I love them because they have learned and grown. I love them because they have tried. I love them because they cared about me, they cared about what I had to bring to the table. They didn’t just want my skills, or my looks, or my strength, they wanted me- all of it, every ounce of it.
And I love them because they also helped me. They taught me things. I watched them and learned too. I know how to be more patient with patients whom I would rather not. I learned to be more gentle when someone might ask or behave otherwise. I learned to be kinder and more forgiving. I learned new skills and how to fine tune others. I learned what it was like to spend my days with family. I learned that sometimes I can ask for help when I need it and not worry so much that there might actually be someone that can help. I learned I am not alone. I learned how to be a better listener and give feedback that is needed over other commentary.
I learned to be better from them, and I could not have asked for more. I’m so very grateful. Thank you.
So, there’s been conflict with the housemate we’re trying to help. I was already aware that some people psychologically have difficulty changing, even with help. It’s why I was adamant that Atira have a psychiatrist and/or therapist on staff to help narrow prospective candidates and then assist them with mental-health therapy as part of the assistance program.
However, I am utilizing this situation to be the next step of Atira Junior. I willingly decided to help this person and invited everything that they are into my home. This latest moment is just helping me see my next step and the progress and learning I have already done.
Our housemate is so entrenched in victimhood that she is doing her best to continue that theme with us even though we are literally supplying nearly everything she needs and have been for two solid months. She is also so entrenched in manipulative situations that she has tried to pit Nathan and I against one another. She’s so used to people taking advantage of her, and defending herself through manipulation that it is the only route she knows right now.
It makes for tricky territory for us, and makes me feel a tinge of sadness for her.
Fortunately, Nathan and I have survived several other situations that had already given us valuable learning lessons in this area. As a result we both caught it right away. We both chose to watch our own words and actions very carefully. We have both talked to each other repeatedly to ensure we are on the same page.
So, now I’m left with having to set written expectations. I am drafting a guideline for her to continue to stay with us, including goal time-frames regarding her employment, transportation and seeking mental-health therapy. I am including in said document all of the many resources that I have offered her repeatedly, starting from before she even left the hospital. The document unfortunately will include statements about consequences if she fails to meet any or especially all of the goals.
I do have a fine line between between providing assistance and feeling that I am being used. This document is intended to delineate that line, and my expectation that behaviors do not progress into using us for personal gain. If behaviors do, she will be asked to leave immediately.
As for me in the now, regarding this post, I wish to focus on the positives and my gratitude for this situation arising.
I am grateful that I am able to help someone stay off the street and be in a safe place.
I am grateful that I do know and/or have resources available to help those in the worst situations.
I am grateful that Nathan and I really did learn from our past and know how to handle this situation better.
I am grateful I have all of the tools to refocus and make strides to improvement in an unpleasant moment.
I am seeing my progress more and more.
I’m thankful now for experiences 14 years ago, that at the time hurt greatly, but are preventing disaster in the now.
I am grateful that less and less I’m falling for other’s manipulative actions.
I am grateful for my intelligence to learn from negative moments to be able to create better in the future. I am able to learn from life itself, and do not need a teacher (though sometimes the easy route of teacher/student is nice).
I am grateful that I have put so much effort into my spiritual education and growth, it is definitely helping me in the now. Again, having accomplished that without a physical guide or teacher is huge. I still do not “belong” to any current organized religion, but I am definitely seeing my path as divinely guided.
I am grateful that I have the technology to help accommodate the needs of this situation.
I am grateful that I am finally the one in control, and able to craft measured responses to continue assistance in certain terms and framework.
I am intensely, massively, appreciative that I have gained enough control of my mental faculties, that even with external influences and energetic turbulence, I have been able to maintain a mostly level head and make very conscious choices and watchy words more carefully than in my past.
I am grateful that I can see my efforts to provide assistance, despite another trying to twist a tale of victimization.
I am glad that I know how to mitigate that tale and return the responsibility to her court.
I am glad that I can maintain sight of the bigger picture even in a very frustrating moment.
I hope that I am able to successfully clear this hurdle and refocus the situation to continued progress.
May you all have moments of appreciation for your learning and growth. May you see where past traumas can benefit you. May you always see the most positive and beneficial route and solutions. May you appreciate all of your learning lessons and the tools which you have gained from them. May you see your own growth and development. May you know that God loves and supports you in all of your journey, even the extra challenging bits. May you know the more challenging something is the more rewarding the outcome can be.
Om Shanti and Many Blessings
*The title picture is a birch tree from my lunchtime walk today. Birch trees represent new beginnings and also communication (native americans and early settlers used to use birch bark for paper). I felt that was fitting for this situation and the post itself.
Today was all over the place. My meditation didn’t go so well because Katherine was the first to wake up today and noisy was quick to follow.
I worked in the garden and was able to get my squash and zucchini seeds planted. I did notice a few of my previous seeds are just barely beginning to show. Yea!
I unpacked another small box of trinkets and found 2 of my miniature drawings from a while ago:
At dinner Ian started arguing with his older sister again, and I chose to walk away instead of engage. I have been frustrated with him over destructive behaviors, so I decided I was going to channel my frustration into something helpful for him.
A while ago he had done a simple pencil line drawing on one of my canvasses. I decided to take that and finish it, but with an addition. I had included a visual reminder of the 3 basic rules that every thing he is scolded over link back to. My thought process was, maybe the attention span of a 5 year old really does forget quickly and a visual reminder would help. Putting it on an image that he started was my way of showing I do care and love him. I respected his pencil drawing and brought it to more vivid brightly colored life.
This was the end result:
This was me showing it to him after he cleaned up his room. (He enjoyed using the lighted magnifying glass.)
We talked about the 3 rules again. I made him verbalize them in his words before reminding him of the actual 3 rules.
1.(emoji busts) No severe upsets. Don’t do things that cause anger, frustration, sadness, crying, screaming, etc. In himself or anyone else- especially on purpose.
2. (broken dump truck) Don’t break things, his own toys or anyone else’s stuff. It leads to #1. Respect belongings, especially other people’s stuff.
3. (band-aid on knee with pain marks) Don’t cause hurts for himself or anyone else. That means think before doing and be careful when he does go do things. Again hurts lead back to #1.
He got the rules enough to repeat them a couple of times with lots of sighs. I reminded him that it may seem like a lot, but really everything he gets yelled at over links back to one of those 3. I also reminded him that when he remembers and follows those 3 rules, that the loves and smiles automatically happen. He always gets lots of loves when he has been good.
I know he appreciated it because he spent a long time (for him) looking at it. Then he wanted to take it with him to get ready for bed. I told him it could stay put for now and we would get it hung on his wall as soon as possible. I’m glad that he does appreciate it, now if I can just get the arguing to cease.
I’ll end with my blessing and cute kitties: Buddy and Missy were laying in a heart shape today, and I did my best to meet that vibration.
May you have positive outcomes even when having a challenging day. May you have wonderful creative collaborations. May you find ways to show your children you love and respect them. May you connect with your kids in meaningful ways. May your kids appreciate what you do for them. May you find a way through misbehavior. May you feel loved and supported. May you glimpse inspiration even through frustration. May calmer, brighter, vividly joyful days fill your life.