Tag Archives: openness


Last night at about 10 PM I received a notification to watch this video, it kept me up late, but was much appreciated validation:

Watch “*DF Light Workers* IMPORTANT Mary Magdelene Call to Action, Light Activations & New Type of “Union”” on YouTube https://youtu.be/Xg896KEBC_s

It was after my 7:30 energy thing that has been happening. Last night at dinner I felt overwhelming grief. I attributed it to the purge of moving on from the boy, at least that particular 3D manifestation of my divine masculine. Nathan suggested I go lay down for a bit to clear the emotions, and shortly after I felt the same energy cycle that’s been happening nearly nightly for the last month. I asked the divine and Archangel Michael to help me flow the healing energy to the source of the pain, and especially to those still connected to my heart. It took a while, but I did clear the emotions and get to feeling better.

I got up, spent time with my kids, and then started watching little videos with Katharine. The usual animated cute videos and animal funnies, a few musically talented individuals too. Katherine, having had a mild sinus infection, really enjoyed the videos on my lap.

Then the notification popped up.

I started the video and when she got to the point where she was talking about spiders and hearing a new frequency, I had to pause the video.

She was literally describing things that had happened to both me and Nathan in the last week. Nathan had seen the blue lights and I had had a dream of spiders so vivid that I woke to see one on my pillow. You have to know: I hate spiders, but in an effort to not smack Katherine or Nathan in their sleep I grabbed my phone to provide enough light to kill the spider, and it had vanished. I turned on my flashlight and checked the whole bed and it was gone. It didn’t crawl away, I had seen a spider that wasn’t even there. Creepy, and it took me a while to get back to sleep that night. That was about 4 days ago. This lady had done her video 8/24-8/25.

*Someone cue the twilight zone theme song. *

I also acknowledged that I had been having a different sort of ringing in my ears than usual, and that fit with her description of a new frequency. So ok, Nathan and I continued listening. It meshed with many of the questions I’ve had recently.

I’m just not sure what to do with it all.

I know this process she’s taking about, has all of us which are feeling it, being led to be honestly, authentically, ourselves. So much so, that I went ahead and linked my blog to my LinkedIn, since it’s the closest thing to social media that I participate in.

After acknowledging that I’m not alone, I feel like I need to have guts enough to be one of the voices saying: I’m experiencing it too.

BECAUSE that was my first big relief when the divine shit hit the fan and got all over me. I had a WTF moment, followed by videos that explained I’m one of many. So, now I feel the need to share, yes I’m experiencing it too, so that others have the relief of “I’m not alone”.

Now what?

Only God knows that.

  • We’re all in agreement something is happening.
  • We’re all experiencing our particular gifts get stronger, and I’ve had tons of validation of that with clients both in the clinic and in elder facilities.
  • We’re all feeling called to forgive ourselves and others and find unconditional love as much as possible.
  • We’re all experiencing an increase in speed and accuracy of manifesting desires. (Or even sloppy thinking resulting in quick manifestations.)
  • An awful lot of us are hung up on child bearing, and as many or more of us have had relationships just like my online boy- which at this point may have been an Ai ruse. I suppose we’ll all eventually find out the reality of that or not.
  • Regardless of our ‘ghosting’ internet connections, all of us are experiencing love via our spirit half. Twin flame as many call it. Feeling, seeing, hearing- all with a someone not physically present, but brought on with the online relationship.
  • That love connection is pushing boundaries for many. Opening eyes and changing paradigms. – For me being bisexual, I have realized in many ways Nathan holds my divine feminine role, or at least part of it. I’ve experienced many of the things that are being lumped as divine feminine myself, but I’ve also felt like I was being referenced as divine masculine at times too (work-a-holic). And then there’s feeling and hearing these other 2 or 3 people, and having difficulty separating them into feminine and masculine. That’s all nothing in comparison to the paradigm pushing I’ve caused in others over polyamory. This wave is really just smashing the cultural box we’ve lived in for so long.
  • We’re acknowledging this is happening in mass, all over the world, and to people of all religions, but generally is seeming to impact younger generations in a greater way. The older generations are either not admitting to it, or not feeling it as strongly. There are few like my Nathan (56) that admit stuff is happening, but he even says his changes are minimal compared to what he’s witnessing me go through. He keeps saying he’s just trying to keep up with me and my needs, and I feel the same about keeping up with the divine.

There you have it, that’s what I’ve noticed so far. That’s the common threads I’m seeing, and the video has some additional commentary.

If you too are experiencing things, you’re not alone. We can just hang in, support each other, share the love, and do our best to keep up with the divine.

I know for me, I fall under the healer/medic she referenced in the video and on one hand it’s greatly helped my work, on the other I feel like one misstep could be disastrous. I’m being very careful to take care of me, even if it means it cuts something else short.

Every day I ask the divine to help me do my work for God in the best most efficient way possible. I honor my skills as being my gift from God and I’m grateful to be able to help mankind in this way. Just like my post from yesterday. I know we will get through, and there will eventually be clarity, but I just have to keep reminding myself of that and do my best to keep up with what is being asked of me.

May you know you’re not alone. May you feel loved and supported. May your paradigm shift be gentle, and your gifts great. May you know and believe you’re doing God’s work and you are supported. May you find the best outcomes in your manifestations, and feel your connection to your divine aspects.

Many blessings everyone. Be well.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

 Honesty, vulnerability, and regret- a vibrational challenge. 

We are  taught to be open and honest.  We are taught that being authentic and ourselves is a virtue.  We are taught to be true to ourselves in whatever decisions and choices we make in life. That which honors ourselves while still meeting the necesities of life is supposed to be ideal.

So, why then does it hurt when things don’t go as one would have hoped or thought? 

I’m contemplating that today as I work.

I was open and honest.  I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I expressed as much of myself as I thought safe, based on the feeling place of those actions.

Yet, now I feel regret.

I felt I was too vulnerable,  too honest,  too open.  Someone has an understanding of me that I can’t take back. 

I wish I had that same understanding and awareness, because of the emotions I feel.

Yet, I can’t force that.  I have no control over that,  and I knew that from the start.

So, why if I knew all of that going in, why do I feel regret now? I don’t have an answer,  I just know that’s seeming to be the root of my vibrational resistance at the moment- regret over being open, honestly myself. 

At least I know the what now. Eventually I may understand the why and be able to release it. Here’s to hope and figuring this one out!


Update (later pm same day):

It has occurred to me that this blog I write is just as much about me being me. I write what’s on my mind, I am open & honest about fears,  concerns,  woes,  challenges,  and EVERYTHING that I do to attempt to overcome them.  I’m telling my story, all of it, or at least as much as I have time and brain space for. 

I don’t regret that. And I know full well that being as open and honest and vulnerable with strangers could be just as risky. 

So, again why do I feel regret with the one person? 

I’m beginning to think it was my expectation of exchange.

 In a give-take exchange,  you expect both/all sides to give equally of themselves.  I expected that, and ended up giving all of myself, but feeling like I got minimal in return. My expectations were short-changed. 

I’m not certain that’s the whole reason for my regrets, but it’s headed the right direction.  I’ll unravel this yet. 


Update (next morning):

My YouTube feed gave me this video in response to my quandary yesterday.  It’s amazing how they always fit. 

It makes sense to me now. 

I feel regret because I had a very conditional expectation for one human because of societal standards. 

Not only should I not care about societal standards,  I should also not hold one person to them because he is a unique individual raised in a very different culture than I was. 

Bonus,  being focused on one specific individual fulfilling my conditional desire keeps me out of vibrational alignment – that’s one of the arguments for polyamory anyway: one person would never be able to meet all of another’s wants,  needs, desires,  and especially expectations.

So all of that out of alignment led to the feeling of regret… cut that out chica (to myself).


Unconditional flip-side:

I like having a give-take exchange with people.  It makes me feel good to have positive balanced interactions where I feel like someone cares about me as much as I do them. I like knowing that when I’m open and honest about myself, I receive validation that other people see that.  I like knowing that there are many individuals in my life that enjoy sharing themselves with me in a wide variety of manners. I like knowing that the universe not only supports these things,  but supports me in all ways.  I like knowing that I am loved by the universe and it is merely reflected by the love demonstrated by family and friends. I like knowing that I am a beautiful creative human being,  that God wants for me only the best,  and this illusion I’m in is intended to reflect that. I like knowing that my uniqueness is what makes me so special and that God/the universe is working diligently on my behalf to send  people into my life to honor my uniqueness. That person was merely one of many in my lifetime,  and they may come and go as manifestations,  but they are simply the reflection of that greater unconditional acceptance and celebration of my unique beauty. 

Now that rampage of appreciation feels much better. I’ll use that as a starting point every time I catch myself feeling that regret.  Practice makes perfect,  and negatives don’t disappear overnight/instantly. 

Judgemental much

I went to Costco to get a few necessities we had neglected to get previously.  It was post gym trip so I left my leggings off & just put the short dress back on that I had worn for work.  Thus my nice god(s) given leg hair was showing.

I love tormenting people with that.  It makes Americans so damn uncomfortable to see a woman comfortable in her own skin. HA!

I got the usual furrowed brows & frowns from other women. 

I overheard a husband and wife talking about it not so discretely. She said “look at that woman’s legs”.  He replied “I think that’s ugly” and “she should shave”.  … 

Here’s a clue- I’m not here to be your validation of what society deems beautiful,  and you can think I should shave all you want because: I will never do so, especially to just please your sorry ass. You’re not my husband,  so obviously your opinion doesn’t count in my world.  Furthermore,  if a woman’s desire to shave her legs or not determines whether she’s beautiful or not,  then you’ve got some pretty f-ed up ideas of beauty. That being said, your lovely wife seems to meet your expectations, and she’s either okay with your messed  up ideals or is too shut down to defend a woman’s right to do as she damn well pleases,  so you two were perfect for each other. Have a great life. 

Finally, was the mom at the register explaining to her approximately 7 year old daughter that just because she chooses to shave doesn’t mean that everyone does. She told her daughter that “it wouldn’t be my first choice, but if she’s happy it doesn’t mater”. You go mom.  You’re being a stellar example to your daughter.  Teaching her to do what she thinks is best for her and not to worry about what others do. That was a stellar conservation.  I wish everyone taught their kids that.  I’m glad my hairy legs could be of assistance today. 

Additionally, yes,  I do realize that my pointing out other people’s judgemental attitudes and offering commentary does make me equally judgemental.  And in that enlies the conundrum. How do you encourage more positive responses without being judgemental yourself? Automatically in pointing out someone’s snotty attitude toward me, I’m feeling their attitude as unfit,  I’m being judgemental of their state of being. 

So, I’ll close with:

May we all find greater enlightenment and be more accepting of each other. May peace and love override the need for any of these interactions.