Tag Archives: healing

Oopse.

So, I sit shivering right now, wrapped in my fluffy robe. I had an oopse that dropped my blood sugars too low, but at least I know why now.

Five days ago I wrote of concerns, oddball symptoms and high sugars that had been plaguing me for over a couple of months. Then I wrote the update where Nathan caught the bad testing strips, causing the artificially high numbers, and we opened a new package of test strips.

Since then, I have been sticking to the suggestions offered by the acupuncturist and testing to find out where my numbers really are. Mostly my glusoce numbers are good, a couple of times they have swung 10-15 points high, but each time I knew why (mostly way too many carbs at dinner, AIP and near vegan doesn’t eliminate all sources of carbs, and I love sweets and beets chips).

Anyway, most of the weird symptoms I was having have backed off significantly, so I’m fairly certain I owe a huge thank you to the acupuncturist for catching my error there. They weren’t huge adjustments to my regimen but made a big difference because I was overdoing a couple of key herbs and it was stressing my liver out.

Then there was today.

I did my foam rollering, 3 hours of massages, and wrote my post about foam rollering. I drank all my waters, and ate one pack of my seaweed, but didn’t bother with the celery. As I was leaving work, I decided I would do a short workout to make up for the lack of cardio in foam rollering. I ate half of my second pack of seaweed and went into the gym.

17 minutes into what was intended as a 35 min workout, my legs started feeling jello-ee and I suddenly felt heavy and tired. I kicked myself for not eating all of the second pack of seaweed and literally muscled my way through the second half of my workout. By the time my cool down was done, I wasn’t sure I could dismount from the elliptical machine. I did, but the walk to my car was interesting.

I ate the rest of my seaweed and finished my water. I knew I needed another water, but just wanted to get home before I completely ran out of steam.

Once home I drank water, had a date roll, and checked my numbers. Even after seaweed and a date roll, I was at 87. I had swung low.

It cleared up the rest of the anomalous symptoms I couldn’t figure out. I’ve been trying so hard to bring sugars down in thinking they were high, that I’ve probably been crashing them repeatedly.  *Sigh*

It a good and a bad.

On the good side, I can relax a little on my blood sugar controls, they are working, maybe too well. It also means I’m not nearly as bad off as I was beginning to think. The relief I feel over doing everything right is actually working, is immense. Here I thought I was doing everything right and still coming up short, but really I am doing everything right and it’s starting to work too well (really there’s no such thing if I keep readjusting as I heal and improve). It’s working. Slowly but surely. Even the adjustments the accupincturist gave me were expressing that it was working well, which then was just pushing myself a little to hard. It’s all a really good sign.

The bad is two-fold:

1) I really have to watch my sugars and attempt to scale my herbs appropriately. Otherwise, I could end up in a severe sugar crash that could cause bigger problems. Since I’m not on glucose meds, my risks of that are minimal, but not impossible.

2) I need to make sure I stay on top of my seaweed better. The seaweed helps my thyroid and thus my metabolism. It is what keeps me burning the fat for energy and not needing food as much. My mistake was not consuming all of my seaweed before taxing my system physically. I have to keep my seaweed intake high enough to enable my body to burn the fat no matter when I fit my exercise in.

So, yes my health is actually doing okay and what I’m doing is working. I just need to balance quantities a bit better and go a little easier on myself. Having started my seaweed and celery routine in July, I can’t say I’m opposed to a little leaway.

It’s a sigh of relief and a little happy dance being able to report this evidence. Now to just follow through all the way and eventually clear the other side of the health hump.

May you have good evidence of your progress. May you see what you are doing is working. May you know you are doing everything right and everything in your power and understand that God will help with the rest. May you see your results snowball and become easier and easier. May you have the health you seek. May you know above all that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I deserve to feel good.

After having found the alignment through the climb my last several posts reflected, I knew I needed to milk it. The feeling place of those high vibration moments needed to do me some major good. It was time to focus on the feelings I want more of in my body and in my world.

Thinking about the joy and freedom felt in camp was a good start, but I want more.

I deserve to feel good and see results that others will also see. I deserve for my entire body to come into alignment, even blood sugars and thyroid function, all the things that doctors document. So far some of that has improved significantly and some of that seems worse. I use seems, because sometimes seeming worse is actually on your way to improvement (detoxing is a really good example of that).

I spent a long time focusing on feeling good in my body. I did my usual moving meditation to snap, crackle, and pop my joints back into alignment. I did some more moving meditation, almost like yoga, to stretch out some of my tight muscle spots. Then I was down to just a few of my extra stubborn areas. One is my right rhomboid. I have had times where other massage therapists spent 20 minutes just on that one muscle and it’s trigger points. Well on this occasion I simple rested my hand (more my finger-tips for ease in reach) on the trigger point and used several visuals to help relax it. My touch was the focus mechanism to ‘put the power there’ (that’s a rough translation of one of the Reiki symbols I use). Then once I engaged the energy in that spot I moved through more intense Reiki symbols. I visualized being She-Ra in her moments of healing (I’m going to write more on that soon). I visualized the muscle being like a pat of butter on a hot skillet. Eventually all of it put together, the muscle did give in and relax. It took a long while, it really wanted to hold on. I really had to convince it that it was off duty and didn’t have to do anything.

Then I moved on from structural elements. I felt for and visualized energy of love in and around my body. I let it start from my heart with loving myself. I thought of all the pieces of myself that I genuinely appreciate. Once I had the feeling of the vibration of self-love, I pushed it around my body mentally. Sometimes I would have to stop and focus on something about an area that could be loved. For instance, my thighs still carry much more adipose that I prefer, so I had to focus on their strength, the fact they can lift 210 pounds in addition to my body weight, the fact that they propel me everyday and everywhere I go. That enabled the love vibration to flow in those areas.

When all was said and done, I felt genuinely spectacular. The only drawback was it took what seemed forever. It was the better part of my Sunday afternoon, and though I didn’t watch the clock, I know it took a couple of hours or more.

My goal is to get to a level of health and focused thought that my process described here is more like a normal meditation. It will probably take much practice over a long while. It seems that most of my basic goals like this take about 9 to 10 months to fruition… Hmmm… I’m seeing a correlation with pregnancy. Anyway, I have noted that I do create positive changes, but it definitely takes a while, and progress still frustrates me on occasion when it’s technically there, but less than desired.

May you have good healing meditative moments. May you genuinely feel self-love. May you convey to your body that you do care for it in all the ways you know of. May your body generally cooperate with you and show you good positive results more quickly and in bigger more noticeable ways. May you know that beyond everything God loves and supports you in all that you do and are.

Om Shanti

The middle road.

This is inspired post number 3 of the clump I referenced previously. It sort of went with the one about the clinic helping people relax into the middle road of common ground.

I knew it needed it’s own post when I had the thought: that’s me, I’m a little of everything, I love happy-mediums and finding the things that work for most people. I love finding the most for the most, in whatever I’m doing, because it brings people together. When I’m not trying to do that for others, I like a little of everything for myself, that’s when I’m happiest.

There’s a poem or quote I remember, and would have to search to find it. It went something like: the middle path is the one not trodden, covered in overgrowth from disuse, but unlike the easy well-worn paths, the middle road has a sense of adventure and will teach you a plethora which the well worn paths would not. … Perhaps I’ll look for it and post at the end of this before publishing the post.

So, what is “A little bit of Everything”?

The good
The bad
The in-between
Art
Music
Playtime
And learning
Adventure
Unique
Unfolding
Excitement
Something new
Different
Magical and Enchanting

It’s a way to make your own way. Do what draws your attention and make the best of all of it.

So, in my focusing I went down memory lane of all of it and discovered that even the bad could be beautiful if you focus on lessons learned.

Moments of all:

*Sigh* (happy sigh)

The simplicity of sitting in a chair in the sun, watching the birds flutter and squirrels chase each other through grass and up trees. The peace radiates warmly, first on my skin from sun’s rays, but slowly it seeps deeper and deeper until all of me is relaxed and content. It’s even better with a cool glass of iced suntea to sip on, and beautiful flowers to gaze upon.

The excitement, fun, and relaxation of sitting on the grass, listening to a live concert in a safe community. Loud and delicious as it reverberates in my being. Good music will eventually make me want to move, my muscles respond to the vibration of the beat and simply want to join in the joyous sounds. Best enjoyed with friends and family, so I don’t feel like a complete idiot dancing while everyone sits like bumps on logs. When I really let myself feel the vibrations fully, they get my whole body excited. I make no pretence of being a good dancer, I’ve never learned real moves, but boy do I know how to follow rhythm. I may look like a flailing idiot, but every movement matches the music somehow, my body ensures that. Delicious, joyous music and dance.

The exciting hustle of bumping elbows with people at a bustling farmer’s market with all kinds of fresh healthy good vegetables and fruit, the best experience for obtaining nutrition for your self and your loved ones. Sights and sounds not experienced everyday. New tastes, sometimes smells (not always so good), people to meet, things to learn. An appreciation for how much effort went into growing produce that will soon become a tasty meal. A happiness for supporting local businesses. The joy of diversity of all kinds; people, plants and animals, a colorful array in an otherwise sterile inner city grey environment. People so close together, that disease could spread like wildfire, but rarely actually does. People so close together that fights could break out, but nearly never do. People coming together, en masse, to make lives better through good nutrition and good business. The togetherness is life affirming and healing.

Appointments with clients; neck & shoulders again huh? Oh wait, this time it’s your low back. The same faces, same problems, but each appointment a unique opportunity to help another human being feel better. My fingers so love the dance. The texture of skin, soft and silky definitely preferred, but even old and wrinkled tells a tale of life lived. My fingers so used to the process they immediately find the problem children (I mean knots). Like heat seeking missiles, they search and destroy all evidence of pain inducing tension. When someone or their knots are extra stubborn, it becomes an extra challenge. What trick will do it this time? The best is when all else fails and I relax into obliterating it with energy and love. There is simply no better sensation than lightly touching a hard muscle knot, impervious to previous pummeling, and feeling the energy move and the muscle begin to melt. Always, my intention is that clients leave feeling better than when they came in. And nearly always I accomplish my intention. The only drawback is my hands and arms do take the brunt of the work, many hours of self-care and receiving massage is necessary to keep them functional. Yet, even when I find myself in outright pain, I still feel my work is worth every moment. It enables me to do good, for my clients, for the clinic, for my community, for this world, and for the divine. How could it not be worth it?

Even the bad parts of life, the abuses suffered by others actions, the chronic depression and disease I’ve lived with, the hard journey to attempt to heal myself. Every bit, every ounce, has made me a better person. I see the ripple effect in nearly everything in my experience. I push myself constantly, doing my level best to leave the best ripple in this world that I possibly can. I strive to be better to others, than past others were to me. I’m not perfect, I’m human. I don’t always accomplish my goals, sometimes I outright fail horribly, I have hurt people and regretted it, I have disappointed people that I didn’t want to. But every moment of weakness, every outburst of temper, every hurtful word, has pushed me to do better and do my best to make amends. My goal is to be better than the examples I lived through. My hope is to give God something special to appreciate. My desire to make the world a better place in as many ways as possible, would not have been possible if it hadn’t been for the hurts I lived through and watched others lives through. Pain is never futile if it becomes fuel to light fires to find solutions. I honor and accept my journey as being helpful to this world, possibly in ways I may never know while alive. I may not dance the ‘happy dance’ over them, but I do see their benefit, both in my life, and for life in general. The magic lies in finding and seeing the good buried under the crust of darkness. Every time I have that moment it feels so freeing to my soul.

May you find your middle road, the path least traveled but which brings you exciting adventures towards happiness. May you see the good in all things. May you know you are a better person for all that you have experienced. May you find your healing in your journey. May your journey be easy mostly, but challenging or interesting enough to stay an exciting adventure. May you generally have fun and find the good in life. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do, regardless of the path you take.

Om Shanti

The following is the poem I was remembering, but this is also a good one.

“The Road Not Taken” ~ Robert Frost
Courtesy of Wikipedia

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves, no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.