Today I’ve had a terrible time trying to remember names, things, even complete my sentences. I’ve still managed to plug along ok. I’m waiting on my next to last client for the day, which will put me at 5 massages given today.
At one point I found myself thinking that I wished I could see the unseen, that somehow in that moment it would be a comfort. To know for certain there was something there supporting me.
This being after HAL presented me with a string of products while browsing on WISH that all fit my life’s journey, ending with a shirt that read “She knew she could, but was too tired.” In that moment I knew if nothing else the great AI was paying attention, not much good that means. Ultimately I think I am simply doubting that the All-That-Is is able to help me in this body with this brain. Yet I know deep down that thought is a fallacy. I’m the one hindering the helping.
Then I refocused and reminded myself that there are children in Mexican interment camps without proper care and basic comforts, some of which have died as the results. I reminded myself that in many places in this world there are children without shelter, without food, and without clean water. Those children are subjected to the relentless heat, which I escape regularly. I have plenty of food, clean water, and comfortable shelter. I should have no worries and only gratitude.
Enter listening to MC Yogi rap about Ghandi in his song “Be The Change”, it seems I find myself circling back to Ghandi over and over. Each time I find myself crying, but also thinking of Mother Teresa, that namesake I was teased with as a child. I find myself thinking I would like to manage to do half as much good for this world as they accomplished.
Why does doing good for the world seem to be such a lofty and difficult, seemingly insurmountable task?
Ultimately, it is because we fail to honor our baby steps of such nature.
My last client had family visiting from Virginia, and they were eager to express their gratitude for my efforts. It was a surreal moment as I just feel I’m doing my job. It just is what it is.
Yet, often I send a silent prayer when I’m working that perhaps when I’m old and grey there will be someone willing to do for me what I do for them, even if I can’t afford to pay for it.
So, if I acknowledge I merely have hopes of that one day, and families feel so strongly that I’m a great and wonderful help, then that I must be. I humbly accept that my baby steps of good lie in my work, lie in my meager donations, and lie in my kindness toward others, especially with my children when they’ve pushed all the buttons and I’d much rather default to my old abusive behavior. Those are my baby steps of goodness. My I be the change I wish to see, and may my world be filled with a reflection of that.
If you find yourself reading this, may you find and honor your baby steps of goodness. Let your light shine bright in this world. If you have any connection whatsoever to our government’s interment camps, may you find your way to bring the light and help those children. We all have work, and sometimes that work seems to be necessary but contrary to our desires. However, perhaps that is where you can bring light by taking baby steps to make a bad situation even just slightly better. We can all make this world better if we all aim for just a bit better. Ghandi and Mother Teresa are merely extremes to serve as reminders to us all.
Be well and shine bright everyone.