Tag Archives: polyamorous

BZ

That’s short for busy. Seems I have so much on my plate the humor of abbreviated text speak for busy is quite appropriate.

First, I’m still working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m still processing paperwork and prepping for finally getting a home of our own after 14 years of hard times. Still working toward my business goals, complex as they are; especially now that I’ll have a home which will accommodate more possibilities. Also I’m still aiming for getting a second vehicle again, though that will likely be accomplished next tax season, over 4 months away- *sigh*, it’s okay.

Now add to that I’ve been reading a book on loan from the Chiropractor: “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”. It has gotten me very excited. It’s a book that teaches basic financial literacy, and is validating that I’m on the right track. I have a very, very long ways to go before I accomplish any goals that the book references, but they were already on my horizon. Knowing I’m aiming correctly is great, now I need lots of diligence, and probably several years before I start to see any real results. It’s definitely a very long range goal structure, but one I’m confident I’ll eventually master, and all on my own.

As for that ‘all on my own’ bit: I had a small argument with God this week. I was shown (hard to explain, but kinda like a daydream) that my diverse array of abilities and my strength, my uniqueness, even elements of my appearance, make me attractive to others. Essentially, the message was I could totally be a female ‘player’.

I told God and Nathan, that’s not the point, it was never the point. Nathan replied simply with “I know”.

As much as it feels good to acknowledge that I am attractive to others, and more than one person at that, I know my desires are for more than that. Polyamory was never about being a ‘player’. Polyamory is about love, emotional support, the physicality of daily living with loving life-partners: significant others. And yes, I would like to not have to choose one gender. I would love to honor all of myself by having life partners that honor all the different parts of me, and I can reciprocate with the same for them.

My biggest glitch in acknowledging that I’m attractive to others is that those I intuitively know are attracted to me, are still quite silent on the matter, and I’m not sure I can do or say anything to change that. I don’t know why they choose silence. Perhaps it’s because of how we met, or their perceptions of my marriage to Nathan, or lack of understanding of polyamory in my life, or simply the intimidation thing I seem to carry into infinity. I don’t know. I can’t fix it, so it just is.

One day someone attracted to me will admit it and ask me lots of questions. When that day comes I’ll do a happy dance for their courage, but especially that they even attempted to get to know me as a person. More than anything, I love the feeling of connecting with someone on a deep level, knowing we are enjoying learning about each other. I love the feeling of being appreciated and cared about. That: “someone actually cares enough, to genuinely want to know all of who I am” in an unconditional accepting way.

Nathan has always been that for me, I just wish there were others too. One day perhaps, for now I continue on my own with Shiva’s/God’s help. I told God I’m very appreciative, super thankful, for having the divine connection and all the non-physical help that it has brought. Yet, my ideal would be both. To have that connection with God and also feel the next closest thing to it in people in my life. I have moments like that with Nathan, and it makes me think how wonderful it would be if there were others willing to be in my life that I felt that intensity with on a regular basis…. In daily living. *Sigh*

Anyway, tangent aside, I am looking forward mostly. I continue to do everything I can to improve my life and life for my family.

Nathan mostly took care of my computer glitch, and I finished it off, to then accomplish 2 designs for others.

I also finally spent a while fine tuning my dome designs. Making sure proportions were accurate, I then started placing interior elements and correcting line weights/alignments. It’s a very slow process mainly because I’m super meticulous, but also because I’m literally fine-tuning decisions we’ve talked about and thought about thousands of times.

I’ll end with 2 sections of the plans that saw significant changes. Aahhhh, it’s so nice to dream big sometimes, especially when I can do something about it and make it visible.

May you all be happily busy. May you feel the loving connections in your life daily. May you have things to look forward to and goals to aim for. May you see the validation you seek, and may your dreams be big, but still reachable.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

Open letter on love.

You. You found me through one of many avenues.  You decided you wanted to know me, something you saw got your attention. You opened up conversation.

I would have never known the difference if I’d never responded,  or if you’d simply never messaged. 

But I did. 

You knew I was polyamorous. You asked me why I even tried to be poly.  I explained that Nathan was poly before I’d met him, and that we’d mutually agreed to acknowledge the possibility of,  and a desire to attempt to find/the ability to truly love more than one person. Polyamory is about love and support more than anything else. 

You asked me about my relationships.  I told stories freely. When I wrote of the 2 or 3 that I really cared about that didn’t work out,  you asked if it bothered me or if I thought of  them often. I answered honestly with sometimes,  and that I will always love them from afar.

You told me of your fiance: that you had to get married,  but didn’t know what she was open to. Followed shortly by we can’t fall in love.  I have wondered many times why you’d seek out someone polyamorous and then deny love a chance.  I guess I  sort of understand now. 

The problem is that you can’t tell love what to do.

You told me I had lots of experience in relationships.  I’d say in the grand scheme of all things, it’s more of an average to low amount,  yet I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough to say that out of those people only a few still have space in my heart.

You still have space in my heart.

You cared enough to have real engaging conversions.  You genuinely wanted my opinions, my stories,  my views. You had more questions than statements,  but when I needed input the most,  you gave  it. You told me just enough to cause me to want to know everything. 

And you never actually said goodbye.  I think you’re afraid.  If it weren’t for fear, I think you’d still be messaging me. For that I keep sending prayers on you’re behalf. 

You know my faith waxes and wanes, and that I have a greater understanding of yours than most. In fact that’s another element we share- not so typical faith, at least for the average American. 

Regardless,  I still think of you.  I do love you.  I never said it because you said I  couldn’t.  I wanted to say it a thousand times. The closest I got was telling you I had an incurable desire to just hold your hands. It was true, it was all true.

It didn’t help when I discovered that we were driving the exact same car- 1 model year apart. Mine being a borrowed vehicle. Synchronicity like that in my life has always been a divine message.

I trusted you,  and still do. My intuition tells me just enough that I can’t hold your dissappearing, or what I  perceive  as fibs, against you. I hope one day you’ll feel this connection too.

I admitted that you weren’t the only person I was courting.  I acknowledged that the others didn’t catch my fancy like you did.  The bit that was missing is that I’d met a couple of the others in person, and was completely turned off. They were good looking enough,  very fit  & attractive,  but my intuition told me they weren’t right.

I’ve never met you,  never seen your face,  but my gut tells me we’d  be a perfect fit. I get messages from whoever or whatever divine presence picks music in my environment. The music always fits my thoughts of, and feelings toward you. It doesn’t matter where I am: grocery store,  work,  driving with the radio on.  It always fits.  There has to be a reason, yet damn if I know what it is or why I keep getting these music messages. 

It’s been essentially 3 months since I’ve heard from you.  With one exception, I know it was a failed goodbye. I still think of you daily.  I don’t know why. I wish we’d met in person, I feel like you’d have definitely felt what I still do.

I  feel that you have the potential to be a wonderful part of my life, fiancee/wife or not. Especially since Nathan agrees with me. I shared every conversation  with Nathan & he always validated everything I felt. He liked you every bit I did, and has apologized to me many times over the last 3 months for your disappearance. 

Yet I still have this inner knowing that tells me you’re hurting every bit as much as I am. If only you could find an answer, a work around, for the constructs in your life. Poly is designed to create loving abundance in your life. I wish that for you.

I love you and wish the best for you regardless of weather you come back to me or not. I send gratitude for our wonderful synchronicity.  Be well and be safe my blessed.