Tag Archives: letting go

“I f-ing hate enlightenment.”

That was the phrase I said to Nathan this morning that made him double over in laughter asking me to write this post.

The reason I said it was because I checked my fasting sugar and it was again at 160. I commented it was probably the chocolates I ate last night because they were cheap ones. I said “I love chocolate, there I said it, I love chocolate, and aren’t we supposed to be loving things!”

Then immediately my brain replayed the last chakra section of the following clip from “The Last Airbender”.

Watch “How To Open Your 7 Chakras As Explained In a Children’s Show” on YouTube

I had played the clip for Ian last night to see if it would help him understand things. And I had followed the clip as a meditation in the process, so I knew exactly what was being conveyed.

It is good to love things, but not so intensely that we cannot let them go for fear of the loss.

And that is precisely what I’m doing with chocolate.

Chocolate is my last food pleasure. It is the only thing left in my ‘I really enjoy this food’ list. I am afraid to lose chocolate and never have any enjoyable food in my experience.

Knowing that, and accomplishing the letting go are two separate and distinct moments. Practice makes perfect, right?!

This one is going to be hard for me. Merh.

Sort & eliminate….

The shipping container idea has gone nowhere.  No responses,  nada, zip, zilch, none. I find it interesting that I have 2 grand I’m willing to give someone in cashiers check,  money order,  cash even- as long as I get something I can turn into a home. Yet nothing.  It’s just not shaking out. I’m not giving up yet,  but it’s becoming increasingly evident that I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere Missouri, and for whatever reason nothing,  absolutely nothing, is cooperating with me.

So plan, whatever letter I’m on….

Work on downsizing.  Assuming that the shipping  container will eventually manifest, I’ve acknowledged that we still possess far too much stuff to fit in said tiny home. & even if something bigger & better happens, we still have more stuff than we’re using or which I desire to move again. Also, most of what is in storage hasn’t been used in 16 months anyway, so obviously that stuff wasn’t needed. 

So, I’m using my current set of days off to remedy that.  We’ve ploughed through our storage unit separating trash, from items we really want (or that have gone in & come out of storage with changing of seasons), and from things others could use.

Where we started: 

We’ve trashed a lot.  We’ve set-up a garage sale at the unit & so far we’re about half way through the weekend and I’ve only sold a little furniture.  I wasn’t  expecting to make a lot of money,  I have yet to do so off of yard sales ever.  I was merely hoping stuff would disappear with a minimum of effort & get a little fun money in return.

Regardless, the items that don’t sell will get dispatched with. Donated to thrift, books to half priced books,  there’s a few comic books & specialty  game cards that the Vintage Stock store might take. Otherwise, I’ll take anything else to the dump. I hate being wasteful, but if no one else will claim it,  then trash it is.

As of right now the storage unit is much more sparse.  Only our camping stuff,  Jennifer’s 4 giant monstrosities (piano, deep freeze, cast iron stove, and grain bin), & Nathan’s big pile of photographic supplies/equipment. 

Nathan’s pile is 13 totes 3 small boxes & 2 pieces of large equipment. He swears he’s going to follow suit & thin the herd. That’s a lot of thinning to do, & 30 years of attachment to things I rarely see him even handle. I hope he is as successful as we’ve been with everything else.

To be fair & honest, we’ve both collected a lot over the years.  Him 30+, me 15+. We’ve also combined parts of 4 homes together: Nathan’s farm house (from when he was married to Anya’s mom), His Ex-Girlfriend’s house from the same period, my apartment from that period, and Anya’s mom’s house after she died. Now, in each instance we purged a lot,  but anything that seemed useful, neat/cool, or “pretty” was kept.  Probably what should have happened is donate everything from at least 2 of those houses, & part of Nathan’s and my previous homes. There would be less this time around.
But that’s life right.  Live & learn.  Collect things & information & figure out what’s actually useful or not. We just seem to be a little slow on the uptake. 

So, here I sit in 90 degree heat, enjoying the windy sunny day from inside the storage unit hoping someone will alleviate my need to haul things off.

Photo time: 

Left to right: camping stack, photo stuff stack, back corner deep freeze & grain barrel (with the legs to my drawing table on top), cast iron stove,  piano with my drawing table in front. 

There are a few miscellaneous items & 2 easels hiding in there,  but that’s really all that’s left.  The few boxes on top of the piano are either empty or already sorted.

View of inside from outside: 

The big ceramic piece next to my seat (behind the dolly & empty boxes) is going in our garden later today. It’s called T&A and was done by a friend of Nathan’s.  I’m certain it will stay with us for life. 

Outside view: 

All going away, no matter what. 

 There’s a tractor pull in the town our unit is in (literally about 1/2 mi away). Cross your fingers that people come alleviate me of stuff when the tractor pull wraps up!