Tag Archives: keep the faith

The Real

The real God
Loves everyone
Never needed me to
Obtain approval
For anything
Especially
Consent for marriage
He approves of
Everything bound by love

He already loved
Them
He already loved
Me
He saw the love we
Shared
And knew it would
Grow

The real God
Never needed to own
He owns everything
Never needed to control
He controls everything

We are children exploring
He's there if we fall
Willing to help us
Try again

The real God
Doesn't need compensation
No sale of a daughter or dowry
He already has everything
Daughters are daughters
Regardless of dollars
Any daughter
Seeking and finding
Love
Is accepted and respected
Their loving partner
Is a miracle to behold
A bond stronger than
Any other
He only wishes to
Be loved in return
And lovers entwined
Is the most beautiful
Expression of
Focused Love

The real God
Knows children
Will be born
Life will contine
Always
There is no
Requirement
Task needing fulfilled
The only must
Is knowing he's
Here
Now

The real Goddess
Gave birth to everything
She loves all
Always
She heals everything
Which is hers

If you fall
She'll console you
Just snuggle into
Warmth
Knowing her love
Heals everything
From broken hearts
To broken bones
Brains and
Dis-ease

Her love seeps
Deep
Into every cell
Every blood vessel
Every pore
Quiet stillness
Is all she needs
To do healing work
A warm
Vibration
The only sensation
Soothing to every
Sense
In every
Being

Jesus reminded the
World
All of human kind
We are all
Beautiful creatures
We are all
Equally amazing
Equally brilliant
Equally talented

Jesus knew there
Was only unity
Loving caring
Kindness
For All
He never disappeared
He spent years
Traveling the Earth
Teaching everyone
Under names they understood
Ra,Shiva, avalokitesvara, Quan Yin
Doing his best
To honor both and
Show everyone
How great it could
Be

Yet somehow we were
All too dsense to see
All his teachings
A world full of
Systems which never changed
Man intent on
Better than
Stronger than
Healthier than
More veral
More kids
More resources
More consumption
More destruction
More dis-ease
Discontent

I feel them
Humans attached to
Me
Vampires of lust
Vampires of control
Vampires of ownership
Vampires of greed

They were not here
When I needed
Shoulders to cry on
Hands to help
Children watched
Transportation to treatments
Treatments completed
Uplifting
Relieving
Healing

No they watched
And wallowed
From afar
Making already challenging
Days
Become burdens too
Heavy to carry
Draining
Essence
Cutting off
From the divine
I needed most

They simply don't
Get it
Love is real
Love can move mountains
Yet when life
Has been drained
Of all love
Nothing survives
Empty shells
Eventually crumble

God loves and supports
Goddess loves and heals
Neither can do their
Roles
If humanity
Starves them of
One golden nugget
Love

All they need
Is for us
To let go and
Love

Let go of
Rules
Let go of
Better than
Let go of
More than
Anyone
Or anything
Let go of
Competing
Or doing

Just find
Love

In quiet stillness

If everyone
Everywhere
Just let go
And let
Love
Flow

The real
God and
Goddess
Could come together
And heal
We could birth
A new world
Better
Healthier
And more
Loving

Let the
Real
Be
Here
Now

~ Treasa Cailleach

May you feel your connection to the divine. May you find a way to let love flow and the real God and Goddess be here now. May your love of the divine let this now experience change and grow in love. May you let go of everything and find peace and healing. May you know that all aspects of the divine, love and accept you as you are, you are whole and complete.

Seek and ye shall find. Matthew 7:7

Om Shanti

Teaching Humanity to Fish

Give a man a fish
He eats for a day
Teach a man to fish
He eats for a lifetime

So the bible reads
Yet fishing is not difficult
It's metaphor for
Living life fully
Supporting oneself
Successfully

Why was he not fishing
To begin with?

Did he fall ill?
Was he somehow hurt?
Did his previous fishing
End in trauma?

Perhaps he was born
Without hands
Or lost a hand
In an accident

Perhaps his only skill
Was fishing
But life took him
Far from any water

Perhaps a mishap
Almost took his life
Left him feeling futility

Perhaps his
Skills or tools
Failed him
Perhaps he did his best
And still fell short

Perhaps he made mistakes
Big or small
Many or few
That caused him to
Loose everything
All his tools taken from him
Disheartened
Given in and given up

Maybe he has lost faith
In himself
In God's guidance
Or helpfulness
Maybe he sees no reason
To keep trying to fish
Never quite experiencing
The supposed benefits

It doesn't mean it's not
Still important
Maybe those are all
Just hurdles
He doesn't know
How to overcome

Perhaps teaching
The ability to fish
Is more complex
Than society acknowledges

Still a worthy goal
Still better than just
Giving the day's fish

Perhaps it's humanity's
Responsibility
To come together
To solve the complexity
Of teaching all men
Not just how to fish

To teach them how to
Overcome obstacles
Everything preventing
Their fishing success

Including finding
Faith
In oneself
Where once it was lost

Including finding
Reasons
To believe
To keep trying
To keep doing

Finding the knowing
Of his place
His role in
This vast eternal
Universe

Finding the knowing
God's guidance
Has been trying to
Get through to him
All along

Finding God
Loved him
All along
Even in the obstacles
And disheartened
Ignorance

We all fish
Some have more
Obstacles and challenges
Than others

Our responsibility to
Help another
Around obstacles
We learned to overcome

Community coming together
Joined forces
Helps everyone
Learn to fish
No matter the cause
Of the need to learn

~ Treasa Cailleach

Making deals

Not sure anymore
Angel or devil
Something hears me
Something seems to respond

All I know
Heavy cloaks
Feels like lead
Boots and suits

Darkness threatens
To take my life

Fighting with
All my might
Desperately aimed at
Escaping the weight

Repeating
I am She-Ra
Like a powerful
Mantra

Forcing myself
To keep going
To keep moving
It's the only thing
That helps me

Feels like escaping
Darkest demon's grip

My deal:
My life must
Have meaning
My life if lost
Must save my
Entire family

If I'm going down
They must be rescused
Instead

The darkness
Must be slain
Even if my last breath
Is the device
Of accomplishment

Like a tear jerking
Scene from Titanic

I'm doing my
Absolute best
I'm aimed
At winning
At all costs
Even risking my own life

May God's light
Shine down
Upon me
Upon my family

Perchance
A miracle
Might save us all

~ Treasa Cailleach

Work in progress.

I am a work in progress, but aren’t we all.

However, this week has been challenging to see any such progress.

I didn’t get a chance to do any InkTober drawings after the 5th, and even that one didn’t get finished on the 5th. I didn’t get all my exercise in. I didn’t get my salt bath last night. My arms and hands hurt, and frankly a lot of my body hurt, that is why I failed to exercise. I was tired all week, and the fatigue was so intense that two days it caused a drop in mood as well.

I did ask for help. I received acupuncture twice and an adjustment today. My husband worked on me despite having a million other things on his to-do list. I used mechanical tools to work on myself and rested more than usual. I also managed to stay very clean on food choices, especially since I know this mess started because of food fails.

Instead of continuing my 7 day a week work journey, I cleared Sunday. I also cleared part of my Tuesdays to have a few extra hours to myself.

Mondays I’m now functional as office staff for the clinic, and this week it was a good thing because I almost ended up alone. The front desk person was in a nasty car accident over the weekend and the friend/office manager wasn’t really at full capacity from chemo. But the two of us managed to get through the day with a minimum of difficulty.

Saturdays are still split between the clinic and the independent living building. The rest of the week is all massage. Regardless of where or when, I continue to do my best to spread love and healing with all my activities and interactions.

It’s a lot, but I want to help, for God and for good, so I do. I know it could be worse because my past has had worse if both extremes (too much and too little). I’d rather keep doing what I’m doing than risk too little again.

Autumn is now out of the hospital and Nathan has been helping her with several things during the day. She is more ambulatory now than we were originally concerned about, and KU Med was finally able to get the MRSA infection under control. She will now receive a weekly infusion treatment of an experimental drug which so far seems to be doing the job nicely. Her thumb was the last surgery done, and she was worked on by skilled plastic surgeons, so instead of loosing the thumb, it’s now just a fraction of an inch shorter and more slender than her other hand, but infection free.

She has many challenges, but amidst the chaos of the medical predicament, her wife has agreed to mariage counseling. So, their divorce which was sidelined by the medical situation continues to be in forbearance. She is unsure of moving forward, so she’ll stay with us at least short term to figure out post hospital treatments and what might happen with her wife.

I told Nathan that I simply wanted to help and if we see her through all the way, it’s great, but if we merely get her started that is okay too. God knows what is best for both her and our desire to help.

Some days I wonder what I’m doing, and why I keep pushing. Others I simply know exactly why.

My feminine half wants to slow down, and my masculine half knows I can’t, at least not yet. I must keep going a little while longer.

My masculine half wants to finally heal and be the slender Venus I desire. My feminine half knows I may never fix it and need to quit being so damn hard on myself.

My masculine half needs to strive to be better, do more, be stronger, be healthier, push and push, to try and make up for all the times I wasn’t good enough. My feminine half knows that sometimes we’re not able to do or be something because it’s simply not our job, not our responsibility. You can’t fix everything, that is why we need to look to God and allow the divine forces to do things for you.

But the I wasn’t raised that way, my parents rarely trusted God, and usually it was my mom demonstrating all the trust in divine will. So I keep trying and weeks like this feel insurmountable. I want to trust, but when I’m so damn tried and achy it’s awfully hard to do so.

I see Autumn as a beautiful woman that has been horribly battered and beaten by life, and she needs to find her inner self and love and trust to be able to truly heal.

Saying those words I also see myself.

Yet, I know I have felt my inner being. I’ve heard my inner being. I know what that means. I love my inner being, and when I look at all the things I’ve lived through and overcome I do love myself.

I love how much I’ve strived to improve myself, not just for me, but for my whole family. I love that I never gave up, when many times I wanted to. I love that I fought depression and despite it nearly winning dozens of times, it never actually did. Despite two decades of a depression ridden brain telling me I’d be better off dead, I have managed to live and find at least some healing.

At this point I feel like the exhausted sprinter that took third place. I feel like I could have and should have done better, but I made it far enough that I do deserve some kind of prize. Right now I just don’t know what that means, but I’m trying not to fall over before I get to find out.

I have one client left for the day, one of my house calls that I’m very tempted to not reschedule with. I definitely have trouble saying NO, especially when something helps me keep up with the never-ending snowball of finances, so off I go for one more hour.

May you see your inner beauty and trust yourself enough for healing. May you find a way to show love even when others choose not to see it. May you know your efforts matter in just the way God intends. May you find ways to help others around you even when you might need help yourself. May you find ways to take care of yourself and keep yourself functional to be able to keep doing more. May you put yourself first just enough to matter and show yourself some love. May you know that in the end it will all somehow be worth it. May you know God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su

InkTober 5th: blade; micron pigma pen on Strathmore cold press watercolor paper, approximately 4″ x 4″

Keeping my word.

Years ago, before my online romance SJ, I promised God that if he helped me pull up I would do my best to do good for God.

Now it seems that my long lost SJ helped me pull up enough that I have regained my balance in this world. I have gotten to a place where I can help others to some degree.

First was my desire to help Chairty Water. I originally started with the tiniest monthly contribution, and now I am able to match what I spend on our TV entertainment each month. It’s a step in the right direction.

Second was my dad. He is now with my sister and the few remaining pieces are slowly resolving. Beyond the healing that enabled for me, I’m glad that he has gotten what he wanted.

Now I have two new situations I am doing my best to help with.

The friend I wrote of with MRSA. Nathan paid a visit to her in the hospital and took flowers. It was simply an acknowledgement that 10 years ago when he was in a similar situation, I- as his wife, was his only visitor. So, he didn’t want her to feel the same way. While there he discovered that her wife had left her and was living with someone else, and her mother and father are AWOL because they are battling their addictions and mental diseases and unable to even be civil human beings. She has no one significant in her life. She has friends only, some of which have already helped and some of which are willing to do more as able. She has two weeks left of her 6 week hospital stay, and then she has no solid plan. The infection was mostly surgically removed, except for a small spot in the left ventricle of her heart, but she now has a massive incision in her groin needing dressing changes. It’s eerily similar to Nathan’s original surgery and predicament.

Anyway after my workday was over Nathan filled me in on his visit and everything they spoke about. I reached out to her and offered our home in the same way I did for my father. I also offered to help her with PT and getting to and from post hospital appointments. I even suggested that I might be able to connect her with a job when she is able to return to work.

It felt really good to be able to do that. It’s really not much; in the grand scheme of things, the changes to our utilities and grocery bills are small enough to not even hesitate. I knew that her need for a space to be able to heal and regain her strength was far more important to God, so I know it will work out. I wish more people were able to do that for fellow human beings. We all need each other sometimes.

The other situation I’m doing my best to help with is the friend and co-worker that had the lump in her breast that I had initially checked to try and help guide her decisions. I had really hoped it was nothing and my gut reaction was off, but it has been diagnosed as cancer. Full ramifications are not known yet, but I know that she is super stressed and worried. I’ve been saying prayers and offering everything that comes to mind. My latest offer is to learn her job at the clinic, off the clock, so that I might be able to help fill in or help train a replacement if needed. I will do whatever is needed because she is a kind human being that needs the support right now. I have been racking my brain reaching for more that I might be able to offer, but she has many friends and family, so I think I have offered what is possible for now. Prayers are always welcome.

Sometimes God really does want us to reach for good for ourselves so that we can help others in the long term. I have learned that lesson in a very palpable way today. Simply because of depression riddled pleas 6 years ago, I have managed to slowly climb myself out of the hole and into being able to help others. There is still a long ways that I can go yet, but I’m extremely grateful that I have made it this far. I am so grateful that I am able to take steps to keep my word with God. I promised I would help him if he helped me, and that is what I am doing. Everyday I help people through my jobs, and now I can even help outside of my jobs.

I really do have my baby Atira. My home is not the big complex dome community of my dreams, but all of the things are present, and especially the charitable works. That was always the most important part anyway.

Beyond that God is healing me. Slowly but surely I know my body is healing and very soon I will have healed every bit of my previous concerns. I can feel and see the difference. I am ever so grateful for that too because I know it is giving me massive amounts of energy to do all of the things I am doing. My body healing is a direct correlation to being able to help others even more. I am so very grateful for all of God’s grace in my life. I hope I can properly honor all the good that has flowed through me.

May you see your place in the world. May you honor the good that has manifested in your life. May you understand how God helped you. May you see that there are people who care and want to help you when you need it most. May you find the ways to return the favors. May you find a way to flow good to others on behalf of God. May you see and understand that God loves and supports you, and wants the best for you, all you need to do is let God in. May you know you are loved.

Siva Hir Su

*The picture is my original. Monarch butterfly on orange zinnia flower. Taken at Kauffman Gardens, Kansas City, Missouri.