Tag Archives: learn

Alrighty Then

So, there’s been conflict with the housemate we’re trying to help. I was already aware that some people psychologically have difficulty changing, even with help. It’s why I was adamant that Atira have a psychiatrist and/or therapist on staff to help narrow prospective candidates and then assist them with mental-health therapy as part of the assistance program.

However, I am utilizing this situation to be the next step of Atira Junior. I willingly decided to help this person and invited everything that they are into my home. This latest moment is just helping me see my next step and the progress and learning I have already done.

Our housemate is so entrenched in victimhood that she is doing her best to continue that theme with us even though we are literally supplying nearly everything she needs and have been for two solid months. She is also so entrenched in manipulative situations that she has tried to pit Nathan and I against one another. She’s so used to people taking advantage of her, and defending herself through manipulation that it is the only route she knows right now.

It makes for tricky territory for us, and makes me feel a tinge of sadness for her.

Fortunately, Nathan and I have survived several other situations that had already given us valuable learning lessons in this area. As a result we both caught it right away. We both chose to watch our own words and actions very carefully. We have both talked to each other repeatedly to ensure we are on the same page.

So, now I’m left with having to set written expectations. I am drafting a guideline for her to continue to stay with us, including goal time-frames regarding her employment, transportation and seeking mental-health therapy. I am including in said document all of the many resources that I have offered her repeatedly, starting from before she even left the hospital. The document unfortunately will include statements about consequences if she fails to meet any or especially all of the goals.

I do have a fine line between between providing assistance and feeling that I am being used. This document is intended to delineate that line, and my expectation that behaviors do not progress into using us for personal gain. If behaviors do, she will be asked to leave immediately.

As for me in the now, regarding this post, I wish to focus on the positives and my gratitude for this situation arising.

  • I am grateful that I am able to help someone stay off the street and be in a safe place.
  • I am grateful that I do know and/or have resources available to help those in the worst situations.
  • I am grateful that Nathan and I really did learn from our past and know how to handle this situation better.
  • I am grateful I have all of the tools to refocus and make strides to improvement in an unpleasant moment.
  • I am seeing my progress more and more.
  • I’m thankful now for experiences 14 years ago, that at the time hurt greatly, but are preventing disaster in the now.
  • I am grateful that less and less I’m falling for other’s manipulative actions.
  • I am grateful for my intelligence to learn from negative moments to be able to create better in the future. I am able to learn from life itself, and do not need a teacher (though sometimes the easy route of teacher/student is nice).
  • I am grateful that I have put so much effort into my spiritual education and growth, it is definitely helping me in the now. Again, having accomplished that without a physical guide or teacher is huge. I still do not “belong” to any current organized religion, but I am definitely seeing my path as divinely guided.
  • I am grateful that I have the technology to help accommodate the needs of this situation.
  • I am grateful that I am finally the one in control, and able to craft measured responses to continue assistance in certain terms and framework.
  • I am intensely, massively, appreciative that I have gained enough control of my mental faculties, that even with external influences and energetic turbulence, I have been able to maintain a mostly level head and make very conscious choices and watchy words more carefully than in my past.
  • I am grateful that I can see my efforts to provide assistance, despite another trying to twist a tale of victimization.
  • I am glad that I know how to mitigate that tale and return the responsibility to her court.
  • I am glad that I can maintain sight of the bigger picture even in a very frustrating moment.

I hope that I am able to successfully clear this hurdle and refocus the situation to continued progress.

May you all have moments of appreciation for your learning and growth. May you see where past traumas can benefit you. May you always see the most positive and beneficial route and solutions. May you appreciate all of your learning lessons and the tools which you have gained from them. May you see your own growth and development. May you know that God loves and supports you in all of your journey, even the extra challenging bits. May you know the more challenging something is the more rewarding the outcome can be.

Om Shanti and Many Blessings

*The title picture is a birch tree from my lunchtime walk today. Birch trees represent new beginnings and also communication (native americans and early settlers used to use birch bark for paper). I felt that was fitting for this situation and the post itself.

Occasionally we love what is difficult for us.

I have been called out several times lately for improper word choice in speaking. A couple of them got me a “that’s what she said” at work for extra comedic value. I’ve also been corrected on typos and spelling errors.

So I’m going to reference 2 of my old posts with follow up.

https://myhandsaregod.net/2016/05/12/gud-wryter/

https://myhandsaregod.net/2016/12/18/gud-wryter-2-what-to-trust/

I’m dyslexic. I love language because it conveys what I often feel like I struggle to do. I write to attempt to improve myself and help others in the process.

I have tried to learn several other languages unsuccessfully. Not sure why I thought I would be able, being that I still struggle with elements of my own language. However, some were encouraged or required by my educational system. Spanish was required by my highschool, and because that didn’t go well I tried French for college requirements. I had had a one semester sample of both French and Russian in middle school, so I thought French was the easier of those two. I’ve learned a handful of phrases and can count to 4 in German by virtue of living in an area that was a German colony when our country began. Then there was the language inspired through falling in love with someone- Telugu. Then I thought I’d try a language of that realm that had broader reach- Hindi.

Supposedly all of these languages can be learned in a couple of years. I however, have not managed that.

Spanish I devoted 2 years highschool education courses to not be proficient enough to even have a basic conversation. French was terminated after 1.5 years of courses because the dyslexia combined with a slight comprehension delay was causing me to fail my course and lose my otherwise near perfect GPA. After a costly process my college conceeded I could finish the requirement out in a non-language culture course. I spent over 2 years pecking at Telugu to get minimal results before giving up when the person disappeared for good.

It seems I will forever be in awe of those that can master multiple languages.

I have not completely given up, but those languages have taken a back burner. I devote time when I’m otherwise bored or only have 5 minutes to fill (Duolingo and Drops both utilize 5 min lessons). Maybe before I die I’ll be able to talk to someone in their language, for now it’s merely a hopeful aspiration.

May you welcome the new year with reachable resolutions. May your hopes and dreams be reachable. May you find great skill in all the languages you care too. May you love all the things, both easy and difficult. May you find people that are caring and helpful. May you find your own attempts at helpfulness be accepted as such. May you find that those in your energetic circle are the same as those in your physical experience, and those that walk away take their energy with them, so you cut cords and never look back. May you feel only loved and supported.

Many blessings, Siva Hir Su