Tag Archives: improving

Flip side.

I’m having a rough week. Multiple Allergic reactions causing me to have to fight my brain again. Feeling like this journey is far too familiar at this point and wondering why I’ve not managed to heal my body enough to let it subside.

It’s the holidays, I’d like to be able to celebrate without this horrible aftermath. Perhaps it’s my fate, perhaps I’m just not there yet. Regardless, I’m refusing to have that 3rd child God has nagged me about until I find enough healing to be more capable of having a birth like I did with Ian.

I don’t have answers, as I have educatedly guessed my way this far. Doctor’s don’t even want to try. Especially when there’s no juicy insurance policy to take advantage of and it’s a difficult puzzle anyways. So much for all knowing, all healing, godlets. More like greedy lazy bastards.

So, I am going to focus intently for a bit here. The goal to reach for the believable flip side of my allergy reaction induced negativity.

  • My efforts do matter, if to no one else, to me and my cells.
  • I much prefer feeling good and being able to be positive more easily.
  • I’m doing far better than I was a few years ago.
  • My changes may not be visible to others, but I know some signs are: less acne, less rosacea, less pain, less bloating, less gas, less fat, more muscle, less depression, generally feeling well being more often.
  • I am strong. I can leg press my husband, and probably drop kick others. (Ahhh… Garfield & Odie… my old pals…. I AM Garfield- except he at least got to enjoy lasagna.)
  • I am intelligent, I have solved far more of my puzzle than anyone else. I’ve met literally dozens of people including many doctors that only found a singular tiny element, which alone accomplished nothing. Only when I started putting many elements together did it make any difference. And… None of them helped with the assembly, I did it myself. My Nathan helped maintain once things were figured out, and for that I’m grateful.
  • I still have 2 strong hands, 2 strong capable legs, and my intelligent brain, all to keep trying.
  • I know how to let healing energy flow and I intend that every night just before bedtime, healing energy will fill my body, it will heal my pancreas, heal my liver, melt fat, calm inflammation, and soothe my immune system back into only fighting germs.
  • God’s energy can and will tell my cells that foods won’t kill me, that my immune system can leave them be and my liver can clean out the excess.
  • I exercise so much these days, and that has to count for something. I may not be able to see it myself, but I know exercise is generally very good and helpful, so somehow it is helping me.
  • I care because of me. I’ve come this far, I could give up, but don’t want to. I can’t see the boat, but I know it has to exist, I just have to tread water long enough for it to get in my sights.
  • Every time I maintain my level of completely clean eating, I feel better, that’s how I know it’s working and helping. At some point the scales will tip, and minor infractions will be too insignificant to cause such difficult aftermath.
  • I have done so much already, I can keep doing this. Considering my odds, I have exceptional willpower.
  • I am an exceptional person.
  • I am a caring person, and that’s how I’m able to see the affects allergies have on me. They cause me to behave differently than my true self. I want to heal enough to always be my better self.

Is it possible to redefine holidays to take food out of the equation? Can I find the joy without a stitch of food in my experience? If I don’t go to anyone else’s celebrations maybe. Yet another opportunity to do it on my own. C’est la vie.

I’ll leave you with a view of the same salad I’ve eaten probably 6 times in 2 weeks. When I eat clean, options are very limited. It gets boring, but every time I try to enjoy food it ultimately pays me back later.

May your body and your life allow you to enjoy food. May you always find a way to be your better self. May you have a calm immune system that only fights disease. And finally, may you have joyous holiday celebrations with friends and family and feel your belonging in this world.

Siva Hir Su

In other news….

That picture is soooo not me, I don’t have a picture of me working out! Perhaps I should fix that!

Anyway, to start, my stress triggers recap: house hunt/purchase attempt(s), Equifax mumbo jumbo, mortgage application, frigid weather, sinus cold, my dad’s state of being, hormones, relationships/moving-on from pointless hopes, kids being kids…

Yeah: I think that’s most of the ones I’ve talked about of late.

Now add to that my brand new shiny computer had a glitch from a recent Microsoft update, and the resulting frustrations over not being able to work on my dome designs. I had really hoped to have a significant amount of that completed to show here by now, but alas it will have to wait until the glitch is resolved. I won’t have Sunday time to do that until after Thanksgiving, but I very much look forward to the results when I eventually do get to it.

I am slowly chipping away at the process to become a continuing education course provider. Currently I’m on the portfolio/curriculum vitae. It doesn’t seem on the surface that it would be a big deal, but organizing 15 years of applicable skills into the format they are seeking is a bit tedious. So that is not completely done yet either, and I haven’t even started writing my courses. I projected 6 months when I decided to commit, and like all cases, my estimate may or may not be entirely accurate, but I will eventually complete it. One step at a time, as my schedule allows.

Finally, because of all these stress triggers, I’m feeling the need to burn it off – quite literally!

Except when I’m smack dab in the middle of a stress-trip with a spice cake right in front of me, I have little to no appetite. I’m still eating, but finding it easier and easier to stick to healthy items in very small portions. That’s a great thing! Especially since I’m officially eating vegan now; no grains, no meat, no dairy, no soy, no nightshade vegetables; except that darned piece of cake!

Then, I have a strong desire to move nearly constantly. In between clients I am finding myself pacing quite a bit. I’ve also been taking every opportunity to go exercise. Being it’s been so much colder, nearly all of my workouts have moved inside. I’ve been alternating between the Planet Fitness across the street from work and the YMCA near home.

I have been lifting 2 to 3 times a week, except this week because my cold caused a missed day. I do use the dummy-proof machines since I’m not working with a trainer or spotter.

As for cardio, I am still getting at least 40 min of speed walking via treadmill 4 to 5 days a week, I aim for an hour when possible. I fluctuate between 3.8 and 4.2 mph on the treadmill because I so enjoy matching the beat of the music I’m listening to. This last week though, I’ve been working with incline more, to push the cardio aspect a bit. It’s that or run, and I really don’t enjoy running…. ┬┐Yet!? …. Will I ever?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my progress with my readers to show you really can do anything you want. For me, that just means a little of everything.

My current lifts are all weights based on 3 to 5 sets of 10 reps at a time. I do 2 sessions, with the second hitting 5 sets, before I raise the weight by 5 pounds again. Last week I had a day I pushed a little too far or too fast and I really felt it for a couple days afterwards.

  • Leg press 205
  • Leg extension 85
  • Seated leg curl 90
  • Inner thigh (Adductor) 110
  • Outer thigh (Abductor) 110
  • -Glute extension 70 (I haven’t actually done this one recently so it may not be completely accurate.)
  • Back extension 140
  • Abdominal (curl- arms up) 85
  • Abdominal (curl- arms front) 80
  • Rotary torso 80
  • Lateral raise 55
  • Shoulder press (I just learned this is also called military press, and it was one I had backslide on poorly, I’m part way back up.) 30
  • Tricep extension 55
  • Tricep press 65
  • Biceps curl 30
  • Lat pull down 70
  • Seated row 65

I haven’t been good about logging my times weightlifting in the health tracker- mainly because I log the pounds and sets in a different app and forget to duplicate it, but here’s my average steps and calories views.

I’m not seeing the results myself yet, but several people have said I’m looking better these days. In my pregnancies, that stage was 2 to 3 weeks before I actually noticed changes myself. Besides the scales have not budged, they still stay between 220 and 225. Merh.

I welcome all of you to share your progress in the comments as well. I’d really love to know if there’s anyone out there that I’ve inspired in any way, or encouraged to persevere through their own struggles. And there’s always room for commiseration in fitness journeys!

May you all have easy stress free times. May you have great work-outs with plenty of support. May you find you only desire the calories your body needs. And finally, may you see results of your own hard work.

Siva Hir Su

Lookin’ Up

So the new year has brought challenges, all of which I’ve met so far.

I was hired full time as Activities Director. Yet to see a pay raise from it. Oh well, I’ve come to realize corperations rarely stay good on promises designed to get the good workers to do something. I fell hook, line and sinker for that stinker again.

Cleaned up mess number two from the oaf I filled in for. This time for good.

Lost power for 3 days due to Winter weather and stayed afloat with a minimum of lost wages, and only one night in a hotel.

The ball joint went out on our only vehicle, noticably making noise on a Saturday. We were gentle on the car to get through until the first available opportunity to see our mechanic (Tuesday), and $400 later we were rolling normally again.

Unburrying from oaf’s mess required extra work hours, some of which I voluntarily did off the clock to ensure meeting other needs during the week. Corporate neither knows nor cares, as they are against overtime at all costs, and all they care about is a warm body keeping things moving from resident/outsider perspective. So problem solved. The ones that care, most likely noticed, as I’ve had many compliments about how I’m such a hard worker this week.

The whole mess put together led to weak self-control with food, and reduced sleep, so I did loose my upbeat demeanor briefly on Friday. I apologized to those present and regained composure to complete my work week.

I will get back on my wagon- AGAIN!

I spent part of my week in training for software we currently use, though apparently not to its fullest potential. It left the trainer and I both with things to straighten out technologically. I also pointed out to my manager incongruent polar opposite sentiments between the training that day and the company Facebook posting policy, she essentially said “I know you should have said something to them”. So now I get to be the bearer of an uncomfortable email conversation in hindsight. Yea me. But hey, it might make two of our other processes easier and quicker- more efficient. That’s a good thing.

And I keep trucking.

I’m looking forward to extras I’ve put into the entertainment calendar for February, including a birthday party for myself. I figure since my birthday already falls on a Friday, which is the usual day for music and Happy hour, why not add a few extras to make it special for me. That includes inviting my family and what few friends I still have, to join us -on the house. I’m quite looking forward to it and hoping at least a couple of people can come down for a bit that afternoon. It would go miles to reducing my feeling of ostricized loneliness, something I know is completely an unintentional side effect of working so darned much.

It’ll be a moment of relief regardless of who shows up.

I’ve come to acknowledge that in a way the residents have become my friends and family to a large extent. They genuinely want to know me, how I’m doing, and especially all about my little ones. That means mountains to me. I hope that this arrangement continues to be full of warm fuzzy moments, and sets my steady course to another step better.

May you all clear this winter with warm fuzzy moments of improvement, feelings of belonging, and loving celebrations.

Even healthier.

So despite my physical size,  I think I’m now healthier at this point than 90% of America. I actually had a person tell me yesterday I’m not consuming enough calories. I had to remind them that it’s all relative.  I’m not starving, I’m not hungry despite consuming 500 to 700 calories on a good day, and about 1000 to 1200 on a bad day.

There are 2 factors for me that qualify this low calorie intake for me personally. 

1) On a good day everything I’ve consumed is green or Salmon(occ. other lean meats)- very low calorie yet high nutrition. 

2) Having low thyroid function and intentionally weening from thyroid meds (so I don’t have to spend my whole life on them),  means acknowledging a slow metabolism. The fewer calories I consume means my body can avoid expending energy through digesting and actually burn fat to create energy. It also can still devote lower energy resources to other body & brain functions. This ultimately means eventually I’ll loose weight, but I can still function normally. It may take me much longer to loose weight than someone with normal thyroid function,  but my body isn’t busy using vital resources to process foods that might also contribute to the damage already done. 

I know that this is accurate for me by the way I feel.  I’m on the lowest dose of thyroid meds yet, and I’ve been taking meds for 2 years. However,  I still feel 10 times better than I  did when I was first diagnosed. I’m not hungry when I drink my green drinks & eat veggies; but when I stray & eat things I shouldn’t, I find that I have an insatiable hunger:  my body is craving the missing nutrients. 

For example let’s look at today’s intake: 

Drinks a plenty,  seaweed snacks,  3 chicken sausage (breakfast)  and 1 salmon jerky bar (lunch). I just finished my bar and I’m feeling full,  credit goes to the drinks,  so let’s look at those. 

Left to right

1) 12 oz bone broth (with my chicken sausage for breakfast)…. apparently this is the miracle drink for healing digestive damage, and so far I would concur,  my body loves it.

2) 32oz green tea with magnesium and iodine drops added

3) 30 oz green tea with Amazing Grass Raw Reserve powder, magnesium,  iodine, and colloidal silver added. 

4) 30 oz water with 3 Tbsp Braggs apple cider vinegar, Stevia, amazing grass again,  & iodine drops

5) 1L- my tea blend (peppermint,  nettles,  raspberry leaf,  spearmint, rose hips, anise, fennel, catnip, and a few other supplemental herbs), amazing grass powder,  magnesium, iodine, colloidal silver,  Stevia 

6) 1.5L of same mix as #5

So as you can see, very high nutrition drinks.  I spend a lot of money to essentially drink super healthy pond water free from bad bacteria! 

Why so much magnesium? My body goes through magnesium like crazy.  I don’t know why,  I just know it does.  I take 6 cheap magnesium,  use A Mag-A-Hol roller, and still put drops in my drinks.  If I miss either the roller or the drops I can take 9 cheap magnesium supplements a day before digestive ramifications occur. That’s A LOT for the average person. If I don’t get  adequate magnesium: inflammation, headaches, and muscle cramps run rampant in me. It’s a whole lottta not fun.  I’ll stick to the magnesium thanks. 

Side note: magnesium requires adequate calcium in your system to absorb properly.  I drink nut milks naturally high in calcium- regularly enough to get a decent amount. Green veggies also have calcium.  Additionally, I take a multivitamin probiotic, and a standard multivitamin to ensure adequate absorption.  The last thing I want is my body leeching my bones of calcium just to take up magnesium. 

I also take way more iodine than doctors recommend,  but  again I feel better and many things function better (especially my brain)  when I’ve had enough iodine. When I don’t,  I may as well be sleeping, because without my iodine- watch out!

My nutrition is through the roof compared to your average Joe. It’s what my body wants,  likely because it’s what is needed to heal damage. So hopefully in a year or two I can say with confidence: “I have  perfect health”.

Now as I’ve said,  this takes massive  willpower, and more often than not I avoid food altogether rather than fight my brain on “I shouldn’t eat that”. It’s not that I don’t eat ever,  but after the last bout of allergy reactions,  I’m seeing that it’s much better to do nutrients over tasty goodies. So my fall downs are less and less every day,  & I’m even figuring out how to keep myself from bored or emotional eating. There  are still those 1200-calorie-bad-food-choice days,  but they are much less plentiful of late.  I’m feeling much better with each passing day.

My self-reward for this is I’m getting my tattoo touched up on Saturday.  I’ll post the results ASAP!