Tag Archives: intuition

Undecided

I’m feeling the need to write one single solitary post that is a lie. I never lie about anything in a serious lengthy sort of way, even white lies have been trained out of me mostly (by work and my mom).

It is partly because of the whole law of attraction thing and it is something I would like to happen. But more it is my intuition saying it is needed.

It has to do with the whole Divine Masculine thing that I have been trying to sort out for myself for ages. It also has to do with family dynamics and something that came up for me in proximity to my Connecticut trip. It’s still confusing to me and so I’ve pushed this thought away several times.

I told Nathan and he knows me so well that he was cornering me with “Are you sure? That’s not really something that you do.”

I told him I’m not sure and that’s why I haven’t done it yet. But, if it helps, I’m all for something that helps. It’s one of those moments where I’ve been trained so well not to lie that it seems wrong, but usually intuition moments for me are completely accurate. The two are not syncing up properly.

Obviously because of the message behind this moment, I’m not going to discuss what root topic is needing this lie post. Can’t spoil the potential results by giving it away ahead of time. And I’m not sure if it will even work. I’m also not sure when or if, I’ll be able to bring myself to complete such task. I’ve already put this off for several months, it may be a couple of more before I manage it.

It’s quite the conundrum.

What would you do if you felt like you were being asked by the other side to lie about something near to your heart?

May you have easy moments of intuition. May you always know exactly what to do and how to do it and why it is requested of you. May you always be comfortable with messages based on your intuition. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Who are the real ones?

I received the following video notifications, the latest of several similar. I know they belong to people that I am connected to because I have been feeling them. I know their energetic place in my body/heart. I had kicked them out for a while due to confusion and lack of progress. Yet, they’re all back, probably because of lions gate. I’m still confused, but I most definitely still care.

I reached out to two of them that have been silent for quite some time now, and gave a sincere thank you to a third, hoping I have figured things out.

Yet responses were not as hoped. One didn’t respond at all, another gave the opposite of suspected, and the 3rd gave a helpful response- just not the one I was hoping for.

My intuition still tells me they will all come around and I just need more patience.

At the end of the day I just long for an apology and simple truths from each of the 3. What are they feeling, what are the true identities of the 2, who are they as people beyond what I know through intuition. I want to get to know them, that might help with understanding.

God wants me to feel them, so they must be significant. I would love to learn more about them as humans and find out why. God loves them and if God wants me to feel them, then they are significant for me. I welcome whatever that means, knowing that it will ultimately help me one way or another. It will help me grow and become a stronger better person, and if love is shared in the process you can’t get any better.

I always appreciate when my heart gives love, I am just finding the point where I deserve to receive some of the love I freely give so regularly.

I’m ready to be ready to start receiving results of my efforts in general. I have put an awful lot of work into me, and I am worthy of seeing results begin to manifest. I know I have further to go, but with any journey some things need to show up in gradual bits. It’s time to start seeing bits.

And to anyone struggling, someone else always cares, but you have to reach a little to see it. You must reach for better, or you will never see it. I care or I wouldn’t have taken the time to add this bit of advice that I know deep in my being from having practiced it. I too was in the deep depths of despair and almost lost my life to IT many times. I have practiced enough that I only slip there occasionally now. You can do it, reach and find the closest person that does care. There are more, but you can find at least one if you try.

I love you, and want for you to see good in the world and yourself. I have a whole post planned on why some things feel so bad, so maybe that will help you too.

May you understand your messages and your connections. May you know what God is doing for you. May you understand where you are in your journey and have patience to see things through. May you know you are loved and have people to give love to whom are willing to accept it and return it.

Siva Hir Su

Spiritual peekaboo.

It seems I’m having difficulty trusting myself.

It’s not that I don’t ever, but it fluctuates, and with interpersonal relationship hiccups it seems I’m floating in the distrust spectrum. Working on that, but definitely hesitant because of my failures in recent history.

Yet today one of my residents with MS, whom has a very plain-Jane super common American name, told me that her middle name was Reghandi (I’m spelling that based on the sound and my vocabulary awareness). I suspected it was another instance of a resident picking up on a message for me, so I asked staff what her middle name really was. The only problem is that none of them knew her real middle name, or at least that they would relinquish to me. So now I’m not sure.

All I do know is that the last 5 years I thought I was getting better at translating energetic information. Yet nearly every time I say something to someone about what I’m getting, I’m essentially told that I’m completely wrong. For a while I only said things if I was feeling very certain and like I was getting pushed into saying something. Now I can’t even bring myself to do that.

The last few times stung too badly, and I’m gun-shy.

I tell myself that they are either in denial, or that I freaked them out, or that I was scary accurate about something they’d rather hide. It helps to not completely hate on myself, but the doubt is there nonetheless.

So now with things like my lady’s random off the wall comment about her middle name, I’m not sure whether it means anything for real or not.

I now feel like my intuition is a bunch of B-S and I spend all day apologizing to myself and trying to ignore all of my twinges. I have very much withdrawn in a lot of ways, and it’s starting to affect my mood. Of course, not having taken any significant time for me in the last 2 months isn’t helping either. Merh, what can you do?

Finally, I have completely given up on relationships for now. I’ve decided that my heart already gives love to so many people, who could care less, that I’d rather not add any more to that. There’s options for me to do so, but I’m coming to terms with loving things/people that I can’t seem to align with, despite my best efforts. I’d rather just have the ones that are already in my heart, so I’m doing my best to figure out how to release the faulty programming/beliefs that led to this connundrum to begin with. Maybe I can fix the alignment issue and not have to start over. I just don’t know, doubts cloud that as well.

May you all trust your intuition even when you’re told otherwise. May you know what’s good for you and understand energetic input. May you know what to say and how to act with all of it. May you find the alignment you seek. May you feel accepted as yourself. May you feel the love in regards to both yourself and others. May you feel supported.

Siva Hir Su