Right now I’m taking a short break to wash sheets at the clinic. My brain hurts.
I decided that even though I can’t afford med-school, especially knowing I would argue with teachers frequently, it doesn’t mean I can’t learn what I need to learn, to help Nathan.
He’s struggling again, and needs answers, and I’m determined to make it happen one way or another. So I started with texting his nurse and reading textbooks at my easy access.
At work I have a whole library of medical compendiums at my access thanks to 3 chiropractors, 2 current and one retired. I started there with “Grey’s Anatomy”, not the stupid show. I’m now on to reading all applicable areas of “Medical Physiology”.
I’m certain I stirred up a rats’-nest with the DaVatia clinic, but the first doctor to get a clue and do their job right is spared if evidence does point to any applicable malpractice moments. Hopefully the DaVita doctor will be that saving grace, she seems nice enough.
I have plenty of books to read (see below) and if all else fails I can go down to UMKC and browse their medical library. I will find out what I need to know, one way or another. It’s too bad that I’m having to play Susan Saradon’s part in ‘Lorenzo’s Oil’. That movie was made in 1992 based on a true story from prior, yet here in 2021 there are still moments where the family cares more than the doctors.
So this is the library at work:
If I don’t find my answers there I will navigate UMKC. Somehow I will find answers. I just hope it it on time to prevent worse trouble for Nathan.
May you never have to battle for proper care. May doctors always do their best to help you. May you know that you are being cared for properly. May you have all the resources you need and find a way to make things right. May you fully understand every challenge in front of you and find solutions easily. May you always be heard and understood. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
It’s been a challenge to stay focused on my inner light lately. I have support from those around me, but especially from the acupuncturist. I’m also relying heavily on music, solfeggio frequencies, and mantras. They help, but it’s a continuous process.
I also feel like I’m having to relearn alignment with body changes.
I’m fasting more than ever due to external influences, it seems like the only times I feel really good are when I have not taken anything extra into my body. It’s like food is one thing too much and the toxic levels get too high. The acupuncturist has helped with inflammation and mood imbalances in these shifting times.
And I have made friends with yoga so much that, I’m now striking poses while working on people to attempt to right my pelvic imbalances. I am struggling to correct pelvic tilt and spread now that my hips and tummy are not as heavy. My happy medium, perfect alignment, seems to be fleeting moments when concentration lands specifically on righting my hips. And that is nothing to mention the number of audible joint adjustments that I’m able to hear just from shifting my pelvic region or legs. Unstable is a good descriptor.
Meanwhile, my thoughts center mostly on kicking out that which isn’t mine, be it energetic or actual toxins in my bloodstream. I feel like I have an overabundance of toxins of both kinds lately and I just need them out. So I focus on toxins being eliminated from my body, my kidneys and liver working well, and energy that isn’t mine being grounded and shielded, at least until relief is felt.
When I am in a more relieved state I do my best to keep it that way by focusing on what is me.
I am a beautiful, human woman. I am strong and intelligent. I like music and laying in the sunshine. I like……. I love everyone around me, always, but even when they don’t return it. I love my pets and my family. I love ….. I appreciate my home and my less stress work. I’m grateful that mostly we have enough. I am thankful for making it through rough times. …..
You get the idea.
My thoughts are more and more on one of these two veins, and less and less on anything else.
Yesterday, I had a moment where one of my power-drains became evident. Someone I am connected to was focusing on the wrongness in the fact that there is only one option, and it’s being forced upon people even though it isn’t doing what was promised anyways. The gist is why don’t people see that the limited being forced, is the problem, and that there could potentially be many solutions if that was allowed, and I don’t disagree. Beyond the fact that it seems very questionable in a “it puts the lotion on it’s skin if it wants to live” sort of way; I personally believe there should be multiple options in this mess and that we all should have the right to choose. Even with one option we still should have the right to choose. That is basic human rights and our freedom, which has been promised to us here in America for 200 years.
However, in the moment of my experience yesterday, it was clear that because my love was being given to that person, and they were in turn focusing on the negative, it was creating a massive drain on my energy and it felt so intense in the moment I thought it would cause me to die if I don’t find a solution. I literally got cold and started shivering from the experienced energy drain, and I was sitting outside in my hammock in near 80° weather. It was very intense and somewhat scary.
As I was verbalizing my thoughts to get them to stick better energetically and hopefully override the experience, my son explained he knew how I felt. He has apparently been having very similar moments and feeling the same things. He told me that he had tried saying some of the same phrases but that they don’t stick well for him. I told him I’m having the same trouble but we have to keep practicing and trying new phrases to find out what works well enough.
I must figure this out quickly to protect my children.
Unfortunately, I know that western medicine is too busy trying to protect their failure to actually focus on producing real solutions. Bonus, no doctor I’ve ever been to, has helped, and that was before energetics and Covid threatened my life. It just doesn’t really leave me any hope that they will help now. I’ve been to the doctor more the last 2 years than the previous 2 decades, yet nothing has improved by their efforts or measures. It’s just not worth my time anymore, and if I’m going to die because of Covid aftermath, I’d rather not waste my time and energy on the medical system anymore. A singular-sighted system, with a fallible injection, trying to serve diverse masses based on mostly-white-male-averages and with absolutely no backup plan, all while dealing with a new disease mutating at an exponential rate (no other disease known to man has done that BTW), is not worth investing anything into.
So, off food, a fraction of my supplements are making it into me these days, doing my level best to keep up with the Energetics, reaching for solutions for me and my children, and maintaining my focus as best as possible to find as much alignment as possible. That’s the short of it.
May you have easy transitions in this time of global change. May you find that all changes in your life and in your body are managed easily. May you see love and support all around you. May you know that you’ll get through this and eventually clear they other side okay. May you know that change is inevitable and sometimes it’s grander than others. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
So I’m hurting pretty bad, partly because of a flaky trade partner, partly because of those odd symptoms post Covid. I’m headed to a paid massage to fix the mechanical related aches and will take a salt bath when I get home. Hopefully the two will get me close to normal.
Anyway, yesterday we ended up at KC Pride Fest. I’m still not sure if I misunderstood the order of things with Anya’s friends, or if they just decided to swap the order. Either way, today is Parkville Days, and yesterday’s festival was right up my alley.
I ended up with a rainbow bag, a rainbow bracelet, and the finale was I bought myself a pride shirt and a new equality sticker from the event supporters.
The shirt shown below is my first size large tee-shirt since I don’t remember when, probably middle school. I’ve managed larges in stretchy polyester shirts that are cut right, but this is the first plain Jane tee. Having worked in screen printing, I know very well the standards that tee shirts stick to, and so I’m very aware that being able to wear a large tee means I have definitely shrunk. It’s a happy moment.
I chose a sarong to pair with my shirt, out of comfort. It’s not so flattering to my saggy belly, but I’m still happy to share my progress. Comfort and smaller = happiness and contented.
May you enjoy Pride Fest wherever you are. May you have moments of recognition of your progress. May you enjoy your days mostly and find many reasons to be happy and satisfied. May you feel good and know you are healthy. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.