Tag Archives: I think I can

In other news….

That picture is soooo not me, I don’t have a picture of me working out! Perhaps I should fix that!

Anyway, to start, my stress triggers recap: house hunt/purchase attempt(s), Equifax mumbo jumbo, mortgage application, frigid weather, sinus cold, my dad’s state of being, hormones, relationships/moving-on from pointless hopes, kids being kids…

Yeah: I think that’s most of the ones I’ve talked about of late.

Now add to that my brand new shiny computer had a glitch from a recent Microsoft update, and the resulting frustrations over not being able to work on my dome designs. I had really hoped to have a significant amount of that completed to show here by now, but alas it will have to wait until the glitch is resolved. I won’t have Sunday time to do that until after Thanksgiving, but I very much look forward to the results when I eventually do get to it.

I am slowly chipping away at the process to become a continuing education course provider. Currently I’m on the portfolio/curriculum vitae. It doesn’t seem on the surface that it would be a big deal, but organizing 15 years of applicable skills into the format they are seeking is a bit tedious. So that is not completely done yet either, and I haven’t even started writing my courses. I projected 6 months when I decided to commit, and like all cases, my estimate may or may not be entirely accurate, but I will eventually complete it. One step at a time, as my schedule allows.

Finally, because of all these stress triggers, I’m feeling the need to burn it off – quite literally!

Except when I’m smack dab in the middle of a stress-trip with a spice cake right in front of me, I have little to no appetite. I’m still eating, but finding it easier and easier to stick to healthy items in very small portions. That’s a great thing! Especially since I’m officially eating vegan now; no grains, no meat, no dairy, no soy, no nightshade vegetables; except that darned piece of cake!

Then, I have a strong desire to move nearly constantly. In between clients I am finding myself pacing quite a bit. I’ve also been taking every opportunity to go exercise. Being it’s been so much colder, nearly all of my workouts have moved inside. I’ve been alternating between the Planet Fitness across the street from work and the YMCA near home.

I have been lifting 2 to 3 times a week, except this week because my cold caused a missed day. I do use the dummy-proof machines since I’m not working with a trainer or spotter.

As for cardio, I am still getting at least 40 min of speed walking via treadmill 4 to 5 days a week, I aim for an hour when possible. I fluctuate between 3.8 and 4.2 mph on the treadmill because I so enjoy matching the beat of the music I’m listening to. This last week though, I’ve been working with incline more, to push the cardio aspect a bit. It’s that or run, and I really don’t enjoy running…. ¿Yet!? …. Will I ever?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my progress with my readers to show you really can do anything you want. For me, that just means a little of everything.

My current lifts are all weights based on 3 to 5 sets of 10 reps at a time. I do 2 sessions, with the second hitting 5 sets, before I raise the weight by 5 pounds again. Last week I had a day I pushed a little too far or too fast and I really felt it for a couple days afterwards.

  • Leg press 205
  • Leg extension 85
  • Seated leg curl 90
  • Inner thigh (Adductor) 110
  • Outer thigh (Abductor) 110
  • -Glute extension 70 (I haven’t actually done this one recently so it may not be completely accurate.)
  • Back extension 140
  • Abdominal (curl- arms up) 85
  • Abdominal (curl- arms front) 80
  • Rotary torso 80
  • Lateral raise 55
  • Shoulder press (I just learned this is also called military press, and it was one I had backslide on poorly, I’m part way back up.) 30
  • Tricep extension 55
  • Tricep press 65
  • Biceps curl 30
  • Lat pull down 70
  • Seated row 65

I haven’t been good about logging my times weightlifting in the health tracker- mainly because I log the pounds and sets in a different app and forget to duplicate it, but here’s my average steps and calories views.

I’m not seeing the results myself yet, but several people have said I’m looking better these days. In my pregnancies, that stage was 2 to 3 weeks before I actually noticed changes myself. Besides the scales have not budged, they still stay between 220 and 225. Merh.

I welcome all of you to share your progress in the comments as well. I’d really love to know if there’s anyone out there that I’ve inspired in any way, or encouraged to persevere through their own struggles. And there’s always room for commiseration in fitness journeys!

May you all have easy stress free times. May you have great work-outs with plenty of support. May you find you only desire the calories your body needs. And finally, may you see results of your own hard work.

Siva Hir Su

Flogging Story So Far

Listen: https://youtu.be/BZGkxlLZZsM

I am thanking God I’m alive, yet acknowledging that Nathan and my couple of friends might be sick of my fitness puzzle updates, I thought I’d write it out. My story so far does make me who I am, and currently it’s kinda pissing me off.

Despite having birthed 2 children, losing weight during pregnancy, to reach 190 pounds twice; I’m shaking my head as to why the eff I’m hovering between 200-225 now.

At this point I can honestly acknowledge that I’m doing spectacular by all reasonable definitions. I already knew I was doing decent, but there were a few people that thought I wasn’t eating enough and thus causing my body to think it was starving. Because of their doubts I began to use my Samsung Health Tracker app to its fullest potential to find out for certain if my knowing was accurate or if their doubts were.

I have to say, except for the fact that it doesn’t track the calories I burn doing deep tissue massage, I’m really enjoying the accuracy and details it allows me to track. When I enter food I can pick brands, specify my particular serving, even down to individual ingredients for things like my breakfast shake, and it does all the math for me. I love it.

As you can see below, my worst day of food intake (when I’m at the old job) is the number of calories that many people consume as normal. Yet, for me that now only happens once or twice a month. Most days fall more in the range of what I took in on the 26th, which is more of the 850 to 1100 calories. Which, by the way, gives me plenty of energy. I actually struggle more on the high calorie days, because usually those involve succumbing to my food allergies.

That reminds me of a cartoon that Nathan found a few days ago…..(he’s been sharing memes on this topic with me because I’m ranty about it, he’s trying to help me find levity.)…

Anyway, I find it interesting that my nutrient balance score is low. I have been watching that score system and basically I get a better score when the protein to carb ratio is in a certain range. Unfortunately, I usually eat few carbs. My food intake still has carbs, but much lower ratio than most people. I also try to focus on healthy fats and I eat seafood or use pea protein powder for my proteins since I have had issues recently with red meat and never did do well with dairy or soy. I’m betting they factor that into their algorithm as well.

Moving on: in addition to these super healthy lower calorie days, I’m getting plenty of exercise. Beyond doing massages- which do burn calories, I’ve been doing more yoga and core exercises (leg lifts, variety of crunches, and planks) and walking a ton. Today I’ve done 30 min of yoga, about 40 min of core exercises, and then took an hour walk, keeping up pace with my Flogging Molly mix. My app only counted one of my jogging bits as running, but I picked up the place several times during my walk to keep up with the music. That’s despite the cold weather. *I really do love Flogging Molly for exercise.* My average steps per day is generally over that which the app recommends with few exceptions, and the one high-calorie day I hit 18,000 steps, nearly 8 miles of walking!

I’ve also been reeling in my blood sugars, finally getting my fasting numbers to begin to normalize. I have to say that the walking increase has helped with that, but making sure my dinners are on the light side also did. And blood pressure never was a concern, but I’m logging them anyway to make sure it stays that way.

My stress levels are even doing great and even when I push my speed with the walking/jogging I’m still keeping lower heart rates.

I swear that this meme is too true. Too close to home, but still funny.

Damn those genetics.

Anyway, I’m definitely feeling like all my work should amount to something visible. I have nothing to show for 4 months of dedicated exercise and food control. Except slightly better blood sugars. Oh well, I suppose I know, and regardless of people’s assumptions, I still know I can lift my husband (and most of the people I work on). I’m healthy despite having an obese body. Rawr.

I’ll leave you with 2 appropriate funny memes, and my usual blessing.

May you know your hard work matters. May your determination net visible results. May you see your improvement, and may you enjoy a healthful life.

Siva Hir Su

Dreary, weary, exhausted; still chugging.

So I have a little bit of time to blog tonight. Quiet air-conditioned house of a friend. She’s at her kids’ game, and I’m waiting here to let other friends in when they arrive. I think this is the first quiet, ME time that I’ve had in over a month.

I miss that.

I’m introverted at heart, so when I don’t get that space it wears me down. I’ve worked very hard over the years, practicing my “smile like I care” face to deal with strangers and acquaintances on a daily basis for work. I’m pretty good at it now, but in my ideal universe I wouldn’t have to interface with the public- work with people directly. I think that is why I like Distance Reiki so much. I can still help people and provide healing services without actually having to socialize with the client. Socializing in and of itself is a stress for me. I do want to help people, but being able to do that without spending so much time conversing and socializing would be wonderful. Alas, for now I work predominately as a massage therapist, so I will continue to socialize to be able to continue to help people.

Beyond that, I love my family, very much, but sometimes- especially after having spent nearly a solid month in their company outside of work- I just wish they would go away and leave me alone. Being in a home with no walls is definitely a challenge for me. There is no space yet to call my own. Eventually there will be, but the biding of time is very challenging and I’ve already had multiple melt-downs. This is going to be an excruciating remodel process for me. I’m hanging in, but just barely.

There doesn’t seem to be enough thyroid medicine or lithium in the world for me right now, and I keep praying for my miracle healing so that my brain can make it through this time just a little easier. It seems that it will never come, after having made the same request of GOD for the last 21 years. I was telling my friend before she left that the few times I’ve used Pot as medicine, it’s worked. It helps balance my brain and take me out of Rage or Depression, to an even keel, and without even activating my asthma. However, it’s not legal here in Missouri yet, even as medicine. So  I keep trucking without it. If I get too desperate for mental balance I may disregard that and find some anyway, or take a day trip somewhere that it is. I just wish I didn’t have to break the law to get the only relief that I’ve ever found. Believe me, if the psych drugs had worked, I’d have kept taking them.

Anyway, I’ve been called Debbie Downer twice this week. I don’t like being Debbie Downer, and above all else, I wish I could change that about myself. I would love to be consistently happy, I’d love to get along just dandy having to be around people all day every day, I’d love for my emotions to maintain balance the majority of the time. I’d love to feel like I’m a sane human being.

AND I keep searching for answers to that puzzle. Every day of my life. As I’ve said before, I’ve found some of the pieces- it’s not nearly as bad as it has been in the past- but I still have a LONG way to go!

I keep chugging.

This heat wave isn’t helping. We’ve been 100+ degrees several days this week. The mobile home doesn’t have air-conditioning right now. And being that I haven’t made it to renovating the outside, it’s still pretty much a tin can. Do you have any idea how hot a tin-can-mobile-home gets when the outside temp is 104? I’ll tell you- it makes you wish that you were either dead or in Antarctica. Then to top it off, the battery and fuse died on my scooter, and the air-conditioning went out on our van. I have no way to cool off other than going to work or friends houses. People are gonna get sick of me, especially if I can’t keep my emotional shit together.

But, that’s life- keep chugging. Keep doing the best you can.

Eventually you’ll either figure out how to make things manageable, downright enjoyable, or die trying. I’m hoping for the former, but have resigned that the latter is entirely possible and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about that, except keep praying to the God that doesn’t seem to have the time to answer my millions of prayers. Maybe, one day, he will, and it’ll knock my socks off. Maybe.

Keep chugging.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.