Tag Archives: heal yourself

Reaching for me again.

It’s been a challenge to stay focused on my inner light lately. I have support from those around me, but especially from the acupuncturist. I’m also relying heavily on music, solfeggio frequencies, and mantras. They help, but it’s a continuous process.

I also feel like I’m having to relearn alignment with body changes.

I’m fasting more than ever due to external influences, it seems like the only times I feel really good are when I have not taken anything extra into my body. It’s like food is one thing too much and the toxic levels get too high. The acupuncturist has helped with inflammation and mood imbalances in these shifting times.

And I have made friends with yoga so much that, I’m now striking poses while working on people to attempt to right my pelvic imbalances. I am struggling to correct pelvic tilt and spread now that my hips and tummy are not as heavy. My happy medium, perfect alignment, seems to be fleeting moments when concentration lands specifically on righting my hips. And that is nothing to mention the number of audible joint adjustments that I’m able to hear just from shifting my pelvic region or legs. Unstable is a good descriptor.

Meanwhile, my thoughts center mostly on kicking out that which isn’t mine, be it energetic or actual toxins in my bloodstream. I feel like I have an overabundance of toxins of both kinds lately and I just need them out.  So I focus on toxins being eliminated from my body, my kidneys and liver working well, and energy that isn’t mine being grounded and shielded, at least until relief is felt.

When I am in a more relieved state I do my best to keep it that way by focusing on what is me.

I am a beautiful, human woman. I am strong and intelligent. I like music and laying in the sunshine. I like……. I love everyone around me, always, but even when they don’t return it. I love my pets and my family. I love ….. I appreciate my home and my less stress work. I’m grateful that mostly we have enough. I am thankful for making it through rough times. …..

You get the idea.

My thoughts are more and more on one of these two veins, and less and less on anything else.

Yesterday, I had a moment where one of my power-drains became evident. Someone I am connected to was focusing on the wrongness in the fact that there is only one option, and it’s being forced upon people even though it isn’t doing what was promised anyways. The gist is why don’t people see that the limited being forced, is the problem, and that there could potentially be many solutions if that was allowed, and I don’t disagree. Beyond the fact that it seems very questionable in a “it puts the lotion on it’s skin if it wants to live” sort of way; I personally believe there should be multiple options in this mess and that we all should have the right to choose. Even with one option we still should have the right to choose. That is basic human rights and our freedom, which has been promised to us here in America for 200 years.

However, in the moment of my experience yesterday, it was clear that because my love was being given to that person, and they were in turn focusing on the negative, it was creating a massive drain on my energy and it felt so intense in the moment I thought it would cause me to die if I don’t find a solution. I literally got cold and started shivering from the experienced energy drain, and I was sitting outside in my hammock in near 80° weather. It was very intense and somewhat scary.

As I was verbalizing my thoughts to get them to stick better energetically and hopefully override the experience, my son explained he knew how I felt. He has apparently been having very similar moments and feeling the same things. He told me that he had tried saying some of the same phrases but that they don’t stick well for him. I told him I’m having the same trouble but we have to keep practicing and trying new phrases to find out what works well enough.

I must figure this out quickly to protect my children.

Unfortunately, I know that western medicine is too busy trying to protect their failure to actually focus on producing real solutions. Bonus, no doctor I’ve ever been to, has helped, and that was before energetics and Covid threatened my life. It just doesn’t really leave me any hope that they will help now. I’ve been to the doctor more the last 2 years than the previous 2 decades, yet nothing has improved by their efforts or measures. It’s just not worth my time anymore, and if I’m going to die because of Covid aftermath, I’d rather not waste my time and energy on the medical system anymore. A singular-sighted system, with a fallible injection, trying to serve diverse masses based on mostly-white-male-averages and with absolutely no backup plan, all while dealing with a new disease mutating at an exponential rate (no other disease known to man has done that BTW), is not worth investing anything into.

So, off food, a fraction of my supplements are making it into me these days, doing my level best to keep up with the Energetics, reaching for solutions for me and my children, and maintaining my focus as best as possible to find as much alignment as possible. That’s the short of it.

May you have easy transitions in this time of global change. May you find that all changes in your life and in your body are managed easily. May you see love and support all around you. May you know that you’ll get through this and eventually clear they other side okay. May you know that change is inevitable and sometimes it’s grander than others. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Your best joyful.

Today’s Sadhguru quote:

I was already thinking about my childhood when I saw the quote. Initially, contemplation was stirred by several people having asked me if I liked what I do.

I have answered honestly every time that question has ever been asked, and surprisingly my answer is not much different that the first time I was asked years ago.

In general I love what I do. I help people, I enable people to feel better and I often guide them towards finding healing (or with elderly- release, which is its own kind of healing). There have been points in my history where finances were very tight or other elements were stressful, but mostly my career is low stress and adequate financially. I will likely never become a millionaire on massage alone, but I have changed lives and helped others find less stress and more peace. I help people every day that I get up and go do what I do best.

And that is the key: WHAT I do BEST.

My best is not always hands rubbing and poking muscles. My best is not always words that come out of my mouth. My best changes from moment to moment. Sometimes it is energy work, sometimes it is the massage, sometimes it is saying just the right words at just the right moment, and sometimes it is what I do when I’m not earning my keep.

And I don’t always manage my best, but I always know why.

My mom was key in better understanding of the phrase “Always do your best”. She was the one that repeated it frequently, but she also had a deeper understanding of it.

She would tell us stories of how she was punished by teachers when she couldn’t read the blackboard after having had Scarlett fever, and finally one teacher figured out she simply couldn’t see. She would tell us stories of being moved around over and over again because she was a military kid, and all of the trouble it caused for her, but how she would get through. There were dozens of stories I heard as a kid where she was conveying that she was doing her best to survive and get through even when no one else noticed or cared, but eventually it mattered and got better.

She was key in my understanding that “Always do your best” only really matters to you. It only matters to the person doing their best. You are the only one that can determine if you are doing your best in any given moment or any given situation.

I then thought of when I was a kid participating in district solo and ensemble competitions. I was that kid that aimed for the 1’s not because I got ribbons and medals. No I aimed at the 1’s because I wanted to do my best regardless of anyone else. I would sit in a corner practicing quietly and let everyone ignore me, and later I would beat up on myself for mistakes because I knew I could do better. It wasn’t until years later that I understood I had already done my best because stage fright was real for me. Simply having managed receiving 1’s multiple times over, when battling stage fright intensely, was a feat in and of itself. Simply conquering my dyslexia on my own was a feat of my fortitude.

I was the kid that was bullied, molested, picked on or ignored mostly. But I still did my best getting good grades, setting curves, winning music and art competitions, and volunteering whenever I was able.

And to this day I am satisfied with my self-sufficient kick-ass way of always doing my best.

None of my accomplishments mean anything to the world, but they are no less amazing and spectacular. None of my accomplishments mean much to my birth family, but they are no less amazing and spectacular.

I am standing on my own and with great knowing that I can and will continue to do so, no matter what.

I am in a marriage that was completely unsupported by anyone. I have kids that were unaccepted because they are mixed race. I have largely done it all on my own and I still give my love to others daily.

I do not need anyone to support me or make things better, because I know that I always do my best, no matter what. I also know that those that shy away from me because of my baggage, are entirely missing the point.

I am a beautiful goddess and strong in my power. I am not perfect, I am a human goddess. I make mistakes, and I understand how to do better the next time. I constantly strive to do better because I know my best can keep improving. My best matters to me because it got me through when there was no one and no way to do it otherwise. My best is the result of all I’ve seen, done, and learned along the way.

And I forgive myself for the moments that weren’t my best. Humans make mistakes. It’s what you do with your mistakes that matters.

So yes, I love my career because it bring great satisfaction with minimal stress and it allows me to do my best every day I live.

To quote Abraham: “Money isn’t the root of all evil, but it isn’t the cause or solution of everything either”. For me I’d love to have more money, but I’m satisfied with the results of doing my best, even if more money never comes. My best is what has always mattered to me the most, and it’s not always measurable in dollars.

May you know that you do your best always. May you know what your best looks like and find forgiveness for the moments that aren’t. May you always understand why you didn’t accomplish your best and know how to improve next time. May you see the good in all parts of your life and have greater understanding for yourself and others. May you find that your best guides you to joyful work and a joyful life. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Mind Yourself

I find that I am needing to take my own advice again.

“Mind yourself” came about because my son is a Leo and his firey personality is easily angered and frustrated by others actions and words, especially those of his siblings. He often feels the need to roar like a lion and make his feelings about them be known. So lately I’ve just been gently reminding him to mind himself and ignore everything else. It takes a concerted effort, but eventually he does mind himself and relax.

It seems I need to listen to my own advice because I keep taking the bait, and reacting to others about stuff that I have let go of repeatedly.

Yet again everyone is in fear and speculating about all the things.

Everyone has an opinion about everything. Myself included.

Yet I am painfully aware that my opinions rarely align with others because most everyone around me wants to pick an extreme, and it depends on the topic and the person, as to which extreme I am subjected to.

This afternoon I simply went to say goodbye to coworkers I care for, and walked in to a discussion stirred by an article about venom being tested as an Covid solution.

I fell for the bait- again.

I said I was not surprised, and pointed out it wouldn’t be the first time venom has been used as a treatment for something. I also said I wouldn’t try it right now, but if it cleared proper testing and I ended up in a situation needing it, it likely wouldn’t be any riskier than any other options. At least someone is even attempting to produce options and solutions for people. I’m willing to evaluate and weigh risks of anything, it really depends on whether the risk is worth the potential results, and I whether I can handle said risk(s).

I also pointed out that us stupid humans make all kinds of mistakes, there’s not a human on this planet that hasn’t made a whole laundry list of mistakes, and sometimes I simply trust God more than any human options. Clarifying with several examples where “good science” or “good medicine” told us one thing for years, even decades or centuries, to later confess they were wrong.

Eggs being good or bad, the food guide pyramid being changed to the plate formula used now, the model of an atom has change multiple times, even the concept of being able to travel faster than sound once was impossible and now is. There are literally thousands of examples where both science and medicine have changed their minds as more data and more evaluation was possible. Our knowledge is only as good as the tools and information we have at any given time.

My phraseology and statements didn’t sit well with them… Again. I said goodnight and left, wishing I had just left without discussion.

So now I sit minding myself.

I’ve spent two days listening to Green Day and I remember why I love their music. They make awesome music off of knocking sense into the masses. Their songs are laden with righting wrongs, dealing with inner turmoil, and making sense of the senseless. Every last song I’ve heard of theirs makes me feel okay because I simply know I am not actually crazy nor am I alone in this mess.

I know that I see a bigger picture. I know that I make decisions based on my inner knowing more often than not. I know that I know how to reach my inner connection to the divine and when I’m not falling for ‘argue-with-me bait’, I know I am centered in that inner knowledge. I do know that I trust my inner being more than anything else, because it has never led me astray, only falling for someone else’s opinions has ever led me astray.

I may or may not be Mensa smart, but I know I am more intelligent than the average person, every test I have ever taken has shown that, and others notice my intelligence enough to tell me on occasion.

I know I am stronger than the average person and others notice all the time. It has provided an unending income stream of word-of-mouth referrals.

I know I am more energetically aware and in tune than the average person and others are noticing and telling me more and more frequently. It seems each week I get new requests for energetic work in addition to my massages.

I am hardworking and kind most of the time. I appreciate those around me, even when we disagree.

I do my best to help everyone around me, and my biggest fault is that there is only one of me attempting to do the work of 3 or 4.

I am a good person and I simply strive for better in whatever that means in any given moment or on any given topic.

I know that my inner being intended for me to be a beautiful goddess and I work on myself everyday reaching for the ideal I was always intended to be. I’m gradually shedding all of the toxic, old, negative junk that I collected as I grew up, and one day I will see clearly myself in my wholeness.

I have supported myself wholly and completely. There simply wasn’t anyone else to rely on for much of my life, even as a child my family really wanted me to be self sufficient to eliminate any burden on them. It was sink or swim and even though I almost sank in middle school, the rest of my life has been swimming and swimming and swimming (with a little floating on occasion). I will keep swimming with an occasional float to rest. One day I will reach shore and lounge on the beach for a rest. Then I will get up and keep walking. That is the journey of life, and I am on my journey for better or for worse. I will keep moving until whatever day that my divine half decides is fit for transition. I’m okay with knowing that.

I am okay. We are all okay. No matter what. Life is a journey and death is just a transition. It all keeps this immense infinite universe of ours moving forward.

May you find ways to mind your self. May you find ways to avoid taking the bait. May you see your self in the best ways and know that you are enough and that you are worthy. May you know that your life journey is all what you make it. May you know that you are okay no matter what, and that the universe is safe. May you think bigger to get past the little crap that has you stuck and focused in unhelpful ways. May you always find your source and float mostly. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti