Tag Archives: honor

Honor, respect, love

This is to follow up with the poem. I feel like I’m downloading a message.

Honor :

  • For strength, to get through and create better.
  • For intelligence, so that I have been able to do anything I’ve set my mind to.
  • For endurance and perseverance, being able to see things through too the end.
  • For strong logic enabling solutions to even the most complex problems, to eventually be found.

Respect:

  • For being able to feel and know the deeper truth.
  • For understand when others didn’t.
  • For showing me how to be kinder and gentler.
  • For helping me have a voice, teaching me young that someone would always listen no matter what.

Love:

  • I am a beautiful creator.
  • I am perfect just as I am.
  • I’m everything I was supposed to be.
  • I’m doing everything in my power to leave this world a better place.

May we all see the blessings in our lives. May we all love ourselves in the best and highest good. May we all navigate life fully and joyfully. May our days become brighter and brighter. May we all have hope for our futures. May you know above all God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Finding support through clarity.

This evening I found myself stiff from one too many days without yoga. I proceeded to fix that while mentally running through things I knew were in my vortex. It was providing relief in several ways.

Now I sit much more relaxed and significantly more flexible, and struck with a sense of I may have effed up, but that it’s because I feel another also did.

In my cycling through my vortex one of my thoughts was that I really deserve recognition of all the things I know, voluntarily learned, and regularly do for others. I’m just tired of feeling like the lowly pee-on.

I have aspirations and dreams, and soon I might actually be able to buy into, or just outright buy a business that is larger scale than my self-employment scheme. Yet no one out in the world sees or acknowledges how much I do, have done, and how hard it was for me to even get this far.

I just wish I had a congratulations once in a while. I don’t even have acknowledgement of my retention rate or that I average a 20-22% tip rate, last month I made nearly $1000 in tips (credit and cash combined), and my actual in-office massages netted $3200. That’s a 30% tip rate. That’s amazing. Yet no one noticed, at least that was acknowledged.

This was with all the odds in my life journey stacked against me.

I grew up in a poverty-mindset laden home, with an abusive father, yet I worked my way through college, graduating in 4 years with honors. I took 2 semesters of heavy class loads one at 18 credit hours and one at 24 credit hours, having to request special permission from the dean to do so. It enabled me to graduate on time. And what no one cared about was that I accomplished it while working overtime at my job at Motherhood Maternity because the assistant manager was caught drinking on the job and sent to rehab while the store manager was on maternity leave. So me and one other staff person kept the store open and running while I was taking a double load at collegiate level. Yet my grades never suffered, only my sleep.

On top of that fact, I graduated in 4 years with honors from a big 10 university after having transferred schools twice due to financial dilemmas, something that at the time was rare to find accomplished.

I worked 2 years using my degree in a graphic design position, not making the income that I needed, even with continuing to work a driving job I started in college. The two jobs combined were still not enough income for life with student loans from only 2 of my 4 years of school. I decided I needed to shift to a career with better chances, but without spending too much more on my already costly education. The massage program won because it also enabled me to help people.

So I had 2 degrees, a massage therapist certification, work experience in 3 very different fields, and I thought for certain things would improve. I began to navigate becoming a massage therapist. I also married Nathan and began helping him navigate divorce, child visitation, and all the related problems. We moved (twice, on no budget) to attempt to improve things again. Then Nathan’s health failed.

I supported a family on my own for a decade and still managed to drop thousands on a failed mobile home remodel and thousands more on vehicles wear and tear from a 90 min daily commute.

After all of that, I released some of my work, to accept my massage therapists’ job upon her retirement knowing that there was a possibility all her clients would hate me and schedule elsewhere. I’ve lost my buildings to being Covid casualties. I had to forfeit insurance switching to the clinic, and currently pay out of pocket to attempt to fix my own health. I have battled thyroid and life-fail induced depression for 20 years.

Yet, I gave birth to two healthy kids at home in water. I have survived Covid financially and that is even with now having both a mortgage and car payment. I now have a majority of all of the clinic clients because one therapist never came back and the other keeps pissing his clients off. I have also gained many new clients that had never been to the clinic before, and my retention rate is through the roof. And during all of this I have lost 2 dress sizes in clothing (regardless of the stupid scale not budging), and I have healed my body in many ways, one being that I no longer fight depression constantly.

Yet no one acknowledges any of that, that is except my Nathan.

So then after all of that I remembered getting pissed over the chiropractor and his new signs that made sure he was recognized, while the rest of us were the fine print to ignore.

My awareness this evening brought knowing it was because he wanted acknowledgement for his efforts and his hard work. For all I know his educational journey was just as challenging and I know it was more costly. But I also have an awareness that his family has always been prosperous, and his previous career was too. It’s not that I don’t think he had challenges, it’s just that his challenges seem fewer and definitely not of financial nature. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe his cards were just as stacked as mine, but he doesn’t talk about any of it, so how am I to know.

So now I have a keen sense that I still want honored and recognized, but I don’t want that to be at anyone else’s being unrecognized. I want us all to be acknowledged for our efforts equally.

See here’s the thing, we all have had a journey. If you’ve made it this far into adulthood, you’ve done a lot. The longer that you live the more you do and learn and accomplish.

But some us do seem to have the hard road, and it would be nice if those on the easier path could see that and just give some sentiment of congrats for making it through. It doesn’t make their path any less to acknowledge someone on the hard journey made huge strides, but it does help those battling all the odds want to keep fighting the good fight.

I just want people to be more aware of how their actions can be hurtful and if it wasn’t on purpose, then that is what apologies are for. If you are genuine an apology goes miles.

As for me, at this point if I say certain things I could get fired, I’ve already been warned of that because of a prior language/communication fail. Beyond that I can’t really talk about my goals of buying [or into] a business, because I am still waiting on my unique situation to fully resolve and become details I can actually work with. Until I know the full details and have sorted some things out, it’s just hopeful speculation.

So for now, I’m just going to quietly keep learning and doing, and do my best not to step on anyone’s toes or fail to recognize other’s efforts. I don’t need or want to put anyone else down, I just want to feel like I matter and people know everything I’ve gone through to get where I am. I just want a little recognition and honor… Like Rodney Dangerfield would say, “can’t a guy get a little respect here?!”

May you see your own worth even when others don’t. May you honor and respect everyone’s journey. May you see those that have made it through harder journies than you. May you lift others up and find ways to bolster their efforts. May you see that those around you care and respect your abilities and knowledge. May you have evidence of your worth. May things generally go well for you and my your journey get easier daily. May you have the success you seek, not just financially but emotionally as well. May you know that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su

A Rant to Clear for Myself

I had a really feel good poem I wanted to write based on a dream last night. It will have to wait. I found myself very upset this morning and I need to clear my emotions to feel better again.

This morning I discovered that the sign I drew up for the clinic was completely different upon installation.

It was explained to me that the one chiropractor had dropped the ball and the other decided to take over and have his significant other redo it all together.

I wasn’t so upset because it was redone by his girlfriend, that’s typical thinking with your penis response to Get-R-Done mentality. Fastest solution, and bonus it’ll make my girl feel good. Whatever, boys will be boys.

What I was pissed over is that both chiropractors sat with me and answered a gaggle of questions that I asked to make sure it was a good readable sign that met the needs of the clinic as a whole. The chiro that took over apparently forgot or didn’t care that I had done that, because the finished sign is not only unreadable from any significant distance, but snubs some of the practitioners in the clinic. That is what pissed me off. Maybe that wasn’t the intent, but that is definitely what came across.

But hey I’m just a dumb massage therapist right?! Nevermind that I have 2 years of actual work experience in graphic design having done hundreds of business signs and tee-shirts both of which readability is a huge concern. I left graphic design, not because I wasn’t good at it and got fired. No, I left because wages were too low and during the summer I worked 60 to 70 hour weeks and winter would only be 25 to 30. It wasn’t a good combo.

Now I simply don’t know: maybe the GF is also a graphic artist, but by the looks of the finished sign she has never done design for signage. I would have checked on that, or at least remembered the conversation where I asked all the myriad of questions. If she hadn’t done signs he could simply have said to her “the other designer brought up these things as concerns, maybe we can do something to check and make sure they are accounted for”. That way his girl could still have gotten the ego boost and a decent sign still could have been accomplished. The sign that is now up would have been a mostly okay business card or letter head or website header, but not a full scale outdoor sign. As for the mostly, I will get into that more in a few.

First, the sign was originally a discussion as an addition to current signage to catch more attention from traffic. It was requested to have some color to gain attention. Originally, it was just going to be one sign and thus needed to match what was already in place. I offered to use the existing logo for the color pop, but pointed out that for cost reasons it would be best to turn it from gradient fill to flat color. Both chiro’s initially agreed.

Next, I can easily tweak any design I do, so if speed was a concern I could have had quick turn around. Additionally, once a decision to redo all the signage was made, that too would have been a quick adjustment- copy, paste, resize to fit, add or remove text as necessary. At that point congruency only needs accomplished between the current edit and resized versions, so if a new font had been desired that too was a quick adjustment. On the original most of my time was devoted to rebuilding the logo as 1 flat color, but shit happens, if you changed your mind just let me know. It simply feels like a bit of a slap in the face that my work and knowledge on the subject was completely disregarded and ignored.

So here is the gist of what the final sign looks like.

Obviously I left actual business info off.

Like I said, it’s a decent layout if the printed material is close to your face. But when your goal is supposedly to claim passing cars, you’ve completely failed. All of the fonts could have been larger and more bold, but especially the acupuncture line.

Here’s the deal, from years of experience and education I know how to tell if something is readable at a distance. The easiest would have been just ask me. But, you could have said “I’d really like to get in good with my girlfriend by letting her do this, do you have any tips?” I would have replied with the following. Put the text full screen on the computer, set your monitor brightness to the max to simulate a sunny day, then step back at least 10 feet and see if you can read it. If not, it’s not readable to passing cars. The further away you can get the better, because that would give a driving car more time to notice, read, and process the information. As it is, the installed sign is barely legible across the street.

Now, where I continue my upset is over the way the font size prioritizes the modalities. As a business owner and one that has dreams of having a clinic even better than this one, I see immediately how this sign snubs other practitioners. This version is saying I have the PhD, so I’m more important. However, you wouldn’t own a business with multiple practitioners if it didn’t benefit you. Every practitioner helps pay the bills and without them you would flounder, everything would be on your lonely PhD ass to pay for and keep open.

When you have multiple services, it is to catch a wide array of needs. So the person driving past with an aching back, but who might be wary of chiropractic, could still note massage therapy and schedule with the LMT’s. The guy that just talked to his sister in Maine who told him she was wary of acupuncture but tried it and it did wonders, would maybe see the sign and call and find out more info.

This sign is more akin to if Target did this:

Obviously that would be a huge costly error, underselling their other products. That is why Target and Walmart call themselves “super centers”.

AND I never put my two cents worth in on any other aspect. Like when I did the design I wondered if there was any intent for additional locations or franchises in the future. If there had been, a well placed colon would have done wonders, and enabled those kinds of thoughts and plans to be a potential reality. I also had thought about possibility of expansion and adding other services and had contemplated layout options for being able to easily add other modalities. I never said anything, just did what the consus request was.

So yeah, my business mind saw broader perspective, potentials, and ramifications of decisions being made. It is partly from my experience in design and collegiate training, and partly from my real world experience as a self-employed massage therapist. I could have done amazing things. I could have simply helped them avoid this costly fail. But when those with letters behind their name disregard anyone with less education it’s their own loss. At this point the clinic now has several upset staff members that don’t like confrontation, so the downside is knowing that if any of them suddenly have better offers the clinic could shrink quickly. I even had that thought myself, knowing my skills are not respected in the way I deserve, and that’s design or massage.

May you have better days and know your skills are honored and respected. May you see your work as mattering. May you know how to take good advice when it is available. May you know how to meet your desires without offending those around you. May you see the broader perspective in a variety of ways and sense the best decision for all elements. May you have less costly mistakes. May you honor those around you for their skills and knowledge regardless of how many years they spent in school. May you make good decisions in business so that you can work less and make more. May you know that God supports and guides you if you let it flow.

Siva Hir Su