Tag Archives: love

Mom hates goodbyes.

I understand. I do to.

I was going to call mom on Christmas and I heard her, from thin air, very distinctly say “I wish everyone would just leave me be.” So instead I sent a package with a note that said that, and wished her a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It was a minor factor in why I didn’t call everyone else, having layers of reasons for everything these days.

She got the package yesterday and called me.

She admitted she isn’t doing well and was visited by two of my brothers over the weekend, which left her very tired and achey. In the conversation she spoke of her knowing of the extent of her ailments, and stressed several times that she was still in her right mind, that everything was physical in her body, not her mind.

She spoke of wanting to have already been gone and that she feels it is time to go, but that she definitely doesn’t want family pestering her, doctors either.

She asked me several questions regarding my intuition, and I answered honestly, about her and the rest of the family. I explained I knew that I was likely to loose 3 people in my immediate future, and was only confused on the 3rd. As for her situation, I told her my intuitive guidance had already chimed in on that as well. I just knew that what she needed to do, was what she used to do when Dad couldn’t or wouldn’t get a job, except that she needed to make her own request for herself.

I told her that I fully understood everything she was saying, because I genuinely do.

We’ve both worked in nursing enough to know the fullness of that future, and neither of us wants that. Also, we’ve both learned enough about our own health concerns to know that Western medicine can’t always fix the problem. I reminded her that hospice is still an option and if set up now while she’s able, she can file appropriate forms to make sure morphine is her only treatment. She said she isn’t ready for that step yet. I told her I would help when she was, if she wanted me to. I also reiterated my standing offer for a wide array of other options, and that if at any point she changed her mind it was totally fine.

See, I know that my mom has been there for everyone around her, to the very best of her abilities, for her entire life. It is where I learned it.

For once she is finally making a selfish decision and I fully, 100%, support her in that. She deserves it. She deserves to have the peace. She deserves to have the quiet she always longed for. She deserves to enjoy her days the way she wants to. She deserves to have something of hers before she leaves this world, and I will do a anything she wants me to, especially if it supports her end of life desires. If she wants to be alone in her quiet Iowa apartment, then that is what she can have.

I love my mom more than anything or anyone in this world, Nathan and my kids are tied for a close second, a couple of my brothers tie for third (though I’m not sure they realize it). We haven’t always agreed 100%, but she taught me everything that has been of great value to me. I respect her and know she deserves anything she wants. And what she wants is a quiet, peaceful, exit from this world. I am fully in support of her.

She requested that I not tell my siblings of the details of her state, but if I knew any way to calm them down it would be appreciated. She also said that when she was gone to please make certain that my siblings knew it was her choice and that she had lived a happy life. She just wanted everyone to know she has no regrets. I told her I would do my best, just like I always have.

I love my mom and I will miss her terribly fierce, but I have to let her go. I simply must, to be able to fully support her decision, and maintain my progress. Besides, I do truly believe she deserves anything she wants, and this is what she wants.

I love you momma. Peace be with you. Go find your stallion and Irishman.

May you know you are loved and that you deserve anything you want. May you see you are truly loved always. May you know with everything in your being that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do. May peace be with you always.

Om Shanti

24 of 27: I Let Good In

I let good in
So I know
I let God in

I sang songs
I love and of love
I danced
Jumped and swayed
God was there
It was good
It was fun

I tasted yummy Eats
And even some
Extra yummy treats
Savored fresh fruit
Crunched crisp salad
God's food is good

I thanked
People in my life
I donated
Of myself and my fruits
I let God in

I encouraged others
In as many ways as possible
I hugged and snuggled
Shook hands and rubbed backs
Gave tips and tricks
God guided my
Hands, arms, heart and words
It was all good

I played
Recreation of
Body, mind, and spirit
With kids
Pets and
Creative moments
It was all good
God was there

I planted
Gardens
Flowers and greens
Beauty
For eyes
And bellies
It was goodness
In, out, and all around

I fed the birds
Even the squirrels
Watched them partake
In God's abundance

I let good in
So I know
I let God in

My pen
My brush
My keyboard
My paper
My blogs
My hands
My heart
My mind
My body

They all tasted
The goodness of god
Every ounce of my being
Has felt
God's healing lightness
Frivolity
Joviality
Exubérant
Contentement
In every cell, tissue, and organ

I let good in
So I know
I let God in

~ Treasa Cailleach

May you know that you let good in and that in doing so, you let God in. May you have an abundance of things you enjoy, which allow you to let God into your life in abundance. May you know and feel the goodness permeate your being. May the goodness remain as long as humanity possible, even when distracted from it.

Om Shanti

22 of 27: Smell

He smells
So good
Like musky forests
On sunny days

Cologne on
Fresh skin
Delightful to
Olfactory nerves

Too close for comfort
Senses blurr
Cheeks flush
Loins afire
Distraction is
Quite the understatement

Desire to touch
'Tis forbidden
Lumps in throats
Hard to clear

Better to hide
Nay run in fear
It's only desired
Because it's forbidden
Least they say

It's not forbidden
By my paradigm
Only by theirs
Only by ones' choice
Leveled on me

Yet maybe there's an
Alternate
He's not the only one
Alive, attractive, or
Smelling so damn good.

I'm ready for my
Alternatives
I'm ready to explore
Other options

I'm ready for
Surprise and delights
Especially to
My olfactory nerves

~ Treasa Cailleach

21 of 27: The Ruse of Love

It could be worse
It does feel good
It keeps our universe
Flowing and growing

It helps us enjoy
Our days a bit more

Sometimes fairytale thoughts
Stir feelings
Acting as mere reminders

Real tangible
Graspable imperfection
In our current
Experience

Exhilarating
Enlivening
Goodness for all
Senses and perceptions

It touches
Every being
Human and animal
Every age
Birth to death
Every gender
Or sexual identity

There may even be
More than one
Prince or princess
Charming your heart
Though none carry swords
And few ride horses now

Be here now
And feel the truth
Love is everywhere
You choose to look

~Treasa Cailleach

17 of 27: Sittin’ Pretty

Purrrrouw
A soft paw reached out
Pet me his eyes say
I luvvv you
Look at me
I'm sittin' pretty
So soft
So fluffy
Perched like
A little plump
Bastet
One pet is simply not enough
Like Lays potato chips
A continual stream
Of double the pleasure
One happy critter
Being pleased by
It's human
The human
Pleased by
Critter affection
All it took
Was a little
Sittin' Pretty
~ Treasa Cailleach