Tag Archives: overcoming obstacles

Long day rant to refocusing.

My 70 year old mom is right, this country is all a bunch of pussies. I may be pissed off right now because of too much stupidity and lack of logic invading my space today. I finally lost it after one of my residents agreed that the crisis crashed our economy and is hurting people in many ways, but denied that it was a self imposed poor decision. I went and hid in an unused common room, so as to not get myself in trouble. So, now that work is over I’m going to rant to get it out of my system. I’ll finish with a stretch on focusing on what I want to see in the new reality.

First this country is chalk full of over privileged pussies (like mom said), with no perspective on reality for humanity as a whole, which have caused a crisis for everyone. The fear of those few, afraid that a stupid virus might end their already miserable existence, has caused a cataclysmic chain reaction that even when undone will never truly return to what we considered normal.

First, our government has put corporations before citizens AGAIN in a hugely horrible economic disaster that can’t be undone anytime soon. Corporations bailed out to the tune of billions while American citizens fail to have enough to make ends meet. My neighborhood alone went from a few incidents a week, to 67 car break-ins in about 3 days. I can’t blame them, they’re trying to find anything they can hock to pay their bills. The Great Depression was essentially a complex oopse of improper regulation of banking and stock exchange, did we learn from that lesson. No we stepped it up and made even worse decisions, on purpose, causing nearly as bad of a crash, solely based on a virus that they’re finally admitting has an even lower death rate than the flu.

Watch “Ticked Off Vic: A Mssage to the Government | VicDiBitetto.net” on YouTube

Second despite all those gun toting republican hippocrites afraid their liberties will be taken away, our government has done just that. Deciding what is necessary or not, deaming that grocery store trips can’t include toy purchases even if your kids are going nuts being cooped up at home, ticketing people for being out of their homes. You were afraid about some guns, but THIS, this is okay!? The same republicans that deny women the right to birth control and abortion, suddenly having a conscious about “it’s my body, I have the right to decide”. It’s nice you finally discovered how important that is, but damn, did you have to wait for all of our liberties to be stripped before coming to that conclusion? Really?! One step from martial law and you finally decide this isn’t okay.

That’s nothing to mention all of the things that are likely happening behind the scenes because our government knows we’re distracted. They have a really good track record of sliding all kinds of things past us when an opportunity of distraction happens. What are all of you going to say in a year, or two, or ten when those things come out to the light of day?

And when did disease become political in the first place? It’s not politics, it’s science, and at that I’m discovering how many people are sorely uneducated on it, purely illiterate. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard facts cited as being the reason this virus is supposedly so bad, and my retort is that said fact applies to all viruses. Beyond that I keep reminding them their constantly dwindling data, didn’t account for anyone that caught it before testing was available, and still doesn’t account for any 3rd world countries or poverty ridden areas, doesn’t account for anyone not sick enough to be admitted to a hospital. Do you think anyone is wasting tests on homeless? Do you think any of the millions of uninsured poverty level families are being tested? No. Their numbers get more and more outlandish, and they’re not even accounting for even a third of the people that probably actually had it.

Sustainable disease control and prevention, that’s what I’ve argued all along. This is not that. This is not even a real quarantine. Real quarantines are only the sick people, and any family member that chooses to be with a sick person is held in the same conditions until all who are quarantined are clear of disease. Period. Sustainable disease control: wash hands first and foremost- repeat that frequently, don’t touch your own eyes/face to avoid catching something from having touched contaminated objects, sanitize surfaces and objects as frequently as realistic/manpower enables (depending on flow of people that might be hourly), hand sanitizer in a pinch (keep in mind sanitizer created super bugs like MRSA), did I mention wash your damn hands!!!!???

There is no proof the 6 feet works. It’s based on droplet travel distance from a cough only. See my previous posts with citation. Sneezes can travel up to 10 meters or 30 feet. Beyond that, once someone has breathed, coughed, or sneezed, those virus are still in the area, active and can still be spread via contact. 6 feet is pointless. Plexiglass panels are pointless, plexiglass cubicles might actually be beneficial if ventilated through filters, but you still have to come and go from them. Did you think about that?

But hey, all those 55+ that are retired on fixed incomes in fixed bill situations, you can hide in your little apartments or homes and you think everything is just fine and dandy. Or all those congressmen and representatives on lifetime fixed salaries. You’re not affected by job layoffs, families going from two incomes to one, or in my case a family going from 1 decent salary to half, or as my neighbors going from two incomes to none. You have no fucking clue what that is like. Then to find out your bank got a giant bailout, and you just get a furlough on your mortgage payments so it won’t impact your credit as long as you can make all your payments right after you return to work. Asshats. But yeah, none of the aforementioned would bother to wrap their brains around that. I had one resident try to go all “Nancy Pelosi trying to sneak her pets in”. When I asked for an example she cited the National Endowment for the Arts fund. I said, oh you mean the fund that pays for public television, the fund that pays for all of our libraries which have all shut down and laid off employees, the fund that allows artists to start businesses and pay for employees, that fund, yeah I can totally see how that wouldn’t be a good addition. NOT! Get a fucking clue.

So privileged, that you forget all of the other countries and why they aren’t in the news. Do you think little 12 year old Raj in India working 8 hour shifts as a child gets told to stay home. No! Do you think little Malik in Africa walking 30 miles to carry gerry-cans of water gets told to stay home. No! Those children, those families, are more concerned about finding food, more concerned about living through malaria and dysentery from bad water, more concerned about living through tumors from all of it, more concerned about how they will continue to have a relatively safe spot to sleep. There are billions of people on this planet that don’t even have basic needs met, let alone the ability to call a doctor and get any treatment or medication needed in a moments notice. But our over privileged society forgets that all too readily, forgets even here in the USA all of the millions that are under-insured, uninsured, cash-pay, that is if they even have enough cash to pay, and thus go without proper care, let alone a stupid test to see if they’ve got it. And still this disease has less than even the 3% death rate of the flu. Soooo scary, not!

You, as an American, still have a better chance of dieing from heart disease, cancer, or a car accident, than all viral diseases put together. Get a fucking clue, but that would mean that the vaccine industry would fail at getting us to keep buying into their trillions of dollars of profits on vaccines. If we’re not scared enough to fall for an untested emergency vaccine, then what might they do in 10 years when vaccine use declines from the hundreds of shots currently pushed, many of which are grossly ineffective, to a mere few of the genuinely worst. I mean when the vaccines they produce have the same 1 to 3% death rate as this disease, you literally have a coin toss as to which risk you’re willing to take. I personally would rather take my chances with the virus any day, because then I can skip the injection which includes formaldehyde, antifreeze, parabens, aluminum, thimerisol (mercury compound), and any number of hundreds of other chemicals commonly found in vaccines. One virus up against my immune system always loses eventually.

And that’s the other thing, learn your own conditions and stop using language you don’t fully understand. I swear if I hear one more person use “I’m immune compromised” improperly I may go postal. Here’s the deal, there are many auto-immune diseases that fall under immuno-deficiency that don’t actually mean you catch every disease that comes along. I have Hashimotos’, it is one such disease. My body attacks my thyroid because my immune system reacts to molecules, chemicals that it learned were bad. It means my general overall health stuffers because I gain weight over everything, every allergen causes me to have a host of thyroid related problems. Yet my overactive immune system kills viruses as efficiently as it tries to kill chemical compounds. So, as far as communicable diseases: I’m splendidly healthy. There’s a pancreatic version, liver disease that’s similar, RA, and nearly a dozen other diseases that fall in the same category. Odly enough (sarcasm) they are all first world diseases. They are all caused by our shitty foods, and toxic chemicals from pesticides, herbicides and preservatives, and yes possibly even the chemicals used in vaccines. We have done it to ourselves. So stop using your autoimmune disorder as a reason for your displaced fears. Get over yourself, learn your own shit for real, and learn what you need to do to heal. I have. Put up or shut up.

And then to top my day off, I stopped at QT for potty break and some unsweetened black raspberry tea. To find out all of the fountain drinks were unavailable, and my choice doesn’t come in a bottle. Okay, so I’m totally okay with eliminating the disposable cups, because even though they are recyclable, many people do trash them- it is good for the environment and I didn’t need a damn virus to go along on that ride, as I usually refill my own container anyway. But the drinks themselves, are you fucking crazy?! If you’re following the sanitization procedures for all food prep, and I know they do, then the drinks are safe. The only thing that can get contaminated is the damn customer handle. In this litigious society, all you need is a damn sign reminding people to be cautious and wash their damn hands after using the spigot. Simple, easy, give me my damn tea. Fucking ludicrous. If I was worried about the spigot, I wouldn’t be in the damn store to begin with. The decisions businesses are making are based on trying to meet the fear of those few clueless illiterate fraidy-cats, and aren’t even based in any real facts or evidence. If you, as a corporation, are going to try and cover your ass, do it right, be informed of actual risks, and act accordingly. If you don’t know, hire someone to tell you who definitely does; not maybe, not kinda, someone who really knows with certainty, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Corporations should be only following CDC guidelines by law, and otherwise seeking well informed legal and medical counsel. Doing anything because it was on the news or someone suggested, or a customer complained, is bad for business and quite risky. If your complaint was from an uninformed illiterate fraidy-cat then you’re setting yourself up for lost income and unnecessary costs. It’s better to preemptively prepare and train as to why it is okay to leave certain things in place, and lable use at your own risk. But hey, I just wanted my damn tea, and knew the risk, which I was willing to take, being certain at this point I’ve already had the damn virus.

So yeah, I am way beyond over this shit. I literally am hitting my livid wall and ready to start making heads roll. I need real sense to start happening, and the kind of logic that moves humanity as a whole forward. First world problems need to stay problems for the few, and leave the rest of the damn world out of it.

So that takes me to what I want to see.

  • My tea back at QT
  • Normal means of sanitization
  • Society being educated on normal disease processes and prevention
  • People owning themselves and being responsible for themselves
  • Only carrying out solutions that improve the whole picture. When the solution is worse than the disease we deserve a choice.
  • Solutions that work for everyone
  • The government putting individual citizens before corporations
  • Government agencies and politicians working together to real compromise solutions that help society and the world at large
  • Making strides to save our home planet so that multiple generations even have a chance at trying to further humanity
  • People having gratitude and perspective and acknowledgement of their privileged positions in society and life. Helping those less fortunate would be wonderful, but at least don’t cause greater problems for those less fortunate
  • Acknowledgement that the worst is indeed over and the disease was overestimated, and beginning to rebuild and repair damage done.
  • Society returning to work
  • People finding common ground
  • People working together
  • People ending name calling and the blame game
  • Less divisive, more unified
  • Caring, kindness, and compassion returning
  • Hugs and handshakes returning
  • People washing hands always, not just because a ‘new’ disease comes through
  • People owning their own health for real
  • Literacy on disease prevention, disease cycles, and sanitization that kills disease without creating super-bugs
  • Less wastefulness
  • Everyone having access to basic needs
  • Everyone having access to healthcare
  • Everyone having proper assistance
  • Everyone having clean water and proper waste management
  • Everyone having safe basic homes
  • Everyone having access to multivitamins and other genuinely helpful immune boosters (the ones that don’t inject chemicals into your bloodstream or have 1-3% fatalities)
  • Society reclaiming basic human rights
  • Society supporting individual rights
  • Less pollution
  • More safety
  • More genuine security
  • More rehabilitation programs
  • More assistance programs for needy and impoverished
  • Government by the people for the people, not by the corporate citizen for the corporate citizen.
  • Feeling supported and cared for
  • Feeling like my voice matters and makes a difference
  • Feeling like things are moving in positive directions again
  • Feeling like humanity has good things to look forward to
  • Feeling like the divine is helping us
  • Feeling like the divine is guiding us and intervening as needed
  • Feeling like the problems are being replaced by real usable solutions
  • Feeling like my life matters
  • Feeling like the world is someplace I want to be again
  • Feeling like humanity has a real chance
  • Feeling like not all is doomed
  • Feeling like change is happening and for the better
  • Feeling of positive progress
  • Feeling that we’re headed for better days
  • Feeling relief

May your rants always help you feel better and help you reach for better feeling thoughts. May we all get through this okay, especially those of us that did our best to keep the sanity. May those less fortunate be supported by those whom are the fortunate. May humanity progress and the whole world see improvement. May our world find lasting cleanliness for both our health and the health of the planet. May we all see the greater ripple effect and our role at creating improvement. May we all come together to compromise for solutions that work for everyone. May God’s light shine the way to better days.

Siva Hir Su

Love’s Repercussions

For about 2 weeks now I’ve been battling despite being super excited about finally having a home. I am very appreciative of those of you that have hung in with me and shown support. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world.

On one hand, we’re on the last step of buying a nice home. Not lavish, in fact very average, but far nicer and far better maintained than any of our rentals the last decade. I’m so excited for hardwood floors and a fireplace, extra bathrooms, and enough space to accommodate a home office for me. I could not have done it without one friend’s advice and God’s guidance. I am so humbly appreciative for everything that has led to this moment. When I called my mom to tell her I’d finally made enough improvement to do that, I had trouble containing my emotions, and I could hear in her voice the same reaction. It was a moment I’ll never forget because I thought I had failed so horribly I’d never see that day. Yet it’s coming. In 10 days, barring any last minute hiccups, we’ll have our home.

Yet I know it’s the first step of many to truly, fully correct for the last decade. The books I’ve read lately are pointing me towards other steps to take. Eventually, one day, hopefully I’ll have mastered this flow called money and taught my children the same. I look forward to that.

The struggle side, as I mentioned in the last couple of posts, has in part been induced by food allergies kicking my butt. Yet, inherently I know that’s not all of it. There have been a few too many moments where out of the blue, I’m sucker punched by emotions when I was already climbing up the emotional scale, or had consistently been up for a while.

I suspect that a couple of the moments are induced by memories of holiday seasons in my past, triggered by that dreaded question “are the kiddies excited for Santa?”. There have been more than a few holiday seasons that we barely celebrated anything because we had nothing. Gifts given to children were charity handouts, and decorations from Dollar Tree or thrift store seconds. I remember one gimpy tree, missing a foot, held us through 3 Christmas seasons. 3 other years we went trapsing through woods to cut our own fresh, but free, tree.

So this year, when asked that question, I feel the momentary hit in the gut because we have no decorations or gifts at the moment, but for an entirely different reason. For the first time ever, the answer is we’re going to celebrate late because we’re moving. Once we move the first thing up will be decorations, and second will be a gift shopping trip, so that my children will associate this move with happy times and create a good memory for their lifetime. This year may seem like many past, but really it’s not.

Yet, that has only been responsible for a couple of emotional backslides.

There have been several that I simply know their source. My heartache tells me the source. It seems that I continue to allow others to hurt me through energetic connections. It’s been hard enough for me to move on from having fallen in love and felt the pang of rejection, but now these moments seem to rub it in. I know there’s at least two, probably 3 or 4, that are dumping energetic junk on me and my family. I suspect they aren’t even aware they’re doing it.

So last night I reached up and found anger. I violently cut cords, swearing up a storm, and telling the senders to eff off. The change was instantaneous. My husband was impressed. My little Ian nearly found himself and then started backsliding. I took him from the dinner table and found cords I’d missed and one that had come back immediately. I visualized smashing it to pieces and crushing the bits. I lit the cords on fire with the Violet Flame, and asked it follow the cords like wicks and burn all negativity in it’s path. I called Archangel Michael to protect us and sever any I missed. Then I preceded to snuggle my little Ian tightly and shower us both with love.

My scorched heart may have let them in, but their rejection solidified how much I love those that are in my daily life. I told Ian I will always do anything in my power to protect him and I love him so much. We cuddled for nearly 2 hours and when he started to drift to sleep we readied him for bed.

I know those on the other end likely felt my wrath. Maybe they’ll get their act together. Maybe not. Either way, I’ll be dammed if my heartache ruins this holiday season. I will cut cords hourly if needed, and it’s encouragement to do just a bit better finding willpower to overcome Food Allergy Addictions. I’m going to do everything I can to let this year be different, to keep this holiday season joyous.

May you all have joyous holiday seasons full of love. May you see your progress and be able to reach for even better.

Siva Hir Su

Watering continues.

The last couple of days I’ve been mostly well. There have been moments of confusion and moments of distress, but mostly I’ve stayed focused on what I want and generally buoyant. I really kicked butt yesterday doing 4 appointments consisting of 2.25 hours of continuous deep tissue. I approved the back-to-back stretch to accommodate helping the acupuncturist’s wife, whose neck had locked up- something I’m very familiar with.

Today is a day off, with the exception of one easy make-up home-visit appointment early this morning. Somehow, though the overcast weather and cooler temperatures have me hibernating.

I’m feeling my divine masculine today, fairly intensely. It has brought up lots of thoughts and feelings.

Somehow my thoughts keep cycling back to a man from my past, back when Anya was a baby: Rajesh. I keep remembering a point when I was at my worst, it’s been coming up frequently the last few weeks but today it’s really nagging at me.

Things had been happening involving him, his wife (my then best friend from high school), Nathan, and I. The specific memory is of when I lost control of myself and fell deep into depression and despair. Rajesh had found me crying and rocking myself in the upstairs closet. I was struggling so hard, fighting to regain control of my brain that I couldn’t even speak, and I remember him asking me something. I remember him standing there watching me and I remember wanting him to just hold me. To hug me and comfort me. After a moment, I can’t even define in time measurements, he said something and left. Moments later Nathan came in and held me.

Rajesh never did speak to me about that moment. I assumed he was either afraid to, or didn’t want to upset me. Yet to this day when the memory comes up I get embarrassed for not having been able to speak, and I still think about how much I just wanted him to show he cared by holding me. I really wanted to feel love in that moment and I respected him so much that I wished he had just loved me. Maybe he did and didn’t know how to show it, or simply how to respond in that moment.

I have no idea why this memory keeps resurfacing, and that’s ultimately why I wrote about it. I thought maybe writing it out would bring clarity. Yet I know that the state I was in means that the memory is incomplete. There are details my brain was unable to retain, which acknowledging that brings more confusion. Why now, nearly 13 years later, can I not shake it, and why does it flare my sense of my divine masculine.

I know that I am now in a much different mental space, mostly having defeated depression, and without a trace of medication. Thanks to Dr. Illardi’s “Depression Cure”. For that I’m utterly grateful. I owe that alignment to God, for I begged for help, and the people and resources to connect me with the therapist wielding that book resulted. It was divine grace that took over and helped me find my necessary set of tools to defeat depression in my life. The closet incident was one of my lowest points and now I’m able to maintain a much higher level of functioning even when something breaks my stride.

Maybe the memory is just acknowledging that massive improvement and reminding me of my gratitude for God and my solution. Yet it feels like more than that. My whole upper body is on fire with just that memory. That I don’t understand.

Regardless of my confusion, I do wish to acknowledge my decade of improvement. So that’s where I’ll water my dreams of Atira today.

  • I have supported my family, on my own, for a decade without keeping “a day job”. I’ve been successfully self-employed for nearly a decade.
  • During that same decade, I birthed 2 healthy children at home with minimal allopathic medical services.
  • During that same decade I took myself from nearly losing my life to depression, to being as mentally and emotionally stable as is considered normal.
  • I have started to slowly chip away at correcting financial damage done when Nathan got sick.
  • I’m nearly to a point where I will be able to buy us a home again and escape the decade of renting and being at the mercy of less than desirable landlords.
  • I have taken every opportunity possible to expand my knowledge and increase my skill sets.
  • I have maintained board certification and licensure over 12 years, despite having to move many times over.
  • I’m good at what I do because I care and I allow God to assist me. My hands do God’s work every day.
  • Though it seems I’m still very far from my big dream of Atira, I have made real progress. I have taken action steps and accomplished small goals to keep on my path to that big dream.
  • I give love at every opportunity, despite the fact that I’ve loved and lost, that I’ve loved and been hurt by several of those I gave my heart to. I do my best to find unconditional love, sometimes I accomplish that better than others, but I always aim for that.
  • I’m closer than I’ve ever been to being able to build and maintain Atira, one piece at a time.
  • I am strong and have amazing endurance.

May you all find moments of understanding and clarity. May you all experience growth and make progress towards even your biggest of dreams. May you all find unconditional love in your life.

Be well.

Siva Hir Su.