Tag Archives: karma

Evaluating Health

So I’m in the midst of a ride that is being documented by doctors in one way, and being ignored by those doctors in another.

The ride looks like: Mostly I feel good and look better than I ever have. Occasionally I have a really shitty day that takes everything I’ve got to just get through, and a few days of in-between just-mediocre mixed in. The doctors acknowledge that my blood-work looks great except for sugar levels and thyroid function, and that pesky EBV infection they can’t solve (really choose not to, because I don’t have thousands to drop on an uncovered potential solution that many of them don’t seem to even know about).

Up until 3 months ago the those were mostly in check, and then I ran out of resources and thyroid meds. My thyroid took a nose dive and now that I’m aiming for being back on track, I just can’t seem to get everything to balance again. I still look great and most days feel a ton better than my history.

I am doing my level best and the accupincturist took a look at what I’m doing and suggested a few edits. It’s a “try it and see what happens” game that I am really used to, even though it still frustrates the daylights out of me.

What gets ignored by everyone, except my husband and the accupincturist, is the energetic level that I constantly deal with. I’m Sensitive enough that sometimes I genuinely wonder if those shitty days of derailment are other people. Yesterday was one such day because of particular “symptoms” I was experiencing. I generally felt emotionally drained, exhausted, and like I was dieing. I kept experiencing the thought that I was dieing and it was okay, that even death was perfectly fine. If it weren’t for 8 doses of free and easy wanderer, I would have been on the floor in a fetal position and unable to work.

Here’s the deal. I know my father is working on making his way out of this life. For him death is probably the easiest way to solve his woes. For me that is not the case. Though death is always okay from the other side’s perspective, I’m not really ready. It’s not my time to go yet. I only get confused because of those few symptoms that shouldn’t be. I’m doing everything right.

The kicker is the same disease (EBV) that caused my hiccups with thyroid and blood sugars, is likely what caused those same problems in my mom, dad and brother. We literally have followed the same trajectory of disease, but I and my brother 30 years younger than parents. All starting somewhere between 1988-1992. I am the only one to put serious effort into trying to heal it, and so on the outside I look drastically different. Even as far as labs and meds go, I’m still doing 10 times better than the other 3 are.

But this last round really has me scratching my head. I’m doing everything perfect and my body is finally beginning to look great. I am physically more capable than any of those 3 family members, even on a bad day. So, is it possible that those remaining symptoms I am having a hell of a time killing, are because I am tapped into their energetics? That is a possibility for me that western medicine won’t even acknowledge as a possibility.

As I write this sentence, I am 1.64 miles into my treadmill workout. I know that my father is sitting in Arizona, probably asleep. So, why do I keep yawning, when I’ve done 3 hours of massage and had my big cup of green tea. It’s obvious that my body isn’t tired, and if I can treadmill and type at the same time, my brain isn’t either. Yet those yawns come like a reflex.

It leaves me saying “I’m not my father, I’m not my family, I’m better than this stupidity.” It also makes me want to eliminate every shred of their genetics from my body. It makes me want to kill whatever is inside of me that keeps perpetuating their diseases.

And from my experience, the best way to accomplish that is to focus on the opposite. So now I define what the opposite is.

Health is:

  • Feeling good all the time.
  • No feeling great mostly.
  • Able to exist without any aids (herbal or prescription).
  • Able to kick butt on exercise and carry out everyday tasks with ease.
  • Having a body at a healthy weight without an excess or physical activity. (Like if I do 5 hours of massage, I shouldn’t also have to do another hour of exercise like I do now.)
  • Being able to eat relatively normally. For my body and metabolism to be normal, I should be able to consume a 1,000 calorie diet without allergies or excessive exercise. I’d be happy to follow the diet I was on for my first pregnancy, and I’d have significantly more leaway with that many calories, compared to my now.
  • Inflammation, what inflammation? That is a stress response in the body. Normal activity levels and normal work loads shouldn’t cause any inflammation.
  • An immune system that knocks any virus or bacteria down, and leaves my own cells alone.
  • Supplements should only be nutrition, I don’t need the giant puzzle of “this is good for that”, and so on. Again, few to no aids for healthy existence.
  • There are some foods that are generally bad for the entire populous regardless as to whether medicine acknowledges that. So, outside of those foods, and the few that have plagued my family for generations, I should be able to eat anything. Again, that 1st pregnancy diet would be wonderful.
  • Going from my current to healthy includes organ function resuming full normal capacity. It doesn’t matter thyroid, pancreas, liver, etc. They should all function at full normal capacity as evaluated by any blood-work or testing.
  • The things that are already documented as good to great should remain or even improve slightly.

Now, of course is the heavy lifting metaphorically. I must meditate on the feeling place of this, repeatedly. That is how one goes from point A to point B in the focused thought path. The hardest part is consistency and really feeling the difference mentally. I have done so much, that I know I can do this. Of course it would be significantly easier if I quit picking up on my father’s junk too. Energetic disconnect, please.

May you have a knowing of your genuine health. May you see your progress. May you know you can win. May you have confidence in your thought-creation abilities. May you know you are on the right track, even when others or symptoms might seem otherwise. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do especially when you face challenges.

Om Shanti

Not settling, just paused.

My dad was never supposed to be part of Atira. His leech-like energy-sucking is counter productive to my healing and forward momentum. Yet, I have processed a ton, emotionally speaking, since taking his situation on. So this is merely a segué in my progression forward.

I am not my father, and I am striving to be better and do better than him in most every way. My father is so very not God, and I forgive myself for having made that confusion as a baby. I have seen clearly, as an adult, that trying to please him is (and always was) futility and will never result in the feelings of love that I felt as a baby.

Additionally, this experience has definitely given me a very tangible lesson on how it is okay to let the old, infirm, and unhealthy die. The level of negativity he exudes daily is oppressive; it makes it difficult for my sensitive family to function, and bogs me down in unimaginable ways. So I am definitely ready to release that immediately. I am okay with his passing, knowing that all of that heavy negativity will stop and his spirit will be free of an infinitely oppressive weight. His passing would actually help his own spirit and the world quite significantly.

I do have a responsibility and a duty to do what doctors deemed necessary. I see that what little is being done, is enough to slow the death process, but not enough to eliminate it, so it is only a matter of time. Only God knows how to override that medical process and give my father the quick painless exit he prefers. So I have and will continue to send prayers that his preferred result comes sooner than later.

At the same time, all of the parts of me that carry his weight of oppression can also die. All of the cells and processes damaged by having learned from him can also die. Even brain cells can be transformed to release his patterns. I am okay letting every nano-ounce of his junk go. I even support my body allowing God to turn junk DNA off and more helpful DNA on. I am okay letting the old, infirm, unhealthy parts of myself die and for healing to take their place.

I deserve the wholly beautiful self, inside and out, that my divine half wants me to be. I deserve to have a more stable emotional set point. I deserve to be very even tempered. I deserve to have plenty of patience, and I also deserve to have fewer things test my patience. I deserve to have my understanding acknowledged, because I am more understanding of others than my father will ever attempt to be.

I know I am more compassionate than my father. I know I am more loving than my father. I know I am more caring than my father. I know I am WAY more open minded than my father. I am more accepting than him. I am more thoughtful, courteous, and respectful than him.

So, my Vortex self is all of those good qualities, and letting the old die will enable the Vortex version to manifest more easily. That is a very good thing.

Abraham talks about ignoring what you don’t want and focusing on what you do want. So I am putting a concerted effort into ignoring all of the old dieing parts and focusing intently on the end result.

I’m focusing on: my DNA being flipped, my tummy being small, my skin being toned, my metabolism being high, my emotions stabilizing on a high vibration set point, my temper disappearing, my brain rewiring, and all of my good qualities being honored by others. Those are the elements of me that have been trying to manifest for 30 years, held down by unhelpful beliefs and genetic karma passed to me by my parents. Those are the elements of me I chose to allow to come forth knowing none of the past is worth hanging on to. I am worth more than repeating my parents sad and negative story.

So focusing will continue as long as necessary. This is just another manifestation goal, and one I am certain I’ll achieve in time. My current determination being what it is, it may be much sooner than other manifestations have taken. I don’t like the feeling that my father produces, it makes it really obvious that he has disconnected me from my own source. I think I know how to fix it short term, and every minute of everyday I am able, I will focus on the desired vortex version and allow it to manifest quickly.

I will find a way to allow better.

My Atira is not for the infirm to drag the world down, it is for the healthy to lift the world up.

May you all have very clarifying experiences. May you see exactly what needs to happen to allow better things in your world. May you trust the divine process. May you understand when negativity threatens your mood that it is because you lost sight of your own vortex. May you always find a way to focus on your vortex, even when darkness threatens your life. May you always win the good fight and find alignment with your source. May you know your divine half is always routing for you and that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su