Tag Archives: hyperthyroid

Out… Me… Relief…

This morning started rough. 10 minutes before I left for work everything went awry. I knew I was picking up on another person and kicked them out to be able to function at work. I showed up and 1st session went okay.

Halfway through my gap between clients I hit overwhelmed and knew I needed to focus. My mantra became:

“Everybody OUT, Now! I need to just be me! Get the eff out of my awareness, I only need to be just me right now!”

I was referencing everyone I was connected to. I had the realization that I want everyone I love to be around me, and it had caused a plume of all their energetic stuff to also be around me. I was overwhelmed by that which I thought I wanted. I want the loving partners and family, but not to the detriment of myself. So I acknowledge I still need to be able to have my space and my time, and that time needed to be now, before it was too late.

It worked, and for the duration of my second session I focused on the moments I feel me, so that I could focus on being just me.

Me is when I’m inĀ  nature. Me is seeing the beauty in and around me. The beautiful butterflies and bees that defy gravity and do delicate dances on the wind to fertilize flowers for even more beautiful abundance. Me is marveling as the sunshine dances through trees’ waving limbs. Me is listening to beautiful songs from beautiful birds. Me is smelling flowers’ sweet scents.

I was just breathing and feeling me, my inner being- it feels good, all while working on my client. It felt like peace and happiness. It felt calm and centered. I love feeling me.

After feeling ME for quite some time while working on my client, I shifted to knowing that I deserve better. I have worked a long time at healing myself. I have put lots of research and thought into healing myself. I have put lots of intuition into healing myself. I have taken many actions, over and over again, over that long span of time, all guided towards healing myself. I had done so well that even though my second pregnancy ended in hives and labor twice as long as the first, my thyroid still didn’t crash as hard as the first time. I have done so well focusing on healing myself that I had two major viral infections in one year and still managed to mostly maintain myself. Not only did I maintain, I lost a little weight and slimmed down a lot. So yes, I deserve proof that what I’m doing is working, tangible validation that others recognize.

That led to my next mantra:

My I.D. is my spirit.
I am a divine being.
I am in alignment with my source.
My source is healing me.
Source Healing is greater than anything man has to offer.
Source is obliterating Dis-ease for me.
I'm healing to my beautiful divine self.
I am beautiful and healthy.

Then I focused on what was next. I was headed to that ultrasound that was scheduled last week. I kept telling myself “I’m going to go get my proof that what I’m doing is working and it’s just got my system riled up.” I thought about what proof might look like, all the options that would be evidence that what I was doing was working. I acknowledged that 2020 hit me hard in several ways, so pretty much anything less than significantly worse was still a sign that my efforts counted.

But I narrowed it down. I deserve this proof because I made it through, but more because I’ve put so much massive effort into my health- I deserve massive results. Considering I’ve fought a new virus on top of an old nagging one, and still had visible results, I felt I was deserving of positive test results. I felt I deserved test results showing significant improvement of some kind. To me that meant that whatever the test showed it should be less significant than the one at the start of 2020.

I arrived for my Thyroid Ultrasound. I knew they were looking for nodules, and filled in the tech. I explained that the previous report said there were several and one was just large enough it could have been biopsied, but doc didn’t seem concerned enough to do so so it never had been. After my description, I said that I was hoping they were either the same or fewer and smaller.

The tech did his job and scanned not just my thyroid itself, but all of the surrounding lymph nodes. That was more than the first one did. He told me he only saw one difinitive lump on the left lobe of my thyroid, and it was still small enough he didn’t think it was even considered large enough to do a biopsy, but that I would need to confirm with my doctor. He told me that he thought it looked like a good scan considering I knew I had Hashimotos and had already been told of the nodules. He had me wait while he confirmed with the radiologist. He came back and said yes they had compared to the previous scan from last year and they both think it looks good, but the doctor will confirm.

I needed that good news something fierce and thanked God profusely. I then immediately texted everyone around me the good news, including Nathan. I was straight giddy from receiving much relieving news.

It’s now been 4 hours and my evening has gone splendidly because of the relief I have felt.

I can’t bring myself to tell my family (mom, dad, brother) because I am not certain my solution well help them. I started before system failure, I started before cancer set in. I’m not certain what I’ve done will heal them as effectively. It wouldn’t hurt to try, but it’s not easy or quick, so even if all 3 started today, I’m not sure it would save them. Then there’s the matter that I’m not sure they want to be saved. You can’t make someone do what they don’t want to do, and they’ve all essentially said they are okay with the alternative.

I will fill them in eventually, but I need for my brother to regain his bearings before I tell him. I love him, and I know it’ll bounce right off of him if he’s still in post surgery dosage attempts. His medicine dose needs to at least be close for him to be able to hear that there’s hope. I would love for him to be able to hear me and reach for his own healing, but I accept that it might not happen even if his meds are fairly balanced.

Regardless, my proof that my efforts are working is exactly what I needed. It is the encouragement to keep going because the light is finally at the end of the tunnel. I’m finally seeing an end in sight. A bit more patience is all that is needed.

May you have clarity when you need it. May you easily find your inner being when it is needed, and especially to receive the blessed healing that only comes from within. May you know your efforts not just counted, but did exactly as hoped. May you feel better and have patience with the discomfort of change and definitely with the healing cycle. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Done, done, not done.

Graphic designs done. Taxes done (at least as much as possible.). Dome design done. My massage received. Rest- check. Cuddles with kids- yes.

Didn’t get to prepping gardens, it was too cold and wet. Didn’t get any artwork done. Not much “fun” to be had either, cuddles with kids was enjoyable, but not what I would classify as good fun. Okay, could be worse, that’s not a complaint, more an observation.

My son misbehaved a lot, no big surprise there, but it’s getting really old. Today I had a long discussion about how he was acting vendictive like the one person we were around alot about 2 years ago. I explained that his actions speak to intentionally wanting to hurt me and daddy. Nathan and I have decided that cutting cords and burning sage frequently isn’t enough, it’s time for counseling…. That or a voodoo doll for the original offender. The former is more expensive, the later might carry bad karma, but both would solve the problem. Hmmm. Decisions. Probably the counseling, but I’m not afraid to do the voodoo if necessary. HA!

Anyways, I really had set out to update on my thyroid labs.

First a really quick review of my thyroid history… 2 years ago after Katherine’s birth (June 2018), I had pulled out of my second crash and my labs were as follows.

Not great, but they could have been worse. These were the labs that finally acknowledged the immune attack on my thyroid. I was on medication at that point, so my numbers were mostly okay other than the immune response denoted by the antibodies.

The next previous labs were 2 years further, after the meds had pulled me out of the horrible post Ian-birth crash. Those labs were pretty basic (next picture), but did show I had started to run consistently high, so that was when I began tapering back on meds a little over a year from when I began taking the meds.

So 2 births and resulting thyroid crashes have taught me how to read labs, what to look for and what symptoms link to what on the lab results. There were a couple of other lab profiles done, but they were so basic it seemed pointless to show them here. The original one from after Ian was born which showed a TSH of 80, that one I never even got a copy of- bad doctor.

Anyways, all the labs I’ve ever had were cash pay. Even the short time when I was covered by insurance, labs were not drawn because I had rediculous high deductibles. So I did the best with the resources available.

I’m still doing that.

I managed to get over the hump of renting for $800/mo to owning for $900/mo. But insurance is still nonexistent and doctors waste both my time and my money.

So, I ordered my labs myself again. This time I ordered a slightly more comprehensive package developed by the Stop The Thyroid Madness doctors. Results came back last night.

Now as a reminder: I knew I had had a thyroid storm about a week prior – based on symptoms and awareness of allergy reactions, but I have not been taking any meds for over a year. These were my results.

Mostly everything was okay. My cholesterol numbers were good; though I could bring the good cholesterol up a bit to even out with the bad (which is still well under their desired preference). Iron and liver related tests were good. My sugars were high, but again I’ve known I’m reacting to things which is causing those spikes, plus considering that I know a bad reaction will spike me well into the 300’s I’ll take the 157 I had. This morning my fasting glucose was 92, perfectly normal. I was high side of normal on table salt (sodium and chloride levels), but being that I have vegetable soup fairly frequently, I’ll take that number as a ‘could be much worse’ too. Especially since I’ve managed to get my body alkaline (pH of 8 on UA), that’s a hard feat to accomplish without any salt at all.

That brings me to thyroid numbers.

  • RT3 was at 12. Ideal is 8 to 10. So close, and running a bit high is a conversion problem due to Hashimotos’, I’m still well within what doctors consider normal, just not ideal.
  • Free T4 at 1.1, and ideal is 1.3. Also very close to ideal and well within normal.
  • FreeT3 at 2.8, and ideal is 3.5-4.2. I’m a little low there, but still in normal range. Also, that is very common with Hashimotos’ immune problems. So common that most Hashi people only take T3.

Unfortunately, that’s where the normals end.

  • TSH. That’s the number that denotes how hard your pituitary gland is trying to convince your thyroid to work- thyroid stimulating hormone. It was 80 after Ian, and 20 something after Katherine. Both times I struggled with depression severely. Currently I’m at 11.47 after the thyroid storm that did have anxiety, depression, and heart palpitations. Definitely not great. Well outside normal. My pituitary gland knows my thyroid wasn’t keeping up very well and trying like crazy to convince it to work harder.
  • TgAb or thyroglobulin antibodies. It doubled since the previous test, and that one wasn’t good. 2 to 4 sucks.
  • TPO or thyroid peroxidase antibodies. That also nearly doubled from 342 to 546. It is supposed to be under 9.

Those last two are antibodies that attack the thyroid when they detect certain triggers (allergens of similar molecular structure). They are way too plentiful, even with my known reaction and thyroid storm. I expected numbers like after Katherine knowing that prior to December I’d been doing great, not something twice as high.

It means I’m definitely missing things. I’m likely consuming allergens I have yet to label. I don’t want to think about any other possibility, because I know a doctor would likely start to check for cancer.

So, next step is to come up with the extra $400 to pay for the blood serum allergy testing. I have managed to figure out most of my allergies without it, but at this point I admit I’m at a stalemate without the bloodwork. I just can’t fathom what else I might be reacting to.

After that and another round of diet adjustments, I’ll need to give my body 30 to 60 days of perfection to see if the antibodies drop. That’s another round of labs to pay for to be able to see the result, but can stick to the basic thyroid panel and antibodies, that’s more like $100+.

If they do plummet then I’m golden. If they don’t then I may have much larger problems to consider. I certainly hope for the former.

Now I just have to figure out how to juggle the extra labs while already juggling reduced income from Covid19 nonsense. This is about to get really interesting.

May you have full health. May your labs always come back ideal. May you never have to know what thyroid problems are like. May you always have the resources you need in quick response timeframes. May you know you’re on there right track, and find your missing pieces easily. May you feel good mostly and have minimal easily solveable problems. May you have many blessings in all areas of your life.

Siva Hir Su

Relief again.

I’m 95% of the way through my thyroid storm. I only feel the painful heart skips or speeding occasionally. My mood has stabilized. My thinking is more clear again. My headache comes and goes, but is gone more then present.

On top of that we had our housewarming gathering today. I bought enough food for 2 armies, and half of one showed up, so we’ll have tons of leftovers. Plus, I was pleased to see some faces considering a few days ago my thyroid storm had me believing no one cared.

It was a good first gathering in our home. I look forward to many more.

I didn’t take any of my supplements today, wanting to make sure I stayed down in normal range. Now to just find the balance where I maintain the thyroid sweet spot again. I went a year and a half doing pretty well with no medication, so now I have a reminder to keep doing what I was doing. I know the best path and I just need to stick to it. I get better at that every day, and considering I fell into the hole of my brain hurting enough to think about suicide, I climbed back up very quickly.

May last bout of that was right after Katherine’s birth and it took 2 weeks to wade through the crash to even come close to normal. The same period after Ian was born took 14 weeks after acknowledgement that I needed help. So more like 16-18 weeks from when I fell in the hole. This time it was right at a week from knowing something was off, to falling in the hole, to successful climb back out, and that’s even with stupid people taking me for granted as get laid quick schemes, rejecting actual relationship possibilities.

I’m giving myself huge kudos on that shift, that improvement; especially since I had only Nathan’s encouraging words to help me. No one stopped me, no one told me what to do, not one person figured it out for me. AND I did it all when my hurting brain was telling me it was easier to throw in the towel and just kill myself.

I literally just kept flip flopping between those scary thoughts and convincing myself that it was solvable and I just needed to regain control for the sake of my husband and kids. Once the storm calmed just enough, I was able to start attempting to analyze my previous actions to try and figure out what led up to the storm. Now I am fairly certain I know what led up to it and what to do to get into my sweet spot and maintain it again.

5 years ago that was impossible. I couldn’t even regain balance without help and was at the mercy of band-aid pills controlled by uninvested doctors. Now I have knowing, I have data, I know cause and effect, and I’ve won the battle enough times I’m now getting more efficient at winning. I may not have healed my body, but I know how to manipulate the dysfunction enough to maintain my stability.

Stability itself will eventually allow for healing.

The one moment I am clinging to is what I said to Nathan standing in the shower bawling my eyes out. I still believe it even if I’m not certain of my ability to allow it: “Love is supposed to fix the things I can’t fix by myself.” In the moment of tears I thought I was crying because I believed wrong. However, now I see that I was crying because I was doubting a true internal belief. I hold that belief so deeply that even a little doubt feels absolutely horrible. So it must come to pass. God is just waiting for me to do my part and the rest will fall into place.

Thank you God for helping me find my solutions. Thank you for helping me see the rediculous for what it is. Thank you for talking me out of my hurt and desire to give up. Thank you for giving me Nathan and his supportive kind words. Thank you for helping me fix what is wrong, and I do know you’ll help me find healing if I get out of my own way.

May you all have moments of clarity and healing. May you all find your solutions. May you all sense God’s guidance. May you have easy roads. May you respect yourself and others, especially when fighting battles like mine. May you feel better faster and more efficiently.

Siva Hir Su