Tag Archives: Laugh at yourself

Not always a woman.

Mom visiting brought with it a revival of music we enjoyed together when I was a child. Pandora was my avenue to access such music easily. We did Beatles radio, Billy Joel radio, and Chieftains radio. It was really good to revive music memories with mom.

One song struck me as I sang the lyrics by heart like I just listened to it last week. Billy Joel’s “Always a Woman to Me” (see YouTube link if unfamiliar).

The lyrics to that song are just in me. Solid. I didn’t even have to think about it, and I haven’t heard that song for probably several years now. I own quite a bit of Billy Joel’s music, but it just hasn’t been in my heavy rotation for a long while.

I realized that the song is two-fold for me. One is that it is how I see my mom. Every line fits her ‘to a T’. She is an amazing being to me, even her faults and shortcomings. I love her very much in all her ways.

Second, the feminine half of me mirrors that. I think it is mostly because of prior thoughts I’ve mentioned, on the fact that I am a blend of my parents, on top of being bisexual. So the feminine half mirrors my mom. Yet, now I wonder. Is it possible that a song so ingrained in my psyche contributed to the development of my character? Is it simply that easy? I owned the lyrics so completely that it contributed to manifesting those traits? I don’t know really. It seems it may have played a part, but I prefer to believe that I felt the song was a good description of mom and I wanted to be like her and be loved that strongly.

The masculine half of me, well that is a whole different story.

Either way, I still love the song to this day, and now I see how it describes me too. I appreciate that immensely.

May you have moments of appreciation for self. May you see mostly good qualities and even love your flaws. May you understand how your life built your self. May you love those things that enabled you to come into your own being. May you appreciate every element of your path of life. May you see that God loves you just the way you are, flaws and all. May you have many manifestations of all of it in the best ways possible.

Siva Hir Su

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she’s always a woman to me
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth but she’ll never believe you
And she’ll take what you give her as long as it’s free, Yeah she steals like a thief but she’s always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind, And she’ll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleeding
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be, Blame it all on yourself ’cause she’s always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind, She is frequently kind and she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she’s nobody’s fool
But she can’t be convicted, she’s earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

Source: LyricFind

Belly laughs from a walking oxymoron. 

You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself. – Ethel Barrymore

Ok, so today I saw it. I saw that fallacy of it.  I saw myself from the view of others in Johnson County Kansas. It was hilarious. I had a good belly laugh. 

Why?

I’m a walking oxymoron. Let me show you and explain: 

That’s me (again 😀 ). I had to take a selfie to demonstrate my point,  but it wasn’t a good snap so I had staff at the building do a quick full shot. 

Like my hippie outfit? Me too!

In fact I’ve had people comment that I dress well, but definitely have a hippie esque style.

The moment I had my belly laugh was sitting in traffic amongst BMW’s, Mercedes’ and Porsches. Wearing those clothes.  Sunroof ajar, windows cracked, A/C on full blast attempting to chase the heat  out of the car on my short 15min hop between buildings. I had some Electric Swing cranked way up on the stero & was dancing in the driver’s seat again.

I realized I’m a Hippie Raver Business Woman with a tattoo… driving a beater car, while fulfilling my work that I created over 4 years ago and have successfully maintained for said 4 years.

 For the area I’m working in,  it’s definitely an oxymoron.

 I’m certain that a vast majority of people in Johnson County would assume that I work some minimum wage job and probably don’t have an education. They would evidence the car I drive and the lack of formal business suits.

Yet I have proven time and time again to hold my own. Following: me and me alone. 

My fashion choices are not only MY choices, dictated solely by what I think looks good and fits good,  but they never cost me big dollars. Even when I did wear women’s suits, once upon a time, I purchased every one of them at a tiny fraction of their normal cost by shopping thrift stores. I shed the need for that years ago and now I love all of my wardrobe. 

Yet, I not only started a business,  but I’ve kept it alive for nearly 5 years now. I have no boss, no required schedule, no strict attendance or dress codes,  no one harping on me to get my work done.  Yet I do. 

I show up, on time most days, but I always show up unless I’ve prescheduled time off or I’m ginuinely very sick. I don’t need someone to nag me to keep doing my job.  I know my residents depend on me, my family depends on me, and that’s enough.  It’s all the motivation I need.

So yes,  I dress like a hippie.  Yes,  I listen to loud obnoxious music and bob hysterically in my seat having a grand old time in my commutes. Yes, I have one of those oh so unprofessional tattoos.  Yes,  I refuse to shave my God(s) given body hair. Yes, I  drive a dirty dusty beater car.  …

AND I’m still a successful business woman supporting  myself and my family by taking care of others. 

I can laugh at myself for shattering the mould, and it’s ok if others find me amusing too. Really, I’m also laughing at them,  because I know they’re trapped constantly trying to fit other’s expectations and trying to appease their corporate monster jobs, and they probably resent me for not having done either.  … Maybe that’s why my brother hates me!