Tag Archives: introspection

Next!

A continuation of previous inquiries.

  • I wonder if men are afraid that they will be treated by women the way they as a whole gender have treated women for so long?
  • Do the men that fear retribution not see there are ways to safely return balance, and that their own actions matter?
  • And the layered wrongness of assuming a woman did sexual favors to get into any position of power…. Should we also assume that men do sexual favors for each other to get into those positions? We already know there is a fair amount of human trafficking of women for those men, but maybe they are also just giving each other head to climb ladders. Or isn’t it just vile that we have to make any of those assumptions, when did being at the top loose any meaning of knowledge, skill, fortitude, or accomplishments?
  • I was once told it is wrong to think or wish anyone dead no matter how disrespectful or disgraceful they were as a human being. It is truth because wishing death on anyone for any negative reason is harmful to oneself because you are focusing on a negative because of a negative. Those patterns only beget more of the same, but when the thoughts are internal they often trigger the same pattern internally and lead to ill health. However, should we also not see and find solutions for the fact that vile people lead our country and medical systems? Should we not acknowledge that it’s simply not okay for those people to be in power and to be causing us harm on multiple levels including gender inequality and stripping away of rights and freedoms?
  • And, are you contemplating their death from a cruel, vindictive, or good riddance standpoint; or more from a compassionate view for them or those they are affecting? The how’s and why’s of death’s contemplation is what makes it negative or not. I have prayed for the peace and soothing release that someone desperately needs through death, far more frequently than for a death of a ‘healthy’ individual. Even at that, the ‘healthy’ individual is a relative statement, because most of those individuals were causing harm and hardships for many, which one could argue is not healthy for them, but definitely not healthy for the masses, and my requests are always generated from the relief for the most standpoint.
  • My own personal goal is to not do anything I am not willing to accept as my own consequence. If I loose my mind enough to bring harm to millions of people, I honestly would hope that someone would stop me at any cost. I am perfectly fine with that consequence, but I aim to not be that person to begin with.
  • I guess what I’m getting to is: acknowleding the levels upon levels that one has to evaluate before making any firm statement. I think we all need to do that in regards to many things and many contexts. Do any of us really use that level of responsible judgement before making sweeping broad statements in a very opinionated way? And does God hold every single one of those blazé statements against us, or does God realize that it is yet another flaw of our humanness?
  • Does God already understand that our emotions sometimes get the better of us and we say things that we really don’t mean, just like parents with children? Does God have a way to tell what we really mean beyond human words, and solve the problem anyway? Does God ever know that we are expressing frustration over problems experienced, and see the layers of the whole picture and the whole onion of tears before reaching for a solution for us?
  • I like to believe that God really is greater and understands all of that and so much more that I’m not even able to communicate fully.
  • I like to believe God understands more than words, that God feels the emotions and the vibrations and sees the bigger alignment of all of it, and is able to see the best solution possible.
  • I like to believe that I am capable of trusting God and the divine in general, and that one day I’ll have a better understanding of why I needed so damn much patience to get through certain moments and periods of my life.
  • I like to believe that all my struggles and learning lessons along the way really did matter for a better experience, and that I will get to enjoy that experience for as long as I’d like, that I’ll really get to know what easier feels like in a prolonged way, and that it might lead to even greater ease.
  • I like to believe that the carrot is real and at some point I’ll get to enjoy the carrot cake in a wonderful way, and that the longer I wait maybe there will be even more and even better choices of cake. In a certain context, I took the best thing I’d seen the first try, and it didn’t pan out well- the dominoes didn’t fall as expected, maybe I didn’t wait long enough, or maybe that was a giant learning lesson to guide all my learning lessons. Again, only the divine knows the real answer. So I’m trusting and waiting patiently. Waiting for the feeling of knowing and certainty.
  • I am ready to be ready for improvement, and the divine will tell me how to get there one step at a time, and I can only ever accurately levie judgement upon myself, and even then after much contemplation.
  • I spend my days doing my best to be mindful, release stress, improve myself, and reach for better. On the occasion when another “gets my goat” I do my best to release it in whatever way I’m able (sometimes writing it out) and then forgive myself for falling for it, and forgive them for being the role of a trigger in my experience.
  • I wish everyone had that awareness, and we were all working that direction. I want us all to be happy and fulfilled and living easier lives: friends, family, neighbors, the whole of humanity. I genuinely want a better world in all the ways.
  • I’m doing my best to let go of my fears. It is entirely possible that I could make another choice that goes entirely opposite of my desires. I’m also afraid of hurting someone else because of my choices, as I’ve done plenty of that as well. Yet I am doing my best to maintain faith and trust in divine processes, and trust that if I listen well enough things will get better. I continue to reach for better.

May you have moments of recognition and understanding. May you find compassion for others, and forgiveness for yourself and others for any transgressions. May you have enough glimpses of the bigger picture and enough messages from the divine to know everything will be alright. May you find your patience even when you feel like you’re wearing thin. May you know for certain that one day it will all be worth it.

Om Shanti

My Middle Path

I stopped myself- twice.

I read an extremely biased news article that got me all riled up and angry and frustrated. It seems news no longer understands unbiased reporting because every news agency does it to one degree or another. Yet, I know deep in my being that either side is just a manifestation of our societal constructs which creates endless reasons to fight with each other. It is a toxic endless battle on whatever topic you choose and it is counter productive to my own personal goals for growth. So when the article caused me to speak my own truth, but out of that frustration and anger, I watched expressions change on faces of coworkers and stopped myself from continuing on knowing my words did not set well with them. I started to write it out and thought better of that as well.

Believe what you want to believe. Argue for what you want to argue for OR against. You’ll continue to get both regardless.

I choose neither. Somewhere there is a middle ground of freedom.

I choose that middle road. The middle path which is less clear and frequently uncharted.

I acknowledge that not all of my beliefs serve me very well and I choose to improve on them. I also acknowledge that my experiences and learning/knowledge have formed many of my beliefs and running practices. Again, some of those serve me well and some don’t.

My recent awareness is one such moment. I sometimes wish I had the naive view that vaccines are the perfectly safe and perfect miracle that all of Western medicine would like us all to believe. Unfortunately my knowledge, daily awareness and intuition tell me otherwise. However, regardless of my knowing none of that helps me reach for healthy. In fact it gets me riled up and angry, which is a source of stress and not helpful in my own personal search for healing.

So I sit and acknowledge that my middle path must acknowledge several things.

  • No government, even going back to the beginning of civilized humanity, has truly and completely solved anything for everyone. But all governments help in some ways.
  • No medical institution has ever truly and completely solved disease and doctors are not God. Yet there are some helpful elements of medicine, and we can all reach for more of those and less of the risky unreliable rushed ones.
  • Fighting for or against anything only begets more of the reason to fight. So reaching for the middle is always the best answer- see the positives and logical basis of both sides to reach for solutions.
  • Everyone chooses a belief based upon something. Finding the common ground is where solutions lie.
  • True solutions only come when people agree to work together and compromise and take the strengths of either side to apply them to processes intent on improvement.
  • I am a small fish in a big sea of people wanting real solutions.
  • I am not alone in feeling like all previous attempts have been futility in action. So that means I am not alone in knowing that we probably should have just reached for the best normal we could muster and let go of the struggle, fighting and fear.
  • I am one of billions, even trillions, wanting safer and more reliable options, that allow for freedoms and multiple choices.
  • Governments know that when they are faced with forcing people to comply they know they have ultimately already lost the battle. Every historical instance of that has always been been overturned or reversed and often after major battles/wars and government restructuring. It would be nice if the latter was avoided this time.
  • Everyone wants to feel safe and also have the freedom of travel and living life as usual.
  • Governments may not be entirely reliable on all fronts, but they often do their best to reach for solutions for the most and they rarely actually put anything into place that is significantly questionable. They are aware that if something is on weak stance to begin with, that they are unlikely to be able to maintain it even if they try to start it. Those things rarely become laws and seemingly never remain as such.

So,

  • My most important choice is to let all of this go and reach for my center, my middle path.
  • I must find the knowing that all is well and I am here to create change in whatever way that means.
  • Only in the middle, will I find the peace to enable my own healing.
  • I am helping. I am healing.
  • I am healing myself from top to bottom, inside and out, every nerve, every muscle, every organ, every cell, every molecule, every atom.
  • I bring healing to others as well.
  • I allow my own healing to spill forth to heal my environment and everyone I come in contact with.
  • I trust that my ripples of light will enable God to bring even greater healing to the world as a whole.
  • I am now capable of seeing the fight for it’s toxicity and it has enabled more control over finding the middle path more frequently.
  • I am grateful that I have been able to care for myself and my family.
  • I am grateful that we have survived Covid twice when the system reacted too slowly to matter for us.
  • I am grateful I have been able to improve both mine and my husband’s health.
  • I am grateful I have healthy beautiful children.
  • I am grateful I’ve been able to maintain my home and work, in all the ways that means.
  • I am grateful I have enough to get through these times.
  • I am grateful that I am strong enough, and smart enough, and aware enough, to navigate all of these many complex elements during this time.
  • I am grateful I have access to healthy foods, vitamins and supplements which enable healing for me and those I love.
  • I am capable and aware. “I am lion hear me roar.” My own abilities are my greatest asset and I thank God for every day that I have lived and overcome. Without my genetics, life experience and exposures, I would not be who I am today. I have done great things that society never even noticed, all because I am who I am and my divine blessings were not easily documentable for another’s view.
  • I saw the sun shine, the wind blow, birds at feeders and pets on laps. I saw beautiful flowers and wildlife being themselves. This world is good when we allow it.
  • I am grateful I took the time for me, and that I see the beauty in the easy moments. Life is better with less struggle.

May you see your middle path. May you feel genuine gratitude for being here in this world. May your inner knowing guide you to your way through all that is. May you find the ease and relish in every moment. May you know for certain that through ease and flow is healing. Above all may you know that God supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

“The Middle Path is doing whatever is neither side in the current moment.” – ME aka Treasa Cailleach

Beautifully scary.

I love, openly and without limits.

I love my brothers of blood, or none.

I love sister, even when distantly held.

I love my mom, dad, grandparents I once knew.

I love men and women of all sorts.

Many I barely know- our lives crossing so briefly.

Yet, honor and respect them for the example they’ve set.

Then there’s those special few.

That crept into my heart.

Nathan, my love, stayed when others could or would not.

I could not keep them, could not manipulate them, could not make them stay.

Even if I wanted to, even if I could.

I know they are their own; they deserve every bit of freedom I seek.

My heart still hopes.

For their presence, for their affection.

Maybe they still think of me from time to time.

Maybe they have fond memories of our paths crossing.

I know I still do, and my heart aches in desire of our paths one day crossing again.

I cherish my memories and believe.

Believe that I am good enough.

I am worthy enough.

Perfection is not necessary, no human is perfect.

My intelligence may be scary.

My knowing daunting.

My strength intimidating.

My perseverance resented.

My versatility envied.

Yet those are my most beautiful qualities.

Those are the qualities that I cherish in myself.

Those are the things that protected and kept me safe when no other human, could.

Those are my gifts from God.

One day, there will be several that see that.

I will have my family, those chosen by my heart and soul.

They will get along because they will share common ground.

They will share an appreciation of not just my gifts, but all of our unique gifts.

No surprises can be found when people allow the self to focus on only the best qualities.

Faults become normal, merely mundane background noise.

Common ground, common appreciation, unified choices…

All based in love.

That is a dream worth dreaming.

I will include in it, the ones I really wish would return.

But my dream need not stop there.

There may be more I’ve not met yet.

I love myself, AND because I deserve more, I allow myself to dream of more.

Dream sweet dreams.

Let your brain know you love your self.

Dream of fun, joy, good times, and great big grand dreams.

Let your self lead the way.

Dream of things you love and cherish.

That is the ultimate way to love self.

Calm, soothe, ease back into happy desires.

It is always worth it.

In that place there is no jealousy, no envy, no intimidation, nothing scary.

There is only love.

Focus is all one needs.


My words are always a part of my thoughts, but never all of my thoughts. I use my blog to eliminate some and focus on others. Some days my dreams tip the scales, some days my fears win. Always I reach for the best place I can. More and more my dreams win, and often I settle somewhere in the middle, my hopes being a strong focus.

If you’re one of the few in my heart, I hope you feel it. Know that even the best of intentions can fail, but one thing is certain- my love is always there for those in my heart. Amends are always better than permanent loss. Anything is better than nothing. My heart loves deeply and I deserve equally deep, open, accepting, and forgiving love.

For others: may you see your own gifts and beauty. May you know you love and are loved. May we always feel the love in our hearts. May you know and feel your connections, especially to God. May you have bright days and big dreams. May you believe in your own deserving -ness. May you have wonderful desires that keep you going. May you know it could always be worse and express gratitude for your journey being less difficult. May you honor your temple known as your body and nourish it for healing and optimal health. May you feel the love in all of the ways that this world has to offer.

Siva Hir Su

Character on the stage of life.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” -William Shakespeare

My one brother, at the wedding in October, told me that he had no idea how I did it. He was referencing my life and the hours I work and everything I do for my family. This is the brother I have always felt had his shit together the best. Of all our family, I thought he was the smartest, I thought he was the most disciplined, I thought he was the most organized and well respected.

Yet, here he was telling me that he had no idea how I did it, and my only answer was: I had to, I didn’t really feel I had any other options. Between loving my husband, and being raised that welfare and social programs were a necessary unwanted evil, as well as divorce being a last resort, I just knew it was sink or swim. I chose to swim the best I could, and I think most of us would aim for that.

I have played meek and I have played strong. I have played timid, bashful, and shy; yet also confident, outgoing and talkative.

I have played the hard worker, the dependable, the confidant. I have over-played my hand and underplayed my skills, but managed by the grace of God to be successful in my business and support my family. I have surprised and delighted many and disappointed probably twice as many. I have been well spoken and diplomatic, but other times I have inserted foot-in-mouth. I sometimes make the best joker, but other times miss the joke all together.

I’m a fierce warrior like Joan of Arc, that frequently wishes to run and hide, rather wishing for a better Knight to save me. And spiritually: Jesus couldn’t reach me for the burden of my childhood, so I found Shiva as an adult (really they are one and the same, 2 aspects of the same divine masculine).

I’m a mother who gave birth to two beautiful healthy children and helped a third start her life. I’m the father that fixes what’s broken, makes a better home, and provides for it all. I have lady parts, but men’s hormones and hair- just not enough of them to count for their benefits. I’m attracted to both, and want them all to love me and get along with each other.

I’m an animal lover guilty of having consumed more than my fair share of non-pets. I’m a creative artist that can do calculus, though a bit rusty at both right now. I’m an excellent massage therapist, and decent musician and cook.

Merely a Tool for Introspection

So for the last 15 or so years I’ve occasionally pulled cards for clarity on inner guidance. Tonight I had a couple of hours to myself and decided to do just that.

My husband has always found my card readings to be very entertaining, and needless to say I never read for others only me and him. I rarely use set layouts, and the deck of choice depends on the day. Heck sometimes I’ve even used more than one deck in a single reading- I remember one time I was trying to figure out something fairly complex and involved 4 decks at once. For me I listen to my inner voice for guidance, and if I’m looking for particular info I say that as I’m shuffling and picking decks.

Tonight my request for clarity was on all things of late. I set intention for the top row to represent 2 people (top left & center) and myself (top right) with supporting info along the bottom row.

I used a new deck that Nathan had recently ordered through Wish- just for fun & to see if it would be helpful.

I set the aforementioned intention as I shuffled & as soon as I “heard” my inner voice/thought-dialogue say “cut”, I did just that. Then proceeded to lay cards in the order intended while shuffling.

I got the following layout:

The lighting sucked and was making it hard to see, so I carefully gathered everything and moved to the bedroom with all the lights on. Much better, but as I was re-laying the cards a single card fell off the deck, so I included it to the side & took an individual picture.

At that point Buddy decided he wanted loves and made himself very comfortable with utter disregard to what I’d started. It was OK. I petted whilst I looked at cards and looked things up.

I always start with my first blush impression:

 I noted that the 3 cards intended for people matched their genders, but there was a 4th woman “Empress” in the supporting info cards- I had a guess as to whom that might be (my great friend helping plan backup birth solutions).

 I knew that the top left card generally has to do with illusionary limitations or restrictions, so that person was likely dealing with that in some way, which did make sense to me. 

I noted that an awful lot of the cards were upside down: not always a bad thing, it can simply represent an over arching theme of feeling like things are upside down, which I must say is accurate from my perspective.

I noticed the lovers card, which was unintended validation of a portion of my quandary.

I noticed a theme of financial queries, which again is unintended validation of related concerns- though I myself wish it wasn’t.

Finally, my extra card was a simplified traditional version of my life goal. Home and family and prosperity. Yet what struck me the most was the baby and dog. I’ve been “dogged” by thoughts and messages involving dogs since my healing dream last summer, and I’m pregnant with baby. Hmm.

The last thing of note was the big cat of strength. That of Big Cats, like the dog, has been a common theme for me, reoccurring very frequently since last summer.

Those elements of dog & big cat, they are not readily defined in tarot meanings. I suspect they are either representative of a real figure/being (adopting a dog, the mountain lioness that lives around us, etc), or represent personalities at play for me in real people. Either way, this reading only reiterated, not giving a clearer meaning on that.

So, then I looked up details. I felt the clearest most easily understood definitions of each card were the ones I found through Biddy Tarot, though I did look at several other pages in my process.

I must say after reading each meaning especially considering the reversed meanings, I do feel like this was a helpful reading. It does give me some clarity.

And yes, “strength” reversed in my own spot is accurate: I do need to stop doubting and second guessing myself and relax back into my inner knowing and resulting strength. That really was the basis of even taking these couple of hours for introspection. I knew I’d  slipped in that realm, and having a physical validation of that helps.

So, regardless of the accuracy of the rest of the cards, I’m walking away with: keep listening to my inner me, and keep reaching for that 10 of pentacles/coins happy ending gift. I’d totally take the dog, dome home, and extended family living happily ever after. More trusting and more patience. Things will get better, one way or another.

May all of you find your personal tool(s) of introspection and reliably connect with your inner self.