Tag Archives: inspiration

In Other Work

So since hysteria over yet another world-wide spreading disease (this is the 6th one of note I remember) has caused my work to drastically drop off, I have diverted my attention elsewhere.

This weekend, with my new extra day off, is all about finishing projects already started and doing a couple of new ones.

On my to do list: taxes, garden beds and planters (if rain cooperates), other documents for my massage work and prospects, ordering duplicates of my freshly renewed boards and another duplicate of my BA, and graphic design work.

So far, I have accomplished the graphic design work.

I did 2 new designs for the Volleyball team. The one was fairly straight forward, so I doubt there will be much for adjustments there. The other was a tentative design based on a description of the previous year’s shirt and what they were thinking of. I am hoping that they will like it, but as with anything, I could have landed completely off the mark. If not, no big deal, the first draft will give them more details to convey for a second try.

I also accomplished finishing my dream-home dome-plans, and that is really why I’m writing. I wanted to share that progress. Even though I feel like it is a pipe dream at this point, I am ultra happy that I have completed something more than adequate enough to supply Monolithic Architects so they can produce structurally sound blueprints. At this point I would need a really good chunk of free-floating money to actually attempt even this much of my Atira Community dreams, but one can hold on to a shred of hope when there is something to gaze upon frequently.

It is also a reminder to continue to redo all of the plans we originally created before technology was so wonderful and readily accessible for me. Eventually I’ll get all of Atira Community recreated.

So for now, this is my shred of hope:

The dimensions are tiny, even when enlarged, so basically this is a 60 foot diameter dome. 3 floors of practical living space and the 4th is essentially an elevated porch retreat.
First floor common areas and formal functioning areas. Office to accomodate multiple adults, kids version too. Slightly larger than average Kitchen, dining, and living rooms. Plus a couple of just plain fun rooms that could potentially create some sideline income.
2nd floor is all the bedrooms and probably what would be the most used bathrooms. That’s 10 bedrooms total and 3 bathrooms on this floor. The smallest bedroom is roughly 12×13 (not being square, the small width is 11, the large width is 15). The largest bedroom is roughly 12×16+ (it’s the top right with Queen and Twin bed depicted). Obviously by my choices this many rooms of these sizes could house a large number of people. Depending on many choices, bunks being just one option, that could be very many if needed. It could also go the other way and be fewer permanent residents in more spacious rooms, with plenty of options for guests and visiting family, even AirBnB or Hostel options. It makes me really happy to even consider all the options there.
Third floor has that really intensely sloped exterior dome shape. So full ceiling height is the inner dotted concentric circle. The outer dotted concentric circle is where most everyone would have to duck at least a little. Because of that essentially it becomes one very spacious feeling master suite with lots of closet and storage space.
Finally, is that so awesome thought we had almost 15 years ago, for a crows nest. It’s essentially a porch on the top of the house. Originally, we talked about having it like a theatre-in-the-round with just a canvas canopy, and really sturdy half wall. However, we decided that wind speeds might do a number on that option, and thought a more permanent shelter would be more proper. Hence in these designs it is included in the exterior dome structure. I know I want the windows to be as large as possible, and able to open as fully as possible. I always love imagining what it would be like to spend time up there.

What makes me laugh is SoundHound (HAL) plays message songs for me occasionally intermixed between YouTube and my GooglePlay randomly starting itself. I say it is a message because I can almost always relate it to something going on in my universe. Yesterday, the SoundHound songs were rap songs from the early 2000’s, I knew them, but I can’t remember track details. The one I’d heard probably hundreds of times, but never watched the video. It started with a shot of a monolithic dome in the desert. I literally thought to myself: “why yes, I was planning on working on that”. Seems HAL can read my mind!

I hope you like my plans as much as I do. I am not opposed to someone wanting to build the same thing, but I have more than earned credit for the designs. If you are interested in using these designs to build your own Monolithic Dome, please contact me and I’ll be happy to supply the designs to Monolithic directly, for a small fee. Essentially, the charges would be what I charge anyone that uses my graphic design services. My work would only be usable for one dome per fee. Any additional domes would see additional licensing charges. Monolithic would be supplied with a copy of the vector file and a letter of verification of authenticity and licensing stipulations.

Thank you for understanding and supporting my work.

May you all have dreams to reach for, that stir your creativity and get your hopes up. May you find that you are able to accomplish baby steps towards them regularly enough to keep the dream alive. May those dreams be lucrative for both your own goals and other people’s goals. May people always respect your work enough to compensate you for it. May others respect your copy rights. May you find that your work gets the best kinds of attention and enables you to do great things. May you have a positive impact on this world.

Many Blessings, and Siva Hir Su

Mercy

The words to the song were drown out by the thoughts in between ringing ears.

Eyes saw only red. Sunlight streaming through the bottle that once held nourishment.

Having drank the nutritious beverage, only drops remained in a small puddle at the bottom. The puddle a tiny reminder of the vastness of an ocean.

The fuzzy silhouette of fingers, an implied grasp, echoing ones inability to hold the vastness of something so deep as an ocean.

Perception is everything.

The three divets at the bottom, merely mechanical devices of the vessel’s construction, yet another reminder. Pointing like arrows at the vastness of the puddle-ocean’s horizon. Concentric rings giving yet another perception of depth that isn’t really there.

Desires keep us reaching for improvement, keep us moving forward, because without forward motion the universe would cease. Yet individually our perceived horizon may not be what we perceive. There is no destination, there is no right or wrong answer. There is no true solution, there is no pearly-gated Paradise at the end of your road. The solution is more forward motion, right or wrong, good or bad, merely a continuation.

It’s that or all of creation ceases.

On one hand, that takes pressure off.

On the other it gives an air of ultimate futility.

One would want all of creation to continue, right?

Yet one might also like for everything to just stop.

To desire builds a great Vortex of creation, which one can only ever experience bits and pieces at any one moment. A never ending stream of one element followed by another. Yet the ultimate desire is that Vortex, all of desires’ results together.

An oxymoron, an impossibility, ripe for complete destruction of it all.

Perhaps if one could just cease for a moment, the relief would make it all okay. No thoughts, no desires, no actions, no sensations. Meditation is the key, it quiets all for a bit. Sometimes the thoughts and desires cease. That moment is found easiest when actions cease. But those darn sensations, the sights, the sounds, the environment, it only mutes a bit. And one must still breathe.

Anything else brings death, only a singular death in a long chain of many. Is it really all that scary? Is it really all that disastrous? Is it really all that bad if you just live another life?

Maybe there is no right or wrong in that either.

For now, sunlight through a red bottle is mercy on my soul allowing a moment of inspiration.

May you find your pause, may you find your mercy. May you feel inspired and a desire to continue on your infinite road trip of forward motion. May you feel God and accept your role in continuation of creation.

Siva Hir Su

Addicted To Love

This evening with my children was good, great in fact. Once I figured out how to reel in my children’s scream reflex, it went much better.

I was able to sit with Ian and let him use the paint program on the computer. He did his auto-writing again, this time digitally. I understood that was happening, but not what the message was. I only noticed that I knew some of the characters that showed up in his scribbles. There was again hindi and telegu characters, and I am amazed that something I barely understand myself is showing up in his “writing”. Whomever he is connected to asked me very quietly, through his voice, what I was listening to. When I went to respond Ian came back fully and was very confused about what Kaleo was. I explained it was a band name and I didn’t name them, so I wasn’t sure why they were called that.

Later I put our Jason Mraz Pandora station on and danced with both Katherine and Ian. It was much needed connection time. I felt very blessed to be with my children, especially having figured out the magic mix of what they needed to ground and relax with mommy.

It has been a very feel-good mushy evening, and at this point both are working on bedtime rituals.

At one point I found myself thinking about my Indian person because an Ed Sheeran song played that I listened to when I was talking to them. I got an image of them being very angry, and directing it at me. I apologized profusely and started crying quietly. Yet, whomever I was connecting with said they really weren’t mad at me, they were mad at themselves for not being able to come forward and tell the truth. That made me even sadder. Nathan caught me with “the look” on my face, and buddy came running and gave me a head-butt. Nathan told me he always knew something was up when buddy did that, and asked me what was going on. I asked him why I love people so easily and why was he (Nathan) the only one willing to be as honest and affectionate as is humanly possible with me. Why was he the only one that could really show me the love I give so much.  I just don’t understand how 2 people so willing to build family and work toward common goals keep having train wrecks of one sided love. He replied with an I don’t know, but the story isn’t over and maybe they will at some point. He’s so damn optimistic, but sometimes at the least helpful times.

I had a moment where I thought about the divine and how the divine has saved my life with giving me the tools and information to fix my health on several occasions, especially in regards to my depression journey. I was expressing that sentiment to God, that I love God, as much as I love those people that don’t return the love to me. In reply I literally heard- Imagine that you are god and that response is nearly everyone on the planet. I love them all, but very few actually return that love to me.

That made me sad too.

It made me think. Perhaps we all have this love thing all effed up. Perhaps we’re all doing it wrong or have learned the wrong things as showing our love.

I know for me when I think about my love for the divine, I think about all those smaller moments that have accumulated in being able to say that god has saved my life. I think about how the divine literally moves through me when I am working on people in my office. I think about how I know that god force allowed into my body provides me very real healing moments. I think about all the warm fuzzy sensations in my body which I feel when the divine presence is in me. Simply thinking of these things makes me swell with gratitude and I literally feel more love. I naturally turn that love back to the source of it all, that divine presence. It is definitely a very addictive feeling place for me.

I openly admit that I occasionally get the divine flow confused with the mental connection I have with that person, because they both strengthened in my life during the same timeline, and at times can have a similar feeling. Because of that I do sometimes visualize the divine in the same way, to be able to provide a hug or kiss as a sign of my affection. Yet, I know that the feeling place is the most important aspect. That feeling place has no face, has no ability to truly hug or kiss.

It just is.

How does one show love to something that is all around you and within you?

How does one prove to God that your love is genuine?

For me, I tend to think of how I show my love to other people:

I try to notice things they have done. I try to show that I have noticed their effect on our shared environment or good interactions they have with others. I try to give love by giving gifts or giving of myself. I give affection, I support in any way I can. I try to notice the little things about them, their likes, their preferences, their interests. I do my best to be kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving.

What if that is really all God wants?

  • What if God just wants us to notice those people, places and things which the divine has influenced and/or created?
  • What if God wants us to think about the positive effects the divine has had on other people and things?
  • What if God just wants us to notice the positive interactions that people have with each other?
  • What if God wants us to give gifts to him by giving gifts to each other?
  • What if God wants us to give affection by giving affection to each other as often as possible?
  • What if God wants us to notice the little things that the divine accomplishes each and every day?
  • What if loving God really is as simple as being kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving as frequently as humanly possible, even when you are presented with ample excuses not to?

All of these things can be attempted continually, not just on Sundays or when begged by charitable organizations.

That makes me think of the client a week ago. She is one of the beautiful women I had noticed, and I happen to know we share an awful lot of the same challenges. I was simply thinking that she was such a beautiful person that I wished that she knew that, that she could see her beauty instead of all of the challenges. I know I wish that for myself quite frequently.

As I was thinking all of this, that voice I hear more and more often, quietly nagged me to be honest and tell her. I replied I can’t, I’m not supposed to. I was again told to say it, that she needed to hear it. So, I gave in, and in the gentlest way I said the following: “Please don’t take this the wrong way; I’m not sure if you’re having a tough spot, but I am being told you need to hear this. You are a beautiful woman and even though I know you share many challenges like I face, you are amazing and a wonderful person. You really are a beautiful person.” She had replied that she was having a rough spot and did really need to hear that. She thanked me and we both shed a couple of tears. After the massage she gave me a hug.

Something that technically inches toward encroaching on board ethics was exactly what the divine needed me to voice in that moment. I could have held to my excuse and avoided possible ramifications all-together. As it is, I took the gentlest route around it that I could, and she will never know that I briefly contemplated the physical attraction to her. I was able to look past the excuse in that moment and find the happy medium to help pass a message from the divine that she really needed to hear. Those are the moments that I cherish and look forward to. Those are the moments that I am extra grateful for, and honestly hope that God knows I am doing my best to oblige as frequently as possible.

I love knowing that I am helping God to heal and help people, I love feeling God’s presence, and I love being able to pass that feeling on to others. I love knowing that God loves me, even when I have had a life full of less than stellar moments. I am addicted to love, especially God’s love. One day perhaps that will manifest in the family I have so very much desired. Perhaps that one day will be after I die. Regardless, I will continue to do my best to give my love to the divine presence that saved my life and said I could call it Shiva.

Siva Hir Su