My latest notification from the electronic ethers was to listen to this song.
I suspect it is because of yet another negative tangent from my SJ, or someone connected via that channel. I’ve had quite a few messages the last few days that reflect that. I keep reminding myself it isn’t my wavelength, and proceed to refocus on what is in my vortex.
Regardless of whether a person is in my heart or not, on this topic I will not budge, and anyone wishing to be in my life simply has to come to terms with polyamory and any jealousy.
My paradigm includes polyamory for many reasons.
- I had an ingrained knowing at an early age that you could truly love with more than one person. Being raised by Christian parents, with an ample supply of Disney movies, I was indoctrinated with the concept of monogamy and had convinced myself it was just who you met first.
- Then I met Nathan. The result: I fell in love with a man that had a wife and a girlfriend. When they left him one at a time, I was already his friend and my love grew for someone going through a rough time in a way that showed real inner strength.
- We have lived through several partners that took residence in my heart, but didn’t take residence on our mutual journey of life.
- I have had to acknowledge that love is abundant, it can be everywhere and have many facets and manifestations.
- I love my biological family, my half brother and my half sister. I also love my family of choosing including, my step-daugther. People that share no or limited biology, yet are my family as much as anyone. They are in my heart fully and completely.
- Additionally a knowledge of basic anthropological concepts and human history, means I am aware that the idea of monogamy was instituted by patriarchal societies that wished to own women and keep them in degraded more subservient positons. I am not willing to allow that aspect of owning another person into my paradigm. Women are equal to men and have just as many rights, and I fully KNOW I could never own another human being.
- Christianity benefitted financially from this concept so much, that it then created rules and reasons to justify monogamy and restrict alternatives. Beyond the fact that Christians refuse to admit Jesus had a wife, (despite multiple sources in support of that) there has even been much contemplation of his missing years and why the texts refuse to speak of those times. It has been suggested that is due to one of many possible reasons, of which non-monogamy and homosexual behaviors have both been suggested.
- I am also aware that many matriarchal societies had no such requirements, and several ancient societies were very open and accepting of LGBT concepts and polyamory. Chinese culture, as well as Muslim harems, are examples of multiple female households. Also many kings over time and in many countries claimed multiple wives, going from King Tut of thousands of years ago to the Thai King of the 1800’s which “The King and I” is based upon. Additionally, Greeks and Romans both were open to multiple adult households, and even when a primary relationship guided the home, there were often what we modern people would refer to as mistresses or ‘a mister’.
- Beyond all of these is my sexual identity of being bisexual: I refuse to limit myself because the greater paradigm can’t let go of a stubborn belief based on control and ownership.
- I am not to be owned or controlled, and I respect others the same. I will never limit anyone in a way that is unacceptable to me.
- Jealousy is merely a symptom of being focused on your lack of something. It doesn’t matter if it’s jealous of a house, car, other material belongings, or a particular relationship. The easiest way to dispel jealousy is to focus on the things you have that do match the desired thing. So if you are jealous over a partner having another mate, because of polyamory, you just have to remind yourself you have the right to a second mate as well. You remind yourself that your person does love you. You remind yourself that we all have the freedom to choose and the fact that someone stays with you means they chose to be with you. You remind yourself that you love them and you are open to even more love. You remind yourself that you can’t own or control others for any good outcome, and freedom encourages even more respect and trust between partners. You remind yourself of all of the good things that you do have and can have if you want. That will dispel jealousy given enough focus. Practice makes perfect.
Beyond these broad reasons as to why polyamory is a must, I have to acknowledge my direct reasons.
- Nathan is my first true love, the first person to have a full grasp of my heart outside my birth family. His daughter, my step-daugther, was second. I still love them both with all of my heart.
- Nathan is a kind and loving man.
- He is the father of my children and a very good dad at that.
- Nathan is a good homeschool parent educator.
- Nathan is very patient.
- Nathan is very supportive in many ways.
- Nathan is an excellent house-husband and photographer.
- Nathan is open and accepting of others and other relationships.
- Nathan and I both want anything that provides happiness and greater ease in our family.
- We are able to compromise and work towards common goals even when those goals include multiple people.
- We both love each other enough to keep reaching for better. Did I mention Nathan is supportive.
- Nathan and I both look forward to other people to be partners and best friends.
- I love my husband, the father of my children, I do not own him and never have. Our legal marriage was more for taxes and social security than anything, and we acknowledge a fully committed poly family will require additional legal hoops and documentation to protect all involved and fully committed.
- Nathan and I mesh really well and get along in lots of ways. We have plenty of common ground and because of that I know he would get along well with anyone I’m attached to. He’s very accepting of a wide array of people as being potential family. It has kept us both hopeful of finding committed partners.
I am not saying that I think others must follow my paradigm. I simply acknowledge that this is what works for me. There is no rightness or wrongness in either polyamory or monogamy. There can be problems with either relationship paradigm. There can also be huge blessings with either relationship paradigm. Polyamory does require better communication, does require good time management, and does require working on any limiting beliefs one may hold.
I will not second guess inspired thought from my childhood when I was much more open to guidance from the divine. If the divine didn’t want me to be polyamorous, then I would not have had that thought as a small child, and I would not have met a polyamorous person so early in my adulthood (19). My personal situation has definitely been divinely guided towards this new and different paradigm and I am strong enough to handle it, all of the ups and downs and everything in between. It has it’s challenges but is most definitely worth it.
Beyond that, I don’t even expect partners to be non-monogamous. I only expect that they honor my relationship with Nathan as all that it is, and make no steps to alter it in anyway. If SJ returns and tells all, comes clean, and is too entrenched in the old paradigm, that is fine- they can continue to restrict themselves as long as Nathan is respected. I wish for anyone in my life to be there because they want to be and it makes them happy, beyond that I am flexible. Day to day life will adjust accordingly and in the flow intended by our alignment.
I always hope that everyone I meet has good days full of happiness and fulfillment. I always hope that everyone I meet finds their alignment to their source, especially knowing it isn’t always as easy as it sounds. I hope the same for those I love and call my family.
May we all have good days full of alignment. May we recognize our moments of divine guidance and understand that God would not put something evil in our path. Those are contradictory elements, God can not control that which is the opposite of divine influence. May you know that you are in alignment enough to know you are generally allowing good God force to flow in your life in a variety of ways. May you know God loves you and see that love in many ways in your life. May you see the many ways that you already love, and the many people that your heart already cares about. May you know you deserve better and that you can have anything that you allow your beliefs to include. May you allow divine goodness more than restrict it.
Siva Hir Su