Tag Archives: meditation

I deserve to feel good.

After having found the alignment through the climb my last several posts reflected, I knew I needed to milk it. The feeling place of those high vibration moments needed to do me some major good. It was time to focus on the feelings I want more of in my body and in my world.

Thinking about the joy and freedom felt in camp was a good start, but I want more.

I deserve to feel good and see results that others will also see. I deserve for my entire body to come into alignment, even blood sugars and thyroid function, all the things that doctors document. So far some of that has improved significantly and some of that seems worse. I use seems, because sometimes seeming worse is actually on your way to improvement (detoxing is a really good example of that).

I spent a long time focusing on feeling good in my body. I did my usual moving meditation to snap, crackle, and pop my joints back into alignment. I did some more moving meditation, almost like yoga, to stretch out some of my tight muscle spots. Then I was down to just a few of my extra stubborn areas. One is my right rhomboid. I have had times where other massage therapists spent 20 minutes just on that one muscle and it’s trigger points. Well on this occasion I simple rested my hand (more my finger-tips for ease in reach) on the trigger point and used several visuals to help relax it. My touch was the focus mechanism to ‘put the power there’ (that’s a rough translation of one of the Reiki symbols I use). Then once I engaged the energy in that spot I moved through more intense Reiki symbols. I visualized being She-Ra in her moments of healing (I’m going to write more on that soon). I visualized the muscle being like a pat of butter on a hot skillet. Eventually all of it put together, the muscle did give in and relax. It took a long while, it really wanted to hold on. I really had to convince it that it was off duty and didn’t have to do anything.

Then I moved on from structural elements. I felt for and visualized energy of love in and around my body. I let it start from my heart with loving myself. I thought of all the pieces of myself that I genuinely appreciate. Once I had the feeling of the vibration of self-love, I pushed it around my body mentally. Sometimes I would have to stop and focus on something about an area that could be loved. For instance, my thighs still carry much more adipose that I prefer, so I had to focus on their strength, the fact they can lift 210 pounds in addition to my body weight, the fact that they propel me everyday and everywhere I go. That enabled the love vibration to flow in those areas.

When all was said and done, I felt genuinely spectacular. The only drawback was it took what seemed forever. It was the better part of my Sunday afternoon, and though I didn’t watch the clock, I know it took a couple of hours or more.

My goal is to get to a level of health and focused thought that my process described here is more like a normal meditation. It will probably take much practice over a long while. It seems that most of my basic goals like this take about 9 to 10 months to fruition… Hmmm… I’m seeing a correlation with pregnancy. Anyway, I have noted that I do create positive changes, but it definitely takes a while, and progress still frustrates me on occasion when it’s technically there, but less than desired.

May you have good healing meditative moments. May you genuinely feel self-love. May you convey to your body that you do care for it in all the ways you know of. May your body generally cooperate with you and show you good positive results more quickly and in bigger more noticeable ways. May you know that beyond everything God loves and supports you in all that you do and are.

Om Shanti

Detoxing in gratitude

So for two days I have spent all of my mental energy focusing on healing. I have expressed gratitude for healing in all the ways I possibly could.

It was partly in an effort to overcome repercussions of having fallen, partly to encourage thyroid nodules healing (and all autoimmune problems really), and mostly because I do honor and respect the human body’s God given ability to heal. I am truly grateful that God gave us the mechanisms to heal everything imaginable. I am hopeful that I am allowing those mechanisms to do their job and heal my body from damage done over years of ignorance.

Today, I find my body has been uncomfortably purging. In hindsight Nathan said I am releasing, and reminded me that it is a good thing.

The practical side is I cried a lot, and had to ask for assistance from both the acupuncturist and chiropractor today.

I worked through moderate pain, because knowing how much damage my body already has I’m doing my best to avoid any further damage that might be caused by pain relievers. So I was literally muscling through pain. Then during my last massage the waterworks opened up.

Both my second and third clients had telltale signs of traumas. I found myself contemplating my life and how my woes are no where near what some people have faced. The one client had scars on her back that looked like either having been whipped or sliced at some point years prior. She bore two tattoos. On one wrist “love yourself first” in Arabic on the other “She is Art” in English. After she translated the Arabic I told her that was beautiful. Then I thought to myself, those of us that need the reminder on our skin have the deepest wounds. I was grateful for her reminders in my day. I needed those words as much as she did.

Regardless, I think my tears were either triggered by client stuff, or my own energetics finally hitting boiling point. Either way, I had a really hard time concealing my state and was grateful I had already had the 3rd person turn face down. I managed to clear the session quietly and gathered myself long enough to change out for receiving acupuncture.

I am so grateful I work with skilled and caring people. The acupuncturist knew I had already had a wave of emotional upheaval and gave me much needed support. She then worked her magic and made almost all of the pain disappear. Unfortunately, as the pain was releasing, so did a lot more emotional junk. I sobbed quietly as the needles did their work.

Afterwards I received another chiropractic treatment, and again found myself in tears. I tried to hide the tears not wanting to have to explain the how and why of them. They were less about the pain since it had backed off, and more the release with extreme gratitude for the assistance I was given. I have been in similar situations in the past that I just had to suffer through because of lack of finances or access and this time I have two wonderful people that helped me reach for a quicker recovery. Not only that, but they both took time and care to try and make sure we weren’t missing anything. They caught things I missed on my own. My gratitude is immense.

I was sent home with instructions for an adjustment to my self-care, which enabled me to watch a documentary on Netflix. My choice was “HEAL”.

I am familiar with nearly all of the interviewees in that documentary, and as I watched I found myself crying yet again. I was not learning anything new! So, how is it that I find myself stuck in bed with all these emotions spilling out of my eyes and mouth again? I found myself sobbing to Nathan about how I have already done all of the things that I knew and have access to. I meditate, yes some days I fail on time management for that, but more often than not I manage it. I have cleared so many things, and worked on forgiveness, and then on days like today it seems like I never did. Even the molestation came back up today, and that was one I was certain I had healed my perspective on. My head began to hurt and felt like a bowling ball.

Then one moment in the documentary seemed to make some sense of it all. There was a lady battling skin stuff, worse than my thyroid/immune version. She went for sound healing, the kind with focused measured wave patterns. The practitioner (I know of him well from my training) mentioned that her pattern was indicative of chronic severe stress because the proper frequency only calmed the stress response briefly and failed to get her into parasympathetic response needed for healing. He was able to modulate to achieve the desired results. Then they explained that people in that chronic severe stress response benefit greatly from meditation, but clarified that it takes more diligent/frequent practice.

It seems that is my need. I have definitely had the chronic severe stress, for let’s says somewhere in the range of 10-14 years. So my current meditation practice is falling short of the sympathetic response soothing that I need. That is a manageable solution I can work on.

For now my healing is headed in the right direction, and I will get better and better. I can do this. I am finally getting to a place where I know when I need to ask for help, yet I do still feel guilty about doing so. I am afraid that I will ask too much and burn bridges, so I hope God will help me be mindful of that. I also hope that those that are helping me, really understand how truly grateful I am for their help. It is priceless to me, and if I had all the riches I would shower them with it.

So my gratitude:

  • I am grateful for God’s healing.
  • I am grateful for those people in my life that help me to find my alignment with healing when I need it the most.
  • I am so very grateful for the specific treatments I have had the last week, they have kept me functional and helped aim me toward feeling better even with a full schedule.
  • I am grateful for new awareness and puzzle pieces beginning to make sense and stick together.
  • I am thankful that my body has the ability to heal everything.
  • I am thankful I caught the thyroid nodules before they were a big problem.
  • I am thankful that I am aware of options other than what western medicine calls a solution.
  • I am thankful that I have resources available to me that I didn’t have available before.
  • I am grateful that I understand the complexities of a true healing journey.
  • I am grateful that I know my emotional purging, headache, and other symptoms, are evidence of detoxing on multiple levels.
  • I am thankful that God is helping me find solutions.
  • I am very grateful for the chiropractor and his adjustments, the acupuncturist and her needles, and the office manager shifting my sheets in the laundry when she doesn’t have to.
  • Thank you God for this healing.
  • Thank you for healing my thyroid, my pancreas, my liver, my kidneys, my adrenal glands, and especially thank you for healing my immune system.
  • Thank you for showing me that I need more meditation than the average person right now.
  • Thank you for the understanding that the chronic severe stress is what is slowing me down and how to fix the response to it.
  • Thank you for giving me so many of the necessary tools to do so.
  • Thank you for all your guidance.
  • Thank you for everyone that is praying for me.
  • Thank you for all the healing and assistance.
  • Thank you for letting me know it is okay too slow down.
  • Thank you for reminding me it is okay to ask for help.
  • Thank you for helping me to process emotions and past events so that they dissapate and quit causing disease.
  • Thank you for helping me truly heal, mind, body, heart and soul.
  • Thank you for reminding me of my strength.
  • Thank you for showing me I’m closer to healing than I thought.
  • Thank you for showing me all the things I’m doing right.

I do still welcome prayers, I have another 7 weeks until the doctor even wants to consider another sonogram, and I’m aiming for shrinking and possibly eliminating nodules by then.

May we all find the healing we seek. May we see how to slow down and de-stress. May we allow ourselves the resources to heal fully. May we fully release fear and anger so that healing efforts are effective. May we really understand gratitude and how special life on this planet is. May we know and appreciate our individual uniqueness and gifts. May we allow ourselves full alignment with a truly healthy body. May you love yourself first and know you are a work of art.

Siva Hir Su

Relax

This is a meditation I do regularly. Usually when I find myself walking around carrying far too much tension and feeling sore and achy. May you find it equally beneficial as a guide for your stress reduction.


Take a deep breath. Siva Hir Su- the quintessence of all that is, is good.

Take another deep breath and begin to remind yourself that you’re off the hook. For the duration of reading this, your body can take a break. Just as though you are done with work for the day.

Deap breath and imagine: drop your bag, kick off your shoes, loosen your clothes, and sigh. A big full heavy sigh of relief.

Breathe: Let your shoulders drop and your head float. Let God help your muscles and joints find alignment. Easy, gentle, small movements, just a slight sway, a wobble into comfortable alignment. Ask God to guide you and ask your cells to listen for that guidance.

Relax and follow the movements. Breathe through every shift. Eventually you will begin to feel mostly comfortable.

You might feel a few catches or tight areas. Places that didn’t relax into receiving easily.

They are holding onto something.

Ask each spot what it is holding onto, then remind it that is doesn’t have to. That letting go for a little while is ok. You’re not responsible for anything in this moment, you don’t have to worry about anything in this moment, you can just be you.

If the areas relax then make sure to remind them to listen for God. Remind them to let God guide them and keep them relaxed. To let God maintain balance and alignment.

If you find there are still spots that are stiff or tight, think about what might be causing it. Sometimes it’s a habit, sometimes it’s just stubborn from repetitious overuse, sometimes the muscles are missing something.

If it’s repetitious overuse or stubbornness, try giving into the need. Think: ok, go ahead and stay tight, I’m not making you relax. That eliminates resistance. You can also try thinking about the last time you know that particular muscle relaxed. Was it a massage, or soak in a hot tub. Sometimes thinking about that area having been relaxed reminds the muscle how good it feels to do so.

If the muscle is missing something, then thinking of things it might be missing can be relaxing. I worked on one person who probably tanned nude because thinking of warm sun on the skin, helped their glutes relax. I had another person that responded to thoughts of a spouse’s touch. I had another that their legs loved the feel of a warm sandy beach. Whatever your body craves, if you think of those things it will help release even the most suborn tension.

When your whole body feels completely relaxed, just breathe for several minutes. Enjoy the sensations of relaxation. Then remind your brain that it can relax too. It has just as much right to let go of everything and totally relax. I call it power saver mode. You’re still awake but zoned out. That’s a perfect place to be. Give yourself several minutes of just breathing while in power saver.


Always remember to thank God for helping find relaxation. God loves to be appreciated as much as we do, and it helps the process go easier and easier each time you practice.

Thank yourself for giving your body the relaxation time it needed.

May you all find easy relaxation. May you feel your body in good and pleasant ways. May you know God is helping you. May you find a way to let every cell relax.

Siva Hir Su