Tag Archives: health

“Let the walls crack, it let’s the light in” ~PINK

It’s real. The best reaction that western medicine has is a mask. Their precious vaccine has failed, and that is on top of the risks taken by those that took it. Too bad Europe was the only one with enough sense to discontinue use of them. See screen shots… Here in KC the two most populous counties have 90% and 93% vaccination rate, and we still are in the high transmission rate for the delta variant. And from my daily experience it is definitely passing rapidly, but many aren’t registering on testing.

I’m over wearing the mask because every response that medicine has had is just that- a response. By the time I was reading the news article notifying me the CDC had recommended going back to masking, I had likely already had the dammed Delta variant and here’s the kicker it didn’t show on Covid testing (for several clients too).

Two posts ago I had noted I wasn’t going to write on topics for fear of attracting worse, and here’s why.

I had caught a “sinus infection” from the one chiropractor. He had gotten tested for covid and it came back negative, his doc suggested it was a run of the mill sinus infection, especially since it was allergy season. I fared the same as him, except that where allergy-induced sinus-infections usually run less than a week for me, this one ran almost two. I wasn’t stupid and started masking immediately. Nathan was the only person to catch it from me and he ended up with Covid light, probably because he’s already in kidney failure, but it still didn’t show on Covid testing. He was tested on 2 of 3 ER trips and tested again in the Walgreens drive thru. None of them showed Covid. He had the high fever, the sinus infection, tightness in his chest, and occasional cough. It caused him to completely loose his appetite and he spent two solid weeks in bed sleeping every day away. I genuinely thought he was dieing on me. That combined with dialysis dropped his blood pressure out the bottom and he had seizures and panic attacks from low blood pressures and starvation. It was those episodes which led to 3 ER trips, one of which excised an abscess that resulted when the acupuncturist gave him herbs to kick the virus. The herb is Yin Chao and it literally pushes external influences out of the body, that pushing out process is what triggered the abscess.

It was 3 weeks of hell, which I handled amazingly well considering I was doing everything, while still doing my best to maintain my work schedule. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, caring for kids, making meals, and of course navigating the multiple trips to the ER as best as I was able.

Nathan is starting to pull back up because I kicked him in the ass verbally and made him reach for what he was doing before dialysis. I explained he was doing well enough that they almost didn’t catch the kidney failure. I told him he needed to connect with his inner self and reach for what his body needed and wanted and definitely get back to what he was doing before. I reinforced that most of his problems were acidity from starvation because he wasn’t eating. Then I kept shoving electrolyte laden waters and high quality vegan nutrition drinks at him. The combination helped him climb up and now he is trying to figure out stasis. He’s not clear yet, but much closer than any of the ER docs or dialysis docs were getting him to. If I had left it up to them he’d still be starving and just being monitored. They weren’t even very proactive on adjusting his dialysis treatments to keep his BP from dropping out the bottom. And that’s nothing to mention several stupid things we learned along the way, including the fact that the hospital was short small needles because they had all been sidlined for vaccines.

I’m over it. I did everything inside and outside the home this month, while watching my husband waste away, while doctors just watched. My kids all freaked, and both Ian and Anya asked me if Dad was dieing. I’m sure Katherine would have if she had had the vocabulary to do so.

Here’s the deal.

We all could die at any minuet. If it’s not Covid, it’s cancer, or car accident, or work accident, or any one of dozens of other viral or bacterial infections.

Yet we are alive and functional. We are all living life as best as we can, and nothing that has been done the last year and a half was a true solution. Nothing actually fixed Covid for real.

Viruses will mutate because they want to live too. If you introduce something that limits their chance of survival, they will mutate around it, every time.

If all that we as society can manage, is a response, then isn’t it high time our responses become treatments that help people kick and heal from viral infections?

That is the light through the crack in the wall.

Let go of the fear and live.

I will wear masks as needed, but I am over being afraid. I’m not afraid of this or any other disease anymore. I’m no longer afraid of Nathan dieing because I just spent a month living with a walking dead man and doing everything our household needed. I’m just not living in fear anymore.

On the same token, I deserve better than this shit. I am refusing to succumb to the fear and darkness because I deserve better. My life can only improve if I scream “F- You!” at fear and live in expectation of everything getting better.

So that is where I am aimed.

For now I’m needing to cook dinner and then get kids to bed.

May you find a way around fear. May you know you are a survivor and know how to hear your inner self to know exactly what you need. May we all see better days ahead. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Near, far, and everything in between.

I was musing about how we manifest things and how we need a blend of everything to live a full healthy life. It also left me with great gratitude over my life in general.

It started with thinking about how electronic devices mess up our vision over time. Our eyes last longest, and function best in old age, when we allow ourselves to see everything as we age. Everything near, everything far, and everything in between. So, too much electronics is too much near, and not enough of the rest of everything, it causes nearsightedness for many people gradually over time. Yet those that spend years of their lives either seeing trauma repeatedly, or turning a blind eye to the negatives, also end up with eye trouble where they simply can’t see anything anymore. They spent so much time wishing they couldn’t see what they were looking at, that they ended up blind. I have worked with those very people once the damage was already too significant to change, and several of them knew that was exactly what happened. One had spent her career as an ICU nurse and had seeing so many horrible atrocities and accidents that she knew it had likely contruibuted to her blindness.

As thoughts often do, one thing led to another and I was contemplating my place in this world. I would not be where I am, and with the desires I have, if I had not experienced a little of everything.

I know I am in the shallow end of the pool as far as traumas go. I have watched enough news and seen enough documentaries to know that without a doubt. I am extremely grateful that my real traumas were far less than traumas I am aware of.

No my troubles have definitely been more because of dis-ease ingrained by familial habits, and the resulting enabling of a physical disease into my body.

And that is where I find gratitude for both the Divine and myself.

When I was loosing to the disease that wanted my brain and body stressed enough for it’s own self-preservation, the divine would find a way in, just long enough that I knew something was wrong and needed fixed. The Divine managed to keep my ass alive and aware enough, to not actually give up, even when the disease in me was doing it’s best to convince me otherwise. The miracles that the Divine used to keep me alive are still to this day amazing and my gratitude is immense.

But my gratitude is even more immense for myself.

Here’s the deal, you don’t go from the following before pictures to the after pictures, based solely on the awareness that the Divine kept me from committing suicide.

No, the Divine may have enabled several miracles for me to stay alive, but then I did the rest. Doctors didn’t try very hard to fix it for real. My family didn’t either, but my mom gave it a decent try. No one but Nathan supported me through changes and challenges. I did the work, I did the research, I did the testing, I argued with doctors wanting the easy band-aid. I did the exercising and eating right. I was the one that fought my brain to have enough willpower to walk away from damaging foods. I was the one that pushed myself to do better than the average person. I was the one that kept trying, kept striving to stick to my vow and genuinely search for a solution to help my children.

I am lucky to have survived disease riddled brain creating suicidal situations, and for that I still thank God.

But, I have worked my ass off to improve and make my health and life better. My sheer willpower and drive has been the biggest factor in why I have accomplished as much as I have. I’m the one that lost 100 pounds while fighting thyroid disease. I’m the one that figured out my allergies, that it was my thyroid causing the most grief, that blood sugars were connected to immune function. I’m the one that figured out helpful supplements to manage symptoms better than the docs did. I’m the one that supported an entire family, and gave birth to two children, all while doing everything else I just mentioned. I’m the one that kicked ass for nearly a decade to not just stay alive but to attempt to find life, and hopefully an enjoyable one at that.

I did it for myself, even when a diseased brain told me otherwise.

I will keep striving because I haven’t managed a complete fix on the resources I have available at this time. I know there has to be a way, and I’m determined to find it. I know the pieces of the puzzle, but my current resources are not meeting the need, and I’m still calculating how I might be able to increase resources and decrease time investment, to accomplish everything that is needed to fall into place for the full healing I seek. Some people have accomplished it, and one is a client of mine.

I look forward to that. I look forward to my results of my hard work. My thank you to God for being rescued is my hard work to finish what God started. I can hope that there’s also a reward at the end of the tunnel, but I’m content knowing that my efforts are my “thank you’s” for the miracles that kept me from dieing.

For now I have mild evidence of my efforts and progress. My blood work and testing is all improved. My A1C is down to normal range (no Rx medicine enabled that). The Thyroid Nodule is in “just watch it” size range at 1mm, which is .5-1mm smaller than previous, being they could have biopsied it before and didn’t. My cholesterol is good, bad cholesterol is well below their concern range, and good cholesterol could be a little more but is fine. My B12 level is great. And Thyroid TSH is much closer to ideal. One more NDT Rx adjustment to be had and then follow up in 6 weeks to make sure it was adequate. She thinks most of my anamolous symptoms are thyroid related, but she forgot to do Covid antibody on the last blood draw, so they just drew it. My progress may not be earth shattering, but it’s still progress and I did it all on my own.

May you see how hard you have worked. May you know that you are deserving of all improvement experienced. May you know that your efforts mattered and made a difference not just for you, but in this world too. May you know that the Divine has played a role in keeping you alive. May you experience gratitude for all of it, and genuinely appreciate your self and all of your efforts both physical and nonphysical. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Out… Me… Relief…

This morning started rough. 10 minutes before I left for work everything went awry. I knew I was picking up on another person and kicked them out to be able to function at work. I showed up and 1st session went okay.

Halfway through my gap between clients I hit overwhelmed and knew I needed to focus. My mantra became:

“Everybody OUT, Now! I need to just be me! Get the eff out of my awareness, I only need to be just me right now!”

I was referencing everyone I was connected to. I had the realization that I want everyone I love to be around me, and it had caused a plume of all their energetic stuff to also be around me. I was overwhelmed by that which I thought I wanted. I want the loving partners and family, but not to the detriment of myself. So I acknowledge I still need to be able to have my space and my time, and that time needed to be now, before it was too late.

It worked, and for the duration of my second session I focused on the moments I feel me, so that I could focus on being just me.

Me is when I’m inĀ  nature. Me is seeing the beauty in and around me. The beautiful butterflies and bees that defy gravity and do delicate dances on the wind to fertilize flowers for even more beautiful abundance. Me is marveling as the sunshine dances through trees’ waving limbs. Me is listening to beautiful songs from beautiful birds. Me is smelling flowers’ sweet scents.

I was just breathing and feeling me, my inner being- it feels good, all while working on my client. It felt like peace and happiness. It felt calm and centered. I love feeling me.

After feeling ME for quite some time while working on my client, I shifted to knowing that I deserve better. I have worked a long time at healing myself. I have put lots of research and thought into healing myself. I have put lots of intuition into healing myself. I have taken many actions, over and over again, over that long span of time, all guided towards healing myself. I had done so well that even though my second pregnancy ended in hives and labor twice as long as the first, my thyroid still didn’t crash as hard as the first time. I have done so well focusing on healing myself that I had two major viral infections in one year and still managed to mostly maintain myself. Not only did I maintain, I lost a little weight and slimmed down a lot. So yes, I deserve proof that what I’m doing is working, tangible validation that others recognize.

That led to my next mantra:

My I.D. is my spirit.
I am a divine being.
I am in alignment with my source.
My source is healing me.
Source Healing is greater than anything man has to offer.
Source is obliterating Dis-ease for me.
I'm healing to my beautiful divine self.
I am beautiful and healthy.

Then I focused on what was next. I was headed to that ultrasound that was scheduled last week. I kept telling myself “I’m going to go get my proof that what I’m doing is working and it’s just got my system riled up.” I thought about what proof might look like, all the options that would be evidence that what I was doing was working. I acknowledged that 2020 hit me hard in several ways, so pretty much anything less than significantly worse was still a sign that my efforts counted.

But I narrowed it down. I deserve this proof because I made it through, but more because I’ve put so much massive effort into my health- I deserve massive results. Considering I’ve fought a new virus on top of an old nagging one, and still had visible results, I felt I was deserving of positive test results. I felt I deserved test results showing significant improvement of some kind. To me that meant that whatever the test showed it should be less significant than the one at the start of 2020.

I arrived for my Thyroid Ultrasound. I knew they were looking for nodules, and filled in the tech. I explained that the previous report said there were several and one was just large enough it could have been biopsied, but doc didn’t seem concerned enough to do so so it never had been. After my description, I said that I was hoping they were either the same or fewer and smaller.

The tech did his job and scanned not just my thyroid itself, but all of the surrounding lymph nodes. That was more than the first one did. He told me he only saw one difinitive lump on the left lobe of my thyroid, and it was still small enough he didn’t think it was even considered large enough to do a biopsy, but that I would need to confirm with my doctor. He told me that he thought it looked like a good scan considering I knew I had Hashimotos and had already been told of the nodules. He had me wait while he confirmed with the radiologist. He came back and said yes they had compared to the previous scan from last year and they both think it looks good, but the doctor will confirm.

I needed that good news something fierce and thanked God profusely. I then immediately texted everyone around me the good news, including Nathan. I was straight giddy from receiving much relieving news.

It’s now been 4 hours and my evening has gone splendidly because of the relief I have felt.

I can’t bring myself to tell my family (mom, dad, brother) because I am not certain my solution well help them. I started before system failure, I started before cancer set in. I’m not certain what I’ve done will heal them as effectively. It wouldn’t hurt to try, but it’s not easy or quick, so even if all 3 started today, I’m not sure it would save them. Then there’s the matter that I’m not sure they want to be saved. You can’t make someone do what they don’t want to do, and they’ve all essentially said they are okay with the alternative.

I will fill them in eventually, but I need for my brother to regain his bearings before I tell him. I love him, and I know it’ll bounce right off of him if he’s still in post surgery dosage attempts. His medicine dose needs to at least be close for him to be able to hear that there’s hope. I would love for him to be able to hear me and reach for his own healing, but I accept that it might not happen even if his meds are fairly balanced.

Regardless, my proof that my efforts are working is exactly what I needed. It is the encouragement to keep going because the light is finally at the end of the tunnel. I’m finally seeing an end in sight. A bit more patience is all that is needed.

May you have clarity when you need it. May you easily find your inner being when it is needed, and especially to receive the blessed healing that only comes from within. May you know your efforts not just counted, but did exactly as hoped. May you feel better and have patience with the discomfort of change and definitely with the healing cycle. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti