Tag Archives: heal your body

Rawr

After my last post I was feeling really good.

Two hours later I was feeling strange. Having odd moments I couldn’t explain, and Nathan and my kids were too. He texted me asking if I was okay, something he does frequently when he feels like something is up. I replied that I felt strange and like something was happening. He replied that it was affecting the whole family and caused him anxiety and Ian a bit of a freak-out melt-down. A sense of our environment having odd shifty sensations was the key overlapping experience, like you were looking at something and it moved for just a second.

It didn’t subside, and that night I texted other staff I was thinking about not working the next day because the weird stuff was taxing me energetically.

That evening I had an episode of full body tremors/shivers with mid-back pain. I only slightly felt cold and no temperature registered on my digital thermometer, with my highest reading being 97.8°. I immediately thought of when Nathan’s kidney stuff was at it’s worst and freaked out screaming at thin air. I was livid that I’ve been doing everything right, and in that moment felt like I was dieing. I screamed myself hoarse.

Multiple text conversations later, I did decide to not work, and they said Nathan and I should get acupuncture and chiropractic. The acupuncturist had had similar oddities that day, but her list was shorter. They did ask me to find a COVID test one way or another.

An hour an half of scouring the intent I claimed the last test at a CVS, 20 miles from home. It was an end of the day time slot on Friday, so clinic treatments happened first. Nathan ended up having low blood pressure drops and passed out 3 times. I still felt strange. The acupuncture helped a lot, and chiropractic helped me move better, solving the residual mid-back pain.

We went home to wait for my test, and I was literally on the fence about working today (Sat). I only had the odd moments and sore throat from screaming, and Saturdays are 3 hours and done. I said I’d work it, before leaving to complete the test.

The test was a rapid response nose swab. It came back an hour later as positive. I texted everyone results and assumed time off work. At that point even my throat and voice were feeling better. I was miffed, but honored testing to take time off.

Now it’s the end of Saturday. My throat actually came back with a vengeance about 11am, and I’ve spent most of the day without a voice. My body temperature has actually been running near hypothermia at 94.4-96.4°, so I took an extra dose of thyroid meds and told Nathan I need calories I can swallow. Otherwise I feel no worse than any other head cold I’ve ever had.

I’m still angry because I have been doing everything right, and I actually feel worse 24 hours post test than pre-test.

I also went through a moment of angry at the teen. She has no symptoms and wanted to hide. I was told that I made a mistake in assuming it was because she thought it would spare her. Yet, after I pointed out that she’d already been exposed for probably several days, she begrudgingly came out of hiding to help with her siblings. I pointed out that she might already be immune, which would confirm my prior sentiments that we’ve already had COVID before. Regardless, whether she eventually shows symptoms or not, she was not going to spare exposure by hiding now, it was already too late for that. That is how viral infections work, they spread before you even know you have it, and by the time the weird symptoms set in, it was in full swing and she was definitely exposed then. It’s one of the most annoying elements of the last two years, and why 4 of 5 of us were impacted at the exact same time.

What I can’t figure out is how the acupuncturist had weird things happen at the same time. My family has been nowhere as a whole family in ages, and definitely not in conjunction with the acupuncturist. So there should have been at least a little bit of staggering of arrival of symptoms, weird or otherwise. Yet we were all impacted around 11am to noon on Thursday. That is just odd.

Anyway, Nathan got tested through his dialysis clinic, but results for him will take 3 days. We are charged with searching for a test for the teen. She has been instructed not to work until she can produce a negative result test. It’s a tall order to even find a test right now, and if she’s asymptomatic carrier, then she might have to test several times over to be able to return to work.

I just think it’s all a bunch of hogwash when the system doesn’t care about long-term effects, long-term damages, the possibility of chronic infections, or the fact that their precious failed to do anything. After my positive, Nathan read a Facebook post from a friend, whom has been as fully vaccinated as is possible with her last booster being less than a month ago and she’s sick with COVID too.

I’ll reiterate. Put up or shut up.

If the system isn’t really going to produce anything to truly fix this, then stop making everyone jump through rediculous hoops over and over, again and again. Definitely stop scaring everyone constantly because that’s not helping matters at all.

We don’t do any of this for the flu or any one of a number of other diseases that medicine failed to permanently solve (several of which they don’t even educate their own staff properly on). So why this one?

I’m not stupid. I’m not going back to work until I am 100%. I don’t with anything I catch. But just like the flu, by the time I was certain it was illness, it was too late, I’d already exposed people, masked and all. I’m not dumb, a paper mask may help but does not eliminate risk of transmission. I likely exposed at least a dozen clients, the entire staff, and a few people in stores before I showed a single odd moment. It is what it is.

And the higher and deeper this piles, the more I simply know it’s going to take a long term toll. I do believe in the divine, and whether this was man-made or not, the divine sure as hell isn’t stopping it. So I have to believe it is serving a purpose that God supports.

May you know you are here for a reason. May you understand that some things are not solveable, and your role and responsibility is to do the best you are able with the hand you are dealt. May you find the discomfort of illness tolerable, and find your way to full recovery and restored balance. May you heal yourself and your world one step at a time. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Continuation

I was in the middle of meditation when my inner self said I needed to share the words I’m using, and the experience of thier effects for me.

So here goes my best meditative post for the day.

I am here.
I am a miracle.
I am a miracle for having made it through this far.
I am a miracle because of my body and my brain, and their awe inspiring ability to heal.
I am a healer just by virtue of being alive.

I feel the light that those statements bring to my awareness, as a warm tingly sensation spreading through my body and brain. Then the light starts to produce pressure in certain areas. Those are the edges of where the flow is blocked, just like how a trigger point resists my touch.

Repeat. I am here.
I am a miracle.
My body is a miracle.
My brain is a miracle.
I am alive because of the miracle healing mechanisms in my body.
I made it through everything just by being me and choosing to live.

The pressure grows to be more noticeable. I give it the attention it needs just as I would a trigger point. Acknowledge it is there. Something caused it to be hurt and the hurt got stuck in a way that is cutting off the love, the flow of life in your body.

I am sorry that those things happened, and I'm sorry that they never healed. I deserved better than that, and I am the one that failed to give myself what was needed to heal at the time. I am sorry.

I love you (pressure/pain space). I love myself enough to fix it now. I have given myself all of the tools my body needs to mend, I made sure of it by taking my vitamins and a few very supportive herbs. I made sure of it, because I know that my brain is struggling because it needs something. So regardless of what IT says I'm going to do my best to provide. I am a miracle goddess worthy and deserving of love. Real love.

Discomfort grows, but in smaller areas.

The pressure, the discomfort, is where the light is moving into the damaged spaces. It is uncomfortable because it forces flow to return, it forces life to live again. The damage was never mended, and the only way to bring in healing is to open the wound. God's light is gentler than surgery, but still uncomfortable.

Opening a wound is always going to be painful. But once open the light, the flow, can return.

The relief begins.

The flow brings what was needed all along.

It becomes a gentle loving embrace.
The sense of support we all need.
Those parts of me, they just didn't know they needed it, or even what it was.

The pressure feels less but stays.
Now it is the pressure of being supported in loving light.
Now it is the pressure of nutrients and hydration flowing in.
It is a good pressure, it is a helpful pressure.
It is the feeling of God being let into spaces that have not felt the light and love for decades.
This discomfort, this definitely feels good. Like the hurts-good of my fix-it massages.
It makes sure that everything gets what it needs.
It is omnipresent, all the damaged spaces receiving simultaneously, my only ability to discern is where I focus my attention.
I count 11 in my brain, head, and neck.
I count 23 in the rest of my body.
And I'm writing from this mindful space so I may have missed some.
All of them found with the same level of light and love flowing much needed supportive pressure.

Pause.
Feel.
Just sitting with the sensations.
Let the mind relax, and check in on spots in a rotation you don't have to think too much about.
Just know the light and love is working, and the level of damage is what determines how long it might take.
Do this as long as possible, every day.
If you have to stop because of life, just know you have to revisit until complete. With my years of practice, I'm able to do this as long as no one is talking directly to me, it has been a huge help.

You know it is complete when the pressure releases and you genuinely feel better in that spot. It feels good again. It feels easy again. It feels normal again.

If you get distracted, repeat.
I am here.
I am a miracle.
My body is a miracle.
My brain is a miracle.
I made it through all of that and I'm still alive.
I deserve the miracle that is ME.
I deserve all that is wonderful and good.
I deserve to have myself and all that means.
I deserve all the love and light needed to heal fully and completely.

Sit and relax and repeat any of this as much as needed. Do what your body asks of you. If you need to pee, go pee. If you need a drink, drink something, preferably pure water. If your body wants to change position do it to the fullest of your ability. Just keep breathing through all of it and stay focused on the message here.

May you find the healing you seek. May the flow do exactly what you hope for. May we all find the release of healing and find our whole inner self. May we all feel just fine again. May you feel good and know the light of life is flowing in all of you. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

As above so below. An it harm none, do what ye will. So mote it be.

May God’s will be complete, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Bhumi mangalam,
Udaka mangalam,
Agni mangalam,
Vayu mangalam,
Gagana mangalam,
Surya mangalam,
Chandra mangalam,
Jagata Mangalam,
Jeeva mangalam,
Deva mangala,
Mano mangalam,
Aatma mangalam,
Sarva mangalam
Om Shanti
(Translation: May there be tranquility on earth, in water, in fire, in the wind, in the sky, on the sun, on the moon, on our planet, in all living beings, in the body, in the mind, and in the spirit. May that tranquility be everywhere and in everyone. Aum peace)

Om Shanti

Cycles

Seems I’m in another cycle of self-healing. Anger transformed to focused intent.

After my last post I felt the need to focus on my self going back as far as I could find the feeling place of my divine inner being. I was aimed at triggering my earliest memory of me, before sickness, before traumas, before stress and disease. My purest me.

I reached for and found the feeling place of having just been born and exploring the range of what my body could handle. That feeling of being new to the world and finally able to stretch out and move my body around, exploring my experience. I actually had a moment of quiet where my legs wanted to kick the blanket off, but I was not covered by any blanket.

That stirred two thoughts that I repeated for the rest of the day.

I’m a miracle for having made it through everything before. My body and brain are a miracle for their amazing ability to heal (and their interconnected complex functions of life).

I am a born healer just by being alive. That which I am, is a miracle that has helped me survive so many things, and will do so again with a little slow quiet.

At one point I found myself saying: all I need to do is just be me, I’m a healer and healing myself by just being me.

Hours of repetition later, I am feeling better emotionally, and much more aware of my ability to slow down. Now I just need to allow that to flow to my family and world so that much needed support manifests to keep the ‘miracle healing of self’ vibe going. My body needs the space and resources to heal. When I was a baby simple hydration would have been sufficient for quite some time. As an adult I wouldn’t say I need much of anything else internally, but the process now includes an entire family.

My body is a miracle. My brain is a miracle. My life is healing. My world is healing.

One step at a time.

May you transform your anger to healing. May you find your miracle moment of your inner self and milk it for all that it is worth. May you know your path and find a way to stay to connected as well as possible. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Liberating Clearing

I told a client of my current emotional processing of immensely intense stretches releasing deeply held traumas. I said: “It is not for the faint of heart, but that I felt like God was going to smite me if I didn’t do it to the fullest of my ability.”

Between pain, screams of anger at God, intensely deep stretches pushing my own limits, and resulting trauma release responses, especially crying, I feel like I’m making more progress.

My hips are a bit unstable at the moment, and tender doesn’t even begin to describe some of the remnants needing mended. Yet, when I am just sitting I feel more balanced and stable than a week ago.

The process has included many mental image moments that I simply have no idea their true accuracy. The mental images are the closest translation of what my body has been holding.

  • There was an image of a nurse holding me upside down by one ankle (postnatally).
  • There was an image of mom’s belly being so tight from overwork that I was compressed to her spine, in an inability to move fully and properly as a developing baby should.
  • There was a feeling of fear in the midst of a fight, that feeling stirred when an argument hits maximum and you’re afraid of what the other will do.
  • There was a ‘fallen and I can’t get up’ moment where legs felt like they were so tight I simply couldn’t get on my knees and get to standing. (It made me think mom had fallen, but I called her and she’s fine.)
  • There was what I can best call a rebirthing moment. In reality I was born C-section, but I had a fairly clear moment of what it might feel like to be born as my children were, right in the midst of transitioning between hip opening stretches.
  • The neck thing I carry in C1/C2 turned loose as I was working on a spot in my low back. As I was working on releasing the low back L5/SI area, it felt like whiplash had happened at some point. I was wracking my brain for any actual memory of such an event to my lower spine, and all of a sudden clunk in my neck. If the two are truly connected, then the only thing I can place it with is the time I fell on my head off of the end of a slide as a toddler. I’m hoping I released both ends well enough to keep it gone, but have enough experience to know that things are rarely once and done. May I know how to repeat well enough to accomplish full release in as few repeats as possible.
  • There are probably some other moments I’m forgetting, which is likely a good sign.

Anyway, after all of this and more I’m wrapping my brain around elements of pain retention. How our body traps it, not just for us, but for generations. I have been repeating “Heal me and my children as far back as necessary, down to DNA and mitochondria for here, now, through birth and to generations past.”

Then this morning, I was fortunate enough to get a moment of meditation in. I had a strong awareness that I am going to be able to walk away from something soon. In that way that once you really understand something it gets easy. I feel like I’m going to be faced with one of the common topics of my life, for about the last 5 years, and that I’m going to be able to say no easily. The same way that women that have truly worked through abuse can recognize it much faster and refuse it before anything comes of it. It only sort of confused me.

Abraham swears there are no tests and that God isn’t out to get us or punish us. Jesus was fond of similar sentiments.

Yet, there is that momentum thing, when something has been rolling a really long time it takes on a life of it’s own. Some event has to stop that momentum, and sometimes it is simply the measure of knowing ones’ own strength to stop it oneself. Being able to face it one last time and say “nope, not today”, but actually stopping it dead in it’s tracks, not just diverting it. Diversions only slow the momentum, it’ll just keep rolling and eventually cross your path again. No, one must be strong enough to fully and completely stop the ball or assume the impact.

My awareness this morning helps me know that I am strong enough to stop it myself and stay standing. I am not certain which topic it is in regards to, or the details, but I am much more confident in my capabilities to handle whatever it is, and take the higher ground.

May we all have life affirming moments and an awareness of our capabilities. May we all see ourselves as strong enough to stop something with momentum. May we know we are on the right track and heading in the right direction. May we understand our strengths and use those to lift our weaknesses up. May we all process traumas so that we can be more functional, healthy, and help our children heal to stop the parade of generational trauma. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Real is now.

I owe Nathan an apology. I had a ‘”look at the real picture honestly so that you don’t get disappointed” moment and he wanted me to have hope for better.

I still prefer a quick easy life exit, and still don’t have much hope for major sweeping social changes during my lifetime.

But in a way Nathan was right. My biggest problems lie in trying to solve what is out of my hands, and I not staying in the now consistently.

My now really isn’t as bad as it could be, and the disease(s) that like(s) to lie to my brain, is loosing more frequently than previous. I see the mental lies for what they are, and when I catch them I can walk right around them.

Really when I catch the negative lies, I simply refocus on the now, and the positives I do know. But after several years of practice I am still not 100% consistent. Hell, I’m not sure I’m even 75% yet, but I do think I’m over the half way hump enough to matter for improvement.

So when brains start telling us the other is going to die; I remember that it’s not right now or I wouldn’t be having an argument with my brain to begin with, I’d be dead.

Now
I'm breathing
Now
I'm awake
Now
I'm making a choice
Be present
Be here
Be alive
Be me
Remember who
i am
I
God's
Gift
A healer
Incarnate
Here
To Do
Divine
Work
For mySelf
To Do
The ultimate
For humanity
It is
Possible
I can
If i
Let I
Help

~ Treasa Cailleach

May you see your now and the way to healing. May you know that your own healing is the first step to healing all of humanity. May you know the ripple always starts with one drop. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti