Tag Archives: intuition validated

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.

Merely a Tool for Introspection

So for the last 15 or so years I’ve occasionally pulled cards for clarity on inner guidance. Tonight I had a couple of hours to myself and decided to do just that.

My husband has always found my card readings to be very entertaining, and needless to say I never read for others only me and him. I rarely use set layouts, and the deck of choice depends on the day. Heck sometimes I’ve even used more than one deck in a single reading- I remember one time I was trying to figure out something fairly complex and involved 4 decks at once. For me I listen to my inner voice for guidance, and if I’m looking for particular info I say that as I’m shuffling and picking decks.

Tonight my request for clarity was on all things of late. I set intention for the top row to represent 2 people (top left & center) and myself (top right) with supporting info along the bottom row.

I used a new deck that Nathan had recently ordered through Wish- just for fun & to see if it would be helpful.

I set the aforementioned intention as I shuffled & as soon as I “heard” my inner voice/thought-dialogue say “cut”, I did just that. Then proceeded to lay cards in the order intended while shuffling.

I got the following layout:

The lighting sucked and was making it hard to see, so I carefully gathered everything and moved to the bedroom with all the lights on. Much better, but as I was re-laying the cards a single card fell off the deck, so I included it to the side & took an individual picture.

At that point Buddy decided he wanted loves and made himself very comfortable with utter disregard to what I’d started. It was OK. I petted whilst I looked at cards and looked things up.

I always start with my first blush impression:

 I noted that the 3 cards intended for people matched their genders, but there was a 4th woman “Empress” in the supporting info cards- I had a guess as to whom that might be (my great friend helping plan backup birth solutions).

 I knew that the top left card generally has to do with illusionary limitations or restrictions, so that person was likely dealing with that in some way, which did make sense to me. 

I noted that an awful lot of the cards were upside down: not always a bad thing, it can simply represent an over arching theme of feeling like things are upside down, which I must say is accurate from my perspective.

I noticed the lovers card, which was unintended validation of a portion of my quandary.

I noticed a theme of financial queries, which again is unintended validation of related concerns- though I myself wish it wasn’t.

Finally, my extra card was a simplified traditional version of my life goal. Home and family and prosperity. Yet what struck me the most was the baby and dog. I’ve been “dogged” by thoughts and messages involving dogs since my healing dream last summer, and I’m pregnant with baby. Hmm.

The last thing of note was the big cat of strength. That of Big Cats, like the dog, has been a common theme for me, reoccurring very frequently since last summer.

Those elements of dog & big cat, they are not readily defined in tarot meanings. I suspect they are either representative of a real figure/being (adopting a dog, the mountain lioness that lives around us, etc), or represent personalities at play for me in real people. Either way, this reading only reiterated, not giving a clearer meaning on that.

So, then I looked up details. I felt the clearest most easily understood definitions of each card were the ones I found through Biddy Tarot, though I did look at several other pages in my process.

I must say after reading each meaning especially considering the reversed meanings, I do feel like this was a helpful reading. It does give me some clarity.

And yes, “strength” reversed in my own spot is accurate: I do need to stop doubting and second guessing myself and relax back into my inner knowing and resulting strength. That really was the basis of even taking these couple of hours for introspection. I knew I’d  slipped in that realm, and having a physical validation of that helps.

So, regardless of the accuracy of the rest of the cards, I’m walking away with: keep listening to my inner me, and keep reaching for that 10 of pentacles/coins happy ending gift. I’d totally take the dog, dome home, and extended family living happily ever after. More trusting and more patience. Things will get better, one way or another.

May all of you find your personal tool(s) of introspection and reliably connect with your inner self.

Good days are here. 

With my last round of adjustments, adding the vast amounts of green drinks & scaling back my calorie consumption, I’m feeling great.

My fitness tracker band that I’d ordered finally arrived and after an initial charge I was able to start using it yesterday. It confirmed what I suspected that my medicine weaning process was needed and is accurate. When thyroid meds are a little high, you get faster than normal heart rates. My resting heart rate is between upper 80’s & low 100’s, when it should be consistently in the 60’s & 70’s. Some people even have normal resting heart rates in the 50’s. So I’m definitely taking a little too much thyroid medicine. I’m so glad I ordered the fitness tracker.

That being said I’m feeling Great otherwise. Really great, so I’m definitely going to back down slowly to keep the happy love flowing.

In addition to my band being usable yesterday, I was able to go get my tattoo touched up.

This is what it used to look like (not the best pictures ever, but you get the idea) :

My view:

Other people’s view:

It definitely needed help & I’d never had the budget to get it fixed. After getting our tax return & acknowledging that I’m at a bit of an impasse decision wise on construction, I decided to divert a little to getting it fixed finally [8 years should be long enough to wait for that].

So, yesterday was the appointment. 2 hours of painful fixing- tattoos are not easy to handle the first time, plenty of discomfort, but fixing a botched tattoo means super sensitive scar tissue. Fortunately, being a massage therapist I’d done the facial stretches on my tattoo hundreds of times to gradually reduce the scar tissue. I’m glad because damn, it still hurt like crazy in places. There were 2 spots that I had to really focus all my metal efforts finding my happy place & breathing to get through the touch up. It helped that my tattoo has always been about love. It represents all the things I hold near & dear to my heart. The Triquerta & Shamrock are due to my Irish heritage & strong desire to visit Ireland some day.

However, it was originally our “engagement ring” because being an LMT I don’t wear rings when I’m working. Nathan & I got the matching shamrock on opposite arms so when we hold hands the tattoos touch. He let me go with the Irish theme because being of slavery lineage he has no idea what his heritage is, & he’s always connected with celtic influences anyway.

So, when the shamrock didn’t turn out right, the original tattooist tried to touch it up & offered a simple add on to make up for it. That’s where the triquerta came in. He did the same “fix” for both of us. But even after his fix, it never did look right. Mine always had this void in the green that looked like a 7 (easier to see in my view/upside down).

Now 8 years later, I’m finally getting to touch it up, & it hits me. 7 is Shiva in hebrew. Shiva mantras are the predominate mantras in my collection. I’ve been praying to that archetype & feeling like I’m getting responses. I also acknowledge that 2 of the friends that I’ve really been missing of late are Hindu- friends near and dear to my heart.

So, it only felt appropriate to add on something of India.

I also wanted to color the Triquerta in.

The Irish flag is green & orange & white. The Indian flag is green & orange & white.

Hmmm. Interesting.

The only major difference is the India flag has the Dharmachakra/Ashokachakra centered on it, which I do resonate with the meaning behind the chakra. So I decided, color the Triquerta in with the flag colors & add the chakra. I originally thought to center the chakra to the original tattoo, but the artist doing the work pointed out that it would make the assymetry mistake of the original Triquerta more obvious. She suggested shifting it up like a halo, I agreed. She also suggested not doing the white because I had originally wondered if the reason the shamrock had issues was due to the white highlights in it. She said yellow would be a better blend color because it is in both green & orange; it could be minimised to meet my desired look. I said ok.

So this is what it now looks like (with a couple shots of the process):

I’m very happy with the way it turned out.

She gave me extra gentle care instructions to reduce the risk of having another color void issue. Essentially, be extra gentle, don’t submerge for a week, keep bandaged for 3 days. Wash with soapy water 3x’s a day, & just coconut oil after washing for mild moisturizing & anti- microbial effects. Happiness.

To celebrate we went to the Indian restaurant a block from the tattoo shop. It was a very yummy meal to end a very good day. I am very thankful and grateful for good days finally being here consistently. I choose to believe that this is significant of a major turning point in my life. Things will continue to be good, great in fact. I’m seeing the illusion for what it is, I’m beginning to understand, and be it divine influence or merely law of attraction, I’m gradually moving in wonderful directions. I’m looking forward to the future again. *Deep Breath* Happy.