Tag Archives: law of attraction

Learning to fly again.

This week has carried a heavy weight. One I’ve born alone as usual. Moving on from anything can be hard, but when there’s a strong energetic connection it’s even harder.

I counseled with an old acquaintance, had her reach for a less biased intuitive approach. In the end my desire to move on was relevant and she suggested some things to do to help. I was very appreciative of her input and validation of things I had felt and known. It did help some with a better understanding of why certain elements played out as they did, and was the nudge I needed to align with my physicality of moving on.

A short while later, I broke down while working on one of my elderly clients and through silent tears mentally begged Archangel Michael to help do for me what I do for others everyday: please take the pain away. It was after dinner and there was no sun, but the song “Sun Light” was stuck in my head, and I instinctively looked up to the ceiling for the closest light I could find. That made the tears pour down heavily, and I did feel significant relief. I did my best to remain quiet so my lady wouldn’t know I was crying while massaging her back. Several times that evening I had very similar repeats, ending with Nathan cutting cords on me utilizing some of the tips the acquaintance had given.

Today I’m sad, but functional and feeling significantly lighter. Most of the weight has lifted and I’m feeling like moving on is less daunting.

I told Nathan I want to, knowing it’s not going anywhere, but I had loved the idea of it/them, the interaction and energy of it all, so much that it hurts to let go and move on. Plus I can’t negate the connection I formed with the person and the very real emotions that connection carried regularly. I feel like I’m breaking my own heart. I said the law of attraction says you’re supposed to believe it and hold onto the belief, but it’s just not going to happen, so now I feel like I don’t know what to believe. Both Nathan and the acquaintance told me that it’s no reason to quit trusting my intuition, but that is where my distrust is the strongest right now. In time maybe I’ll trust myself again, just not today.

I feel like I also am holding distrust toward others as well, and I’m doing my best to let go of that. New people aren’t necessarily going to hurt me, logically I know that, but emotionally I’m so afraid of being hurt I’m holding others away. There is definitely a healing process when things don’t go as hoped or expected, and right now I’m smack dab in the middle of it.

Then the universe sent me a message. A wounded butterfly.

As I picked up the butterfly, the song “Broken Wings” played in my head. The poor monarch had one wing that wasn’t working, and it’s so cold now that if I had left it on the sidewalk it would have died by morning. I let it climb me and as I went into Whole Foods I saw the mum display and gave it a warm new home. That was its best chance of survival, but regardless it could lay eggs and start the life cycle over.

I’m like that butterfly, and the song. I need to give myself my best chance at a fresh start. I need to take my broken wings and learn to fly again. That means I must do my best to regain buoyancy and look forward. I must find a way to trust myself and others again, and I must stay disconnected from what was at all costs.

I must reach for better and learn to love and live again.

May you have healing moments, especially for your heart. May the angels take your pain and grief. May you trust yourself and others, and learn to live on. May you feel God’s grace and God’s healing. Finally, may you find love, and may you learn to fly again.

Siva Hir Su

Angry at whom?

While at the wedding, I sent an angry message, which I can’t forget. To be honest it was drunk texting.

I’m torn between letting it drop knowing I won’t get a response anyway, and simply apologizing.

Essentially, I am angry over lies and ghosting and getting hurt- at least on the surface.

In my message which I’ve now reread a dozen times hoping I would see a response, I saw my errors. I saw my assumptions. I saw where my mind has filled in blanks grasping at thin air for understanding.

In reality, I’m mad at myself.

I’m angry because:

  • I let myself be attached.
  • I let myself get hurt.
  • I can’t let go and move on, despite desperately trying to do so.
  • I perceive that the other-side/God keeps reminding me of all of it.
  • I don’t understand why the other-side/divine keeps reminding me, since that’s never happened before; or why I can’t let go and move on, knowing I’ve been able to with others.
  • I put hopes for myself in another.
  • I did make assumptions and fill in blanks that were not mine to fill in. I let feelings and sensations stir my imagination.
  • I made an assumption that because I felt a person’s energy in a certain way, that they must have been special or different. That the intensity and way in which I experienced things must have somehow dictated more importance for me because of the way I feel others on a regular basis.
  • I allowed a connection to interfere with my worldview.
  • I loved an idea so much that I’ve held myself apart from it by focusing on it’s absence.
  • I’m disappointed in myself for being hung up, stuck in a mental loop, unable to let go enough to fully restart.
  • That I’ve allowed this experience to shadow my current reality and I’ve begun to distrust everything that even slightly seems similar.
  • I question my now, myself, and my experiences, because that one instance fell flat.

Now, as I’ve told Nathan many times, once I acknowledge the problem, I can do something, anything to fix it. I make an attempt for improvement. I make an attempt to rewire my brain or reach for better.

So in this instance reaching for better would be:

  • I want to detach- let go and move on.
  • I want to see my growth and healing.
  • I want to see how this experience helped me to be a better person.
  • I want reminders in my experience to cease.
  • I want understanding and clarity.
  • I want the truth, an answer, an explanation.
  • I want to know why I felt everything that I did, and why I felt them the way I did.
  • I want to know what my dreams were and what they meant. I keep cycling back to my dreams: when they are that vivid, they always have an element of truth that will eventually be clear. I’m ready for that clarity.
  • I want to see my hopes fulfilled. I want to see and feel evidence of my desires in me and around me. I want to feel God’s support.
  • I want the blanks filled in, the truth as it pertains to me. Why is the divine continually reminding me of them?
  • I want to allow things in. I want to accept the process.
  • I want to restart.
  • I want to know for certain that I’m discerning something unique in my life.
  • I want to eliminate doubts.
  • I want certainty.
  • I want to be confident in myself.
  • I want to delight myself.
  • I want to regain a solid world view and find confidence and trust in moving forward into new situations.
  • I want to trust myself again, and have knowing that I am feeling things accurately. I want to have more evidence that I’m accurate in discerning other’s energy and how it relates to me (bodywork vs significant resource vs significant other).
  • I want to feel protected and that it is safe to love.
  • I want to dispel fears and find confidence in attracting someone to love again, in addition to my Nathan.
  • I want that someone to choose me… as in they could do anything they want, have other options available, but choose me because they connect with me on an intense level…. and they are open and honest about it even if that seems daunting, a challenge. (That doesn’t mean they have to give up other options, just that they choose me, also, as well, in addition to, or because they didn’t connect as well with the other options.)

That’s a good start. From here now I look for evidence of the answer, and keep an open mind and watch for synchronicity. My solution will come eventually.

May you all have refocusing moments. May you all have redefining clarity. May you all find your way to improvement. And finally, may you find your solutions and path forward.

Siva Hir Su

Watering my seeds of Atira

In my dreams this week I was told I need to spend more time giving thoughts to Atira. So despite my desire to rant about others, or the news, or absolutely dumb things our president has done this week, I’m going to focus on that.

Atira: my business, my community, my charity, my prayer.

Things I appreciate from my now that I want to keep in Atira:

My husband, kids and pets.

A sense of community and belonging: helping people find common ground and a desire to participate in life together- much like I did at the activities job.

Pretty yet comfortable, keep finding ways to accomplish comfortable and beautiful, and bonus if it can be done at low costs.

Healing: I do love being able to help people feel better, and now more than ever I feel like I’m able to do that in a wide variety of ways. My resident from last weekend told me she slept for 3 hours solid after I took her pain down with Reiki. I’m so glad I helped. So, I look forward to further expansion in those ways. Also, the acupuncture lady at the clinic introduced me to a European medical device called a Bemer. It produces a specific range of EMF frequencies that do wonders for the human body. It felt amazing and helped me release a rib, my pelvic cradle, and my jaw line. I could totally see having several treatment rooms for people to utilize such a device in a format like tanning salons use. They’re 7grand a pop, but if we had multiple rooms, they’d pay for themselves in no time, especially since treatments run 8 to 20 minutes. Yet another wonderful idea to add to the clinic of Atira.

I enjoy having a variety of activities and some time to myself. It allows for art, music, mediation, and self-care, all of which are vital for my mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

I enjoy getting paid to do things I find enjoyable and/or relaxing.

I enjoy seeing well tended gardens and beautiful flowers, and though I like the activity of gardening, I know there are far better gardeners than I am. I would love to help create Atira’s gardens, but I’m perfectly fine letting others maximize it’s beauty.

I love hiking and would definitely enjoy doing more of that.

I love that I’m accessing subtle energies more easily, and that it is helping me with Reiki treatments, and also that I’m starting to channel in different ways. I look forward to experiencing the complexities of that and the growth it will bring. I’m very appreciative that the Divine is giving me messages through these subtle channels and I look forward to ever greater clarity.

I love that I feel God and my Divine Masculine, and hope that I’m doing the right thing when I write about my experiences.

I love that I’m rebuilding my credit, all on my own, while still being sole provider for our family. I look forward to being able to take the next step and buy a house. I love financial abundance and independence, and the freedom that comes with it.

I am doing better and moving forward. I enjoyed my vacation immensely and look forward to another in the future. For now, I am keeping my promise to God and doing my best to move forward toward Atira and share the love with those people and elements in my life that align with Atira.

I love being in nature, especially the quiet that it brings. I love that Katherine slept clear through every night we spent in the woods of Maine. I aim to create that environment in the now so that she can sleep through the night again. For the last 2 years nights have been interrupted consistently. I look forward to re-experiencing the peace and contentment of full night’s sleep, every night. I look forward to Katherine feeling so safe, protected, and comfortable that she finds the rest she had in Maine.

In fact, the vacation did us all good, even Ian found his way back to his more calm self. I look forward to everyone in my family feeling better and having peace and contentment.

Side note: “Beyond This Moment” by Patrick O’Hearn is playing … That and “Christophorie’s Dream” are such beautiful pieces to me. I feel them to my soul, they are peaceful.

I love seeing my family happy and joyful. I love feeling loved. I am strong, yet love having those supported moments of weakness where I know all will be ok. I am healthy. I am intelligent. I am capable. I can handle most anything, and learn what I need to, to keep forward momentum. My soul is beautiful.

I love having access to other healing modalities (clinic) and many options for resources such as healing herbs and foods. Currently I’m grateful for Sprouts, Natural Grocers, and Whole Foods, but I look forward to Atira’s Market to fine tune the product availability.

—————-

I foresee another post as I didn’t get around to words for things I’m not currently experiencing. I wish to recall elements of my past I appreciated, and things I feel are in future solutions. Perhaps I’ll do 2 more posts as time permits for those words.

Finally, the picture I chose is my hand. My mom told me on our trip that when she was a teenager a man hired her to work the register at a small shop, he had said he hired her because she had the M on her hand, and that meant she was honest. I have the M too, and noticed my brother that we visited also did. I guess honesty runs in our family. May you all find your moments of validation of your own worthiness.

May you all have time to appreciate what’s in front of you and to care for yourself. May you all have moments of fine tuning, and may you all water your dream seeds.

Siva Hir Su

Knowing.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. – George Carlin

https://bayart.org/george-carlin-quotes/

Thank you George, I’ve always thought you were funny, if a little crass at times.

It seems I’m dancing to music only I can hear, yet I have a knowing that at least a couple of others hear it too. I’m waiting patiently for them to step into that knowing.

This week has brought a lot to contemplate and do.

I returned to work and was flooded with messages many of which I didn’t understand or left me concerned.

I was also inundated with the news again. I have found myself wanting to rant about several things and then stopping myself knowing that it would be focusing on the wrong things.

All of it viewed as a whole leaves me with a knowing. I have recognized in hindsight some of my messages being merely markers to acknowledge I’m still focused on the same trajectory even if I have moments of doubt. Much like the highway signs that remind you which highway you’re on.

Because of that I’m seeing a little more easily the doubts and negative thoughts as being intrusions. They are intrusions from focusing too heavily on the energy which others are projecting, intrusions from Mass Hysteria and fears, intrusions from IT (Wrinkle in Time). I have been a bit more successful in reminding myself those are not mine and turning away from them. Practice, practice, practice.

I have also begun to notice my mirror messages.

I hear frequently, especially in my HAL notified videos, references to Divine Masculine as being your mirror. I can definitely see that, and it’s starting to help put 2 & 2 together for me. There are many things that if I view them from the mirror interpretation, then they make much more sense. This is especially true for a lot of my license plate messages I’ve referenced in the past. It also has begun to manifest when I drop cards: upright is me, reversed is about my masculines (Nathan included) Acknowledging that puts me more at ease. It helps me maintain a higher vibration now, especially more consistently.

I’ve also been able to weed through some things that generally speaking just are what they are. I take what I like and leave the rest.

My work at the moment is layered.

– I am noticing others in the public eye doing the same dance I am. I find relief in that and see the benefit of that path. For instance: the one female politician, when asked about opponents fumbles, simply redirected the interviewer to consult their campaign team and then went on to discuss things she’s working toward. … I like that perspective and it gives me hope that our government might pull up yet.

– I have begun to refocus my efforts into my art more, though I have yet to complete anything. I’ll keep you posted when I do.

-I have spent many hours searching through photographs of mountains looking for the ones in my dreams of Atira. So far, I’ve narrowed it to some of our West coast range father North, or mountains outside the United States. There are some pictures of the Rockies that look right, but my knowing that they are far from the ocean, makes me hesitate to latch onto them. I also want to talk to my mom about her desires. Things we discussed on our vacation make me wonder if she has the answer, or at least a good suggestion to look into.

– I’m also putting a fair amount of thought into home and work. I like helping people with massage but the chiropractic environment is exhausting which I already knew. I have yet to find my both solution for work. Home (a rental) is currently battling a basement mold issue that is somewhat affecting our health and though it could be much worse, I’d much rather have my new dome with excellent temperature and humidity controls. I know if I could move us there we’d all feel better within days.

– Otherwise, I am just doing my level best to focus only on the things I know in my heart and soul and wait patiently for everything to work itself out. I know that the next few months are going to continue to be very interesting for me, I’m just not sure of the details yet. I just know I feel the man, I feel Nathan more these days, and I know I’ve been promised good things being inbound, and that Angels are indeed keeping watch over me. I’m also doing my level best to prepare myself for the baby that God is nagging me about. I want this pregnancy to go easily and that takes a good deal of preventative action steps and getting as healthy as I can.

I have quite a bit on my plate, it seems more than ever, but the difference is this time I’m more confident and winning the battle against IT.

May you all have your confident winning moments.

I’ll leave you with a picture of one of the mirror readings I did for myself so you can see what I mean.

Both

This week has brought variety, I enjoy that. In a way it is my “Both”.

I finished a coloring picture and started a graphite drawing:

I did a few deep tissue massages for the clinic contract.

I did all my usual Elder Care Massage.

I snuggled with kids and cats.

I worked with Tarot/Oracle cards since HAL kept giving me notifications to watch other people do the same thing. There is a running theme that I’ve noticed, and I keep getting the same hand full of readers, even though I’m sure there are hundreds, if not thousands to be had on YouTube. It seems the Divine is giving me messages yet another new way.

I want to be hopeful, but the messages being given just keep reiterating have a little more patience, even though these are topics of several years running. I want to have patience, but still feel strongly it is just “Waiting for Godot”, waiting begets more waiting. Maybe that is just impatience taking, but maybe, just maybe there’s truth in that.

Either way, I ultimately feel like my personal path of least resistance is more of the stance of: I give up, I’ll connect to my ‘ET’ when I can, and assume that my life just is what it is. I may or may not ever have significant relief and if there’s never significant relief I’ll do my best to feel Atira in my heart and know that my family, my kids have that seed in them as well. I’ll make strides where and when I can, and do my personal best to be the change I wish to see in the world.

I will carry my seed of “Both” in my heart till the day I die if I have to. One day this world will relax and allow for greater, but I conceed it may not be in my lifetime. I would love for my energetic cluster that Abraham refers to, to come together and create a real Atira, and show the world it’s not just twins of flame. I know that I’m part of a greater whole, and that intense fire connects several people, but so far I’ve found my husband and 2 others which choose to allow themselves to be bound in ways that prevent our cluster from beginning to assemble. I send them love from afar, but disconnect otherwise because I want to allow myself forward motion. I can’t have my own forward motion if I keep focusing on their bound stuck-ness.

Perhaps I’ll find some of the others and then those two will one day find a way to join the cluster later. Who really knows, that’s why we call this paradox life.

I’ll leave you with a good reminder which I see every week when I use my one assisted living building’s spa.

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

Already on the bus.

So I’ve finished reading “The Energy Bus” and realize now that I’ve already gotten my bus going. It’s been a slow start, bumpy ride, with a few breakdowns already, but my bus is generally pointed the right direction and moving.

Really I’ve been driving my bus for a while, but just need more focus and helpful passengers

I have my committed passengers, in for the full ride- my family by marriage and by giving birth.

I have my semi-committed or part time riders, people in my daily and work life that are generally as helpful as they can be, but can’t necessarily stay for the whole ride. Sometimes they’re on and sometimes they’re busy on their own bus.

I have at least one passenger, maybe 2 or 3 that I’m hoping are like the character Michael. Where they removed themselves, but ultimately come around, and end up finding themselves wanting to make positive changes too, and join my bus again. That would be nice, not just for my bus, but for them- their state of being- and because it will validate messages I got what seems like forever ago. May we all master only feeding the good dog.

So far I’ve already ejected a few of what was termed “Energy Vampires” from my bus, and there’s one big one that needs to go yet. Fortunately, those from my biological family have mostly removed themselves from my life, so that’s one less hurdle.

With all that being said, this book leaves me acknowledging I have steps to go yet.

I have used this blog to write about Atira many times, but it’s scattered through multiple posts and partial posts, and I’m not sure I’ve ever reinforced the entirety of the complexity of that to those on board my bus, even if part time. I think it would help to get more concise with my desires, vision, and focus so that there is one document I can reference. Maybe even to give them copies.

I still have a ways to go to ensure I’m only feeding the good dog, and fueling my bus with positive energy. I have the basic idea, but have some practicing to do to maintain it, because I do let fear and stress get the better of me frequently.

Also, I totally spend too much time worrying about people that don’t get on my bus. I will get better at acknowledging maybe it’s too soon for them or they have other reasons for not joining my route. It’s not personal to me, it’s personal for them and their journey.

Additionally, I still have a ways to go on demonstrating my own enthusiasm and love. I already do both, but often allow myself to be easily deflated, especially when my efforts go unnoticed, unacknowledged, or unresponded to. Then once I’ve been deflated, I definitely still struggle to get back up and give another go.

I also need to find my purpose in everything better. It’s easy for me when what I’m doing is part of my vision for Atira, but much much harder when my task-at-hand is seemingly unrelated. That is evidence of not fully knowing that “everything happens for a reason”. I must trust more and find how everything relates. How does what I’m doing fit with my journey and fuel my bus.

Lastly, a huge must: start having more fun and enjoying the ride more. It’s not that I don’t at all, but I really succumb to stress easily. I’m latching onto the books’ phrase “you can’t feel stressed when you feel blessed”. That is my biggest new goal. To be “too blessed to be stressed”.

With that I wanted to share the list of rules the book went over:

And finally, I wanted to share an Abraham Lincoln quote (below) from the book that really resonated with me. My life journey fine-tuned to that direction after the online stranger woke my dreams up in me. I realized I may fail, I may never actually get there, but giving up all together- ignoring who I’ve become- is far worse than failing. I must remain true to who I am and where I’d like to go, if I’m to ever find consistent happiness and have any chance at all of possibly making it there. I want my light to shine bright from here until my dieing days.

Again, thank you for hanging in with me and joining at least the written part of my ride. I sincerely hope you benefit from my words in one way or another.

Yet More Clarity

I’m totally over experiencing more contrast. I’m okay with some smooth sailing for a while, but to get there I must endure the remnants of my previous creations and keep reminding myself of the better things yet to come. So every negative ping is an opportunity to focus on what my inner-being is saying to me. So I’m going to just list some things by category (no particular order) that are the higher vibration positive thought of my negative pings of recent history.

Political Pings result in:

My Government works fairly well most of the time, and classically we as a country have fared better than many countries in the world.

Regardless of others’ opinions on how one should voice their concerns, at least we have the freedom to do just that in any way we choose; and eventually companies will realize how much that is a good thing and support all of those in their employ that choose to make intense valuable statements to help right wrongs in our history.

I understand that our military has fought for those rights, and they were trained very well that the flag is what they are fighting for. I also understand that the flag is merely a symbol of our greater democracy and ALL of its constituents, so really the military is fighting for all of us and all of our rights. Thus, I would think that there are those in the military that understand what they are truly fighting for- a major part being: our freedom of speech and to be able to generate positive changes through that freedom. So, regardless of how someone chooses to make a statement, ideally our military should acknowledge that they did fight for all of us. Additionally, if someone feels they need to make a big statement using the flag as their tool, then one would hope that everyone could realize it is just a tool, just a symbol, and see how important that statement is. As Summer Osborne sang “It was not just for some, it is for every single one”. If we have citizens that feel it does not reflect them or protect them, we should correct so that they will feel it holds that value for them as well. If the flag is to be a symbols for everyone, then make sure solutions point to that, or acknowledge that currently it is only protecting some, and make improvements so that one day it does include all of our citizens.

I know that my government does have some people in it, that really do care about the citizens of the country. Those people are doing their best, to find the best solutions, for the broadest portion of the population, that their decisions affect.

I know that really when you boil most of the apparent differences down, at the heart is a country wanting to be heard and wanting decisions in our government to reflect that.

I know that it is possible for love, and definitely acceptance, to overcome the negative issues in our country right now. It may take time, but it is certainly possible.

I look forward to seeing more people in our government that want to come together and find common ground to find the most solutions possible. I know that this coming election is a period that could generate many more of those individuals. I sincerely hope that our population can look for those most ideal representatives and place their votes for those candidates in confidence.

Our government can and will start doing better as people begin to focus more positively and on more solutions.

Home pings result in:

I’m totally ready to settle down, find my for-a-long-time home, my home-base to launch travels from. I know that this move may not be that ‘final’ move, but I’m getting closer to being able to do that. I’m listening to my inner-being better and eventually it will guide me to the resources and circumstances to be able to accomplish that. I really really look forward to that day. I remember the story from “The Secret” where the one guy moved something like 6 times in 4 years, but his last move was his dream home. I’m hopeful that I could be on that same trajectory right now. In which case its perfectly ok that I’m having to move again.

I have enjoyed being in a house with running water and efficient/stable electricity and internet. Having gone through a period without those things has definitely helped me to have a  much greater appreciation of them now. I look forward to our next home having as good if not better utilities.

I also have enjoyed being in an environment that was in better state of upkeep and with some color on the walls. It is nice and helps with a feeling of home and coziness. I like that a lot. I look forward to a home in excellent repair and the ability to make rooms the colors we choose. That will be nice.

Our neighborhood has been good, it’s quiet and cozy and everyone looks out for each other, they are friendly and welcoming. I appreciate that cooperativeness in neighbors, and look forward to our next neighborhood being that or even better.

I did enjoy being in the country, but I do also enjoy being closer to work. I am hopeful that we will find a home that is really close to work and has a touch of the feel that being in the country brings. I am sure that somewhere near work I can find a home with lots of trees and a little more secluded from the busy thoroughfares, because that does sound so wonderful and I know that God/my inner-being will help guide us to that.

I have especially appreciated that this home has fit within our budget even with having taken time off for having the baby. I am very appreciative that we had enough to get through, and I know that we will find another home that fits the bill. We will continue to have enough. God will continue to make sure we get through. Everything will be ok.

People pings result in:

I love feeling loved and I love feeling appreciated, and I love giving both in return.

Sometimes things just don’t work out, and I love knowing that I don’t have to let my heart get broken, that it is a choice and effort of focus. Even if I’m not there yet, I can be with a little (even a lot of) practice. If I practice well enough the next people in my life will meet my desires more readily.

I love that my husband is so very supportive of me in every way that he is able. I really appreciate that he has made great efforts and strides in keeping to his promises, no matter how big or how small. He has done much better at staying on top of things and getting everything done that he says he’s going to.

I am appreciative of when people tell me things and then follow through. I know that things do happen and people are not perfect, but I acknowledge that they have the best of intentions when they tell me things. I look forward to people giving me honest responses that include what could happen if “plan A” does not quite work out, what is their “plan b, c or d”.

I look forward to being surrounded by many people that work as diligently on finding their inner-being as I am working. Inspired people, lead to inspired actions, and then everything flows smoothly and easily, and everyone ends up happy. I love that idea.

I love that I am beginning to see my fears and angers for what they are, and I’m beginning to use that to push myself to find the god-force view of things. I look forward to all of my family being able to do that too. In fact I look forward to everyone around me being able to do that. It will propel us all too better days and away from restricting ourselves to rehashing the old negatives repeatedly. We all want improvement in one way or another or many ways, and finding that other view does seem to be an efficient way to find that improvement.

I have realized that as much as I enjoy mutuality with others on good or fun topics, I love so much more, finding mutuality with my higher-self that sees everything in the best way possible. I really, really care about what influence I’m under, and even though I’m still working on catching myself, I get better at it every day that I keep practicing my focus.

I know that when I’m the most hurt, most upset, most angry, it is the biggest and best opportunity to really learn how to refocus and find my inner-self; and even though it’s not instantaneous, it can be done fairly quickly if I really focus. It’s really rally satisfying to know that.

All of the negative situations and people in the last couple of years has really helped me to learn this process. I’m doing amazingly better than I was in 2015 and 2016. That is priceless, and means eventually my river will feel like smooth sailing. I am hopeful now, that it will even be such, very soon.

Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason is merely to learn how to not do what they did, how to remain focused on higher more positive responses. Again a push to keep practicing. I prefer so much for feel secure and safe over fearful. I love so much to find appreciation over anger. I love knowing that by working on my thoughts I am improving my life in ALL ways. I am literally healing every aspect of my life, one thought at a time.



The one thing I haven’t had as many negative pings lately is on my health. I still have some saggy and floppy bits from having baby 4 months ago, but they are working on retreating, so I know they will firm up eventually. Beyond that I’ve had so many people telling me that I look good these days that I am very happy with my progress. When others know I’ve lost weight and see my glow, I know I am doing well. It helps me feel so much better knowing my efforts have paid off, and it is very encouraging so I’ll keep at it. I love feeling good and I know that my beliefs have have led to this path to finding feeling good. Eventually those beliefs will improve and create ease, but for now I will stick with the resulting path of least resistance to physically having optimum health.

Thank you Abraham/Collective-Consciousness for all of your guidance.

Thank you God/Shiva/Poseidon/Cuernunnos

Thank you Goddess/Kali/Gaea/Brighid

 

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.

Bhagavad Gita meets Abraham

So, if you’ve read my blog, you may be aware I’ve come in contact with many things that most Midwestern American young white women would have no clue of their existence.

Partly this was due to my own inner knowing early on, that my parents religious path left much to be desired for me personally. Also it was partly due to a very unique set of individuals I met growing up.

In middle school I had friends of several different Christian faiths that allowed me to visit their churches. What I discovered was that I didn’t really mesh with any of the churches completely.

By highschool, I had read books on Zen Buddhism, Taoism, other eastern paths, and had learned quite a bit about my ancient ancestors which were most likely druids.

I had one friend that moved into the same small school I did, within months of my moving in. That friend introduced me to Wicca and reading her books, I knew it was headed the right direction. Another friend lived there her whole life, but her parents’ home was the regional Buddhist temple and I was fortunate to meet the Lama on one of his visits to Iowa. It was a very special afternoon, one I still remember vividly because I felt very clearly when something said resonated and when it didn’t.

Then by sophomore year I’d read “Siddhartha” and “Iliad and Oddessy” as part of my academic endeavors. I&O for a lit class and Siddhartha for academic decathlon. Both instructors guiding the readings commented that I seemed to get much more out of either story than most ‘kids my age’. They were right, much of both stories resonated deeply, but there were still gaps in what I was searching for.

We lived near Maharishi University, and many people in the Iowa city area followed their teachings, so my next stop was to see what I might glean from their teachings. I discovered meditation and had learned basics of many Hindu concepts. That seemed to fill many of the gaps I felt. In an effort to know more, I read more. That was my first reading of the Bhagavad Gita.

I’ve begun rereading the BG because it didn’t stick as well back then. However, in reading it for a second time, I’m now almost tempted to reread the others (time being the only hindrance).

What I’m discovering is that language barriers in translations probably hindered my understanding somewhat in the first reading. This time I’m understanding much more of what is being said and I’m amazed at how much of it overlaps with Abraham Hicks teachings. It makes me wonder if the same thing happened with “Siddhartha” and “Iliad & Oddessy” in particular.

I know both books’ translations were well respected versions, and I remember clearly some scenes being so enthralling for me that it was as if my brain turned them into movies .

For instance in “Siddhartha” there is an excerpt where the main character meditates by a stream and sees all the faces of his life experience, in the stream. It led him to the understanding of how we are all part of one greater energy stream. When I read that part of the story, it was as if I was sitting by the stream having that experience. It was vivid and real, and I fully and completely understood exactly what was being conveyed.

I was roughly 14 when I read that.

I was only a year or so older the first time I picked up the Bhagavad Gita. So if my new reading is so eye opening, with this text, I can’t imagine the response I’d have with another pass on Siddhartha.

For instance:

In the BG’s 4th chapter/book titled “The Way of Renunciation of Action in Knowledge” the 18th verse/line reads: “He who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction is intelligent among men, he is a yogi and a doer of all action.”

To me I hear a direct echo of Abraham talking about how uninspired physical action is useless and unproductive, but if one meditates and finds inspiration in meditation, then any action based upon that inspiration is bound to be successful. Abraham has said it many ways, but regardless of the words the meaning is the same. Inactive meditation followed by inspired action is the best and most effective, wisest use of our lives.

Who knew that there was so much overlap?!

Abraham probably did!

Heck somewhere in my mind it had to have registered. Yet, another thing Abraham is right about. If you’re not ready to receive the information, then no amount of exposure will line you up with it.

Just because I read the text years ago didn’t mean it registered, that’s why I even acknowledged a reread couldn’t hurt. I knew I’d missed things, and it just didn’t stick over time.

Now that I’ve heard the information from a western perspective, and accepted it’s applications in my life, it’s starting to sink in. That has led to seeing the missed variations that I’d already read years before.

For me this is merely validation that I’m on the right track. I’d already read it years ago, but over time I’ve been exposed to variations from throughout history, and it’s finally making sense. I’m finally understanding and seeing it working, and rereading one of the early examples causing a ‘seeing it for what it is’ realization.

It’s like hiking a path to the top of a crest and looking down the crest one way, and looking back down the path and connecting just how far you’ve come.

It feels good.

I think I’ll finish the Bhagavad Gita just to solidify for myself that I’ve gotten what I can out of it.

May you all have your AhHa moments this week and have that sense of accomplishment. It is good to feel that sense of ‘coming so far’ to know where you’ve been.