Tag Archives: inner knowing

Suga’ Breathe… That’s for me.

Still working on pulling up. Had some thoughts of the progress sort, and wanted to share them. I’m feeling like poems fit the bill.

The first poem is building on the meditation concept from yesterday, where the in breath was “I am greater than my body” and out breath was “I am greater than my mind”. Each line of the poem is intended as one breath in or out.

The second poem was a result of contemplating my stress induced unhelpful food choices of late, and how to correct.

In between is a very applicable song, and one that helps me a lot.

The title picture for the post is me wearing a 2X shirt. It was a free marketing ‘gift’. I used to completely fill shirts that size once upon a time. Now I feel like I’m wearing a tent. It was a moment of appreciation of my progress and a helpful distraction.

Breathe:Know
(A meditation in poetry)

In: I am
Out: me

I Am
Here
I am
Present
I am
Connected.

I am
Energy
I am
Light
The Fire
That fuels
My
Being,
Inspires
Life.

I am
Matter
I am
Atoms
And
Nuclei,
That which
Grounds
My body
In Now.

I am
Water
Flowing
Through
Veins
Carrying
Oxygen
And nutrients,
Flowing
In and out
Cells' walls.

I am
Air,
Breath
Filling
Lungs,
Inspiration
In action,
Stirring
Processes
To solutions.

I am
Whole
I am
Me
I am
Greater
Than what
Is seen
I am
Divine
In flesh.

I am
Where
Above
Meets
Below,
Sky
Meets
Land,
Spirit
Meets
Flesh,
In between,
The cusp of
The veil,
The brim of
The vortex.

I am
Beautiful
I am
Love,
Venus'
Soul
As
Woman,
Creative
Power
Is mine.

I am
Strong
I am
Capable
I do
More
I reach
For
Greater.

I am
Better
I am
Well,
I heal
Inside
And out,
Top to
Bottom,
Front to
Back,
Left, Right,
And everything
In between.

I am
Me
Growing
Doing
Being
Improving
Healing
Moving
All
I am

~ Treasa Cailleach

See the Suga'

Chocolates, peanut butter cups
Rice, pastas, breads
Peaches, apples, berries galore
All sweetness
Craved
By taste buds.

A symptom of
Imbalance.
Cravings,
A desire to
Restore balance.
Cravings stir
Addictions
When efforts
Become futile
Cycles.

The imbalance
Too much bitter
Outside self.
The body knows
There must be sweetness
Somewhere.
The craving starts.
A void of sweetness
No food can fill.
If one uses food
Addiction is certain
Endless cycles
Of unfulfilled
Cravings

Real solutions
Are to see the
Sweetness
Everywhere
Possible

If bitterness
Fills experience
Then sweetness
Must rise to
Balance
Bitter experience
If sweet fills diet
Then bitter
Must rise to
Balance
Sweet diet

Yin
Balances
Yang
Or eventually
Excess
Manifests
Deficiency
Natural cycles
Will always
Work towards
Correcting
Restoring
Balance

See the Suga'
Taste the bitter
Right wrongs
Fill voids
Properly
Restore
Balance
Of Self

~ Treasa Cailleach

One last tidbit: Be kind to yourself. Knowing concepts, and being able to navigate their use in times of crisis, are two very different and separate things. Often we know what to do, but have difficulty accomplishing those things when life erupts. Forgive yourself for your lapses and allow others to help when you fail. Hopefully we all have someone willing to help when we fail. We all need someone sometimes.

May you see your improvement. May you find your inner self easily. May you have enough energy, time, and resources for anything you need or desire to do. May you feel better easily and maintain it mostly. May you find your balance and honor and respect yourself. May you find all the ways to see the sweetness and give yourself some much needed love. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Inked commitments

I see a lot of ink in my job, in fact sometimes I recognize somebody’s face, but I don’t really remember who they are until they get on the table and I see their ink. This week one of my irregular clients was in. I’ve seen her 2 or 3 times over the last year and half, so I didn’t immediately remember her. She has a tattoo that reads: “I am my own before I am anyone else’s”. That helped me remember and in prior sessions she was fairly quiet.

Her tattoo, however, made me think about commitments in a big way. Not just the commitment of ink, but in the message it, and she, conveyed.

She spoke of having a fiancee, someone she cared about and was committed to, but then she also spoke about not getting married ever. She referenced all the problems that happen in regards to marriage. She spoke mainly of financial concerns based on a book she had read encouraging people to navigate the system in beneficial ways. They were all thoughts that had crossed my mind early in mine and Nathan’s relationship. She’s right, there are lots of reasons to not want to get married. I have experienced some of them in my own marriage and in watching my parents marriage. Financial concerns, strife and arguments being the biggest factors that I’ve noticed in mine and my parents marriages.

I admired her commitment to herself, and genuinely hope that it works out for her. For me I see the compromise that we make just living life, and acknowledge that myself comes first in most ways, all which I’m able, but it’s still life. My goal is to live my best life and take care of myself as best as possible, but in some cases that means extra challenges. It is that which leaves me acknowledging there are also lots of reasons to do the commitment of marriage. That is why many of the old masculine paradigm are still drawn to it.

Even the government acknowledges that once you’ve lived together, shared finances for so long, and had children, you’re essentially already married. And let’s face it if you’re that entwined, augments are inevitable to some degree. Most states acknowledge this with “common law” marriage rules. And let’s be honest if you’re having children, either you’re living together and sharing everything anyway, or you’re separated and one parent is automatically the non-custodial parent. Said parent has limited visitation and limited rights and required financial commitments (child support). States do frequently pursue child support from non-custodial parents even when marriage was never addressed, and often when there were supposedly amicable agreements. On the other hand, if you’re living together you share all the rights and all the responsibilities, and it’s still up to both of you, as to how that is handled. The choice of getting married or staying unmarried doesn’t do anything to solve the puzzle of having children. There are pros and cons to both sides of that fence, and if you want to be an active participant in your childrens’ lives then common law or traditional marriage are your only real options. Otherwise you get the short end of the stick in most ways, and still have to pay for them.

In mine and Nathan’s marriage it has meant a big factor was making certain that his daughter would be cared for should anything happen to him. Right now due to legalities he is solely responsible for education and medical concerns for her, and has been since her mom died. However because her mom is already deceased, if anything happened to Nathan, all I would have to do is present both death certificates to proper governing bodies and assuming there were no other petitions for custody, I would be granted legal guardianship. It has been a huge relief factor considering Nathan’s health concerns beginning early in our relationship, starting 6 months after we decided to marry. There have been other concerns over children as well, since I’ve now produced two more of them.

Yet we are polyamorous.

Polyamory struggles with this conundrum because in most of the United States only one marriage is legal. So, you play the dance of trying to decide: 1-do I marry one person and call everyone else my significant other, or 2- do I marry none legally and just have a bunch of significant others, or 3- do I marry no one legally and hand-fast my partners to have multiple non-legal spouses.

It creates hierarchical structure concerns, and then when children get involved, it creates further custody and responsibility concerns for every adult in the family. United States law simply has not addressed polyamory in any way to date. So, most polyamorous families end up attempting to solve the problem with legal guidance, and legal documentation, to sometimes still have biological grandparents/aunts/uncles throw kinks into postmortem processes. There have been more than a few polyamorous families, and many polygamist families, end up in long legal battles after one adult passed away.

That is why Nathan and I drug our heals at making the commitment. We both acknowledged that marriage was a huge risk by itself, and being poly from the onset of our relationship made it an even larger risk as a commitment. We discussed it for hours on end, many times over 4 years, before finally sealing the deal. We weighed pros and cons and all the risks of both sides.

For me it boiled down to love. I knew I loved Nathan and his daughter enough to take every last one of the scary risks we had acknowledged, especially after his miserable divorce completed. I was willing to walk through fire if it meant they knew I loved them and wanted the best that I could manage for them.

I also knew that my own health battle meant I regularly fought both inside and outside of myself. My brain was frequently intent on making me see the worst in everything and it would often cause a strong desire for either death, suicide, or escape, no matter the circumstances. I knew that for me the commitment had to be extra hard to get out of, mostly to make certain I would fight hard enough to win the war waged in my brain and emotions. I wanted to make sure that my inner me, who loved them truly and deeply, had a trigger in my mental sphere to encourage the fight for good. I didn’t want the negative ninny in my brain to win simply because it was easy to escape. Marriage ultimately became my insurance to fight for my own life and to keep reaching for the love I knew was there.

I knew my love for Nathan and his daughter was worth fighting for. Every good moment felt amazing. Every time my brain was in a good space, there wasn’t a shred of doubt that I loved them. It was a deeply felt knowing, that when my brain was clear, was easy access. I wanted to preserve that even when my brain malfunctioned, and being married with divorce as a consequence enabled me to win against my brain over and over again.

To this day I still acknowledge that divorce really would do me no good. It won’t solve the role of finances and could make it even worse. It won’t solve my brain’s function. It won’t make taking care of myself any easier. It won’t be helpful for children, and could potentially traumatize all of us. Divorce simply won’t fix anything that is broken, and could lead to even greater damages. So it is still my safety net to continue to fight the good fight for love. May it always work and love overcome all.

I hope that one day there will be another that feels as I do, and we can commit through all of those legal hoops, to make a solid attempt at protecting a poly family. Anyone willing to go through that definitely has love and all of our best interests at heart.

May you always know how to put yourself first and care for yourself as fully as life allows. May you know that occasionally legal commitment is the route to enable that. May you know that not all commitments must be legal to be truly valid, that a commitment is really demonstrated in many ways on a daily basis, sometimes as simply as surviving the rough parts. May you know that everything has a reason and a purpose, and that our goal here on Earth is to find ways to improve upon everything as best as we are able. May you see that improvement in yourself and know that you win a war every time that your brain would prefer you don’t. Regardless of your decisions may you see that everything works out just as you need. Above all my you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Cartoon Energetics

I wanted to write a bit about how I’m impressed by current animated experiences. It seems that screen time is more frequently being produced by people with a higher awareness of our expansive world, and I’m very appreciative of that.

That being said, my thoughts on this topic originally started because of watching “She-Ra” with my kids. It is imperative that I acknowledge most of the elements in the current “She-Ra” series were also present in the original “Masters of the Universe” series from the early 80’s, and merely got a face-lift to match current real world concerns.

So, what am I talking about?

I am talking about the element of cartoons that addresses the magical portion of our life experiences. I am talking about the elements within cartoon stories that address how to utilize the energetic world and God force.

For example, in the 2018 She-Ra, Adora channeled her magical She-Ra self, first by holding the sword up and saying the right phrase, then the crown appears with it’s shiney jewel, and then the sword lights up with power, which triggers full transformation. However this is just a slight update from the 1980’s “Masters of the Universe” series.

In the original series He-Man and She-Ra both raise their swords and say the correct phrase and convert fairly instantly. Yet, She-Ra still got the shiney crown and jewel, but He-Man turned barbarian. Both still became stronger and superhuman.

I personally am very glad that the new series updated that moment. Mainly because the original implied it was barberous for men to use magic, but grandeur for women to use magic. When, as in the new version, gender has nothing to do with it- I really appreciate that. I would also argue He-Man might have done better with the crown activated. You see that, to use real God force energy, we all must activate our crown and third-eye first.

God force can flow, and cause some fairly magical results. You will never see the real version look the way it does in those cartoons, and it won’t enable you to hoist a castle like He-Man did, but it will do things for you that you can never do just as your plain human self, and it can make you stronger than usual.

The Reiki that I practice daily with clients utilizes that God force energy I’m talking about, and I have seen it do amazing things for clients, especially in regards to their muscles. But it has to be used properly or it can cause problems.

I do have to activate my crown chakra and then my third eye chakra to get the energy flowing, just like She-Ra. It feels warm and fuzzy and wonderful. I utilize specific phrases, which are essentially prayers in Japanese (which is why english speakers often refer to them as symbols, if you aren’t used to seeing/reading Japanese they might as well be), but that too is just like She-Ra. Once the energy is flowing, I use more phrases to tell it what to be or do, just like when She-Ra changed her sword into shield, rope and many more useful things.

It really is so similar that I knew the cartoon makers were either well informed or had experienced energy work. Especially since these particular elements apply to any version of energy work, even Healing Touch which uses biblical prayers and phrases.

So where do the problems come in?

Just like when Adora was “trying to learn to be She-Ra”, things don’t always go as planned. She accidentally turned her sword to a vase in training, and sometimes it didn’t deploy when she needed it. Even though She-Ra was already a part of her, she didn’t have full control and couldn’t rely on it. Eventually that worked itself out and in the end she didn’t even need the physical device that primarily functioned as a sword. She eventually channeled every bit of all of it, out of thin air, to do absolutely wonderous things.

Energy work is the same way. I’ve had moments where it didn’t deploy when I needed it (usually because I was too fatigued or unfocused). Additionally, if it isn’t used properly, I’ve seen it do all kinds of things. I’ve seen people drain watch and clock batteries, make lights flicker, and accidentally cause plant overgrowth. All because they were not using energy work correctly. For you see, activating your crown and third eye, tells God that you want to do good for God and only use divine energy for the task at hand. That ensures that you don’t pull energy from your environment and drain batteries. It also can help with the sensations for clients. Those that are sensitive to EMF frequencies tend to have dizziness, nausea, and other weird responses to environmentally sourced energy. However, those same clients tend to notice God force in the best ways and often know instantly that you have a divine gift (though rarely say anything unless they’ve been to another practitioner already). As for the plant overgrowth, it tends to be from a lack of focus for the practitioner. If you aren’t focused on the client and let your mind wander too much, you essentially over-water your own environment, and anything in it can benefit some. It’s not a horrible thing, but if your goal was to help a paying client, then you didn’t do them full justice.

So, yes She-Ra really impressed me with their depictions of utilizing energy for good deeds. One day we may have a world full of She-Ra’s. For now the strength I glean enables me to work longer hours, use more pressure than the average massage therapist (without doing harm), and occasionally I take advantage of it’s benefits for hoisting my husband into the air, or taunting him or friends from across the room. It’s quite wonderful once you begin to master it.

But Wait, There’s More!

I watched the Netflix original “MUNE” with my kids. It was really good and cute BTW. It too delves into magic energies, but in a slightly more fantastical way. Really though, there were two elements that caught my attention. One was where the character Mune used his gift to put babies to sleep and create happy dreams. The other was the final fight scene between the two big burly guys (over simplification of their description).

The gift to use energy to put babies to sleep and make pleasant dreams is real. I’ve done it with the Reiki myself. Now, when your baby has been screaming for hours from starvation due to a major reduction in breast milk, even powerful energy work will fail. But, when the baby is just cranky because they need a nap, it works like a charm. Nathan and I have put all our kids to sleep, many times over, with energy work, and it ensures long nights of undisturbed happy dreaming. It also works on us adults, Nathan regularly helps me fall asleep when I’ve had a rough day or I’m battling other people’s Energetics. I am extremely grateful we have both learned how to use this amazing gift.

Finally, that over simplified fight scene. It was between two hulk’s, one larger and angrier. The one that held all the anger seemed at first to be winning, and almost brought the lesser hulk to the dark side. But, the magic won and the smaller of the two calmed himself back into the focused fight of light over darkness. In the end it was a combination of the smaller finding his light again, and Mune using a little of his sweet dreams magic that enabled a solid win for the divine side. They joined forces in a quite magical way to ensure that the world would be safe and happy forever more.

It was a good reminder to me. It reminded me that it’s not just strength needed to win, you also need to know you are fighting the good fight. It’s not just muscle that is needed in a battle, you also need the finesse of a magical touch or talent. We all need to allow our magical selves to shine brightly. Show the world our inner-beings and what we’re truly made of, so that we can really do good for this world. Only if we find our gifts, and utilize them to our fullest potential can we overcome the darkness that constantly threatens our dreams.

May you have good reminders in your experience for just what you are capable of. May you understand your magical, gifted, energetic self, and know exactly how to bring that forth. May you know how to utilize all of your gifts to their fullest potential. If you don’t already, then may you find just the right teacher to figure it out. May you master all of your skills and find that they help you create the world of your dreams. May we all join forces too combat the darkness in our world for God’s sake. May you know that we are headed towards brighter days. Above all, may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do and every bit of who you are.

Om Shanti

Post portal tools.

So it occurred to me after my post yesterday that it was 11-11-2020. Supposedly another of those big energy portal days. It could have played into things for me for sure.

I’ve also been toying (again) with the idea of Tessering from “A Wrinkle in Time”. I’ve written before about how that book had such a huge impact on my childhood and affected my psyche in ways I recently (last couple of years) have begun to notice and unravel. Well, beyond feeling like I’m battling the IT in our current ‘reality’, I have tried my hand at Tessering to parallel timelines with better outcomes. There are several big internet people that talk about the concept from varying vocabulary standpoints, but the idea is the same. Shift yourself to a better place one concept at a time. I feel like I have accomplished it a couple of times in small ways, so I am hoping that I can keep that love going.

So my tool today to attempt that, has been a repeating inner dialogue during my client appointments, which looks like this:

  • Where’s my inner me.
  • Where’s the me that is loose, flexible, and aligned.
  • Where’s the relaxed and centered me.
  • Where is me that knows everything is okay.
  • Where is the me that is calm and centered.
  • Where is the me that has joined my parts to a cohesive healed fully functional whole.
  • Where is the me that has healed fully and completely.
  • Where is the me that no longer reacts to food.
  • Where is the me where inflammation has dispersed.
  • Where is the me that is comfortable.
  • Where is the me that is strong and relaxed.
  • Where is me that is self assured.
  • Where is the me that is prosperous and prepared.
  • Where is the me that is able to handle this and more.
  • Where is the me that is strong enough.
  • Where is the me that is grounded and centered.
  • Where is the me that is fully healthy and feels good.
  • Where is the me that has good propper posture always, even while working.
  • Where is the me with balanced body, muscles and functions.
  • Where’s the me with solid core strength.
  • Where is my relaxed self.
  • Where is the inner knowing.
  • Where is my clarity.
  • Where is the me that knows I don’t need something or someone, but maybe still wants them.
  • Where is my knowing that I have everything I need inside of myself.
  • Where is my self that feels good.
  • Where is the me that is energized and excited.
  • Where is the me that is strong enough but can melt muscles just by touch.
  • Where is the me that finds enjoyment in helping others (and occasionally in inflicting good pain).
  • Where is the me that is confident.
  • Where is the me that is stable and secure.
  • Where is the me that is so healthy my energy flows smoothly and freely, inside and out.
  • Where is the me that feels ease and feels good.
  • Where is the me that has full flexible range of motion.
  • Where is me that knows I have support.
  • Where is the me that sees the love I give myself and that I’m given by others.
  • Where’s the me that remembers the care I have taken for myself, that retains the self care and massages.
  • Where’s me that is relaxed and let go of stress or worries.
  • Where’s my knowing.
  • Where’s my love.
  • Where is my inner me.
  • Cells see my inner me.
  • Cells feel my inner me.
  • Connecting with my inner me heals everything fully and completely.
  • Where is my ‘able to eat anything and stay healthy and slim’ self.
  • Where is my perfectly balanced metabolism.
  • Where is my healed thyroid.
  • Where is my healthy pancreas.
  • Where is my fully healed flowing liver.
  • Where is my healed digestive system.
  • Where is my feeling good.
  • Where is my safe, grounded sense of being alright.
  • Where is ME.

After 3 sessions with my inner dialogue on a free flowing repeat, I can already tell the difference. I am beginning to feel much better. My shoulders are beginning to relax. My neck is beginning to relax. I’m generally feeling more energized and centered. It feels good to feel better, and I really really appreciate my ability to reach for that with tools like this.

May you have helpful inner dialogue. May you feel better. May you see your improvement. May you find a way to join your parts together and heal your self. May you feel the love and know that God supports you. May you Tesser to your best self and your best life.

Om Shanti

To distract oneself.

Today, I’ve found myself frustrated that I am not able to make big decisions.

On one level I feel like we’re trying to pull a scenario like Bio-Dome on retirement communities. If it weren’t so rediculous from first hand experience, I could find it funny. Yet stupid things like residents wanting to sit outside and enjoy beautiful weather, except upper management deemed it too risky initially and stowed all the deck chairs. I know we have now discovered that UV light helps kill it and transfer risks are reduced outdoors, so I would have put the damn chairs out a week ago. Alas it is not my decision to make, so I do my best to soothe upset residents. They know I am not worried, never was, and my intelligent responses have started to soothe their fears, but it’s far from the ideal I desire.

Then there are things like the Feds telling states and hospitals to solve their own problems and then intercepting those supplies slowing the flow yet again. See Here and here. I just wish I could be on TV pointing out the idiocy of that move. It was either just plain dumb or an intentional move to try and make matters worse. Either way that shit needs to stop.

However, even with situations like those, I have my own health journey to focus on and my puzzle needs no added stress. So I’m doing my level best to stay either distracted or on happy topics.

So today I am filling all my extra time working on a bigger drawing project. It will end up 2 9×12 ink drawings based on the concept of Atira. I’m working on an ad like image for the temple and business park. Here’s a teaser:

Finally I wish to spend a few minutes in appreciation.

  • I appreciate that there are individuals in charge that do know the real risks and data and practical measures to solve the problem. I look forward to more of those people letting their voices be heard in a bigger way, and news outlets enabling it.
  • I appreciate that I am intelligent to know what is right and proper and not allow fears to dictate illogical decisions…. I didn’t have a mask on yesterday because of the hives on my face, someone wearing a mask apologized for getting too close to me. I simply explained it’s mask or 6 feet, you don’t need to worry about trying to do both, and that I’m not worried about either knowing I’m well beyond having been exposed several times after actually having been sick in February. They replied: I guess you’re right. …Why that information isn’t common knowledge is beyond me.
  • I am glad that I am healthy enough that a new virus bounced off of me no worse than the flu, and even my thyroid concerns feel like something I will be able to fully heal.
  • I am super happy that I made it through, what for Kansas City was an unnecessary extended lock down. I suspect that their projections are far off for Kansas City. Yes, there will be more people get sick, but I believe that it will be a fraction of projections based on the known-unknown viral-illnesses of January and February. We’ve simply already dealt with the worst of it before any shut downs even happened.
  • I am glad that my whole family is happy and healthy.
  • I am appreciative of the extra time I have had with my children.
  • I have enjoyed extra time with my husband as well.
  • I am grateful that I have been able to spend time in my gardens.
  • I am grateful that I have the necessary skills to do many things. I came across a graphic arts position I am well qualified for and could likely get, but would require relocation. I am satisfied in the knowing that I could apply for the position, but would rather stay where I am.
  • That caused an internal dialogue of all of the things in my current experience that I do know how to do. I could literally work all but 4 positions within the independent living retirement community without any training. I could work all of the non-medical positions in AL. Even a for a typical CNA, I have all the hands on knowledge, I’m merely lacking the official transcripts and test scores to prove it. Beyond that I have worked as a caregiver which duties for that overlap much of what CNA’s do in a less official way. I know how to transfer patients, I know proper lifting techniques, I know proper precautions in many situations, and even how to administer breathing treatments and insulin. I am very skilled and at this point I am able to choose what I do for income. That knowing causes a wonderful sense of accomplishment and healthy pride.
  • I respect my own skills and desires enough to step back and weigh all the data before making decisions.
  • I am appreciative of the knowing that I can literally do anything I want. I have even considered getting my masters degree, only needing a year of school to complete it, funding is literally the only barrier, and a hesitation of not really wanting to go back to school again.
  • I respect that I nearly always accomplish on my own levels of activity and work that others often would consider too much. My “I can do it on my own” mentality has protected my family time and time again.
  • I am intelligent, strong, have massive perseverance, and all things considered do my best to avoid being too complaint oriented.
  • I love myself and I’m getting better and better at showing it to myself.
  • I’m better at controlling my emotions and thoughts. That is allowing my life to gradually improve.
  • I am healing my brain and my body, based on good research and my intuitive knowing of what works for me.
  • My connection to the divine guides me as often as I take the time to listen. That is the best part of everything.

May you have minimal frustrations. May you have wonderful distractions and joyful desires. May you find your focus and the resulting improvement. May you have more good days than bad, and know our world is safe. May you appreciate the perfection of natural processes. May you have pleasant days and many good dreams. May your biggest desires be reachable. May you know you can do anything.

Siva Hir Su