then there’s those special few.

That crept into my heart.

Nathan, my love, stayed when others could or would not.

I could not keep them, could not manipulate them, could not make them stay.

Even if I wanted to, even if I could.

I know they are their own; they deserve every bit of freedom I seek.

My heart still hopes.

For their presence, for their affection.

Maybe they still think of me from time to time.

Maybe they have fond memories of our paths crossing.

I know I still do, and my heart aches in desire of our paths one day crossing again.

I cherish my memories and believe.

Believe that I am good enough.

I am worthy enough.

Perfection is not necessary, no human is perfect.

My intelligence may be scary.

My knowing daunting.

My strength intimidating.

My perseverance resented.

My versatility envied.

Yet those are my most beautiful qualities.

Those are the qualities that I cherish in myself.

Those are the things that protected and kept me safe when no other human, could.

Those are my gifts from God.

One day, there will be several that see that.

I will have my family, those chosen by my heart and soul.

They will get along because they will share common ground.

They will share an appreciation of not just my gifts, but all of our unique gifts.

No surprises can be found when people allow the self to focus on only the best qualities.

Faults become normal, merely mundane background noise.

Common ground, common appreciation, unified choices…

All based in love.

That is a dream worth dreaming.

I will include in it, the ones I really wish would return.

But my dream need not stop there.

There may be more I’ve not met yet.

I love myself, AND because I deserve more, I allow myself to dream of more.

Dream sweet dreams.

Let your brain know you love your self.

Dream of fun, joy, good times, and great big grand dreams.

Let your self lead the way.

Dream of things you love and cherish.

That is the ultimate way to love self.

Calm, soothe, ease back into happy desires.

It is always worth it.

In that place there is no jealousy, no envy, no intimidation, nothing scary.

There is only love.

Focus is all one needs.


My words are always a part of my thoughts, but never all of my thoughts. I use my blog to eliminate some and focus on others. Some days my dreams tip the scales, some days my fears win. Always I reach for the best place I can. More and more my dreams win, and often I settle somewhere in the middle, my hopes being a strong focus.

If you’re one of the few in my heart, I hope you feel it. Know that even the best of intentions can fail, but one thing is certain- my love is always there for those in my heart. Amends are always better than permanent loss. Anything is better than nothing. My heart loves deeply and I deserve equally deep, open, accepting, and forgiving love.

For others: may you see your own gifts and beauty. May you know you love and are loved. May we always feel the love in our hearts. May you know and feel your connections, especially to God. May you have bright days and big dreams. May you believe in your own deserving -ness. May you have wonderful desires that keep you going. May you know it could always be worse and express gratitude for your journey being less difficult. May you honor your temple known as your body and nourish it for healing and optimal health. May you feel the love in all of the ways that this world has to offer.

Siva Hir Su

Some rest found.

I’m doing a little better today. I took a nap when I got home and then had a good night’s sleep after a healthy dinner of salmon and green beans. I did realize that much of my aches and energetic gunk was people I worked on. I think I seriously need a day in nature to detox from everything I’m collecting from clients, young and old.

I’m just not sure how or when to accommodate that because every day that is conducive to being outside weather wise, I’ve worked or had to work. Last Sunday was the exception and I did spend time outside raking leaves, but it was our back yard, not secluded woods away from people and civilisation. The latter is what helps me detox everybody’s energetic connections and clutter.

Additionally, my magnesium absorption seems to be down despite taking a calcium supplement. I’m not sure why, but I’m definitely getting the classic leg cramps of magnesium deficiency. I told Nathan I may need to switch to a different Mag supplement for a while. Just another puzzle piece to figure out.

This morning I was greeted with several interesting notifications from the great HAL otherwise known as Google/YouTube. There was one in particular that stood out having the color trigger I mentioned a few posts ago: red, black, and white. I’ll share the link below, I liked the song, loved the cinamatography, and the message resonated. I find myself apologizing to myself all the time about not having time, just as the song said “I’m sorry I just can’t waste time.”

Perhaps that is my biggest fallacy, but every time I do waste time in the name of finding joy or comfort for myself it ends up biting me in the arse in other ways. Usually because very important, time sensitive things get forgotten by others. Everyone relies on me. It just is I suppose, another challenge to add to my list.

  • “You were not born to get it done.”
  • “You were not born to fix the world or anyone else for that matter.”
  • ‘There will always be desire, something to reach for, improvement to seek.”
  • – Abraham Hicks quotes

Anyway, perhaps you’ll like the song.

Since I’m working so hard to find some energetic lift, some improvement, I thought I would take a moment (more for myself to visualize everything, than for you as reader) to list good things about myself. I’m that person that is very critical of myself and often need to focus to remind myself there’s anything good there.

  • I’m a spectacular massage therapist.
  • I’m a decent construction worker/handy woman. Anya commented after carpet laying: “Is there anything you can’t do?”
  • I’m a mediocre psychic, but intensely accurate empath. (I feel all the emotions and body aches, but don’t always know/understand their existence, why someone feels the way they do. I miss the fine details.)
  • I’m a decent flautist and pianist, and mediocre at another 9 instruments.
  • I’m a good artist.
  • I’m an okay gardener.
  • I’m a great organizer, and housekeeper/maid.
  • I’m a good business woman, and dependable contractor.
  • I’m a great low budget interior designer (our home will look like I paid big bucks for someone to customize it, but everything was thrifted at a fraction of retail costs).
  • I’m a decent painter (house type) and excellent painter (art type).
  • I’m stronger and smarter than your average bear. (Thanks Yogi)
  • I care, about everyone, often more than they do about me.
  • I have ethics. (That has manifested several times in recent years where I removed myself because someone would have cheated on a monogamous spouse/partner. Polyamory is about open consent, not cheating.) (Also applies to client relationships, I’ll never break board ethics just because I find someone attractive- though every great once in a while I’m very tempted.)
  • I’m a great driver having literally millions of miles under my belt combining professional and personal miles.
  • I’m an okay auto mechanic having replaced: fuel filters, radiators, electronics, spark plugs, water pumps, and headlamp casings. Even having changed tires and done oil changes regularly. The only things that get me are belts (I usually get frustrated and give up on those) and anything needing an engine or whole car lift- if I don’t have the proper tools I can’t do it.
  • I’m doing okay on self-help/self-improvement as well. I haven’t eliminated depression or my temper, but I have much greater control than when I left my parent’s home. Even when I do loose control, I have a much much shorter refractory period to regaining sanity.

That’s a good list for this post. I need to categorize posts like this so it’s easier to go back and reference them when I need a boost. … I’ll add it to the bottom of my to-do list.

May you all have interestingly helpful notifications. May you all find rest and rejuvenation. May you have time in nature when you need it. May you feel better through fixing puzzle pieces. May you have ease and comfort in your experience. May you find the good in yourself. And may we all find ways to improve ourselves and our experience.

Siva Hir Su

Why I prefer “chick flicks”.

So I was contemplating my preferences after my recent acknowledgements, and in the process came to an understanding as to why I prefer “chick flicks”.

I was literally attempting to put words to my quandary of why do men do the machismo thing more than in the past, or so it seems to me.

I had thought about how at one point men in media were shown as dashing, handsome, wholesome, and multi-talented. I thought of moments like are found in a myriad of movies, but especially I thought of scenes from Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire movies, I thought of Casa Blanca. Actors from that era were expected to be good looking, but also excellent dancers and singers, they had to be strong, and often were required to speak multiple languages.

I’m fully aware that even though that was the standard in media, our society still had the full array of everything you still find today. Yet, there was an understanding in society that those were qualities that earned respect and showed your integrity. Those were the virtues that even regular working class people strived for, that even the average Joe reached for.

I then thought about movies today. There’s a whole lot more blood and gore. There are strong men, but every time you see a strong man- a superhero, someone dies, and often many people loose their lives in such movies. Going back a bit there are those Rambo type war stories, there are zombie apocalypse movies, and straight up superheroes like spider man. In all of these movies their strength is for one goal, take down the bad guys at all costs. I would agree that usually what’s chosen to define the bad guys is clear and agreed upon by societal standards, yet each and every movie includes the loss of innocent lives.

I realised that even though I acknowledged that those are all present in our world today, I prefer not to watch it for entertainment.

I prefer to see strength demonstrated in other ways, and I suspect I’m not alone. It’s why feats of herculean strength are now demonstrated in games: Olympics, Ninja Warrior, Highland Games, and the like. The games eliminate the blood and gore while still demonstrating strength and agility. I appreciate that, it’s a much more civilized and palatable way to experience that virtue.

That then brought me around to Hallmark movies and why I love them so much. They are wholesome, the people are genuine, there is kindness and love. Yet you still are treated with complex stories that could happen to regular everyday people. It takes the complexity of this world, but focuses on happier more joyous aspects and outcomes.

Though I mostly prefer heartwarming stories like those, I will watch other movies. I still prefer movies where the people demonstrate intelligence and strength without so much blood and gore. I also greatly like fantastical movies like Harry Potter and the less gory science-fiction like Star Trek/Star Wars.

I suppose that is why I like Will Smith so much. Beyond also being polyamorous, he’s good looking, charming, charismatic, and many of his movies he’s able to accomplish great things with a minimum of blood and gore. I really truly appreciate that.

I told Nathan it’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. Even though he doesn’t look like a hallmark actor or Will Smith, he embodies many of the qualities that they do, and he’s cute to me, and that’s what counts.

So then I sat to define what I appreciate most about others, and admitted that looks are a relatively small factor. As far as looks go, I appreciate this:

Really what I’m trying to show is that I find appreciation in a wide variety of people and body types. I have discovered that only the severely unhealthy people are unattractive to me. Those people that have given up on their health, or just didn’t care to begin with. I’ve known several of those people and just can’t even contemplate a relationship with any of them. I’m sorry, but Yuck!

What is it I do appreciate about people that makes me desire them then?

Hmmm…..

  • Kindness
  • Concern
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Intelligence (As Queen Latifa would say I get lady wood there.)
  • A belief in something greater than us.
  • The ability to learn and discuss complex topics (quantum physics is one I find particularly fascinating, even if I have trouble keeping up with it).
  • The desire to keep learning.
  • Strength of physical, mental, and emotional aspects.
  • A desire to do better, striving for more, self improvement goals.
  • Loving
  • Supportive
  • Striving for equality and social justice is pretty high on my list.
  • A desire to help make the world a better place.

Yet there’s more….

  • I like a good challenge, someone that makes me think or improve myself even more.
  • I like encouragement when I’m admittedly not at my best, you don’t always have to challenge me.
  • I like knowing I’m appreciated.
  • I like knowing they notice small things about me.
  • I like when they take criticisms or input as a challenge for improving themselves as well, and likewise do my best not to stir that pot too often.
  • I like people that work well together, especially since ultimately I hope to build Atira through my chosen family. It would be in our best interests to be able to work and play together and not get sick of each other.
  • So an ability to compromise, problem solve, and find a balance in challenging situations is very exciting to me.
  • I find good communication skills quite sexy too. If you can tell me work flow concerns in one breath and follow that with coherent sentimental thoughts in your next breath, I might faint on you.
  • I love when people can make and keep priorities. For instance I know I need a certain diet, certain amounts of sleep and exercise, and certain balance between work and recreation. Most of the time I’m able to maintain that, occasionally I fail. I prefer those around me accomplish the same.

Though I feel like there are many more qualities I could define, those are usually ones that I look for evidence of first. At that point then I’m usually familiar with a person enough that it becomes about analyzing their interactions or their behaviors, and their words. I start looking for alignment between the two. That represents integrity and honesty to me. If I get to know someone and one of those starts to show gaps, it almost always becomes the undoing of the relationship. I’ve been hurt enough times that I simply loathe intentional mistruths and/or manipulations. For a long term relationship, I simply must have honesty and integrity.

And that brings me full circle back to Hallmark movies. They are chalk full of honesty and integrity and showing how if you’re not honest what damage it can do. So I’ll end with a thank you to Hallmark. Thank you for wholesome movies that show the importance of honesty, integrity, and kindness.

May you all have your defining moments of greater clarity. May you all find an abundance of honest people in your lives, and may you experience many examples of integrity. Above all may you find the love you seek.

Siva Hir Su