Tag Archives: paradigm

Poly want treats.

I’m drawn to write a little about polyamory again tonight. It’s not my first post on the subject, but it’s been a while.

I really was doing a little heartwarming fireside daydreaming, it’s what instigated this post.

If I have to choose, I choose my husband Nathan, hands down, every time. I KNOW that our love withstands the test of time because we have withstood every challenge that the universe has thrown at us. I’m merely waiting for the flip side of the coin and the rewards for our journey together.

He’s a beautiful person and kind soul, and wonderful father and husband. I couldn’t ask for a better person in my life. His addictions are minimal and well moderated, and he has a relatively even temper. He’s patient and understanding. He’s creative and interesting. A little scatter brained at times, and messier than my preferences, but there’s a ton of people that fit that part of the description. The only thing I would improve is his health.

But yes, being bisexual and Pagan, my paradigm wants to allow for so much more. I want to allow an equally strong relationship (or 2?/3?) with someone that’s different. No competition, just different.

I always default to food descriptions here because it’s what I know, it’s my addiction. That being said, I love food, all of it. Just because I want pizza for this dinner doesn’t mean I only want that ever, and couldn’t stick to it or I would suffer nutritionally. I love pizza and I also love lots of other foods, healthy, unhealthy, sweet, savory, crisp, crunchy, gooey, baked, raw. You name it, I probably like it. These days my biggest challenge is making some of my loved foods in the healthiest manner to give all of myself the best possible options. I am doing my best to honor my body and still enjoy tasty healthy foods occasionally.

And polyamory is the vehicle for reaching my goal of doing that with my heart and spirit. I want both. Abraham swears any desire is okay and you can’t take back true desires, you can’t just change your mind if your inner-being agrees.

I want the best, tastiest, healthiest, options to nourish myself with love and lift my spirit. I know it is possible, and it makes me feel good so I know my inner-being agrees.

I am reminding myself of poly families that worked. I’m reminding myself of the lady that I met with two husbands, a poly family of 20+ years. I know another triad of a man with a wife and significant other and they have something like 5 kids between the three of them. I’m reminding myself of others that I have met that withstood the tests of time.

I’m also reminded that several of those stories had bumpy starts. I’m hoping my bumpy start is just taking longer than expected.

For now I keep going over the many many details that Nathan and I have discussed over our years together. Our rules, our hopes and desires, our expectations on behavior and communication, our needs for community and parental duties. I’m focusing on which ones are must haves and which ones are flexible.

When I think of allowing another person to fill those roles it makes me very happy. I am doing my best to stay focused on the qualities I know make a person of good character. I’m doing my best to stay aligned with the person or people that would meet our desires in a highest-good way.

Different is good, variety is great, and there is a way to have both. Anything is possible. I intend to find/allow my both.

For anyone new to the concept of polyamory, the following are good resources. And you can always check out my original post on the subject from May of 2017. BTW I have met Morning Glory and Oberon Zell, they were open well before a time of any level of acceptance. They are beautiful people and may Morning Glory rest in peace.

https://polyamory.dating/recommended-websites-about-polyamory/

http://www.lovemore.com/

http://www.polyinfo.org/ http://polyweekly.com/

May you find all the love you desire. May your life be filled with loving supportive people. May you find a way to allow for your ideal family to manifest. May you be open and accepting of others. May your desires be met and may you know others accept you just as you are. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti

Contrary to popular opinion

My latest notification from the electronic ethers was to listen to this song.

I suspect it is because of yet another negative tangent from my SJ, or someone connected via that channel. I’ve had quite a few messages the last few days that reflect that. I keep reminding myself it isn’t my wavelength, and proceed to refocus on what is in my vortex.

Regardless of whether a person is in my heart or not, on this topic I will not budge, and anyone wishing to be in my life simply has to come to terms with polyamory and any jealousy.

My paradigm includes polyamory for many reasons.

  • I had an ingrained knowing at an early age that you could truly love with more than one person. Being raised by Christian parents, with an ample supply of Disney movies, I was indoctrinated with the concept of monogamy and had convinced myself it was just who you met first.
  • Then I met Nathan. The result: I fell in love with a man that had a wife and a girlfriend. When they left him one at a time, I was already his friend and my love grew for someone going through a rough time in a way that showed real inner strength.
  • We have lived through several partners that took residence in my heart, but didn’t take residence on our mutual journey of life.
  • I have had to acknowledge that love is abundant, it can be everywhere and have many facets and manifestations.
  • I love my biological family, my half brother and my half sister. I also love my family of choosing including, my step-daugther. People that share no or limited biology, yet are my family as much as anyone. They are in my heart fully and completely.
  • Additionally a  knowledge of basic anthropological concepts and human history, means I am aware that the idea of monogamy was instituted by patriarchal societies that wished to own women and keep them in degraded more subservient positons. I am not willing to allow that aspect of owning another person into my paradigm. Women are equal to men and have just as many rights, and I fully KNOW I could never own another human being.
  • Christianity benefitted financially from this concept so much, that it then created rules and reasons to justify monogamy and restrict alternatives. Beyond the fact that Christians refuse to admit Jesus had a wife, (despite multiple sources in support of that) there has even been much contemplation of his missing years and why the texts refuse to speak of those times. It has been suggested that is due to one of many possible reasons, of which non-monogamy and homosexual behaviors have both been suggested.
  • I am also aware that many matriarchal societies had no such requirements, and several ancient societies were very open and accepting of LGBT concepts and polyamory. Chinese culture, as well as Muslim harems, are examples of multiple female households. Also many kings over time and in many countries claimed multiple wives, going from King Tut of thousands of years ago to the Thai King of the 1800’s which “The King and I” is based upon. Additionally, Greeks and Romans both were open to multiple adult households, and even when a primary relationship guided the home, there were often what we modern people would refer to as mistresses or ‘a mister’.
  • Beyond all of these is my sexual identity of being bisexual: I refuse to limit myself because the greater paradigm can’t let go of a stubborn belief based on control and ownership.
  • I am not to be owned or controlled, and I respect others the same. I will never limit anyone in a way that is unacceptable to me.
  • Jealousy is merely a symptom of being focused on your lack of something. It doesn’t matter if it’s jealous of a house, car, other material belongings, or a particular relationship. The easiest way to dispel jealousy is to focus on the things you have that do match the desired thing. So if you are jealous over a partner having another mate, because of polyamory, you just have to remind yourself you have the right to a second mate as well. You remind yourself that your person does love you. You remind yourself that we all have the freedom to choose and the fact that someone stays with you means they chose to be with you. You remind yourself that you love them and you are open to even more love. You remind yourself that you can’t own or control others for any good outcome, and freedom encourages even more respect and trust between partners. You remind yourself of all of the good things that you do have and can have if you want. That will dispel jealousy given enough focus. Practice makes perfect.

Beyond these broad reasons as to why polyamory is a must, I have to acknowledge my direct reasons.

  • Nathan is my first true love, the first person to have a full grasp of my heart outside my birth family. His daughter, my step-daugther, was second. I still love them both with all of my heart.
  • Nathan is a kind and loving man.
  • He is the father of my children and a very good dad at that.
  • Nathan is a good homeschool parent educator.
  • Nathan is very patient.
  • Nathan is very supportive in many ways.
  • Nathan is an excellent house-husband and photographer.
  • Nathan is open and accepting of others and other relationships.
  • Nathan and I both want anything that provides happiness and greater ease in our family.
  • We are able to compromise and work towards common goals even when those goals include multiple people.
  • We both love each other enough to keep reaching for better. Did I mention Nathan is supportive.
  • Nathan and I both look forward to other people to be partners and best friends.
  • I love my husband, the father of my children, I do not own him and never have. Our legal marriage was more for taxes and social security than anything, and we acknowledge a fully committed poly family will require additional legal hoops and documentation to protect all involved and fully committed.
  • Nathan and I mesh really well and get along in lots of ways. We have plenty of common ground and because of that I know he would get along well with anyone I’m attached to. He’s very accepting of a wide array of people as being potential family. It has kept us both hopeful of finding committed partners.

I am not saying that I think others must follow my paradigm. I simply acknowledge that this is what works for me. There is no rightness or wrongness in either polyamory or monogamy. There can be problems with either relationship paradigm. There can also be huge blessings with either relationship paradigm. Polyamory does require better communication, does require good time management, and does require working on any limiting beliefs one may hold.

I will not second guess inspired thought from my childhood when I was much more open to guidance from the divine. If the divine didn’t want me to be polyamorous, then I would not have had that thought as a small child, and I would not have met a polyamorous person so early in my adulthood (19). My personal situation has definitely been divinely guided towards this new and different paradigm and I am strong enough to handle it, all of the ups and downs and everything in between. It has it’s challenges but is most definitely worth it.

Beyond that, I don’t even expect partners to be non-monogamous. I only expect that they honor my relationship with Nathan as all that it is, and make no steps to alter it in anyway. If SJ returns and tells all, comes clean, and is too entrenched in the old paradigm, that is fine- they can continue to restrict themselves as long as Nathan is respected. I wish for anyone in my life to be there because they want to be and it makes them happy, beyond that I am flexible. Day to day life will adjust accordingly and in the flow intended by our alignment.

I always hope that everyone I meet has good days full of happiness and fulfillment. I always hope that everyone I meet finds their alignment to their source, especially knowing it isn’t always as easy as it sounds. I hope the same for those I love and call my family.

May we all have good days full of alignment. May we recognize our moments of divine guidance and understand that God would not put something evil in our path. Those are contradictory elements, God can not control that which is the opposite of divine influence. May you know that you are in alignment enough to know you are generally allowing good God force to flow in your life in a variety of ways. May you know God loves you and see that love in many ways in your life. May you see the many ways that you already love, and the many people that your heart already cares about. May you know you deserve better and that you can have anything that you allow your beliefs to include. May you allow divine goodness more than restrict it.

Siva Hir Su

I’m satisfied, I didn’t need to win.

Sometimes in life, by all measurable standards it can seem like you might have lost, that another might have won.

Yet sometimes what really counts in the winning or losing isn’t always something that can be seen. And likely there was never supposed to be one winner.

Women do this all the time when they think they’ve won a man because he had an affair, or elicit interactions, but came home. It’s not really a win because his heart is not in the home. It is also a loss because the dominant paradigm often leaves men feeling trapped, which is really the trigger for escapism in the first place. If anyone feels trapped their instinct is to keep running, keep trying to get away. This is amplified even more when those women put their men on a leash or manipulate them to attempt to secure their false win. Nearly always when a man is that level of trapped, they will find a way out as a permanent solution. So the woman’s belief in her false win and manipulating, ultimately is the nail in the coffin of her wedding vows.

I’m using gender in a specific way here because it is the most common example of this scenario. However, regardless of gender, if they feel trapped in a relationship, they will never be happy. People getting trapped in any way never feel happy. Whole wars have been fought over freedom versus bondage.

I personally feel that part of our paradigm shift that is already happening is to trigger humanity to learn how to allow each other true freedom without sacrificing anything for the self.

I know I’m learning that lesson well, having given my heart to so many people that have left my life. I suspect at least 2 or 3 of them will eventually find their way back to me, and that’s where I know I won. I gave my heart and truly let them go, and I know that they love me more for it. I also relish in the solace of deep knowing that they love me.

Polyamory is merely one label, one option, for exploring this new paradigm. There are many that people are using to find answers to meeting their own needs. Regardless of their option that is tried, it is the freedom to try that counts.

I know from first hand experience that when someone gets it in their mind that they have no options, no freedom, or their purpose has played out, that they allow their body to succumb to disease. I watched my husband’s ex slowly die from cancer and she ate perfectly, had family doting over her, all the marijuana necessary, along with all of Western medicine’s finest options. Yet her anger over things not going as she thought they should, combined with feeling like she’d done her job and now had no purpose, was enough to literally eat her alive. There is a very real mind body connection she never even tried to master.

I suspect that at least 2 of my 6 I wrote about in my last post might meet this fate. They have chosen a path of most resistance and most restrictions. They have chosen victimhood, manipulation, anger, hate and self-deprecation. They have taken their own freedom away trying to force themselves into paradigms that just don’t work for very many people ever, but especially don’t work for them. I hope I’m wrong, but having seen it happen several times over I have an idea of probability. They are more likely to find a disease outcome than heal their mental patterns and reach for an alternate solution.

I honestly hope that we all find solutions for this paradigm shift to meet our need for freedom and allow ourselves to continue to live happy lives, especially since our children are watching us and learning from what we do.

Respect other’s needs, wants, and desires, and live your life for yourself, let’s all allow each other and ourselves freedom and work on healing ourselves to keep up with the paradigm shift.

May you have the solutions you seek. May you find your own personal freedom and leave others out of it. May you take responsibility for your own self, and heal your mind. May you respect other’s needs and desires and allow them their own freedoms, their own path. May you know you won because you found genuine love and allowed other humans to live their own lives in peace. May you consider others needs before making demands of them, or better yet ask others their needs before asking them politely for anything you would like. May we all have the freedom we seek and allow God to help us find our own fulfillment. May we all be winners in love.

Siva Hir Su