Tag Archives: make the world a better place

More thought correction

More words, attempting to convey feelings and processes I’ve been working through. A continual effort toward self-improvement. A continuation of the last few posts.

I’m trying to do what this song speaks to:

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Still figuring out what God and my inner being want to be/feel loved. So far I have figured out the following.

  • I like being shown genuine appreciation and attraction, but I have been lied to so much in my life I’ve begun to believe everyone is lieing to me. Plus knowing I don’t fit the standard of beauty (by a long shot) makes me believe I am just receiving lip-service when I am told I’m beautiful.
  • I love loving and being loved, but I’ve lost so many people whom I loved, that I’ve begun to cut myself off before I get hurt. I’ve also been afraid of letting new people in at all.
  • I like being given money or gifts of any kind really, but I’m so afraid of not knowing how, or being able to repay it that I hold it off. The one exception is massage tips because I know they are a gift of showing ones appreciation for a job really well done, and I’m not expected to repay them.
  • I like knowing that I’m doing better financially, but I’ve had to work so hard for what little I do have that I’m afraid that everyone is out to get me, take advantage of me, or rip me off. I honestly thought that someone I loved was being manipulated enough that they or the manipulator wanted to make me pay- extortion. In reality I can see that they might have thought I was attempting to do that level of manipulation, and they were just trying to protect themselves.
  • Because I constantly feel others emotions, but don’t always understand their origin or reason, AND they are most frequently from the more negative spectrum- I have begun to assume that people are lieing to me, that there’s no love, and that I should distrust everything.
  • Putting elements like these together has caused me to cut 3 people off which I care very much for. I hurt them accidentally and now I’m afraid of making things worse.

1) Why does all of this unravel in such a way that everything is excruciating and progress is slow, not to mention the painfulness of realizing you have it all wrong and have to start over again and again?

2) I know we’re not here to get it done, or fix anything, but sometimes the solutions are so complex or hard to find that it seems like a never ending goose chase. I wish that some of these belief puzzles were less taxing on my system and easier to solve.

3) I keep “returning to the essence” to forget everything for a bit, but it always wears off. Why doesn’t my stupid brain learn better and let go of all of it in a more prolonged way!

So I love… (Without the fears and hang-ups).

  • Gifts and money being given to me.
  • Being appreciated and having people express what they find attractive about me.
  • Being loved and loving others.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I like knowing my finances continue to gradually improve.
  • I prefer feeling with understanding. I prefer experiencing that with positive emotions.
  • I prefer knowing my ability to feel combined with my intelligence is what keeps me safe. I love feeling safe and protected.
  • I enjoy being held, especially in strength which encourages the feeling of safety.
  • I love having conversations where I get to learn more about someone I care for.
  • I love being creative.
  • I love finding solutions.
  • I love finding and maintaining peace.

May you figure out your hang-ups easily. May you find your solutions. May people be forgiving of your mistakes. May people be genuine, truthful, honest, and caring when sharing thoughts of you. May you find the believing place where you feel a knowing of their truthfulness. May you find and maintain your peace. May you feel the love. May you find a way to make things right. May you allow your own happiness.

Siva Hir Su

Why I prefer “chick flicks”.

So I was contemplating my preferences after my recent acknowledgements, and in the process came to an understanding as to why I prefer “chick flicks”.

I was literally attempting to put words to my quandary of why do men do the machismo thing more than in the past, or so it seems to me.

I had thought about how at one point men in media were shown as dashing, handsome, wholesome, and multi-talented. I thought of moments like are found in a myriad of movies, but especially I thought of scenes from Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire movies, I thought of Casa Blanca. Actors from that era were expected to be good looking, but also excellent dancers and singers, they had to be strong, and often were required to speak multiple languages.

I’m fully aware that even though that was the standard in media, our society still had the full array of everything you still find today. Yet, there was an understanding in society that those were qualities that earned respect and showed your integrity. Those were the virtues that even regular working class people strived for, that even the average Joe reached for.

I then thought about movies today. There’s a whole lot more blood and gore. There are strong men, but every time you see a strong man- a superhero, someone dies, and often many people loose their lives in such movies. Going back a bit there are those Rambo type war stories, there are zombie apocalypse movies, and straight up superheroes like spider man. In all of these movies their strength is for one goal, take down the bad guys at all costs. I would agree that usually what’s chosen to define the bad guys is clear and agreed upon by societal standards, yet each and every movie includes the loss of innocent lives.

I realised that even though I acknowledged that those are all present in our world today, I prefer not to watch it for entertainment.

I prefer to see strength demonstrated in other ways, and I suspect I’m not alone. It’s why feats of herculean strength are now demonstrated in games: Olympics, Ninja Warrior, Highland Games, and the like. The games eliminate the blood and gore while still demonstrating strength and agility. I appreciate that, it’s a much more civilized and palatable way to experience that virtue.

That then brought me around to Hallmark movies and why I love them so much. They are wholesome, the people are genuine, there is kindness and love. Yet you still are treated with complex stories that could happen to regular everyday people. It takes the complexity of this world, but focuses on happier more joyous aspects and outcomes.

Though I mostly prefer heartwarming stories like those, I will watch other movies. I still prefer movies where the people demonstrate intelligence and strength without so much blood and gore. I also greatly like fantastical movies like Harry Potter and the less gory science-fiction like Star Trek/Star Wars.

I suppose that is why I like Will Smith so much. Beyond also being polyamorous, he’s good looking, charming, charismatic, and many of his movies he’s able to accomplish great things with a minimum of blood and gore. I really truly appreciate that.

I told Nathan it’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. Even though he doesn’t look like a hallmark actor or Will Smith, he embodies many of the qualities that they do, and he’s cute to me, and that’s what counts.

So then I sat to define what I appreciate most about others, and admitted that looks are a relatively small factor. As far as looks go, I appreciate this:

Really what I’m trying to show is that I find appreciation in a wide variety of people and body types. I have discovered that only the severely unhealthy people are unattractive to me. Those people that have given up on their health, or just didn’t care to begin with. I’ve known several of those people and just can’t even contemplate a relationship with any of them. I’m sorry, but Yuck!

What is it I do appreciate about people that makes me desire them then?

Hmmm…..

  • Kindness
  • Concern
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Intelligence (As Queen Latifa would say I get lady wood there.)
  • A belief in something greater than us.
  • The ability to learn and discuss complex topics (quantum physics is one I find particularly fascinating, even if I have trouble keeping up with it).
  • The desire to keep learning.
  • Strength of physical, mental, and emotional aspects.
  • A desire to do better, striving for more, self improvement goals.
  • Loving
  • Supportive
  • Striving for equality and social justice is pretty high on my list.
  • A desire to help make the world a better place.

Yet there’s more….

  • I like a good challenge, someone that makes me think or improve myself even more.
  • I like encouragement when I’m admittedly not at my best, you don’t always have to challenge me.
  • I like knowing I’m appreciated.
  • I like knowing they notice small things about me.
  • I like when they take criticisms or input as a challenge for improving themselves as well, and likewise do my best not to stir that pot too often.
  • I like people that work well together, especially since ultimately I hope to build Atira through my chosen family. It would be in our best interests to be able to work and play together and not get sick of each other.
  • So an ability to compromise, problem solve, and find a balance in challenging situations is very exciting to me.
  • I find good communication skills quite sexy too. If you can tell me work flow concerns in one breath and follow that with coherent sentimental thoughts in your next breath, I might faint on you.
  • I love when people can make and keep priorities. For instance I know I need a certain diet, certain amounts of sleep and exercise, and certain balance between work and recreation. Most of the time I’m able to maintain that, occasionally I fail. I prefer those around me accomplish the same.

Though I feel like there are many more qualities I could define, those are usually ones that I look for evidence of first. At that point then I’m usually familiar with a person enough that it becomes about analyzing their interactions or their behaviors, and their words. I start looking for alignment between the two. That represents integrity and honesty to me. If I get to know someone and one of those starts to show gaps, it almost always becomes the undoing of the relationship. I’ve been hurt enough times that I simply loathe intentional mistruths and/or manipulations. For a long term relationship, I simply must have honesty and integrity.

And that brings me full circle back to Hallmark movies. They are chalk full of honesty and integrity and showing how if you’re not honest what damage it can do. So I’ll end with a thank you to Hallmark. Thank you for wholesome movies that show the importance of honesty, integrity, and kindness.

May you all have your defining moments of greater clarity. May you all find an abundance of honest people in your lives, and may you experience many examples of integrity. Above all may you find the love you seek.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

Atira; Diversity

So apparently, I am on Installment 5 of the Atira writings. For this one I desire to write about all of the diversity in Atira that I wish to create. I wish for Atira to have diversity in a lot of respects: people, living plants and animals, energy sources, and housing. However, none of those will be possible if Atira can not sustain itself financially.

Ultimately, I feel that the business side of Atira is the most important solely because the funds earned through the businesses will sustain the humanitarian and charitable efforts of the community. Without something to generate profits and income, Atira would essentially be a finite limited project that would burn out in a set amount of time and would thus limit the amount of good that could be done.

Now, you will never hear me compare myself to the likes of our current president or the sharks of Shark Tank- I am definitely not on their level business wise, or strategy wise for that matter. However, having managed to be self employed for 4 years and having voluntarily opened and subsequently voluntarily closed an office, as well as having all but 2 classes of a business minor- I do understand the basics of business.

The most important tenets of business that I was taught were as follows:

  • Do something you are passionate about- it’s easier to keep motivated and expend the energy to build the business, it can also help in convincing others to be passionate about your business, which will only help to grow the business.
  • Make sure that you have adequate funding to maintain the business for up to 5 years. Most businesses fail if that concept is not met.
    • Include in your budget resources for both adequate assistance (employees) and adequate marketing (people need to know all of what you have to offer, where you are, and when/how they can spend their money with your business). If you don’t market your business well enough it may make reaching that magical 5 year mark much harder.
  • And finally diversify- if all of your financial eggs are in one basket, essentially you’re relying on one magical thing to ensure you make it, you are more likely to fail. If you have a variety of products or services that you offer, then if one fails horribly you are not doomed.
  • A business plan helps to ensure you’ve accounted for these things and also your physical resources, inventories, time and space needs, and even organize the progression of building your business from scratch including supply and distribution concerns.

I’m betting that the Sharks on Shark Tank would agree with these. They might mince words, tell me I need to expand on the concepts more, or scold me for failing to provide other supporting concepts and details, but then I would say- this is just a blog about what I’d like to see happen! Additionally, I would say that my concepts of Atira definitely meet both passion and diversity. What I lack is the official business plan and funding. The former being relatively easy, the latter being much more difficult.

So, I’ve already discussed that this is a passion that has been festering for over a decade. The first failed attempt at starting Atira (we hadn’t even named it yet) small scale was done in 2006. We’d already discussed Atira for a couple of years when we tried to make a small go. *Nathan’s bad divorce was ultimately a huge cause for the first fail, as we didn’t factor doubled child support payments into plans not knowing it was a possibility. When the divorce finally completed his obligations were over twice as much as we thought they would be. We stalled out quickly.* After that fail, we became hesitant, and life encouraged that hesitation with set-back after set-back. We never quit talking abut all the things we’d like to do.

In 2008 we were having a discussion about Atira- making a mock map and discussing how we wanted to arrange things- when the word Atira popped into my head. I googled the word not knowing it’s origin or anything, even guessing on the spelling, merely going by what I ‘heard’. Google results returned that it was a Hebrew Girl’s name meaning prayer (I liked that concept and felt it fit), and also it had some native american context. There wasn’t much to be found with that word in 2008. Now there is much more information available.

The point of that, is that this is most definitely not a new concept, and the concept itself goes back further in our history than even having a name label for it.

So what is that concept? Help people make their lives better and the world better through a diverse business and community structure. I’ve described a bit of that in previous posts, but lets focus in on the business. I’ll break down each aspect that I brought up previously, as follows:

Festivals:

Nathan and I have both attended a variety of festivals in a variety of settings. The reasoning for having festivals is 2 fold. 1- We wish to have those wonderful experiences right at our doorstep. 2- We wish to make Atira a destination place for people all over to come and see what we’re about. The more people see what we’re doing, the more likely they might wish to create Atira Jr. and spread the love and assistance.

As for the types of festivals, we want as much diversity as the business structure itself. There are 52 weeks in a year, 2/3’s of which would be in ‘fair’ to ‘good’ weather. That’s roughly 34 weeks of available festival space/time. We have envisioned having film festivals, music festivals, art festivals, and yes pagan-clothing-optional festivals. We would like to have art and film festivals for each good season, so 3 times each per year. That’s only 6 weeks out of the 34. The rest of the weeks available would be divided between music, pagan festivals, and private gatherings (alternate groups to utilize the festival grounds). I personally would prefer that music festivals dominate, but Nathan and I have compromised to allow for the remaining 28 weeks to be divided relatively evenly with 10 weeks music, 10 weeks pagan, and 8 weeks private/for-rent.

That’s a lot of festivals. From having been on the hands on crew for planning/implementation of a couple of festivals, I am aware of how many hands on deck are needed to pull such endeavors off once, let alone year round. Lets just say, it would be a full-time crew of about 100 people, with another 50-ish others being part-time. Yet, entirely possible. Festivals are usually run Friday, Saturday, Sunday, with setup Being Wednesday/Thursday and tear down being Monday/Tuesday. Thus, needing both full and part-time crew. What would reduce staff needs is if there were permanent structures to facilitate the events with a minimum of set-up and tear-down. I think of classic Ren-Faire environments, when this comes to mind, where they have merchants literally rent permanent structures that are small basic buildings. I prefer that Atira would have a more modern rendition of that concept.

There would have to be a few staff members to divide up festival planning (2 to 3 professional event coordinators) and marketing (2 to 3 marketing pros) of all events.

Arts:

The studio I referenced in Installment 4. Studio Rental space, gallery space, arts council, and store for locally produced crafts, textiles, and fbre wears (handmade papers).

Healing:

This is the office where medical and complimentary alternative medicine cooperate for whole body health. I foresee the providers there being hired and helping all of the incoming transitional cases to find stable health, both mentally and physically so that they can begin training for opportunities elsewhere in the community. I wish there to be at least one of each (maybe more) of the following: General Practice MD, DO, DC, PT, OT, Speech Therapist, LMT, Acupuncturist, NMD, Chinese Herballist, Psychologist, Medical Certified Nutrition-Scientist, Personal Trainer, Reiki practitioner, and Yoga (&/or pilates) Instructor.

Energy:

Atira needs to run on Green energy sources, but I want it to be a ‘go to’ for planning and installing green energy in other places. I want people outside the community to come to us for help turning their home green, for turning their small businesses green, and I want the word to spread well enough that even larger businesses and corporations take note and start following suit. I want Atira to push for greater efforts in the world at large to go green. The pioneers are already out there, I want Atira to push the edges a bit further.

Grocery/home goods store

Again, this is to be a store that sells it all. “Buy Fresh Buy Local”, Organic (especially from Atira crops), Alternative Fiber goods, Hand crafted housewares, and a variety of other socially responsible products. The best of the best equivalent to whatever you could find in any ‘regular’ grocery store. It may be idealistic to think that a store could exist that only sells those types of items, but it’s an ideal I want to attempt. I have this “If you build it, they will come.” mentality. I think people want to shop responsibly but when it becomes difficult (having to do research, read labels even more, etc.) they give up. If you make it easy by telling people through adequate marketing that anything they buy at the store will be socially responsible, they’ll want to shop there. Then there would just need to be adequate signage in-store to show people which products are local, and which might be non-local but still socially responsible, and signage explaining all edibles are organic, etc. Make it easier for people to find what they need and still feel good about their purchases having a positive ripple effect on the world.

Bakery/cafe/restaurant:

BAKE: Sprouted and fermented grain goods, No-grain baked goods, gluten free, nightshade-free, corn-free. Something tasty for everyone. Baked goods sold through both the Cafe and Grocery.

Cafe: Heavy on the teas, light on the coffees and espressos, fresh made juice-cocktail bar. Always with vegan and vegetarian options. Coconut milk, almond milk, cashew milk, Caesin free and RAW. Wi-Fi for all, regardless of purchase. Nathan and I want the cafe to be the gathering place where people want to be to discuss and create. A modern Salon (before it meant hair-cutting, it was a gathering place).

We envision the cafe and restaurant being attached, like 2 halves of one space, maybe a short wall for delineation.

Restaurant: Foods for all. Meat to vegan, Allergies considered. The menu would have subsections for allergy restrictions. (I am very cognizant of this with my long list!) The restaurant would also have a great salad bar and alcohol bar.

All together it means happy eating and drinking any time of day for any person that walks through the door.

Crops:

Finally, the crops I wish to have are for both financial and personal reasons.

Cash crops:

Hemp:

For fibre, milk, seeds (food), and protein (powder drinks)

Cannabis:

For medical and/or recreational – there would have to be significant land mass between the hemp and cannabis to avoid cross pollination…. so grown on opposite sides of the property, with everything literally separating the 2.

Herbs:

Herbs are actually a lucrative cash crop for 2 reasons:

1- when you go to the grocery store, answer the question: how much am I getting for my dollar compared to a loaf of bread or a pound of meat. You get a half ounce of herbs for the cost of a loaf of bread, maybe an ounce or two for the cost of a pound of meat.

2- Have you ever compared organic herbs to regular (Tones or McCormic), the organic is usually double the cost.

Herbs can also be used to create designer teas at high dollar value, and even extracted to essential oils for even higher dollar value. Plus they are full of great nutrition in any form.

 

No quite such a cash crop, but equally important are all the vegetables I wish to grow large scale.

Cucumbers, Squashes, Mellons, Berries, Greens/Lettuces, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots, Fennel, Onions/leeks, Garlics, tree fruits, etc…. everything except what america tends to grow (no corn, soy, wheat, or nightshades).

Yum!

I’ve even considered growing non-edible plant crops: trees, shrubs, flowers… though those tend to take more space, so it may boil down to an acreage and climate issue.



 

The many things I long for. I write of these things to take the sting out of reality. I write of these things to cling to my hope for making the world a better place. I write of these things hoping it will bring an energy of abundance into my life. I write of these things hoping for better: for me, my family, my friends, and the world at large.

  • I am not ignorant of the news. I choose not to focus on it because it causes great fear and concern in me. I wrote months before the election (perhaps in another outlet) that I thought we were already technically in WW III because of Bush Jr’s meddling in the middle east and creating the war on terror. Obama merely failed to end that escapade. Now we’re faced with a dumb-ass president that seems may have put the final missile into WW III. I just can’t devote too much mental energy into dwelling on that because I’ve already had dreams of being in a nuclear blast and loosing my family and everything. If I dwell I might fall really far back in the abyss of depression, and that is simply not acceptable.

 

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