Tag Archives: grateful

Keeping my word.

Years ago, before my online romance SJ, I promised God that if he helped me pull up I would do my best to do good for God.

Now it seems that my long lost SJ helped me pull up enough that I have regained my balance in this world. I have gotten to a place where I can help others to some degree.

First was my desire to help Chairty Water. I originally started with the tiniest monthly contribution, and now I am able to match what I spend on our TV entertainment each month. It’s a step in the right direction.

Second was my dad. He is now with my sister and the few remaining pieces are slowly resolving. Beyond the healing that enabled for me, I’m glad that he has gotten what he wanted.

Now I have two new situations I am doing my best to help with.

The friend I wrote of with MRSA. Nathan paid a visit to her in the hospital and took flowers. It was simply an acknowledgement that 10 years ago when he was in a similar situation, I- as his wife, was his only visitor. So, he didn’t want her to feel the same way. While there he discovered that her wife had left her and was living with someone else, and her mother and father are AWOL because they are battling their addictions and mental diseases and unable to even be civil human beings. She has no one significant in her life. She has friends only, some of which have already helped and some of which are willing to do more as able. She has two weeks left of her 6 week hospital stay, and then she has no solid plan. The infection was mostly surgically removed, except for a small spot in the left ventricle of her heart, but she now has a massive incision in her groin needing dressing changes. It’s eerily similar to Nathan’s original surgery and predicament.

Anyway after my workday was over Nathan filled me in on his visit and everything they spoke about. I reached out to her and offered our home in the same way I did for my father. I also offered to help her with PT and getting to and from post hospital appointments. I even suggested that I might be able to connect her with a job when she is able to return to work.

It felt really good to be able to do that. It’s really not much; in the grand scheme of things, the changes to our utilities and grocery bills are small enough to not even hesitate. I knew that her need for a space to be able to heal and regain her strength was far more important to God, so I know it will work out. I wish more people were able to do that for fellow human beings. We all need each other sometimes.

The other situation I’m doing my best to help with is the friend and co-worker that had the lump in her breast that I had initially checked to try and help guide her decisions. I had really hoped it was nothing and my gut reaction was off, but it has been diagnosed as cancer. Full ramifications are not known yet, but I know that she is super stressed and worried. I’ve been saying prayers and offering everything that comes to mind. My latest offer is to learn her job at the clinic, off the clock, so that I might be able to help fill in or help train a replacement if needed. I will do whatever is needed because she is a kind human being that needs the support right now. I have been racking my brain reaching for more that I might be able to offer, but she has many friends and family, so I think I have offered what is possible for now. Prayers are always welcome.

Sometimes God really does want us to reach for good for ourselves so that we can help others in the long term. I have learned that lesson in a very palpable way today. Simply because of depression riddled pleas 6 years ago, I have managed to slowly climb myself out of the hole and into being able to help others. There is still a long ways that I can go yet, but I’m extremely grateful that I have made it this far. I am so grateful that I am able to take steps to keep my word with God. I promised I would help him if he helped me, and that is what I am doing. Everyday I help people through my jobs, and now I can even help outside of my jobs.

I really do have my baby Atira. My home is not the big complex dome community of my dreams, but all of the things are present, and especially the charitable works. That was always the most important part anyway.

Beyond that God is healing me. Slowly but surely I know my body is healing and very soon I will have healed every bit of my previous concerns. I can feel and see the difference. I am ever so grateful for that too because I know it is giving me massive amounts of energy to do all of the things I am doing. My body healing is a direct correlation to being able to help others even more. I am so very grateful for all of God’s grace in my life. I hope I can properly honor all the good that has flowed through me.

May you see your place in the world. May you honor the good that has manifested in your life. May you understand how God helped you. May you see that there are people who care and want to help you when you need it most. May you find the ways to return the favors. May you find a way to flow good to others on behalf of God. May you see and understand that God loves and supports you, and wants the best for you, all you need to do is let God in. May you know you are loved.

Siva Hir Su

*The picture is my original. Monarch butterfly on orange zinnia flower. Taken at Kauffman Gardens, Kansas City, Missouri.

Beautiful

Watch “Hollow Coves – Moments (Gold Coast Acoustic Session)” on YouTube

This video is how I ended my day. I started my day with mantras.

In between I had a very heavy workday that almost tanked when fatigue and a conversation gone awry threatened my mood in a most significant negative way. I briefly dipped into not wanting to live in a world full of fear and people that don’t want to really live, convinced they must be afraid of shadows of the unstoppable. After shedding tears in my office alone, I talked myself part way out focusing on there has to be something to live for. It was enough to have an adequate session with my last client. Then on the way home I stopped at Minor Park in south KC.

The goal was to clear everyone else’s negative out and even some of my worst fears.

I sat at the base of a tree and watched and listened to the river flow. It was beautiful and relaxing and the tree helped me ground well.

While sitting there I learned a plant I was looking at was not the helpful Angelica but Hemlock and deadly poisonous. I am grateful for modern technology and it’s ability to answer most any question from most any location. I’m also grateful that I was not the one that discovered Hemlock to be so deadly, and sent a prayer of thanks for those that sacrificed their lives eons ago to save generations to come.

As I sat grounding, releasing, contemplating and learning, 3 damselflies landed on me. One at a time, each lingering just long enough for me to get the bright idea to try and get a picture. As soon as I would swipe the camera icon- off they would fly.

Some moments are solely for the observer and not meant to be captured.

Walking back to my car I noticed a whole area of wild strawberries. I stopped and picked a ripe one, it was so delicious even in it’s tiny wildness. I lingered and picked a whole handful. It provided a massive appreciation for our ancestors. Once upon a time that was what was considered an amazing treat: 15 minutes stooped over picking tiny morsels of delight.

Now we can just go to any of a number of stores and pick from rows of berries; organic, or not, whichever you want. They are much larger and much sweeter, and much harder on your system if you lack the control to know what one serving is. I have learned that the hard way. I’m very grateful for the accessibility of modern cultivated healthy foods, and even more appreciative that I’ve learned control, before it was too late for my body to heal. I look forward to days when my body can handle the large servings again, but with knowing better so I won’t hurt myself again.

After savoring my tiny handful of wild bliss, I continued on to my car.

As I neared I saw a very large bird drop from the tree to the ground just inside the wild untamed areas. I wanted to know what bird I saw, and cued up my camera as I walked closer. As I neared a jogger rushed by and scared the bird back up into the tree. I hit the camera button as fast as I could and thought for certain I had caught the bird in a picture.

I had not, as if to emphasize the message of the damselflies.

I walked even closer hoping to snap a picture of it sitting on the tree limb. I was almost in view and it took off into the forest. Again my picture taking abilities failed. However, I did figure out it was a great horned owl, out for my viewing pleasure, and over 2 hours before sunset. That is such a wonderful treat.

Again I am super appreciative of the moment, a rare treat to see a big beautiful raptor, relatively close and when they are supposed to be sleeping. I’m also glad no small pets were present as owls that large do like to eat little fluffy creatures.

It is all part of life.

Beauty, tranquility, peace, and even potentially hazardous, even deadly things are all part of life.

I choose to be grateful for living and finding my way around and through the scary and hazardous things. I choose to let God heal my body and keep me safe from further harm. I would love to see the rest of the world find that alignment, but that is not something I can affect or control. I now know that I am not perfect at maintaining my alignment, but once I falter, I now know how to climb up much more quickly and effectively. For all of that knowing I am eternally grateful.

May you find your moments of bliss. May you have a knowing that life is not only worth living, but worth savoring too. May you know that your eyes and ears are tools for a far greater observer than that of your human self. May you appreciate all the special moments that are just for you. May you know that God would rather you be surprised and delighted than living in fear. May you know that you are generally safe and your time to go is only when you desire a different vantage point that your current body can’t facilitate. May you know that God loves and supports you regardless of the name you call God or the language you use.

Siva Hir Su

Beauty Full Ways

A walk amidst sun’s warmth

Cottonwood seeds float

Wind and sunbeams stir their dance

Echoes of barely visible fairies

Fantasy dreams stirred

Memories of youthful conversations

Among dust flecked fairies in sunbeams

It is all beauty full

Dragons and damsels fly

Buzzing and swirling

Over mossey coated

Aqua ripples

Birds sing as vultures circle

Snakes take cooling dips

Fish jump as Toads croak

It is all

So very

Beauty Full

Thistles and chamomile

Lilies and roses

Hostas and pansies

From wild untamed

To meticulously cultivated

Blooms and Branches

It is all so very

Beauty Full

Give thanks

Gratitude and appreciation

God did good

It is all good

Pleasure for

Eyes and ears

Mind and soul

A moment of

Awe and wonder

One human’s view

A small fraction

Of infinite wonder

A moment in

Endless time

Beauty Full

Endlessly So

If only

The observer

Was too