Tag Archives: intelligence

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

Poverty Loop

Society in the United States is full of perceptions that those that are poor, choose to be, or  that they have metaphorically or otherwise earned their poverty.  I argue that neither of these perceptions is accurate.

I’m a  intelligent adult,  with a college education,  residing  & working in the USA. I have mad skills,  an excellent ability to work through most any problem,  examine possible solutions,  and make an educated  decision  based upon researching the many facets of said problem. I cannot speak as to the situation in  other countries,  only to my own experience.

That being said,  the poverty situation in the United States is not just mine, nor is it easy to break free from.  Nay, to the contrary: it is a  loop that is nearly  impossible to break free from. In my following discussion,  some might call rant,  I will outline my discoveries on this matter because I feel it is every citizen’s social duty to understand this matter.  Ultimately it will only change if we all come together and make it change,  and that will  require resources that those in poverty do not, and will  never have access to, until there is real lasting  change.

Let’s  start by examining basic legal requirements just to live in the United States.

First you must  now carry health insurance by law.  Our family brings  in less than $24,000 per year, despite my best attempts to create more, which puts  us within current recognised poverty limits. Many argue  that current limits are still far below actual poverty when based upon cost of living averages. We are a family of 4. Our insurance for last  year ended up costing  me almost $400 after government subsidies. That insurance covered about 1/4 of our actual medical costs,  leaving me to pay an additional $800 out of pocket at offices and pharmacies, and that’s not including Nathan’s heart meds that run a thousand dollars a month.  We jumped through all of the hoops to get assistance from the drug  company for  that one. However,  if I had not carried that insurance I’d have been fined $1400+ through my tax return.

Our family qualifies for food stamps.  How is an additional $1200 to $1400 per year okay? Prior to that law I could go to a local public health office for $10 and only pay for prescription refills,  which I always asked for scripts to be written for the cheapest possible medication.  The list of generic price medicines used to be twice as long as it is now. In fact my thyroid medicine is supposed to be the generic yet I now pay $100/month. I see a problem here.

Next vehicle requirements: A vast  portion of the United States is rural. Additionally, most of the metro areas lack adequate public transportation. Further more,   zoning rules and regulations in the United States have created a split,  so that businesses with good paying jobs  are rarely located near homes or apartment complexes.  Thus,  if you wish to work,  it is very likely that you will  need at least one vehicle per  family so that working  bodies can even get to their place of  employment.
So to solve that need you must either buy a new or used vehicle.
  New vehicles are very costly,  and most American families would need a loan  to even purchase a new vehicle.  However,  you must have credit to get any loan,  & cannot get credit unless you have made payments on something that reports to credit agencies- keep in mind rent rarely does unless you have failed to pay and been evicted, & then it will report negatively.  If you have limited or  no credit, as for example someone that may have only paid an electric bill as far as reporting is concerned,  you may be able to get a loan that is very high interest. If you have bad credit from anything having defaulted due to lack of payment for  more than one month (regardless  of  reason),  you might welcome that high interest loan,  but  good luck acquiring it.
In that situation, you will likely end up purchasing used,  and usually by cash transaction,  which can take up to $6,000 possibly more. The used car market has skyrocketed in pricing since  our  wonderful government destroyed older model cars through the cash for clunkers program.
It’s been  awhile ago, so apologies on the lack of source,  but I have read an article that was examining pros and cons of purchasing used.  It discussed that used cars often actually cost on average more per month than new cars, due in part to poorer fuel economy,  but also because of the greatly increased costs of much more frequent repairs, many of which can run into the thousands of dollars.
I am no stranger to this concept having gone through 4 clunkers that I could barely keep running,  finally relinquishing to scrapping them when the cost of a repair outweighed the value of the vehicle. One year I spent literally every spare penny I had trying to keep the one van running $400 and $600 at a time. If I’d  been able to get a loan with that payment structure I’d been driving a new BMW.
That’s just the cost of the vehicle.  Once you own a vehicle you are required by law to pay for tags & taxes yearly,  & insurance monthly,  regardless of the vehicle’s age. Supposedly each of  those categories is based upon the model and year of the vehicle.  However,  now  having had an ’89 Toyota pickup, ’90 Pontiac Sunbird, ’93 Plymouth Voyager, ’03 Chrysler T&C, and an ’05 Chrysler T&C. I can tell you for certain there isn’t much difference in costs. Used is used.  New cars do have  higher costs in all 3 categories,  but  once a car  is no longer considered new, you’ll be paying about the same amount regardless.
Heaven forbid that times get too tough to pay for those things,  because if they do,  the penalties will damn you for what seems like forever. On  only one occaison I wasn’t making enough to pay for EVERYTHING when it came due (because  as is often the case all 3 came due at the same time). I failed to pay tags and insurance.  I hit a deer the following  week damaging my head  light.  I was pulled over.  I received a $125 ticket for tags being expired (my tags at the time were $86 for the year),  & a $700 ticket for failing to renew insurance, and a fix-it ticket for the light.  Then when I went to make everything right (which I  had to borrow money for) I was also forced to pay late fees on both tags and insurance.  It ended up costing over $1000 when all was said and done. News flash: if you can’t afford the bills,  you can’t afford those massive penalties.

Now in our country,  there are assistance programs for utilities and rent,  there are assistance programs for food.  However,  all programs require diligent paperwork, and none of them account for costs as mentioned above.  If you have a car they only account for a flat amount as determine by the government,  which amounts  to tags,  taxes,  & liability insurance cheaper than I’ve ever been able to find. I would love to know what insurance company gives them  the insurance estimates. If you know,  please let me know! I’d switch in a heart beat.
Beyond that,  I’ve yet to find any assistance program that will help you pay for the tags,  or taxes,  or insurance,  let alone any car repair.  You are simply on your own.
Now the United States is very concerned about communication.  To be able to apply for assistance,  rent an apartment, purchase a vehicle,  get a job, or any variety of other things,  you must have a phone.  Even the cheapest phones in the US will  run you $25 per month plus  taxes.  By the time you add 4 categories of taxes you are talking at least $5 per month,  so really your phone bills start at $30 and go up from there. You also have to have  an  address for those same  things. Having come close to, but never actually have been homeless,  my heart goes out to anyone that is. They are in a veritable catch 22 of the worst kind of  Murphy’s law in that they need an address to get a job,  but need the job to get an address!

Next: Drivers License – mine costs $55, not all do, but all cost something.

Need not forget about taxes. What’s the old saying? “Only 2 things are guaranteed in life: death and taxes.” Yep, that’s right! There’s phone taxes,  utility taxes,  property taxes (especially on vehicles),  sales taxes,  income taxes,  city taxes,  county taxes, self- employment taxes,  educational taxes (post- secondary), school taxes (k-12),  vehicle tags,  farm taxes,  fuel taxes, cigarette taxes if you smoke,  alcohol taxes if you drink,  healthcare taxes,  and professional taxes masquerading as licenses on the city and county and state level, which doubles through the same business licenses. I have paid every tax on this list (except cigarette) at some point in my life;  many- several times over.

Now on the less legal,  but no less required by society.

Bank accounts are necessary to be able to pay many of these things,  as fewer and fewer bill sources accept cash. Banks have always,  but especially these days, often charge fees for transactions even when nothing is wrong.  They also charge you for your check book. Yet they can deny you an account for bad credit, even if you are not seeking a loan. This can  happen even if your bad credit is linked to a medical situation. If you can’t get a bank account they’ll charge you for every check you cash,  and then turn around and charge you for every money order you request.

The United States is far from being a clothing optional country, and  beyond that most employers have very specific regulations as to what you wear,  even if you spend 8 hours a day,  5 days a week,  52 weeks a year sitting at a computer in a cubical. There are some charities that will help with clothing,  but none that I’ve come in contract with consider  that. There only 2 in Kansas City that I’ve found, & one limits the number of pieces you can get and the needy get the joy of shopping from the dregs of cloths that couldn’t be sold via thrift to regular customers. The other gives you a 2 hour window (based  upon the first letter of your last name) to dig through unsorted piles & racks of clothing searching for something that will  fit- they at least made sure that the clothes were work and interview friendly. Fortunately, I’ve graduated away from needing  clothing assistance,  because if I hadn’t we wouldn’t have a stitch of underwear or socks in our family, except for  the 2 packs of socks the kids got from a church one Christmas season.

Now, we’ve discussed the many varied causes of the poverty loop, but I haven’t really discussed why it’s so impossible to climb out of.

First,  if you penalize a poor person for not paying  something like noted  above,  you are contributing.  I realize that everyone has their hand out demanding payment for something they believe they deserve,  but when legal requirements cause the payment in the first place,  & then penalties are often 3 to 5 times the original cost- you are creating a problem, not solving it. It should be common sense that if someone is driving a 20 year old vehicle and failed to pay tags and insurance,  they might be in poverty.  I don’t  know,  MAYBE we should offer to help,  even if it’s just connecting them with hidden resources. INSTEAD of massive outlandish penalties.

Another cause for the loop is how our society decided it should be corrected 40 years ago,  and the resulting train wreck that ensued.
40 years -or so- ago, there was growing industry in a variety of fields. It was decided: educate the young populations so that there can be something to help determine those more qualified for those new expanding fields. For years it did actually help  and produced more jobs of higher pay and greater skill for  more people.
However,  once those new industries fleshed out, as with anything,  they eventually began to level out and expansion slowed. Though CNN & other media outlets would like you to believe that no such thing happened, there are many books written on the subject from the academic views of our economy.

Regardless,  industry slowed, but the push  for college educations never did.  In fact by the 2000’s more kids were enrolled in college than ever,  & marketing for collegiate systems was precious with it’s income projections of educated people  vs non-educated people. Of course, hind sight being 20-20: I suspect those figures we’re either inflated or  projections based upon old data- especially since they never cited their information.  Imagine that: marketing posters and pamphlets for colleges- not citing  sources!

So you now have  more  students enrolled for educations for jobs that are either diminishing or at least holding steady. Where are all those graduates going to go? I doubt anyone even thought of that,  the colleges just wanted to keep making  money.
AND OOOH THEY DID!  I attended the University of Iowa,  a Big 10 school.  They made millions off of football,  AND basketball. Less of of other sports perhaps,  but no sport at the U lost  money. The U was also great at earning money through research grants and fellowships.  In fact the minimal staff of bonofied professors were spending more time working  at research and publishing papers than teaching students.  No us students were taught by associate professors and TA’s, mostly grad students- which really meant they might have been making slightly better than minimum wage and would turn around & give back half in tuition. The reasoning: budget cuts.
I found that hard to believe.  With all the money they made on sports,  they rebuilt the stadium & put Megatrons in, and still had much left over.  They were pulling in millions in grant money and government funding.  Yet, they increased Tuition twice while I attended with 13% increase one time and 18% the second.  Yet the same time span only saw 4% increase in cost of living.  So they were making money at every turn,  how is it they couldn’t afford to pay professors to teach?

Yet the drive was to get students in.  At any cost.  In comes student loans. Unsecured debt,  supposedly.  I was under the impression that for unsecured credit you had have spectacular credit scores & history.  I would argue students- freshly adulted- getting a degree,  rarely meet that requirement. Especially when the loans aren’t even checking credit.  There was no  balancing of loan amount vs projected income from the degree. But loans have been handed out by the millions for 10’s to 100’s of thousands of dollars each.

So to summarize the train wreck that has already ensued. Millions of  overly & expensively educated fools, up to their eyeballs in debt,  with few underpaid  jobs in their field of qualifications to fight over. More students graduating every year. Now those already underpaid jobs are looking for something to set you apart from  all the rest- experience.  How does one simply gain  experience if they never landed the job they went to school for in the first place. You don’t!

So now there are quite literally millions of us fools- I’m included- working for jobs that require no or little education,  not being able to pay their loans back,  and barely paying their costs of living. I call us fools because we were all naive enough to fall for the gag,  believing that the system must have our interests at heart, because it wouldn’t willingingly cause so many of its citizen’s pain and suffering would it? What good does  it do the nation to have a mass of over educated under paid poor? I honestly think they just didn’t have the foresight,  and simply wanted  the profits. However,  I wonder if the man I met with the PhD driving taxi would feel the same?!

Pile on top of all of that,  the growing amounts of unhealthy chemical laden junk food  the FDA allows to be called food,  causing all manner of illnesses. We now NEED healthcare just to stay alive.  So, why on earth wouldn’t the government look at one of  a dozen countries that have  successfully instituted government healthcare in the last 3 decades? Why wouldn’t they say “hey, they did it with a minimum of painful transitions, let’s do what they did”? I sincerely have no idea,  because the butchered piece of crap that finally went thorough is not only worthless, it contributes to the poverty situation in the United States.

So now do you understand the poverty loop- nearly impossible to break free from?

I sincerely hope that my current efforts will eventually break me free from the cycle.  I’m against all odds, with bad credit, a husband with a bad heart, 2 kids,  a trashed thyroid,  & too often not enough money to just make it through,  but I’m going to be living in the empty shell of a mobile home building a new reality one piece at a time as I can managed to pay for supplies. What I don’t  already know,  I will learn,  on my own – without professors and costly student loans, and I’m going to teach my children that they can do the same.  You don’t need an expensive degree,  essentially it’s just a paper saying you know how to learn something well enough to do it. So do that on your own,  & then do the things you chose to learn,  & you’ll have  just as  good of pay  without debt that you’ll never be able to pay back. And the next time you are in a thrift store looking at a garment that you know is priced almost as much as it sold for new, give the manager a piece of education that many people in this country can’t afford to pay new prices for used items, and that thrift stores should be more considerate of  that, than making a buck because shopping thrift is trendy for some.
NAMASTE!