Tag Archives: move on

22 of 27: Smell

He smells
So good
Like musky forests
On sunny days

Cologne on
Fresh skin
Delightful to
Olfactory nerves

Too close for comfort
Senses blurr
Cheeks flush
Loins afire
Distraction is
Quite the understatement

Desire to touch
'Tis forbidden
Lumps in throats
Hard to clear

Better to hide
Nay run in fear
It's only desired
Because it's forbidden
Least they say

It's not forbidden
By my paradigm
Only by theirs
Only by ones' choice
Leveled on me

Yet maybe there's an
Alternate
He's not the only one
Alive, attractive, or
Smelling so damn good.

I'm ready for my
Alternatives
I'm ready to explore
Other options

I'm ready for
Surprise and delights
Especially to
My olfactory nerves

~ Treasa Cailleach

10 of 27: Go Be With God

I hadn’t intended to write just poetry on here. More just do something different than before. Change things up, and try to be authentic without using every detail of my life. Somehow it seems my default choice for that goal has been poetry and I never even considered myself a poet.

Today I am doing my best to let go of an energy that is running amuck in my life. My last poem spoke to it. I have some psychic abilities, but it seems to me that I’m not good at interpretation of the things I get. So, I know how the energy feels, and at times it has felt good and helpful, but the same source often carries heavy negativity and chaos. At this point the negatives far outweigh the positives I have gleaned from it, and I simply wish for it to leave me alone. The problem is that some of the people in my life are either connected to it or highly influenced by it, and thus I have seen manifestations of it, both good and bad, through people I know and/or love.

Anyways, in a strong desire to disconnect from it and walk away, I am reaching for God.

That’s where it gets tricky, because this wavelength I’m talking about, blends quite significantly with the feeling of the divine, especially when the former is feeling good. I only want the good, that’s what brings better manifestations. So I only want the divine.

At this point my struggles have weighed heavy enough in my life that I also have a strong desire to give up fully and completely. But there is a part of me, very tiny, that says what if that means I die.

So I sit in acknowledgement that I could indeed die. Giving up completely could mean that I cease to exist in human form on 3D planet earth. I’m not sure that would be a bad thing. I know my husband and kids would miss me, but they would eventually move on with their own lives. But if I continue to cling to the what is because it might cause discomfort for them or I might miss out on things, then I could be holding myself apart from that already. I might be causing missing out and discomfort because I am afraid of that.

So I am doing my best to really examine what truly letting go means. If I really really let go of all of the what ifs, all of the scary tidbits, all of the might be doom, then what? I could die, but what else could happen?

It’s a hypothetical question for myself. I’m doing my best to look for the best answers and skip the worst.

May you see your best answers to letting go. May you see that you don’t have to be in control. May you see that giving into God fully and completely can do wonderous things in your life. May you know you are loved and supported by the divine. May you find a way to release the negatives completely.

Om Shanti

3 of 27: How does one move on?

I never really wanted to start over. I just wanted to be accepted as I am.

I just wanted to feel loved by more than just my husband and mom. I wanted to be like others. I wanted to feel belonging and community. I wanted to feel supported and reciprocation.

I had big dreams that I had hoped others would share and help me with.

My dreams have fallen flat and responses were not as hoped. But I am intent on reaching for better. I acknowledge that I do have a miniature not-quite-right version of my big dreams, and look to refocus for my own sake.

My goals seem much smaller now, just working on refocusing onto better things.

I have spent time with my two small children and my loving husband. Yesterday we worked on hanging lights on our house. We got all but one string hung. It is pretty.

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Our holiday tree is up and lights adorn our living and dining room. It is a much needed emotional lift since winter has begun and the virus is still creating fear and chaos. It feels good to have something pretty to focus on. It is very soothing and peaceful to listen to quiet holiday music and watch the twinkling lights and ornaments on the tree.

Our fireplace has also brought much reprieve. I have always loved sitting by the fire, and this fall and winter I have created that moment as often as I have been able.

May you have moments of peaceful improvement. May you know you are accepted as you are and receiving as much as you give. May you feel the loving support all around you. May you see the beauty in and all around you.

Blessings

Learning to fly again.

This week has carried a heavy weight. One I’ve born alone as usual. Moving on from anything can be hard, but when there’s a strong energetic connection it’s even harder.

I counseled with an old acquaintance, had her reach for a less biased intuitive approach. In the end my desire to move on was relevant and she suggested some things to do to help. I was very appreciative of her input and validation of things I had felt and known. It did help some with a better understanding of why certain elements played out as they did, and was the nudge I needed to align with my physicality of moving on.

A short while later, I broke down while working on one of my elderly clients and through silent tears mentally begged Archangel Michael to help do for me what I do for others everyday: please take the pain away. It was after dinner and there was no sun, but the song “Sun Light” was stuck in my head, and I instinctively looked up to the ceiling for the closest light I could find. That made the tears pour down heavily, and I did feel significant relief. I did my best to remain quiet so my lady wouldn’t know I was crying while massaging her back. Several times that evening I had very similar repeats, ending with Nathan cutting cords on me utilizing some of the tips the acquaintance had given.

Today I’m sad, but functional and feeling significantly lighter. Most of the weight has lifted and I’m feeling like moving on is less daunting.

I told Nathan I want to, knowing it’s not going anywhere, but I had loved the idea of it/them, the interaction and energy of it all, so much that it hurts to let go and move on. Plus I can’t negate the connection I formed with the person and the very real emotions that connection carried regularly. I feel like I’m breaking my own heart. I said the law of attraction says you’re supposed to believe it and hold onto the belief, but it’s just not going to happen, so now I feel like I don’t know what to believe. Both Nathan and the acquaintance told me that it’s no reason to quit trusting my intuition, but that is where my distrust is the strongest right now. In time maybe I’ll trust myself again, just not today.

I feel like I also am holding distrust toward others as well, and I’m doing my best to let go of that. New people aren’t necessarily going to hurt me, logically I know that, but emotionally I’m so afraid of being hurt I’m holding others away. There is definitely a healing process when things don’t go as hoped or expected, and right now I’m smack dab in the middle of it.

Then the universe sent me a message. A wounded butterfly.

As I picked up the butterfly, the song “Broken Wings” played in my head. The poor monarch had one wing that wasn’t working, and it’s so cold now that if I had left it on the sidewalk it would have died by morning. I let it climb me and as I went into Whole Foods I saw the mum display and gave it a warm new home. That was its best chance of survival, but regardless it could lay eggs and start the life cycle over.

I’m like that butterfly, and the song. I need to give myself my best chance at a fresh start. I need to take my broken wings and learn to fly again. That means I must do my best to regain buoyancy and look forward. I must find a way to trust myself and others again, and I must stay disconnected from what was at all costs.

I must reach for better and learn to love and live again.

May you have healing moments, especially for your heart. May the angels take your pain and grief. May you trust yourself and others, and learn to live on. May you feel God’s grace and God’s healing. Finally, may you find love, and may you learn to fly again.

Siva Hir Su