Tag Archives: learning

Self-study

Right now I’m taking a short break to wash sheets at the clinic. My brain hurts.

I decided that even though I can’t afford med-school, especially knowing I would argue with teachers frequently, it doesn’t mean I can’t learn what I need to learn, to help Nathan.

He’s struggling again, and needs answers, and I’m determined to make it happen one way or another. So I started with texting his nurse and reading textbooks at my easy access.

At work I have a whole library of medical compendiums at my access thanks to 3 chiropractors, 2 current and one retired.  I started there with “Grey’s Anatomy”, not the stupid show. I’m now on to reading all applicable areas of “Medical Physiology”.

I’m certain I stirred up a rats’-nest with the DaVatia clinic, but the first doctor to get a clue and do their job right is spared if evidence does point to any applicable malpractice moments. Hopefully the DaVita doctor will be that saving grace, she seems nice enough.

I have plenty of books to read (see below) and if all else fails I can go down to UMKC and browse their medical library. I will find out what I need to know, one way or another. It’s too bad that I’m having to play Susan Saradon’s part in ‘Lorenzo’s Oil’. That movie was made in 1992 based on a true story from prior, yet here in 2021 there are still moments where the family cares more than the doctors.

So this is the library at work:

If I don’t find my answers there I will navigate UMKC. Somehow I will find answers. I just hope it it on time to prevent worse trouble for Nathan.

May you never have to battle for proper care. May doctors always do their best to help you. May you know that you are being cared for properly. May you have all the resources you need and find a way to make things right. May you fully understand every challenge in front of you and find solutions easily. May you always be heard and understood. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Catching up: 3

I Never Wanted a PhD

I had a thought in the midst of all of this that I should take the MCAT and go to med school, essentially I’m over the bullshit and stupidity, especially contradictions with covid, and bonus it would grant me access to the tools I desire at cost. But I had to stop and acknowledge that isn’t a good idea.

It’s not because of my intelligence. I know I am smart enough and not just to pass, no I’d be in the top quater of my class, or better, just like all the rest of my education.

It’s also not because of desires for knowledge, or to be of assistance. I am well aware of how much I have learned and educated myself on, just by my own accord. I’m already really helpful to lots of people in the midst of their own health journies. No being a doctor would not further either of those goals that much, some is guaranteed because I don’t know everything, just what I’ve already had to deal with.

And though access to the tools and financials of being a doctor would be really nice and helpful, I’m not sure that is enough justification.

See I’m well aware of how much outside of most boxes I fall. I would cause too many waves and stir up too much trouble. I would be the Patch Adams pointing out the brokenness of the system at every turn. I would question everything presented to me. I would constantly point out the failings of that approach, just by being me and who I am.

See, I have better bedside manners and palpation skills to start with, than most of them end up with after all their training. I am always looking for the permanent, long-term solutions, not just temporary band-aids. I look for root causes, not the symptom treatments. It’s just because of what I have done for the last 14 years. I have already learned the value of those skill-sets. I would be too much trouble for another doctor just trying to teach how to implement and maintain the “accepted” system. The problem is that it’s not really accepted by everyone, just those that see change as too difficult or too threatening to their pocketbooks.

I also would have major difficulty with the fact that medicine has mastered the pills and procedures, but has ignored and forgotten the rest of us, our mental health, our intuition, our spiritual self. It’s not just that they have ignored it, it’s that they will tell people they are wrong, or suggest something is nothing, and trudge on as they see fit, regardless of the consequences of ignoring the helpful input from the other side. If a doctor had taken my mother seriously the third time she brought me in for the same symptoms, I’d be telling a whole different story these days. Her intuition was telling her there was something wrong and that likely there was a solution, but labwork overrode her pleas.

And I’m on the medical tangent because of having to deal with it far too much this year and especially this week, but I don’t want other PhDs for the same reasons. The whole idea of a PhD is to learn as much as you can on one particular aspect of life/work. It leaves no room for flexibility and working outside the box. It limits innovation and is always about perpetuating the subject at hand, as it currently stands.

I had at one point contemplated a PhD of philosophy or divinity. Despite the low wages for those fields, I was also struck by how few of those people actually knew how to connect with their own inner spirit. Philosophy degrees these days are about history, timelines, religious beliefs as built through institutions, and the mechanics, but rarely teach how to connect with the higher self. And doctors of divinity are essentially indoctrinated by all the details of the religious institution that provided their education. They may get instruction on other religions’ institutions and dogma, but they are taught from the slant of their teachers, not by those other institutions. It screams of being laden with unintentional bias at every turn.

I had even considered music and art. Those degrees are only slightly better in that they encourage creativity and expanding concepts, hopefully leading to some innovation. But it’s still mostly a degree aimed at the end goal of eventually you’ll teach someone else the same things you learned and maybe also what you innovated on.

Beyond that most doctoral degrees are cumbersome with many hoops merely intended to ensure that you can demonstrate the knowledge that you have gained from the coursework. It’s just an added layer of discomfort bogging down my desire to pursue any such degree.

So my doctorit has been gleaned from life.

I have studied all the religions to certain degrees, and usually seek out materials written by their clergy.

I have studied western medicine enough to navigate work and my own and my husband’s health. In turn, it has enabled me to help others along the way, giving them specific questions to ask their providers and things to request in testing and treatments. It has contributed to many people finding the resources they need.

I have studied Traditional Chinese Medicine enough to know a few elements to help myself and my clients. It also helps me to ask the right questions for my own treatments, and enables a knowing of when TCM might help one of my clients more if they tried another approach under that umbrella of care.

I have studied art and music and still regularly produce my own works as much as time allows. Those skills have helped in work environments in non-traditional ways on many occasions and I’m utterly grateful I had the interest to pursue those topics.

I have trained myself on fitness, yoga practices, meditation, and EFT and practice them as often as I’m able. Those too have helped me to help others on a very regular basis.

And in all of this, I hold a bachelor’s degree in studio art with honors, and a massage therapy certification. That is all the more official education that I have consumed. Life will provide you with more than enough education if you allow it. One only needs how to learn from reliable sources. That ability to delineate good from not so good, and consume the information in a way that your brain retains it. That’s it.

So yes, I better not go get any PhD, let alone one in allopathic medicine. I’d be too much trouble for them, and it’s benefits for me would be too slim for the headache I would cause myself.

May you know that you are intelligent and well educated and informed. May you easily see whether or not something is beneficial or resistant in nature. May you understand your place in this world and find easy ways around everything. Above all else, may you know you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Alrighty Then

So, there’s been conflict with the housemate we’re trying to help. I was already aware that some people psychologically have difficulty changing, even with help. It’s why I was adamant that Atira have a psychiatrist and/or therapist on staff to help narrow prospective candidates and then assist them with mental-health therapy as part of the assistance program.

However, I am utilizing this situation to be the next step of Atira Junior. I willingly decided to help this person and invited everything that they are into my home. This latest moment is just helping me see my next step and the progress and learning I have already done.

Our housemate is so entrenched in victimhood that she is doing her best to continue that theme with us even though we are literally supplying nearly everything she needs and have been for two solid months. She is also so entrenched in manipulative situations that she has tried to pit Nathan and I against one another. She’s so used to people taking advantage of her, and defending herself through manipulation that it is the only route she knows right now.

It makes for tricky territory for us, and makes me feel a tinge of sadness for her.

Fortunately, Nathan and I have survived several other situations that had already given us valuable learning lessons in this area. As a result we both caught it right away. We both chose to watch our own words and actions very carefully. We have both talked to each other repeatedly to ensure we are on the same page.

So, now I’m left with having to set written expectations. I am drafting a guideline for her to continue to stay with us, including goal time-frames regarding her employment, transportation and seeking mental-health therapy. I am including in said document all of the many resources that I have offered her repeatedly, starting from before she even left the hospital. The document unfortunately will include statements about consequences if she fails to meet any or especially all of the goals.

I do have a fine line between between providing assistance and feeling that I am being used. This document is intended to delineate that line, and my expectation that behaviors do not progress into using us for personal gain. If behaviors do, she will be asked to leave immediately.

As for me in the now, regarding this post, I wish to focus on the positives and my gratitude for this situation arising.

  • I am grateful that I am able to help someone stay off the street and be in a safe place.
  • I am grateful that I do know and/or have resources available to help those in the worst situations.
  • I am grateful that Nathan and I really did learn from our past and know how to handle this situation better.
  • I am grateful I have all of the tools to refocus and make strides to improvement in an unpleasant moment.
  • I am seeing my progress more and more.
  • I’m thankful now for experiences 14 years ago, that at the time hurt greatly, but are preventing disaster in the now.
  • I am grateful that less and less I’m falling for other’s manipulative actions.
  • I am grateful for my intelligence to learn from negative moments to be able to create better in the future. I am able to learn from life itself, and do not need a teacher (though sometimes the easy route of teacher/student is nice).
  • I am grateful that I have put so much effort into my spiritual education and growth, it is definitely helping me in the now. Again, having accomplished that without a physical guide or teacher is huge. I still do not “belong” to any current organized religion, but I am definitely seeing my path as divinely guided.
  • I am grateful that I have the technology to help accommodate the needs of this situation.
  • I am grateful that I am finally the one in control, and able to craft measured responses to continue assistance in certain terms and framework.
  • I am intensely, massively, appreciative that I have gained enough control of my mental faculties, that even with external influences and energetic turbulence, I have been able to maintain a mostly level head and make very conscious choices and watchy words more carefully than in my past.
  • I am grateful that I can see my efforts to provide assistance, despite another trying to twist a tale of victimization.
  • I am glad that I know how to mitigate that tale and return the responsibility to her court.
  • I am glad that I can maintain sight of the bigger picture even in a very frustrating moment.

I hope that I am able to successfully clear this hurdle and refocus the situation to continued progress.

May you all have moments of appreciation for your learning and growth. May you see where past traumas can benefit you. May you always see the most positive and beneficial route and solutions. May you appreciate all of your learning lessons and the tools which you have gained from them. May you see your own growth and development. May you know that God loves and supports you in all of your journey, even the extra challenging bits. May you know the more challenging something is the more rewarding the outcome can be.

Om Shanti and Many Blessings

*The title picture is a birch tree from my lunchtime walk today. Birch trees represent new beginnings and also communication (native americans and early settlers used to use birch bark for paper). I felt that was fitting for this situation and the post itself.