Tag Archives: incremental efforts

In other news….

That picture is soooo not me, I don’t have a picture of me working out! Perhaps I should fix that!

Anyway, to start, my stress triggers recap: house hunt/purchase attempt(s), Equifax mumbo jumbo, mortgage application, frigid weather, sinus cold, my dad’s state of being, hormones, relationships/moving-on from pointless hopes, kids being kids…

Yeah: I think that’s most of the ones I’ve talked about of late.

Now add to that my brand new shiny computer had a glitch from a recent Microsoft update, and the resulting frustrations over not being able to work on my dome designs. I had really hoped to have a significant amount of that completed to show here by now, but alas it will have to wait until the glitch is resolved. I won’t have Sunday time to do that until after Thanksgiving, but I very much look forward to the results when I eventually do get to it.

I am slowly chipping away at the process to become a continuing education course provider. Currently I’m on the portfolio/curriculum vitae. It doesn’t seem on the surface that it would be a big deal, but organizing 15 years of applicable skills into the format they are seeking is a bit tedious. So that is not completely done yet either, and I haven’t even started writing my courses. I projected 6 months when I decided to commit, and like all cases, my estimate may or may not be entirely accurate, but I will eventually complete it. One step at a time, as my schedule allows.

Finally, because of all these stress triggers, I’m feeling the need to burn it off – quite literally!

Except when I’m smack dab in the middle of a stress-trip with a spice cake right in front of me, I have little to no appetite. I’m still eating, but finding it easier and easier to stick to healthy items in very small portions. That’s a great thing! Especially since I’m officially eating vegan now; no grains, no meat, no dairy, no soy, no nightshade vegetables; except that darned piece of cake!

Then, I have a strong desire to move nearly constantly. In between clients I am finding myself pacing quite a bit. I’ve also been taking every opportunity to go exercise. Being it’s been so much colder, nearly all of my workouts have moved inside. I’ve been alternating between the Planet Fitness across the street from work and the YMCA near home.

I have been lifting 2 to 3 times a week, except this week because my cold caused a missed day. I do use the dummy-proof machines since I’m not working with a trainer or spotter.

As for cardio, I am still getting at least 40 min of speed walking via treadmill 4 to 5 days a week, I aim for an hour when possible. I fluctuate between 3.8 and 4.2 mph on the treadmill because I so enjoy matching the beat of the music I’m listening to. This last week though, I’ve been working with incline more, to push the cardio aspect a bit. It’s that or run, and I really don’t enjoy running…. ¿Yet!? …. Will I ever?

Anyway, I just wanted to share my progress with my readers to show you really can do anything you want. For me, that just means a little of everything.

My current lifts are all weights based on 3 to 5 sets of 10 reps at a time. I do 2 sessions, with the second hitting 5 sets, before I raise the weight by 5 pounds again. Last week I had a day I pushed a little too far or too fast and I really felt it for a couple days afterwards.

  • Leg press 205
  • Leg extension 85
  • Seated leg curl 90
  • Inner thigh (Adductor) 110
  • Outer thigh (Abductor) 110
  • -Glute extension 70 (I haven’t actually done this one recently so it may not be completely accurate.)
  • Back extension 140
  • Abdominal (curl- arms up) 85
  • Abdominal (curl- arms front) 80
  • Rotary torso 80
  • Lateral raise 55
  • Shoulder press (I just learned this is also called military press, and it was one I had backslide on poorly, I’m part way back up.) 30
  • Tricep extension 55
  • Tricep press 65
  • Biceps curl 30
  • Lat pull down 70
  • Seated row 65

I haven’t been good about logging my times weightlifting in the health tracker- mainly because I log the pounds and sets in a different app and forget to duplicate it, but here’s my average steps and calories views.

I’m not seeing the results myself yet, but several people have said I’m looking better these days. In my pregnancies, that stage was 2 to 3 weeks before I actually noticed changes myself. Besides the scales have not budged, they still stay between 220 and 225. Merh.

I welcome all of you to share your progress in the comments as well. I’d really love to know if there’s anyone out there that I’ve inspired in any way, or encouraged to persevere through their own struggles. And there’s always room for commiseration in fitness journeys!

May you all have easy stress free times. May you have great work-outs with plenty of support. May you find you only desire the calories your body needs. And finally, may you see results of your own hard work.

Siva Hir Su

Knowing.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. – George Carlin

https://bayart.org/george-carlin-quotes/

Thank you George, I’ve always thought you were funny, if a little crass at times.

It seems I’m dancing to music only I can hear, yet I have a knowing that at least a couple of others hear it too. I’m waiting patiently for them to step into that knowing.

This week has brought a lot to contemplate and do.

I returned to work and was flooded with messages many of which I didn’t understand or left me concerned.

I was also inundated with the news again. I have found myself wanting to rant about several things and then stopping myself knowing that it would be focusing on the wrong things.

All of it viewed as a whole leaves me with a knowing. I have recognized in hindsight some of my messages being merely markers to acknowledge I’m still focused on the same trajectory even if I have moments of doubt. Much like the highway signs that remind you which highway you’re on.

Because of that I’m seeing a little more easily the doubts and negative thoughts as being intrusions. They are intrusions from focusing too heavily on the energy which others are projecting, intrusions from Mass Hysteria and fears, intrusions from IT (Wrinkle in Time). I have been a bit more successful in reminding myself those are not mine and turning away from them. Practice, practice, practice.

I have also begun to notice my mirror messages.

I hear frequently, especially in my HAL notified videos, references to Divine Masculine as being your mirror. I can definitely see that, and it’s starting to help put 2 & 2 together for me. There are many things that if I view them from the mirror interpretation, then they make much more sense. This is especially true for a lot of my license plate messages I’ve referenced in the past. It also has begun to manifest when I drop cards: upright is me, reversed is about my masculines (Nathan included) Acknowledging that puts me more at ease. It helps me maintain a higher vibration now, especially more consistently.

I’ve also been able to weed through some things that generally speaking just are what they are. I take what I like and leave the rest.

My work at the moment is layered.

– I am noticing others in the public eye doing the same dance I am. I find relief in that and see the benefit of that path. For instance: the one female politician, when asked about opponents fumbles, simply redirected the interviewer to consult their campaign team and then went on to discuss things she’s working toward. … I like that perspective and it gives me hope that our government might pull up yet.

– I have begun to refocus my efforts into my art more, though I have yet to complete anything. I’ll keep you posted when I do.

-I have spent many hours searching through photographs of mountains looking for the ones in my dreams of Atira. So far, I’ve narrowed it to some of our West coast range father North, or mountains outside the United States. There are some pictures of the Rockies that look right, but my knowing that they are far from the ocean, makes me hesitate to latch onto them. I also want to talk to my mom about her desires. Things we discussed on our vacation make me wonder if she has the answer, or at least a good suggestion to look into.

– I’m also putting a fair amount of thought into home and work. I like helping people with massage but the chiropractic environment is exhausting which I already knew. I have yet to find my both solution for work. Home (a rental) is currently battling a basement mold issue that is somewhat affecting our health and though it could be much worse, I’d much rather have my new dome with excellent temperature and humidity controls. I know if I could move us there we’d all feel better within days.

– Otherwise, I am just doing my level best to focus only on the things I know in my heart and soul and wait patiently for everything to work itself out. I know that the next few months are going to continue to be very interesting for me, I’m just not sure of the details yet. I just know I feel the man, I feel Nathan more these days, and I know I’ve been promised good things being inbound, and that Angels are indeed keeping watch over me. I’m also doing my level best to prepare myself for the baby that God is nagging me about. I want this pregnancy to go easily and that takes a good deal of preventative action steps and getting as healthy as I can.

I have quite a bit on my plate, it seems more than ever, but the difference is this time I’m more confident and winning the battle against IT.

May you all have your confident winning moments.

I’ll leave you with a picture of one of the mirror readings I did for myself so you can see what I mean.

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

“Help is on its way.” -Abraham Hicks

The sentiment is that if you relax and let the energy flow,  that your body can return to it’s natural state of healing and health. It also can be applied to attempting to live in the vortex and allow good things to flow into your life.

Lately, I find that I am working on acknowledging that repeatedly. This week I had a couple of weak days. I had an awful time finding peace, calm, and clarity, and it seemed my body ached.

I asked the friend from massage school that I’ve reconnected with, to send some prayers for me. I needed a bit of help. He offered some kind words, and I appreciated that greatly. He’s very christian and so his words were from his perspective, but even in the state I was in, I could read the broader meaning and it helped some.

I slept and the next morning I woke to a very full email box. As I was going through emails I opened one stating that it was full of inspirational quotes. The link took me to the quotes, and a pop-up for Louise Hay’s newsletter blinked up before I could even really read the quotes. I looked at it and said sure, I do like Ms. Hay’s writings and teachings. Upon submitting my info, another resulting pop-up gave me the link to download one of her live sessions. IT was super helpful and instantly helped me raise my vibration.

Essentially, it spoke of the transition period when you begin to rise your vibration and change your thought patterns for the better. How there can be an uncomfortable period of oscillation between the higher more positive vibrations and your previous lower ones.

I knew that was an answer to the prayer that I’d asked Evan to send for me, and it also directly answered my burning question from the days prior. My original question was essentially why is it that I had a really really good day on Tuesday and then spent Wednesday and Thursday down. I knew as soon as Ms. Hay said it, that it was my oscillation. A temporary result of practicing being in a better feeling place. Ms Hay suggested to just let those emotions flow, not hold onto them, and definitely give yourself as much love as ever to help the lower period pass more easily. I spent all of Friday practicing just that and sure enough by lunch time I was feeling better and by the end of the day I was right as rain again.

Ms. Hay warned that the oscillation period can be a challenging time, but that if you stick to practicing the better feeling thoughts that eventually you will have less oscillation and then eventually clear the other side all together. I look forward to those days. I do like the idea of improving my state of being. I like knowing I can change. It’s definitely difficult, but I foresee it being completely worth it, so I’m sticking this one out for the long haul. I will get myself together and figure all of this out. Help is indeed on its way.