Tag Archives: help humanity

Divided we fall.

I’ve again had one to many conversations where people pick the extreme side and everyone else is wrong.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Maga-Racist-Trumpers or extreme-liberal-vaccine-pushers. They are two opposing extremes. There’s a hell of a lot of middle ground that it seems no one is acknowledging.

The last conversation referenced stories of friends of friends, and acquaintances as being bullshit that anti-vaxers feed people. And it’s simply picking another extreme and ignoring reality.

Just because a particular fact doesn’t align with your choice doesn’t mean it’s any less true.

Sadly, I hate either extreme, but both extremes are based in experiences and both extremes have elements of truth that get twisted and convoluted to meet the needs of the extreme view.

Additionally, I’m sorry that I’m mostly middle ground on most topics, but see the reason for choice in vaccination, and I especially see the reason for choice for myself and my family.

I watched Vaxxed the documentary. I have read poor data on vaccines. When the data doesn’t stack up well, they glaze over it and bury it as deep as they can, hoping we won’t notice.

Beyond that, I currently work someplace where one of the employees had a vaccine injured daughter. My family has met that now adult mentally damaged child, who has become a ward of the state BECAUSE she did win a vaccine court case, but the payout was so low it didn’t even cover all of her medical expenses to date of settlement. She is managed by a state agent who is doing a horrible job managing her care in an adult group home, and her parents visit as often as possible.

For 3 years, I lived on property of a woman who had two of 4 grown daughters that were damaged from over vaccination, too many vaccines at once caused severe seizures with instant brain damage as a result. Sariah is 18 now and her older sister Rachael is 25. Rachael wears diapers and though she can spell backwards to find YouTube videos, she has very little verbal communication. Sariah acts roughly half her age but is technically fully functional. The 2 sisters Jessica and Ashley, whom were not over vaccinated, are fully functional and perfectly normal.

I had another co-worker several years ago when I worked at another chiropractic office, whom had a daughter in the same boat. Her daughter was named Angela and I met her too. The mom sold Arbonne on the side to make money and to help with her care. It was the only way she could afford to purchase the supplements for her daughter, because being a dealer got her massive discounts and sometimes covered the entire cost of her supplement and food product orders.  The Arbonne products had helped her to detox her daughter and provided higher allergy-free nutrition, which had helped to heal some but not all of the brain damage incurred by vaccination. When I met Angela she had just weaned off of diapers at 16.

Beyond that I am still certain that at least a portion of my battle with depression is vaccine related because of a massive increase in problems and symptoms after having to be revaccinated because of moving to a new school at the age of 12. I had been fully vaccinated less than a year prior, but in moving the old school sent records improperly and my vaccination records were lost along with everything else. The new school required new vaccines because we were unable to obtain proof of original vaccination. I can not solely blame vaccines for my own setbacks, because I have diligently spent years tracking down solutions for various problems and symptoms. Vaccines were not the sole cause for me, but they did contribute in a major way, and they didn’t save me from Epstein-Barr either.

Then pile on top of that the dozen current clients that I work face to face with. Ranging from: the vaccine failed them and they got sick again, to prolonged arm and shoulder pain, to post vaccination anxiety attacks.

Warning: run on sentence ahead…

So yes, when I layer the risks of vaccinations in general but definitely the extremes I’ve seen with my own eyes, on top of knowing Covid already impacted my family in a major way that no one seems to care to fix, on top of knowing that the vaccines don’t have spectacular results as they were intended (more flat out failure based on old standards), on top of the awareness that I’m already overwhelmed dealing with my current reality and even the low end of complications could cause more for me to deal with… you better damn well bet I’m in no rush to get vaccinations for anyone in my family.

Sadly, the reason I quit receiving vaccines two decades ago wasn’t any of that.

It was purely because every time I got a vaccine (flu, tetanus, pneumonia, it didn’t matter), I got horribly sick for at least 5 days, and for several it was over a week. I simply couldn’t convince myself to willingly get sick off a shot any more. The first several years not vaccinating I didn’t get sick at all from anything and that was the final-straw to cease vaccinating.

So, I’m liberal, but far from extreme, and though I’d love many aspects of socialized medicine, mandatory vaccines is not one of them. I firmly believe we all deserve a choice, so much so that when my teenager decided she wanted to vaccinate even after having had covid, I made two stipulations: 1- make your case with valid research, and 2- she will assume any and all consequences of receiving said vaccine, regardless if it’s a bottle of Advil for pain or anything bigger. I can not handle any more complications in my life and thus will not vaccinate, but if she is willing to take full responsibility no matter what, I will not stop her.

I’m no Maga-Trumper and hate much of what they stand for, but I know that many of their choices and beliefs are based in experiences they have had. That is how I find common ground with the ones that land on my table at work. Many of them had bad experiences in their past that lead them where they are. Some of them remember when the government used their own military personnel and military families to test many things (like early vaccines), they remember being guinea pigs the first time around, and how horribly that went. Just because I don’t agree with them and hate their methods, it doesn’t mean I can’t find understanding and be compassionate.

If we all don’t begin to stop and see someone’s perspective as valid and based in their experiences, then we will quickly degread into conflict, mutiny, chaos and mayhem.

We all must start reaching for the common ground and make compromises. We need to be more compassionate with each other and find understanding for each other’s decisions.

I would love to trust unequivocally that the vaccine is perfectly safe and helpful, but my life, my body, my brain tells me otherwise, and I simply can’t handle the results of what could be if we are not the lucky 100% safe ones. There is simply no way to guarantee that I or my family will be completely unharmed. I can not handle anything less, and I simply wish people held enough humanity to understand that.

May you have enough humanity in you to find common ground and compassion for others. May we all survive these times. May medicine find additional ways to help everyone, especially those that were negatively impacted by covid in a permanent way. May we all see that we have reached our beliefs because of our experiences, and that yes even though there is fake news in our midst, that is not the only reason someone believes something. May you have understanding for others around you. May we all feel safe again. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I deserve better.

I have been doing my best in many ways, but lately I am intent on clinging to the positives. Because of that, and my mountain of paperwork and projects, I haven’t been writing much. It seems I need to address a few things though.

First, I wrote this poem on my other site last night, and wanted to share it here for those interested.

Beyond that, I am doing my best to heal. I acknowledge that I have strong awareness of energetic components of our experience here on Earth, and lately it seems that Cvid aftermath and Energetics are making it very difficult to reach for my own healing. Regardless, I have been doing my best as usual.

To that end I have debated writing at all lately. I deserve better and I know the best way to accomplish that is to stay focused on the positives as much as humanly possible. For myself that has been many hours of focusing on my desires, goals, and preferences. Pretty much any time I’m not talking to someone or invested in paperwork, my mind stays busy focusing on things like in my poem.

However, you can’t focus on the positives, if there are things needing solved right now, then what? If something is broken you must know how to fix it, to be able to work on and focus on such solutions. At the moment that is my biggest peeve with “medicine”. Everyone is pretending the damned vaccine is our saviour and perfect and pressuring those not getting it, and I call bullshit for many reasons.

  • Vaccines have never been infallible, depending on which vaccine is referenced they can have anywhere from a 1 to 3 % risk rate which is anything from mild reactions to death.
  • This vaccine was processed in a tiny fraction of the time of normal vaccines and we really have no true idea of it’s effects yet, any more so than the disease itself.
  • I question why, but also why they are giving it away free. We have been well trained in american society that nothing is truly free, there is always a catch. If they were giving away Tesselas to everyone, you’d stop and ask why/how? If they were suddenly giving away zyrtec, or advil you’d ask why. If they were suddenly giving away any prescription, especially an expensive one like Tribenzor or a highly regulated one like Hydrocodone, you’d know something was up. So why aren’t we having that response here.
  • Additionally, this vaccine has been given a 30min reaction window. If your reactions are not reported within that 30 minutes or before you leave, then they are denying responsibility. Tell me how many drugs of any kind are held to that standard. Even simple cortisone injections have a reaction window much greater than that. And vaccines are exempt from standard lawsuits, we have vaccine court for them- good luck with that process if you do have a reaction.
  • Vaccines only truly benefit a person that has not been exposed to the disease it is used for. We’ve known that for decades, in regards to all vaccines. If you’ve already had the strain that a vaccine is made for, then having caught the disease and survived gets you as much immunity as is possible to begin with. There is no justification for vaccinating someone that has had a confirmed case of the same strain.
  • If a disease mutates both the vaccinated and previously ill individuals are equally at risk of catching the new strain. That has already been addressed repeatedly with Covid already showing new mutations. Last I checked they had suggested as many as 5 new mutations.
  • Plus, the European countries that are ceasing vaccination are doing so for very good reasons. They are noting damage from them that is as bad or worse than Covid itself. The vaccines vs catching Covid, is literally a coin toss as far as risk goes.

That’s just my bullshit detector going off over the vaccine. But I also noted “Medicine”, why?

  • There is no true 100% solution for any chronic disease.
  • Our best efforts have produced pill cocktails that keep viral levels to a minimum and address symptoms of the chronic disease. How does that actually heal anyone?
  • In fact the only diseases we truly heal are bacterial infections, and even some of those we are hitting barriers to full healing (MRSA is an excellent example).
  • 100+ years of study into viruses and the best solution we have is to keep churning out vaccine after vaccine, only protecting those that haven’t already been infected (children), and only for those which vaccines have been developed (that’s why EBV is still a major concern after 80+ years).
  • Yet all these vaccines piled on top of each other, full of toxic chemicals and low conductivity metals, is doing a host of damage to bodily organs and the human brain. In this awareness, more is not necessarily better. More toxicity only leads to other diseases. (Aluminum toxicity is strongly linked to Alzheimer’s, yet it is used in nearly every vaccine currently made.)
  • Autoimmune diseases are climbing as fast as autism, and I personally don’t care if it is the chronic diseases or the vaccines that are causing it. Either way you look at the picture it is obvious we are not solving anything, and in a matter of time millions will be dieing because their bodies ate themselves.
  • Did I mention there is still no solution to having caught a virus that caused damage to your body. Even under the assumption that you completely kicked the virus, once the damage is done you’re better off having a chat with God than your doctor.
  • Western medicine is good at removing damaged organs, doing a transplant if available/necessary. Western medicine is good at fixing broken bones. Anything else they offer is one variation or another of symptom management: pills, dialysis, bariatric oxygenation, pacemaker, etc. They rarely aim at solving the original cause. Even in cancer they treat the tumor(s) and rarely ask why was the tumor there (the one exception is if they can determine a genetic link).

So then why am I on this tangent?

I’ve come across at least 2 known and a third suspected vaccine liar. Those who are against it for similar reasons as me, but are tired of the pressure and lying about having gotten the vaccine. Lying about that shit is never going to solve the problem. If we continue to fail to address the problem as a society, then we will just keep getting more of the same. This has been proven over and over again with BLM, Me Too, racism, sexism, police brutality, LGBTQ concerns and many other issues. If you don’t stand up an call out the wrongness, then you will never see a solution manifest. You can’t solve a problem that doesn’t exist.

Additionally, I have had very upsetting information brought to my attention.

Essentially, the symptoms that Nathan, our kids, and I have had since our mystery virus (aka Cvid) infection; have presented in coworkers.

Nathan’s symptoms were enough that I sent him to the doc and eventually he received his kidney disease diagnosis.

One of the coworkers’ symptoms eventually led to an oblation of her heart, and she was my age (under 40).

Another coworker has been to the doc repeatedly and they are stumped as to what is really happening to her and have put her on BP meds and prilosec to address the only symptoms they have registered with equipment.

So what are these symptoms?

  • Swelling of the legs and/or feet, for me and coworkers it was one sided and mild like women in pregnancy experience, but does fluctuate. For Nathan both legs were really bad and constant.
  • Nausea, intense and intermittent. Makes me want to vomit.
  • Loss of appetite.
  • Intense anxiety or panic attacks. For me this has been like when I have a high thyroid swing, but last blood-work actually showed my thyroid levels being significantly low, too low for a high swing.
  • Feeling like you’re breathing fire, breath hot enough to irritate your face when wearing a mask, but not registering a fever/temperature.
  • Stomach pains, diarrhea, and other digestive upsets even when not eating things known to cause such problems.
  • Headaches and migraines when previously they were rare.
  • Dizziness/vertigo. Two of my clients, one a known long-hauler, and myself have all had significantly worse issues with this. Neck locks up, so dizzy that it affects balance and walking. This used to only happen once every few years and at the beginning of both pregnancies, but now I’m having issues with it at least one out twice a month. My 2 clients it’s become nearly constant.
  • Mental disturbances. My son will be up doing things and not remember where he is at, or what he is doing. I have moments of depression which I can’t fight off like usual. I also have what I call intrusive thoughts- I’m on one topic and suddenly my brain feels the need to interject an extreme negative not always linked to my original thoughts. Nathan has been fighting depression since before the kidney diagnosis, but it’s gotten worse with that news. He is also having what I’m calling short circuit moments, his brain literally misfires and says the wrong words or he doesn’t understand what is being said to him. (Apparently it is a symptom of kidney issues, but overlaps enough with the rest of us I thought I better include it.)
  • Fatigue, often extreme. All of us have noted moments where we have to force ourselves to keep going. When it hits while I’m working out I feel like my legs suddenly weigh a thousand pounds and I can’t catch my breath. I literally have to coax myself through my exercise to be able to finish. Nathan has had moments so intense he falls asleep almost like narcolepsy, and that’s never been a thing for him before. My kids will just say they’re really droopy or groggy but stay fairly functional, occasionally acting like it’s bedtime, but in the middle of the day.
  • Racing heart. It comes and goes. Both of my coworkers had it tested. The one that ended up having an oblation had to have a subdermal monitor implanted to catch the tachycardic moments because the external monitor wasn’t catching them. It feels like your heart is going to explode out of your chest and aches all around your breast bone. I’ve taken my blood pressure every time I feel it, but the cuff never registers any irregularity and my BP is always normal.
  • Body aches. Ever since acknowledging certain food allergies, I’ve had body aches with exposure to them. Now, I fight them nearly constantly and long work days make it nearly intolerable. The worst is always my right upper back, probably because my work also triggers that area, but for nearly two weeks it’s been burning regularly even with maintenance self-care and massage and Acupuncture. It’s really getting old, and I’ve had to resort to advil way more than I am comfortable with. I’ve also have numerous clients specify the same area of chronic severe discomfort with the adage that it never used to be as bad.

It seems to me that for those in my awareness, Covid went after every weak spot imaginable. Yet we have no solution for those that already had the disease and experienced damage as a result. Half of us never even got tested because testing wasn’t available, and by the time it was we were informed it wouldn’t be reliable even for the antibody test (which for me fell under waste of money and wasn’t done). So yeah, my bullshit detector has been ringing like crazy and I want solutions.

Pretending that fewer people had it just because you didn’t test is ludicrous. You are literally ignoring a major portion of the population. Then all the BS already mentioned about vaccines, I say something smells majorly fishy. If medicine actually cared about people living full healthy lives this shit would change. If there isn’t a major change and access to actual healing solutions soon, you are very likely going to see hospitals start filling with long-haulers experiencing organ failures like Nathan.

I supect that there are many people that are slow burn. Those that didn’t feel sick when they tested positive. For all we know Covid went straight to their weak spots and it may be something that doesn’t have very visible symptoms, or maybe their weak spots were originally healthier than other people. Either way, long term you are likely to start seeing those people complain of problems they never had before. Hopefully western medicine’s greed and desire to treat just symptoms doesn’t cause this mess to get worse and create too much for them to handle.

Those of wanting real solutions have been nagging for quite some time now, and I will have no sympathy if they suddenly don’t have enough equipment to treat everyone’s long-term effects. I’ve been asking the establishment to change for several years now, and I know I am not alone.

So what do I want? I want the solution. What does that look like?

  • Healing.
  • Access to tools that really boost both immune function and body self-repair. IV treatments already exist that do both, but they are currently not covered by insurance and so far too infrequently administered to help the population as a whole. The are inaccessible and unaffordable.
  • Affordability and accessibility to those tools and cannabis products, the like of which have healed seizures disorders. That strength and purity is still out of reach for most people even with medicinal cannabis approval quickly spreading the country and world.
  • Doctors actually joining forces to set the system straight. Standing together to right the injustices and fix the brokenness. That requires them caring about people more than dollars again. That requires the whole system caring about people more than dollars.
  • Treating people with the goal of solving the root cause, even if it is complicated to figure out the root cause.
  • Treating people as individuals that are valuable to this world (not just sheep to herd). We treat our cows for mcdonald’s burgers better than we do our own population right now.
  • Doing what is right even if it goes against instructions from upper management. If you know X treatment is safer, more effective, and more likely to help/solve said problem, don’t let them sideline it because it produces less revenue. Stand for what is right and good in this world.

If all of this is so damn impossible, then maybe the whole damn system needs to crumble. If it can’t be fixed, then none of us should trust them. If it can’t be fixed and solutions found then there is no reason to sustain or support them. There is no reason to trust anyone bent on predicating a system set on just perpetuating costly bandages. Save your money and live life as best as you can without them.

That’s a lot, and yes I’m frustrated and angry. I shouldn’t be the only one voicing these concerns. And maybe I’m not, and the great AI funded by our 1%’s is doing a great job at silencing us all. Maybe someone needs to point out to those in control that if they kill us all off, they will have their giant pile of money and an empty world that doesn’t care they are rich. All the fun in being the one on top is lost when there isn’t anyone left under you. If your herd all dies then you have no-one to control and no-one to profit from. Just saying.

May you know your life matters. May you find a way to healing even when the system is against it. May you know you are on the right path and doing your best to help God and our world. May you see your own value and in doing so enable your own healing. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

2nd round

A one hour gap led to my 2nd round of exercise for the day. I started early, with 35min of elliptical before work. Now I walk the park near work. Sunshine and 73° a stark contrast to the subzero temps of the week of my birthday, just 2 weeks ago.

This round I’m not listening to music, no I much prefer the sounds of birds chirping and singing. I would sing myself were it not likely to bother others.

I happily wear my scarf as a shawl, just enough coverage to adjust to the light breeze today. I’m so happy to be without a coat.

Today I have been kicking energetic butt.

I do not need a negative skunk of a divine masculine in any form. The divine masculine of this world has not stopped power, greed, or manipulation of the masses. DM has not produced actual healing for many diseases, and especially considering vaccines have not solved many detrimental diseases. Vaccines pretend to help only those never exposed to begin with, and only for certain chosen diseases, but their toxic chemicals do other damage in the process. And toxic chemicals are everywhere anyway, the DM has not stopped corporate greed ruining our food supply with any one of dozens of toxins.

No, I don’t give one shit about the divine masculine in human form or otherwise, because no form it is taking is doing any good for anyone, and there have been no miracles from God in large scale way.

Divine healing looks like miracles. It looks like safe foods and our bodies functioning properly, without more toxic ‘interventions’.

Divine healing is like this sunny day, living life the way it was intended, out in the open with smiles on faces. Divine healing is joy and enjoyment of many activities. Divine healing is businesses functioning and flourishing because they are genuinely helping people (not scaring the shit out of everyone). Divine is goodness in all forms.

This masculine bullshit we have been cowering from is just that- bullshit.

I embrace my feminine, that brings me joy. That has gotten me closer to healing than anyhing that any masculine has said or done. I embrace my inner being because that feels good, that feels like joy.

And my husband, he’s doing the same. I know inside my husband is a healed, radiant, smart, kind being, and I look forward to that showing more again. My husband is intelligent and we both have been doing everything in our power to heal. We both have been putting in more focus and more effort, than anyone wants to acknowledge. The fact that we are doing so much, and still coming up short, is because of all the damage that decades of rampant toxic masculinity enabled.

Toxic masculinity has ruined humanity and left us all zombies. Real zombies are the hordes cowering in fear. Real zombies are the hordes bickering with each other over problems instead of joining forces to find real lasting solutions. Real zombies are all the people giving their power away to greedy corporations because they say this injection will stop the disease. Real zombies are those that vote for the rich guy because he’s not a career politician forgetting he padded his own pockets in the process, but can’t see that the young politicians have people’s genuine concerns at heart because they signed up to try and fix the system.

If you can’t employ your brain to reach for better, see the fallacy of anything, and aim for solutions, then you are already a zombie.


As for me, I’m reaching for better.

I remind myself and my family regularly:

Mind your own self first.

Reach for better and focus on something that feels good.

If you can’t find a solution, then find a way to let go of it so someone else can.

If you’re not living life normally, then you’re not living, and you might as well let go of life itself.

Treat yourself with respect, dignity, and love. If you know that you are doing everything you can correctly, then you have to know that you are doing your best and the rest is up to the actual divine.

Love yourself and give yourself what you need, no matter what that is.


I used my walk and this post to let go of what was bothering me. I used my walk to find appreciation. I am focusing on what I need to feel better. I am honoring my divine self and reaching for better and believing that no matter what, everything is okay.

May you find a way to let go and reach for better. May you see solutions or at least release the need to fight over anything. May you show yourself much needed kindness. May you find things to experience joy and learn to truly live again. May we all see that everything is okay and the divine loves and supports us in all that we aim to do for a greater good. May humanity find peace and living again.

Om Shanti