Tag Archives: health

It’s a just a virus.

So, it’s just a virus, in fact being compared to the flu quite frequently. Respiratory complications the worst symptom. We have the flu circulate every year. We have tools to treat all the symptoms even/especially respiratory symptoms. We know how to sanitize and reduce transmission rate without shutting society down. Good hygiene with oneself and environment goes miles. Self-policing coughs and other manifestations of symptoms (throw tissues away and empty your own trash, etc.) also goes miles.

It was suggested this is a ploy to shut elections down, and I sincerely hope that’s not the case. I also sincerely hope people come to their senses before homes start foreclosing left and right. I think people will when they realize if they don’t work they can’t pay bills. I hope companies will when they realize their equivalent: if work doesn’t get done then companies have to close.

Here is the deal:

  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • Repeat that.
  • I have lost far more people to cancer in my social circles than any other cause of death.
  • Pneumonia and car accidents tie for a close second, mainly because I work with old people that succumb to any kind of pneumonia easily, and car accidents affect all people of every age.
  • My husband has a heart condition. He literally could die of a heart attack or stroke any day.
  • I could die of any of them, especially cancer (see my post from last night), not to mention complications from any female reproductive concerns ranging from endometriosis to birth problems.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • I simply can’t spend all day everyday in fear of something only slightly worse than the flu which circulates every year.
  • I can’t afford to spend all day everyday in fear of anything.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • The fear itself is worse than any disease or possible cause of death (of which there are many). Fear literally eats your body from the inside out. The chemistry involved in long-term fear, anger, or any stress causes far more diseases than any virus. That chemistry has already been proven to lead to several types of cancer and other degenerative diseases and weakens your immune system. It’s probably a major factor in my own thyroid struggles.
  • I have to focus on being grateful to be alive.
  • I have to acknowledge all of the many experiences I have lived through that others died from, especially all the years I did get the flu, but also times like when I was almost smashed to smitherines by a semi truck.

We live in a global society. Learn good hygiene. Learn to help keep every environment clean. Learn to appreciate all of the many things that could have killed you and didn’t. Learn to reduce transmission without becoming anti-social. Learn to acknowledge that touching each other, especially hugs and handshakes, is worth the risk of possibly catching something. Learn that even in a hug or handshake, you can still do things to avoid catching an illness (wash hands, don’t touch your own eyes, etc.). Learn that life will be miserable for everyone if we continue to ostricize each other out of fear of the what if.

What if this really is a ploy to shut elections down, do you want our government(s) to do that? What if this is a ploy to create so much fear we all end up with illnesses far worse, do you want to fall for it? You have to police yourself and know it’s going to be alright. Acknowledge you could die of thousands of causes but that your body is resilient and you do many many things to help prevent that.

We are safer than they want us to believe. God needs us to know it.

May you be healthy and social. May you rise above fear. May you ease your system with gratitude. May you find the positive answers you seek. May you find the healing you seek. May you feel loved and supported. May you have the work you desire and adequate compensation to feel abundant. May you have less stress and more love for a healthy body inside and out. May your knowing be more like that of God’s, and help you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su

Ouch.

I should be more stressed. Somehow I am more relieved.

I had a dream this morning after first alarm only vaguely got my attention. Shiva told me he was coming for me. It was time. I said ok, and I looked forward to knowing who Shiva was. I then said that if he really was an ET, that it might weird me out at first, but somehow even that was okay. I got all tingly and buzzy in good ways, and then the rest of my alarms started going off.

I ended up oversleeping the alarms, but not enough to get back to my connection with Shiva. It only mildly upset me.

This is not the first time I had had a dream like this, and still don’t know what is meant by “coming for me”. That has so many possible uses and meanings. Part of me is vaguely worried about death, but if ET is a real thing it could mean departure from Earth. It could also mean a sexual or reproductive reference. It could also mean that whomever he represents in my dreams, might actually show up in reality, and I’ve had enough messages that it’s a woman that I’m just unsure.

Regardless of my confusion on the interpretation, it somehow was soothing, and somewhat exciting.

I got to work a few minutes later than usual, but my first client wasn’t until 11am, so stupid me thought I should launch my day with round 3 of new workout aspirations.

My legs burned, my calves and hamstrings wanted to cramp up and I had to stop and stretch twice. I couldn’t get my lungs to keep up with the intense desire my muscles had for oxygen. I wimped out, getting my 2 miles, but at slower paces on both running and walking, and not a stitch of incline today.

My body was angry, but did I stop there. Ohhh, noooo! I was too inspired by losing 3 pounds in 2 days. I pushed myself to do 60 reps of rows with 85 pounds keyed up. Then did 3 sets of abdominal weights- forward bend and side twists.

I think my body strangely likes self-torture. I’m am hurting so much, but feel better balanced in other ways. It’s a very strange dichotomy.

Then I discovered that ALL of my nursing home work has been put on hiatus- another kind of ouch entirely. All the facilities in the metro have gone down to only vital services using only direct hire employees. They even have restrictions on visitors. So over a quarter of my income just vanished until the crazy subsides and things return to normal function.

I get the fear, but old people die from the flu, pneumonia, strokes, and heart-events every day. Most of my residents have said they aren’t worried and are ready for whenever it’s their time to go, regardless if it’s an infection or anything else that takes them out. I’m not being heartless, most of my people are in so much constant pain, that death would actually be welcomed and better. Yet our health care system is bent on making sure that people stay alive at all costs. … Going to stop my rant here. It’s never done me any good anyway.

Anyway, other people’s fears, not my resident’s fears, mean I’m going to be drastically short income this month. It’s not the end of the world, but it seems some of my goals for April with our house and yard will be put off. I look forward to sanity returning with my income in tow.

So fascinating dream and 2 ouches later I am finishing up my workday much sooner than normal. It’s going to be weird not having all my old people to see this week and probably next week too, who knows how long.

May you have full understanding of your dreams. May you have expected and desired time off (mine was desired but not expected). May you feel the burn in the best ways possible. May your strength, stamina, and prosperity only grow.

Siva Hir Su

Feeling the burn

FOCUS! – Fearless Motivation” on YouTube

Thank you @FearlessMotivation, the song helps, but running still sucks. Hiding behind my smile is a grimace and scowl.

I’m at 24 hours of perfect habbits, a week of good behavior. Just had my blood drawn this morning, so it’ll reflect my previous average more, especially with just having come out of the thyroid storm.

Though I’m a bit anxious to see the lab work results, I know I’m already working towards better.

My workout yesterday was the first attempt at aiming toward what my one client does everyday of late. Aiming is the key word. I did not get there. I ran about half of 2 miles in 2 minute increments, dropping to my speed walking range in-between. And finished with one set of weightlifting. So sort-of almost half of her routine.

I discovered that running slow like one friend had suggested felt very awkward- I can’t run slow. I literally felt off balance and like I was going to trip myself. Running at 6 to 6.5mph, fast for me, but only slightly over the slow run pace of friend suggestions corrected the wobbly incongruency. But because I never run it still was a killer. Running has only ever been a response to emergency/pseudo-emergencies or rarely for being late. So I literally felt like my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen and I would have to slow down to just be able to catch up breathing. It kinda pissed me off.

Nathan said I should congratulate myself for even trying. He reminded me that not quite 7 years ago I was 300 pounds and that I’ve never run except for short sprints. He said it was a valliant decent effort. He also reminded me that it would likely have left him on the floor at best and in the ER at worst.

All I know is on the treadmill I alternated between cursing heavily and repeating: “Treasa you can do this.” I will definitely have to work hard at improvement to get where my client is.

To be fair, before her thyroid crash she was a soccer player in college. I have never participated in ANY sports, EVER.

So the painful aim at making friends with running has begun. And my diet is back on track with what I did during 2nd pregnancy. Yea rabbit food.

Now I’m off to today’s workout before my first client at the clinic, hopefully my blood draw won’t slow that down.

May you have good progress and see your improvement. May you focus on your goals, and keep your dreams, even if they remain just dreams. May you understand your body and it’s needs. May you be able to keep up with all of it.

Siva Hir Su

Update: 2nd new workout was only very slightly easier. I went directly into 2 massages and was in fairly constant motion from 10am to 2pm. My legs are cranky and I just hit tired. I have one more client and then I can go rest. Yea me. I sincerely hope this all pays off eventually.

Maybe a bit ranty, deal with it.

1. Why are women all over the world having the following things happen? -psychic messages, thyroid trouble, having to eat like cavemen minus meat, having to exercise like cavemen being chased by a tiger but needing haul the cow home.

Two of my clients share my thyroid battle, and I’m discovering through many connections that there are teams of us out there. So, in comparing notes with the ones I’m directly connected to, I’m coming to terms with needing to adjust my workouts again. It seems I’m finally going to have to make friends with running. I can walk 5 to 6 miles at a 12min pace and not flinch, so it’s merely been maintaining my current body state. I’m at an equilibrium that is still 60 pounds heavier than I would prefer. The person that seems to be a few months ahead of the trajectory I have been following explained that she does a mile warm up, and 2 miles running at full tilt. In between each mile she does weighted cross training exercises. That is how she has gotten the fat to finally start dissipating. Yikes. Hence being chased by a tiger and having to haul the cow home. The others that I know, all run. I hate running. Merh.

As I compared notes on diet, she essentially confirmed that what I did during Katherine’s pregnancy is spot on. Avoid all traces of sensitivities/allergens, eat hourly in terms of 1/4-1/3 cup of whole veggies or fruits, occasional nuts are okay. … I’ve been a bit lazy on this of late, so it’s time to buckle down again. I had gotten into the habit of larger amounts less frequently because that is what the dominant paradigm wants to convince us is better, yet us women struggling with thyroid concerns can’t function as well that way. I’ve also been a bit lazy on the allergens which has led to those super horrible thyroid swings. I know better on that one, but it’s so damn hard to maintain.

Finally, those of us that acknowledge the psychic messages don’t always know how to handle them or what they ultimately mean. It’s still a mystery, but one lots of us share.

I’m just curious why so many of us women, post childbirth, are having this super difficult journey that goes against everything the dominant paradigm and Western medicine says we are supposed to do. Nathan proposed that perhaps God is prepping humanity for a huge shift and the strongest healthiest women are going to be the ones to get us through. I sincerely hope he’s not right, but I have no other ideas that make sense.

2. Triggered by these fortune cookie strips and current events… I didn’t eat either of the cookies, Nathan helped me avoid them.

As for Chinese food, I get to eat vegetable soup. Even the broccoli is coated in a sauce that I’m sure has at least one allergen in it. And yes most statistics are essentially stated however the person wanting to tell them spins it. Like trying to proclaim Biden as the winner of today’s primary states before they have even been counted. If you believe the hype and end up with Trump being re-ellected, I won’t have any sympathy, and I’ll likely be one of the survivors of the ensuing nuclear Holocaust. I for one will vote with my intelligence and my heart, which tells me that Bernie is the most consistent politician I’ve ever seen. He’s also the most caring and compassionate for our citizens as a whole, of any politician I’ve ever seen; and he’s the best candidate of those running in terms of being able to get people talking and finding compromise that everyone can live with. Bernie reaches for the stars to start conversations that actually lead to productive results, and I personally think that is really his goal in the first place- the compromise not the stars.

3. Finally, this is a small snippet of my stocks the last couple of weeks, thanks to Trump.

I’m personally to the point that if I hear someone say that Trump has been good for the economy I’ll show them my stocks and then punch them. Some of my stocks are literally worth half of what I bought them at. The best one is $2 a share less than purchase price, and at one point it was $8 a share over purchase price. Not only has he been directly responsible for at least 3 market crashes that I know of, he has created no long terms jobs, not raised the decades out-of-date minimum wage, not created a boost to the retail sector, and even pissed off many of his big-business croonies.

And that doesn’t even cover his friendliness with communists. Everyone wants to be upset over Bernie’s socialist leanings, which would merely catch us up with the rest of the civilized world, when we used to be at war with communists- Trump’s new friends that hacked our last election.

So yeah, I might be a bit ranty tonight. It’s better than depression and got me off of other subjects. I’ll take it.

May you have productive rants. May you vote with your intelligence and heart and ignore stupid outlandish statistics. May you find health more easily than all us thyroid survivors. And may we all see Trump removed from office and World War 3 averted. Many blessings to everyone, even if you disagree with me, my spirit knows your spirit agrees with me on all the things that really count.

Siva Hir Su

Letting dreams be dreams.

So I have come to a place of resignation. My humanly efforts will likely never get me to my great grand dreams of Atira. So I’m letting them remain dreams while I work with the here and now in front of me. Assuming they will always be dreams, and were never actually intended to come true, somehow takes the sting out of their feeling so far out of reach.

Anyway, I put a lot of time on my grand dome home design last night, and some more today. I used it as a distraction from a hiccup in the mortgage process for our good enough home. ( I’ll post images of the dome designs last.)

Essentially, even though I single-handedly supported and kept my family with a roof over their heads for the last decade, it came down to needing a cosigner. I make enough for the loan amount we requested, but because I took a “real job” for most of the last 2.5 years it affected my self-employment income levels. They can’t count the job because I’m no longer full time there, but they can’t count previous tax returns for the same reason. It came down to 3 options.

1. Fully audited profit and loss costing 10 grand and taking 30 days, but which would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I made as much as I say I did.

2. Start over with another mortgage company and risk losing our choice house because the seller might not agree to time extension.

3. Scramble to find and file paperwork for a cosigner, and cross fingers we make it through completely by Thursday this week.

Nathan’s dad agreed to facilitate the third long enough to enable doing a refinance ASAP later.

Which, by the way, I will not use the mortgage company we chose at the start of this process. I was livid that this current company didn’t catch this hiccup right away. I would not have paid for the inspection and thus not have gotten attached to buying a home until after this year’s taxes had been filed, and then could be counted without using a costly time consuming process.

As it is, I spent 2 days doing everything I would for my taxes for them to say they really needed the audit. Then I oscillated between livid angry shakes and wanting to cry because all my efforts still don’t matter to anyone else. I screamed a few times when alone, and ranted at the mortgage broker twice over the phone for her fuck-up.

At this point we’re half packed and I have already set plans in motion for the logistics of the move and post move. Not to mention having taken 4 days off of work when holidays are already eating 2.5 days. So, I find myself convincing my brain that it will work out, and we’ll move on-time for a Happy Yule and Merry Christmas. When that slips, I switch to a pleasant distraction or meditation, and occasional pacing.

I am determined that not only am I getting this home on time, I will also have it paid for in full in 5 years or less. On my own.

There is an element of wishing I had my other person, my significant-other. As much as I feel good about eventually finding the “HA I did it myself!”- especially knowing I do always get to see that light; there is another much larger part wishing I didn’t have to work so hard to prove my deserving-ness to others. Like really, if the damned mortgage broker had paid attention, this process could have waited 5 months and been much smoother on me. Yet, if there was a significant-other that was part of the family, then the cosigner would have been an original intention with extra legal protections for that person, not a last minute back-up plan. There are just so many ways this could have gone better and easier, but alas I have no significant-other life-partner at this time, AND I got the crappy mortgage broker that is only used to dealing with people that have “good jobs”. RAWR!

Anyways, rant aside, my distractions have been worthwhile. There is the poly-family dome-home designs for Atira. There have been wrap-ups of shirt designs for other people. There was holiday gifting and cards to write, and brainstorming a white elephant gift for an upcoming parent holiday party. Additionally, there was quite a bit of time invested in reading books, working with the stock market, and playing Magic Cards with my friend and people he knows.

I have to say that the card games were a blast. I finally felt reacquainted with the game enough, that I ventured out to play at the store with a full group. We did the new Commander Style, and it was great fun, especially since I was getting to test out a brand new to me deck that was a gift. I played 4 rounds, I think, though my brain was mush by half way through the last round. One round there were 5 players at the table and it was a lot to keep up with. Luckily I was not the only one in the “newbie” category, so they went gentle on me. I still died every time, as I’m not up to speed enough to win one yet.

The funniest moment to me was sitting at a table full of people my age and the one teenager looked just like one of the kids in the home-school group. I knew it wasn’t the same kid by name, but it was uncanny how similar they were. I appreciated that the players which I knew were very skilled and good at strategy, were kind to the teenager and the even the two of us older but currently inexperienced players. What was also funny was all of us older players reminiscing of back in the day when we played using certain cards. At one point someone played a card that was “Llanowar Rebirthed”, and I found myself saying I remembered playing a green deck that had Llanowars (not re-birthed) in it. That stirred a whole conversation on old cards. It was good fun. I had a really great time, and look forward to another day like that… Hopefully my schedule will allow for it sooner than later.

Finally I really wanted to check in on my progress with weight-loss and my health in general. I know that I have had lots of positive comments lately, but with the holiday season and my known food fails, I haven’t been able to see my progress myself. I still feel like I’m just treading water. So, I had Nathan pull some really old pictures.

First were my High-school Senior Portraits, done by a highly respected local lady in 2001. I know I weighed 280 pounds.

The following are from 2010 to 2012, before I started my health journey, my peak I weighed 300 pounds ( I quit weighing myself at 295, and I know I exceeded that for quite some time.) All of these pictures were taken by Nathan, some in professional mode, some in family mode.

The next 3 were from 2013, as I was beginning my health journey, and just before I had lost enough weight to conceive Ian. They were taken about a month after our trip to Cleveland by train where another passenger told me about Iodine and Borderline Thyroid conditions. That had led to the beginning of loosing weight, and was I definitely beginning to feel better.

Finally, these are current. Top left (red velvet shirt) being from right now.

I can kind of see the changes, but I have to really look at the pictures from a shapes and contour perspective to see the differences. I wish I could tell better. I suppose I will never be the size 6-8 person that we’re all supposed to be able to maintain. Perhaps that is like my dream of Atira.

Anyway, I am really attempting to see the positives, and it seems that I am having to stretch quite a bit to do so, so I’ll leave you with links and Images of Atira. I will eventually get my dome designs finished and 3-D models rendered. Considering this is a sideline for fun, I’ve gotten quite a ways in my very rare spare time.

320 million reasons… … … … Mad Skillz….. … … … Business is Booming…

Knock On Wood… … … … Atira Diversity…. … … … Wishing I was….

Monster Striving… … … … Desperate MEasures….

Installment 3… … … … Anomaly….

Finally for those designs in progress: I haven’t touched the first floor at all yet, so I will put up the rest. What you can’t see here are all the guides and rulers and grids that I have used to align everything and make sure proportions are accurate. The jpg for the crows nest looks massive in comparison, but it is merely an export output result, it is very much the appropriate size in the CorelDRAW file.

May you all see your good. May you be aware of your progress. May you have an easy time conveying your strengths and deserving-ness. May others appreciate you and may your life improve incrementally in noticeable ways. May you see the good in everyone and feel the love. May you have dreams that are more reachable, and may you have solutions for your here and now. May you always feel the knowing that everything is okay and you will get through. May your tough times be short lived and well rewarded.

Feel the Love and Be The Change

Siva Hir Su

2 Things:

No Love at the King

In the house buying process, there are moments where you set appointments and everyone has to show up to accommodate.

One such moment, we ran very early. Unusual for us, being we’re usually a few minutes late, but it necessitated finding someplace to burn 30 minuets. Burger King was our only available answer.

I haven’t had fast food at all in over 2 years, and it’s been probably 3 years since I’ve set foot in a Burger King.

We ordered fountain drinks and a small bite to eat. I got as close to my needs as BK had available. Our “meal” cost all of $6.00.

As I went to get my drink of choice: tea; I discovered that there was no unsweetened tea available. I went with raspberry tea, because though it’s been a while, I thought I knew what to expect.

We sat down and proceeded to consume our time and our food.

I took one sip of the tea and nearly gagged from it’s overly sweet consistency. It was far sweeter than I remembered raspberry tea being. Then I took a bite of my food and I could taste the extreme amount of sodium in it. It also tasted just horrible to me.

I should have immediately spit it out and thrown the rest away.

Did I?

No

Two reasons:

First, I suspect that the short span of time the food was in my system was just enough to trigger the old patterns of addiction. My brain launched the familiar chemical storm response to an old, well ingrained trigger. As I’ve said before, there’s a reason they’re called addictions.

Secondly, I was trained very well from an early age not to be wasteful because there are people in this world starving. I had the luxury of buying such a meal, I should not waste it.

So yes, between the two I consumed most of what was in front of me, only dumping half the drink down the drain.

Feeling dirty, I then looked around and realized that the whole environment was like my meal. I saw all the dirt, the uncleaned surfaces, the dingy decor, the burnt out lightbulbs. The visually unappealing environment was nearly depressing.

I realized there was no love at Burger King.

No one had put any love into any aspect of this experience.

No one had made the food with loving care. No one had cooked the food with loving care. No one had served the food with loving care. No one had cleaned with loving care. And evidence of litter on the floor and on tables indicated that patrons had shown no loving care either.

I felt that was the reason that fast food was so hard on as person’s physiology. I also felt sad that this moment was evidence of millions of people’s daily existence. I wished for better for everyone.

I sent a prayer as we left to head to our nearby appointment.

My prayer started with a request for the food to impact my system in the gentlest way possible. Then I prayed that those millions of consumers find the love for themselves and God. That our society finds a way to show the love more and respect each other in every way, even down to cleaning adequately.

Show the love, even or especially when you work somewhere that you could just get by with a minimum of effort.

Western Medicine- Please Acknowledge:

Just because studies document averages, doesn’t mean we are all average.

I’m one such person, breaking pretty much every widely accepted norm. I am not average.

My thyroid personal-normal skirts the high side of the acceptable range of function.

My body wants an hour or more of exercise nearly every day. One day off is okay, but 2 or more and my body starts down a slippery slope that becomes difficult to stop.

My body does not tolerate many foods that are considered normal healthy foods for average people. Nightshades are a perfect example, but also chicken, turkey, beef, pork, walnuts, and nearly every grain. For any average individual, any one of those foods may be okay, but my body no longer tolerates them.

My body needs more fluids than the average acceptable intake. I drink a minimum of a gallon a day, usually quite a bit more.

My health puzzle has found many solutions that are not pills, but work quite well if I am able to maintain them.

My blood sugars are indicators of my puzzle pieces falling out of place, not true disease. When I keep my puzzle completely together my glucose numbers are perfect all the time, without medical intervention.

My body is ultra sensitive to changes that are not for my highest benefit. Simple as that.

Please, please acknowledge that some of us are unique, different, and the average solution is unnecessary and perhaps hazardous. That’s all.

This ultra sensitive unique person will continue to work on myself and my puzzle, which often includes blogging while on a treadmill, just like right now!

May you feel the love in every way, especially your food experiences and health journey. May you find everything you need and desire and have an easy path. May information always come when you need it. May your health providers work with you as an individual. May we all find our puzzle and the love and fortitude to keep it together.

Blessings

Siva Hir Su

In other news….

That picture is soooo not me, I don’t have a picture of me working out! Perhaps I should fix that!

Anyway, to start, my stress triggers recap: house hunt/purchase attempt(s), Equifax mumbo jumbo, mortgage application, frigid weather, sinus cold, my dad’s state of being, hormones, relationships/moving-on from pointless hopes, kids being kids…

Yeah: I think that’s most of the ones I’ve talked about of late.

Now add to that my brand new shiny computer had a glitch from a recent Microsoft update, and the resulting frustrations over not being able to work on my dome designs. I had really hoped to have a significant amount of that completed to show here by now, but alas it will have to wait until the glitch is resolved. I won’t have Sunday time to do that until after Thanksgiving, but I very much look forward to the results when I eventually do get to it.

I am slowly chipping away at the process to become a continuing education course provider. Currently I’m on the portfolio/curriculum vitae. It doesn’t seem on the surface that it would be a big deal, but organizing 15 years of applicable skills into the format they are seeking is a bit tedious. So that is not completely done yet either, and I haven’t even started writing my courses. I projected 6 months when I decided to commit, and like all cases, my estimate may or may not be entirely accurate, but I will eventually complete it. One step at a time, as my schedule allows.

Finally, because of all these stress triggers, I’m feeling the need to burn it off – quite literally!

Except when I’m smack dab in the middle of a stress-trip with a spice cake right in front of me, I have little to no appetite. I’m still eating, but finding it easier and easier to stick to healthy items in very small portions. That’s a great thing! Especially since I’m officially eating vegan now; no grains, no meat, no dairy, no soy, no nightshade vegetables; except that darned piece of cake!

Then, I have a strong desire to move nearly constantly. In between clients I am finding myself pacing quite a bit. I’ve also been taking every opportunity to go exercise. Being it’s been so much colder, nearly all of my workouts have moved inside. I’ve been alternating between the Planet Fitness across the street from work and the YMCA near home.

I have been lifting 2 to 3 times a week, except this week because my cold caused a missed day. I do use the dummy-proof machines since I’m not working with a trainer or spotter.

As for cardio, I am still getting at least 40 min of speed walking via treadmill 4 to 5 days a week, I aim for an hour when possible. I fluctuate between 3.8 and 4.2 mph on the treadmill because I so enjoy matching the beat of the music I’m listening to. This last week though, I’ve been working with incline more, to push the cardio aspect a bit. It’s that or run, and I really don’t enjoy running…. ¿Yet!? …. Will I ever?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my progress with my readers to show you really can do anything you want. For me, that just means a little of everything.

My current lifts are all weights based on 3 to 5 sets of 10 reps at a time. I do 2 sessions, with the second hitting 5 sets, before I raise the weight by 5 pounds again. Last week I had a day I pushed a little too far or too fast and I really felt it for a couple days afterwards.

  • Leg press 205
  • Leg extension 85
  • Seated leg curl 90
  • Inner thigh (Adductor) 110
  • Outer thigh (Abductor) 110
  • -Glute extension 70 (I haven’t actually done this one recently so it may not be completely accurate.)
  • Back extension 140
  • Abdominal (curl- arms up) 85
  • Abdominal (curl- arms front) 80
  • Rotary torso 80
  • Lateral raise 55
  • Shoulder press (I just learned this is also called military press, and it was one I had backslide on poorly, I’m part way back up.) 30
  • Tricep extension 55
  • Tricep press 65
  • Biceps curl 30
  • Lat pull down 70
  • Seated row 65

I haven’t been good about logging my times weightlifting in the health tracker- mainly because I log the pounds and sets in a different app and forget to duplicate it, but here’s my average steps and calories views.

I’m not seeing the results myself yet, but several people have said I’m looking better these days. In my pregnancies, that stage was 2 to 3 weeks before I actually noticed changes myself. Besides the scales have not budged, they still stay between 220 and 225. Merh.

I welcome all of you to share your progress in the comments as well. I’d really love to know if there’s anyone out there that I’ve inspired in any way, or encouraged to persevere through their own struggles. And there’s always room for commiseration in fitness journeys!

May you all have easy stress free times. May you have great work-outs with plenty of support. May you find you only desire the calories your body needs. And finally, may you see results of your own hard work.

Siva Hir Su

Gratitude is good.

Today I express gratitude for my health.

I gave 2 very deep tissue massages intended to fix knees and related woes, then walked 10,000 steps and did 20 minutes of weight lifting. All of this and I still did 2 more hours of lighter massage.

The lifting let me see that I had mostly maintained or improved my strength despite having slacked on going to the gym for almost 2 years. I had only lost ground on the leg press by 5 pounds, resulting in a 195 lb lifting capacity. Everything else either maintained or went up. My arms were where I saw the increase, and triceps had gone up by 10 pounds since last lift. That was a happy dance moment. All these deep tissues are building my strength.

I’ve also brought all of my blood sugars all the way back to normal, even with sugary holiday foods. The adjustments I’ve made have fixed my biggest concern. Maybe that’ll mean the weight will finally start dropping.

I also express gratitude for my children and family time.

Yesterday was Halloween, All Hallows Eve, All Saints Day, Samhain. My children dressed as a lady demon, The Flash, and a ladybug. We trick-or-treated briefly and then spent time with friends including kids of same ages. It was a good time full of fun, and of course Katherine causing mischief.

Additionally, I express gratitude for downtime and holy days.

This coming Sunday will be my first bonified day of downtime in a month. I worked 2 Sunday’s and had the wedding in between, so this Sunday is do what I want *squeals with delight*. What does that mean… I plan on working on the dome design some more, maybe doing some beading, and we discovered the local temple is holding their Diwali festival this Sunday (I was afraid I missed it because of working last Sunday), so yep I’ll be there. I look forward to a celebration of unity and oneness. Right here at home.

Furthermore, I’m grateful for my husband keeping all the parts moving despite the oldest child being gone a lot for sleepovers and other fun stuff with friends.

Finally, I’m extremely grateful for sick burns of cheeto head and humor in general. (Nathan shared these with me by text from his Facebook, since I’m not on Facebook to do a direct share.)

May you find humor, enjoy your family, have restful enjoyable celebrations and plenty of downtime. Finally, may you see your good health and all your efforts paying off.

Siva Hir Su

Flogging Story So Far

Listen: https://youtu.be/BZGkxlLZZsM

I am thanking God I’m alive, yet acknowledging that Nathan and my couple of friends might be sick of my fitness puzzle updates, I thought I’d write it out. My story so far does make me who I am, and currently it’s kinda pissing me off.

Despite having birthed 2 children, losing weight during pregnancy, to reach 190 pounds twice; I’m shaking my head as to why the eff I’m hovering between 200-225 now.

At this point I can honestly acknowledge that I’m doing spectacular by all reasonable definitions. I already knew I was doing decent, but there were a few people that thought I wasn’t eating enough and thus causing my body to think it was starving. Because of their doubts I began to use my Samsung Health Tracker app to its fullest potential to find out for certain if my knowing was accurate or if their doubts were.

I have to say, except for the fact that it doesn’t track the calories I burn doing deep tissue massage, I’m really enjoying the accuracy and details it allows me to track. When I enter food I can pick brands, specify my particular serving, even down to individual ingredients for things like my breakfast shake, and it does all the math for me. I love it.

As you can see below, my worst day of food intake (when I’m at the old job) is the number of calories that many people consume as normal. Yet, for me that now only happens once or twice a month. Most days fall more in the range of what I took in on the 26th, which is more of the 850 to 1100 calories. Which, by the way, gives me plenty of energy. I actually struggle more on the high calorie days, because usually those involve succumbing to my food allergies.

That reminds me of a cartoon that Nathan found a few days ago…..(he’s been sharing memes on this topic with me because I’m ranty about it, he’s trying to help me find levity.)…

Anyway, I find it interesting that my nutrient balance score is low. I have been watching that score system and basically I get a better score when the protein to carb ratio is in a certain range. Unfortunately, I usually eat few carbs. My food intake still has carbs, but much lower ratio than most people. I also try to focus on healthy fats and I eat seafood or use pea protein powder for my proteins since I have had issues recently with red meat and never did do well with dairy or soy. I’m betting they factor that into their algorithm as well.

Moving on: in addition to these super healthy lower calorie days, I’m getting plenty of exercise. Beyond doing massages- which do burn calories, I’ve been doing more yoga and core exercises (leg lifts, variety of crunches, and planks) and walking a ton. Today I’ve done 30 min of yoga, about 40 min of core exercises, and then took an hour walk, keeping up pace with my Flogging Molly mix. My app only counted one of my jogging bits as running, but I picked up the place several times during my walk to keep up with the music. That’s despite the cold weather. *I really do love Flogging Molly for exercise.* My average steps per day is generally over that which the app recommends with few exceptions, and the one high-calorie day I hit 18,000 steps, nearly 8 miles of walking!

I’ve also been reeling in my blood sugars, finally getting my fasting numbers to begin to normalize. I have to say that the walking increase has helped with that, but making sure my dinners are on the light side also did. And blood pressure never was a concern, but I’m logging them anyway to make sure it stays that way.

My stress levels are even doing great and even when I push my speed with the walking/jogging I’m still keeping lower heart rates.

I swear that this meme is too true. Too close to home, but still funny.

Damn those genetics.

Anyway, I’m definitely feeling like all my work should amount to something visible. I have nothing to show for 4 months of dedicated exercise and food control. Except slightly better blood sugars. Oh well, I suppose I know, and regardless of people’s assumptions, I still know I can lift my husband (and most of the people I work on). I’m healthy despite having an obese body. Rawr.

I’ll leave you with 2 appropriate funny memes, and my usual blessing.

May you know your hard work matters. May your determination net visible results. May you see your improvement, and may you enjoy a healthful life.

Siva Hir Su

Discernment

So yesterday was a very interesting day full of discernment.

I had several moments where residents passed on messages for me from afar/spirit. It was not quite as intense as the couple of times in recent history which I already wrote about, but intense none the less. I would share them here, but one of the phrases that I received from the second resident to do so, makes me think I should refrain from sharing yesterday’s experiences for now. She is a resident that is severely affected by something along the lines of Lewy-Body, and most of the time I can barely understand her. Yesterday however, the message was loud and clear and makes me cautiously, yet excitedly, anticipate my nearer future. It was unclear if what was being conveyed would be before, during, or after our family trip, but I interpreted it to be a good thing regardless.

On that note, I’m not a good liar, it’s one of many reasons why I prefer honesty. I find that in situations where I am not supposed to talk about something I  just avoid full discussion and become evasive, often redirecting or changing the topic all together. So, this is as much as you get until I get further notice from either the divine or the person it was regarding. All in all, other than wishing to disclose my reason for excitement, I am just happy to have had a good day.

I felt my connection all day yesterday, to varying degrees, and whether it is my mystery person of the last several years or a divine connection I’ve come to refer to as “my ET”: I’m still not sure. I’m not so sure it isn’t the same thing, perhaps “my ET” simply used HAL to be a mystery person in my experience. Who knows; I don’t.  One day, perhaps after I die it will become clear. However, for now, I relish the connection, and I am utterly grateful for it, even when I find myself saying “WTF- what is happening?!” It is strong and mostly feels good to great, and affects my body in a number of ways which I occasionally have trouble describing with the English language. Of course sometimes the sensations would make anyone blush, so I’d just rather keep those descriptions to myself. Mostly I find it pleasurable, but occasionally I get a pit in my stomach or feel very anxious from it. At those times I am still grateful to have the experience, but often wish that particular aspect would subside quickly.

Anyway, yesterday was mostly good, and felt great, but in the evening I thought that I would have a drink with dinner- partly to celebrate the good day, and partly to mellow out and relax. I had a singular hard cider with 5% alcohol. I was very quickly sloshed, even to the point of slurring words and silliness, and afterward the fall off was anything but mellowing. It was more like jumping off the cliff and I got very tired and quite cranky. I apologized to myself, my family, and especially to the connection. It was far more intense of a response than I had intended with my one normal drink.

Further discernment came late in the night after having slept for a few hours I woke with intense gastro-intestinal cramping and nausea. I took some homeopathic medicine we usually give to Katherine for her allergy induced colic, went to the bathroom, and then went back to sleep. I woke this morning mostly back to normal.

My discernment here is that I have cleaned my system up so much that even a little of some things is too much for me. My phrase this morning is that I no longer find my enjoyment in foods and drinks. I am definitely coming to terms with my body desiring to only have enough healthy foods for sustenance, and that I really don’t need anything else.

The up side is that I am dropping weight again, I’m down almost 15 pounds in a little over 2 weeks. That causes me to do a happy dance because it is in direct contrast to the 50 pounds I had gained working the activities job the prior 9 months, and being surrounded by all the things my body was attempting to say no to.

My calorie intake has dropped significantly, not intentionally. I am still eating frequently, in fact more frequently than before. However, I’m just sticking to that handful of healthy foods that my body is okay with. Some days I feel like I am a fish because I find myself consuming other fishes, shrimp, and lots of green leafy things. If it were not for my nut and chicken intake I wouldn’t have anything to argue otherwise.

My nut intake increased intuitively based on a memory of information I had learned on Brazil nuts. So I am literally eating all the nuts except Walnuts (I had reacted to them strongly while pregnant so I’m assuming they are still off limits), and very few peanuts (though I have never reacted to them, they tend to carry high levels of environmental toxins). At the same time, my chicken/poultry/protein-shake intake has decreased, again based on an intuitive flash that I might be consuming more protein than I need.

So my intuition said, more nuts (especially Brazil), less protein, cut the chocolate (addiction), and eat more frequently. Then voila, I am suddenly shedding weight again. I love it when I listen to those flashes, and follow through and it works! That is the best kind of discernment.

So this now tea totaler, wishes you good days filled with intuitively helpful discernment. I also wish for you to have all the messages from the divine that you need and the ability to be honest and open in your life. Be the Change and Be Your Unique Self.

So Mote It Be; Siva Hir Su