Tag Archives: hypothyroid

Relief again.

I’m 95% of the way through my thyroid storm. I only feel the painful heart skips or speeding occasionally. My mood has stabilized. My thinking is more clear again. My headache comes and goes, but is gone more then present.

On top of that we had our housewarming gathering today. I bought enough food for 2 armies, and half of one showed up, so we’ll have tons of leftovers. Plus, I was pleased to see some faces considering a few days ago my thyroid storm had me believing no one cared.

It was a good first gathering in our home. I look forward to many more.

I didn’t take any of my supplements today, wanting to make sure I stayed down in normal range. Now to just find the balance where I maintain the thyroid sweet spot again. I went a year and a half doing pretty well with no medication, so now I have a reminder to keep doing what I was doing. I know the best path and I just need to stick to it. I get better at that every day, and considering I fell into the hole of my brain hurting enough to think about suicide, I climbed back up very quickly.

May last bout of that was right after Katherine’s birth and it took 2 weeks to wade through the crash to even come close to normal. The same period after Ian was born took 14 weeks after acknowledgement that I needed help. So more like 16-18 weeks from when I fell in the hole. This time it was right at a week from knowing something was off, to falling in the hole, to successful climb back out, and that’s even with stupid people taking me for granted as get laid quick schemes, rejecting actual relationship possibilities.

I’m giving myself huge kudos on that shift, that improvement; especially since I had only Nathan’s encouraging words to help me. No one stopped me, no one told me what to do, not one person figured it out for me. AND I did it all when my hurting brain was telling me it was easier to throw in the towel and just kill myself.

I literally just kept flip flopping between those scary thoughts and convincing myself that it was solvable and I just needed to regain control for the sake of my husband and kids. Once the storm calmed just enough, I was able to start attempting to analyze my previous actions to try and figure out what led up to the storm. Now I am fairly certain I know what led up to it and what to do to get into my sweet spot and maintain it again.

5 years ago that was impossible. I couldn’t even regain balance without help and was at the mercy of band-aid pills controlled by uninvested doctors. Now I have knowing, I have data, I know cause and effect, and I’ve won the battle enough times I’m now getting more efficient at winning. I may not have healed my body, but I know how to manipulate the dysfunction enough to maintain my stability.

Stability itself will eventually allow for healing.

The one moment I am clinging to is what I said to Nathan standing in the shower bawling my eyes out. I still believe it even if I’m not certain of my ability to allow it: “Love is supposed to fix the things I can’t fix by myself.” In the moment of tears I thought I was crying because I believed wrong. However, now I see that I was crying because I was doubting a true internal belief. I hold that belief so deeply that even a little doubt feels absolutely horrible. So it must come to pass. God is just waiting for me to do my part and the rest will fall into place.

Thank you God for helping me find my solutions. Thank you for helping me see the rediculous for what it is. Thank you for talking me out of my hurt and desire to give up. Thank you for giving me Nathan and his supportive kind words. Thank you for helping me fix what is wrong, and I do know you’ll help me find healing if I get out of my own way.

May you all have moments of clarity and healing. May you all find your solutions. May you all sense God’s guidance. May you have easy roads. May you respect yourself and others, especially when fighting battles like mine. May you feel better faster and more efficiently.

Siva Hir Su

Something’s screwy here.

That’s a mannerism of Abraham Hicks that seems to fit today.

The other side seems to have quite the sense of humor, especially with me.

After following a ProCircuit Inc truck for what seemed like forever, messages started flowing again. I had to exclaim into thin air “Haha Ohm equals Om” after finally remembering the Greek letter omega on the Pro Circuit truck is used in electronics as a symbol for ohms. Their logo also includes a depiction of a wave, & I took that in combination with the other messages to validate I’d tripped into the higher vibration Abraham always talks about. I had found the right wavelength so to speak.

The interesting part is that it was accidental on this day, but Abraham stresses meditation is the key to finding it on purpose…. That’s the reason the ohm symbol was important. I have again slacked on my meditation practice.

Thanks baby, I love you, but I do need my time.

It also made me confess that I’m great at focusing when I am at least partly in control of my environment, but suck at it when there’s chaos beyond my control.

Yet, I do love the feeling I get when I’m in the zone. Warm and fuzzy all over, a-buzz with good feelings. Abraham stresses too that acknowledgement of that helps bring more if it, but it’s still a conscious decision to practice focusing on it. I need to work on that focus part, especially since I lose the feeling so easily at times.

Regardless, the messages were a little bit clearer after that moment. Seeing 9-until and exclaiming “Until what?” to then see D-wil and L-Luckly. I know something good is inbound, and yet again I’m excited without knowing exactly what for. It’s a good thing.

For now I cross my fingers that the birth is paid for by an entity other than me. Especially since I spent so much figuring out thyroid stuff. Labs confirmed I have a decent dosage on my desiccated thyroid medicine figured out. Could be a smidgen better, but it’ll do for now. What was of most concern is that labs also confirmed suspicions about my allergies and thyroid connection. I technically fall into Hashimotos with such high levels of antibodies, but have never been labeled as such by a doctor. Mainly because I figured out everything on my own and this is the first time labs even checked antibody levels.

What bothers me most is that even with 3rd trimester adjustments and being 98% faithful to that diet since birth, my antibody levels are still scary high. So, I’m realizing I need to be even more strict to get my body to stop attacking itself. That is vital to everything else in my body functioning properly.

So one more puzzle to figure out. This time I feel like the divine is guiding me to the answer, & I’m the one going kicking & screaming because I’ll have to say goodbye to my last few food pleasures.

I was already familiar with the Autoimmune Paleao diet, having tried it once before. Yet, it seems I’m going to have to try again. Here’s a chart found at this site that shows what the diet avoids:

Classically, some of those foods have been OK for me. Nuts, seeds, eggs, and some beans have usually been fine and not given me any symptoms. At least any physical symptoms that I could notice. Yet with my antibodies so high I’m obviously still reacting to things.

So perhaps it’s time to get ultra serious and really stick to AIP. I foresee having juices and pea-protein shakes (even though peas are AIP discouraged it’ll be the safest option for me & my history) to try & keep calories up to accommodate breastfeeding. It’s also a really good thing that avocado is okay, because I forsee it being my only real access to fats beyond meat. I’m so sick of being such an excessive meat eater right now that avocado sounds wonderful. How many ways can you eat avocados? Not sure right now, but I know I’ll find out. Perhaps I should just get several plants, because I’ll otherwise spend a small fortune buying them in fresh produce. Hmm. The possibilities.

I suppose for having gotten “bad lab results” I’m in a decent mood. That’s a good thing. It’ll help when I get around to figuring out what the hell I can eat. & on that note, I wish for all of you readers to enjoy what you eat and still have optimum health.

Farewell Cupcakes, and bread and….

So through the videos that I linked in my last post, and “The Depression Cure”, I’m discovering that my pregnancy diet isn’t just my diet. It’s a thing for a lot of people and many more that don’t even know it yet.

The videos swear that if I follow the food regimen, which they call Auto-Immune Paleo Diet, for the rest of my life- I could potentially heal completely and never need thyroid medicine ever again. At that point, it is more of a lifestyle choice, such as “The Depression Cure” suggests.

I’m discovering that there isn’t much difference between the dietary guidelines discussed in “The Depression Cure” and the Auto-Immune Paleo Guidelines. The biggest difference is that  the Paleo variety is really really focused on eliminating immune response, so you have to eliminate anything that triggers your immune system. They acknowledge that this can be different for everyone, but there are certain seemingly universal (or pertain to most people) elements, such as: Dairy, Glutens/grains, soy, eggs, and Nightshade Family vegetables, and often Peanuts.

I would hypothesize that the peanuts, being less universal, might be a combination of their Omega 6 heavy nature, along with the fact that Peanuts tend to have higher levels of  toxic pesticides and herbicides on them- at least compared with other nuts- and maybe that is because it is technically a legume growing on the ground. A double whammy. Which, The Thyroid Secret discusses the fact that a lot of Thyroid patients are having problems that are literally cumulative over time, and often are not dealt with until symptoms , and thus thyroid damage, are severe. Ultimately, an issue of toxicity gradually overwhelming the immune system. Thus, it would make sense that peanuts would land on the list.

I find it interesting that “The Depression Cure” lays out a diet based upon what “uncivilized” or aboriginal people would eat, and those same qualities are found in the Paleo diet based on paleolithic men. Beyond that most of the common “allergens” or “immune triggers” are just not commonly found in those diets. “The Depression Cure” doesn’t specifically state to avoid those items, just to eat the others. Yet both guideline systems have eerily similar statements about what to eat and to make it a permanent lifestyle choice, and they also have very similar results.

Of course they do. Thyroid problems can and often do cause Depression. Inflammation (immune response) -especially in the brain- can and often does cause Depression. Of course this is all one and the same issue. It doesn’t matter if you are diagnosing from the Depression, or the Thyroid/other organ malfunction, or the inflammation manifesting in the body or brain (RA, joint or connective tissue diseases).  It’s all the same problem.

I can see that now that I am actively trying to fix both problems at the same time, and conveniently finding  or being given the right information. It’s all falling into place and making sense.

Inflammation is the root cause of so many problems, diseases, and disorders, and of course our diet would be the #1 cause of inflammation in our bodies. YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!

Do you know how many times kids used that on me growing up? I could never figure out how my obesity was evidence of that, when they were downing just as many Doritos, Cheetos, and Little Debbie snacks as I was. Why was what I ate showing on my body, and what they ate wasn’t? Now years later I’m discovering that even if it didn’t visually show on them then, it would eventually accumulate enough to cause them some kind of problem. There’s little solace in that.

If someone had told me when I was 12- “Even though your thyroid isn’t completely malfunctioning right now, it will be unless you change your diet. This will suck short term, learning how to change, but long term you’ll be glad you did. You need to eat like this or your life will be full of pain, fatigue, and depression.” … I would have done it. I would have taken the greens over depression  for 20 years in a heartbeat. I might have been like every other teen and balked at the idea, or drug my heals in doing it, but as soon as relief was felt I know I would have kept with it.

So, now that I’m back on the bandwagon, and I’m cleaning my diet back up. Where do I go from here.

I’m starting to feel better again, and though the scale doesn’t register weight loss, I know I’m thinning because of the way my clothes fit and what people are saying to me. That makes me feel good. It always helps to know that I’m looking better when I’m also starting to feel better too.

With that being said, my body still has sags and folds from the pregnancy. This is libel to make that worse. I can’t afford a surgery to remove excess skin, and I have no idea how long it takes for skin to naturally shrink back up. I guess I’ll have to start getting creative now with ways to convince myself that the loose skin is fine. Mind over matter that one- and now that my brain is working better, I should be able to do that.

I want to feel attractive, but loose skin does tend to make that difficult, so I will start working on focusing on other things to reinforce my beauty in my own mind. Nathan swears that he finds me beautiful regardless of what my body looks like. I love him so much, and appreciate every word of that.

The diet isn’t easy, and makes me want to never go grocery shopping ever again. Do you know how few items in a grocery store are actually edible for me? That will definitely be my biggest challenge. Even today I went to Whole Foods and got a salad which had eggs, tomatoes and dairy dressing. After tossing the eggs and tomatoes in the compost bin, I relegated to one last dairy product.  There are so very few items in pre-made food that I could just grab and eat. It seems I will be forever picking things out or creating substitutions. That’s hard for me. Sometimes I just want to be able to be “normal”, but I’m discovering that the better way to look at it is: “Is living in pain for the rest of your life normal?” Because that is what everyone else is likely to experience, if they are not currently, at some point in their life they are likely to experience something that will require medication to mask symptoms, and possibly not even successfully at that. I at least have a chance at healing, if I stick with it and give my body optimum nutrition. I’ll take that chance.

SO, finally, I’m left with what lesson to take away from 22 years of struggle to find out it could all have been avoided and fixed long ago with permanent diet changes. I think for me it is about education. Since I couldn’t find a way around the 22 years of pain- physical and mental, maybe, just maybe I can help others avoid it. SO, I’ll probably contrive a nutrition class for our home-schoolers, and maybe find a way to speak to middle and high-schoolers in public and private schools.

I’m not much of a speaker right now. I get by when I have to, being more of an introverted personality, a bit shy. But I think this one is important. I have no idea how, but I’ll go about it like the trailer remodel- one piece, one step at a time. Maybe 10 years from now I’ll have affected millions of kids and become famous. Who knows. Right now I just want to help people avoid spending 2 decades in pain like I did. If I can help even a few people do that then my journey was worth it. NAMASTE and AHO!